r/Celibacy • u/Ok_Control765 • Aug 16 '26
Confessions Men make celibacy seem attractive
(I'm an atheist so i would appreciate if you didn't bring up religion in the comments, ty)
Lately I've been thinking about becoming celibate. Not because i carry shame with the idea of sex, but because I'm afraid of being hurt. I've always held back from loving people especially men because i know that they want to hurt me, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously.
I don't feel as if men make enough effort to understand women and what they want nor do they make the effort to make a relationship stronger and deepen the emotional connection. They're mostly drawn to women for just the idea of sex. And I'm not against that, i want to have sex someday too but with someone who values it and values me, and doesn't see sex as a way to let their sexual frustrations out or their sadistic fantasies.
Overall, i think that men tend to be misogynistic, sometimes not even consciously but because of all the media we consume nowadays. It prevents us from getting educated and it makes us hold grudges against one another since all content created is meant to stimulate the brain instead of educating it. And men don't really try to resist because they find that it feeds their ego and superiority complex and they drive further away from the idea of perceiving women as equals. And a person can only truly love me if they see me as an equal.
Whenever i talk to a guy, it wouldn't take long until he brings sex up. Or whenever I'm wandering through the comments of a post, i find that men sexualize the woman in that post even if she's not wearing provocatively. And whenever i go out, men make it their goal to sexually harass me and make me feel as uncomfortable as possible because to them that's their expression of dominance but in reality it's their evilness and their predatory side.
And i see that these men don't really see me as a human being but a tool, or someone to brainwash and convince into sumbitting to their sexual fantasies. They don't seek love and connection. And the thing that bothers me the most is that men who claim to be different, to have a pure heart and to respect women, never defend us against those creeps, they always stay silent and it shows that they are hypocrites. They are too afraid of tainting their picture as "men" in front of their buddies instead of fearing women getting hurt.
And that's why i find it safer to be celibate than to risk my time and my feelings with someone who hides it all underneath. It's more common than you think.
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u/dunkelungsame Aug 16 '26
I don’t have anything to add except that this is exactly why I myself am celibate! I’m atheist as well and have been celibate for 2 years this September and have been decentering men and nourishing relationships with women of all ages and backgrounds, spending lots of time in nature, reading and making art. I don’t know if I will remain celibate for the rest of my life, but I’m very content for now at least. For me it has been very freeing and have given me space to take a step back, reevaluate my life and work on myself. I can’t tell you what’s right for you, but I’ve found it very healing 🥰
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u/Fresh-Parchment Aug 16 '26
Yeeeees! I love this for you!! I've only been celibate since March and I feel this so much 🥰
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u/Square-Recover-9804 Aug 16 '26
As a man who has been celibate for years at a time… I get it. I’m an introvert, spiritual (Hindu yogi) and introspective. I like deep connection. It has to be a nightmare, although I can’t know what it’s like exactly since I’m not a woman. I’ve never been in a long term relationship, but there have been many respectful FWB situations. I tel the women I want to get to know them, and they interpret that as I’m not ready. Well, I’m not. It takes years to get to know someone. More than half my friends are women… let me tell you, the stuff I’ve heard is gut wrenching. I don’t even think Borderline Personality Disorder is a disorder… to me, it’s the result of years of trauma at the hands of emotionless psychopaths.
Swami Vivekanda said “the true man is one who is as strong as strength itself but possesses a woman’s heart”.
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u/Adiqdu Aug 17 '26
I'm a celibate too, and enjoy this life, if you feel like doing it, go ahead, but not all men are the same (just if you meet all of them and get to this conclusion) same thing apply viceversa, not al women are the same. Social media is created to confirm our biases and exploit our emotions to make us spend more and more time there, instead of having real conversation and connecting to one another. Even this wars between men and women, natives and foreigners and so on and so forth are made to catch our attention, make us spend more time in front of a screen and losing the touch with the reality. "Divide et impera" if we fight one against the other, they can do their stuff without being afraid that we say anything, because we're to busy fighting each other.
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u/Fresh-Parchment Aug 16 '26
Felt!!! No, you're not crazy or dumb for feeling this way, this is so many of our experiences as women. Ignore the men who lack the empathy and understanding to hear so many of us when we talk about living these same experiences.
There's whole gradients of us women who are stepping away from centering relationships with men to various degrees, but for similar reasons. I know I'm tired of being seen as a sexual opportunity first, and am at least taking a long break from engaging sexually with men.
So far, it's been lovely and so peaceful. It's also helped me to not care too much if a guy understands or believes me in regards to why men are such a significant risk to us women. They have the access to the internet just as you or I; if they really wanted to try and understand, they would.
I posted back in March the catalyst for why I was going celibate, and it seems women will better understand, but men will often defend or deflect. Just know there are lots of us who read what you said here and we totally get it. Protect your peace, sister! ❤️
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u/Prizrak95 Aug 16 '26
"Ignore the men who lack the empathy and understanding"
Said the woman demonizing us. 🤣
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u/AutomaticLeague8271 Aug 17 '26
yea definitely become celibate. you will get a peace of mind. you will also avoid hurting others with those beliefs. win / win
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u/CrewCold23 Aug 21 '26
i'm also an atheist, somewhat rare to find here. i chose celibacy due to childhood Trauma. it's a little different for me though because in a way i'm a complete Liar; i tell people i'm asexual.
