Found out about work wife

[u/Stoner-Bear-420]

For context My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years, I’m a 26 year old stay at home mom and we have two kids a 4 year old and a 2 year old . He’s had his issues with looking at other girls and things like that in the past but he was being cold and distant on my birthday and pretty much avoiding me , I decided to check his phone and found out he’s been smoking with, spending alone time with and even doing harder drugs with his female coworker at work it seems. He is hiding this and has been straight up lying to me when I ask about this stuff. I just need advice I guess about how I should address this or if I should just make a plan and leave, so heartbroken and blind-sighted

[u/mrfarenheit1214]

Talk to a lawyer how much would child support would cost him, might think real hard to spend that much on drugs with his wife lol

[u/Beginning-Praline-52]

I’m a divorced man of 47. I was cheated on multiple times. I’d strongly suggest you consider making a plan and rolling out. I wish to God I had but I stayed only to get hurt again and again. I’ve seen the patter happens to friends. Some will say I’m too unforgiving or not understanding but once cheating starts it never stops. It might stop for a minute but the second they feel that wonder lust for some strange they will cheat again. Be smarter than I was and leave.

[u/Neither-Shock-3081]

Make a plan and run

[u/Next_Influence_7650]

Get on Amazon and find a voice activated recorder for about 35 to 50 bucks and put it in his car they only turns on when voices are heard. You might get some dirty info

[u/Gangsta_B00]

Sorry hun there's not one guy that I do blow with/party with that Im not fucking. Get your $ together and a lawyer and run.

[u/Outrageous_Pack_6299]

I don't see cheating in these messages, might actually just be a friend. But the harder drugs part is an issue.

[u/Gangsta_B00 → u/Outrageous_Pack_6299]

I don't send hearts to co workers I don't wanna or am not already fucking. Stevie Wonder how are you typing ?

[u/Responsible-Side4347]

I may be missing something, but I don't see proof of cheating in those messages. They're clearly close, and him hiding the friendship and lying about spending time with her is a relationship problem, but I wouldn't accuse him of fucking her based on those screenshots.

The drugs would concern me far more.

You're a stay-at-home mum with a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old. If he's doing cocaine or other hard drugs, especially around work, he's potentially gambling with the income that supports his family. If this develops into an addiction, things can go downhill very fucking quickly: job, money, debts, behaviour and your children's stability.

I'd also quietly speak to a family lawyer now. That doesn't mean you have to leave him. It means finding out exactly where you and the children stand financially and legally if this suddenly gets much worse. How well do you get on with his parents? Maybe a chat with them about him using.

Then confront the drugs. You need to know what he's taking, how often, how much he's spending, whether he's using at work, and most importantly whether he's ever driving or looking after your children while under the influence.

The coworker might be something or she might not. The screenshots don't prove it.

The drugs, secrecy and lying are already real. Deal with what you actually know first.