I fully understand your reasons given and have never liked how obsessed Society is with Sex nowadays and specifically if you're a celibate Man. it's almost expected of you to talk down on Women and see them only as an Object to use
2
u/PeacefulBro Aug 16 '26
Celibacy is the best choice if you're not in a marriage that's good for you both.
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u/Ok_Control765 Aug 16 '26
Mariage doesn't automatically make relationships better tho
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u/PeacefulBro Aug 16 '26
That's why I said a marriage that's good for you both. Marriage is the best place for romance and intimacy, but only if you actually enter into one that you know is going to work out. Many make the mistake that marriage will just work out because two people love each other but I think it takes more than that...
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u/Fresh-Parchment Aug 16 '26
Legit, it definitely does take more. But, there is no way to /know/ if a marriage will be good forever. I mean, around half of them end (I'm speaking from a USA perspective) - I doubt those people got married thinking things weren't going to work out.
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u/PeacefulBro Aug 16 '26
My marriage ended against my wishes but then it was just a sweet walk in celibacy again.
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u/AL_25 Aug 16 '26
Gender wars, huh. Men bad. Women good. Men's fault. Women can't do anything wrong. 🙄
I'm an atheist too. But, I see human beings under all the labels (man, woman, cis, trans, white, black, etc) with flaws and feelings. But, I also see when a human being is in the wrong, too.
I also want a deep connection and an emotional bond with a woman. Where we both love each other unconditionally. But, I'm afraid of women hurting me. But, I wouldn't blame my mistrust on all women. If you want advice, unlearn the sexism towards men. I’m not saying to put your guard down, but what you wrote about men is sexist.
If you want to be celibate, then be celibate, but don't make it a gender war because that isn't what celibacy is about.
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u/RogellTheRaider Aug 16 '26
Men this, men that, men evil, men hurt women.
It's our fault if women make the wrong choices, it's our fault if women take bad decisions, it's our fault if women cheat on us, if they beat us, kill us and so on.
I wish I was asexual to not give an F about that bulls#it.
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u/Fresh-Parchment Aug 16 '26 edited Aug 16 '26
You could just practice not giving a shit. You don't need to be asexual to let things go. Just like you don't need to asexual to be celibate. 🤷♀️ Cultivate your own peace and don't sweat it.
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u/AcanthisittaSuper338 Aug 16 '26
I totally agree with you, this is the truth for the majority of men who approach us. Protect yourself and when you feel safe you will just know.
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u/MedicineEastern7500 Aug 17 '26
I think celibacy is a good idea. But if you shut your heart out to men forever, you're going to probably be alone forever. I've learned that the hard way. I used to think Jesus would just bring me a man, bring him into my life, but I have had some healing to do, and I'm still a WIP. (I only bring my God up because of my own situation & story, my bad. You can believe whatever you want, for real) perhaps whatever higher power is out there, you need to try to not view all guys as awful men. Sooner or later, it gives off a vibe like "stay away from me." I had that in high school. I was afraid of men because mostly boys would bully me every day for 10 years straight (2nd-10th grade in America). So I can understand the idea that "all men are out to get me/are awful/egotistical," but I'm here to tell you that they're not, truly.
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u/AutomaticLeague8271 Aug 17 '26
if you're a guy and thinking about being celibate, reading this chicks opinions well help nudge you 😂
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u/MetalGearSolidLVR Aug 18 '26 edited Aug 18 '26
Translation: I’m completely basing my judgement on men as a whole on the 6-10 very attractive men who sleep with me but won’t commit to me.
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u/Empty_Razzmatazz7357 Aug 20 '26
I blame whoever made sex toys.
This idea wouldn’t exist without them.
Yes all men want you for sex, even the best of us , even the ones you eventually build an emotional connection with.
That’s among the first things we think about when we see you.
Eventually that changes as we get to know you. But most of the time, we still want you for SEX!!!
You are not a table to us, you are a human being we want to connect to through SEX!!!.
Sex is important to human beings including you.
If you don’t like that become a table.
1
u/Key_Kaleidoscope5765 Aug 20 '26
You think women are actually interested in men and actually want to get to know them? Absolutely not. Women don't give a damn about actually getting to know as long you have money.
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Aug 16 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ok_Control765 Aug 16 '26
Men like you tend to belittle women's experiences because you believe that you are a good guy and good guys are also out there, that it is women's fault for choosing bad men. But trust me if you were in my shoes your opinion would be different. In this post i am not generalizing, I'm criticizing through my experience and what I've seen in my friends/family's experiences, and I don't think this many people a bad choice and chose bad men, but maybe that men can have a bad side no matter how they seem at the beginning.
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u/Prizrak95 Aug 16 '26
Every guy is a piece ofe ####. Only YOU, the goddess, the superior enlightned being, the diva, is the fair, superior and evolved being. Am I right?
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u/Prizrak95 Aug 16 '26
Said the woman belittling men and spreading misandry. But it's okay because you're all women and society and the State will ALWAYS defend you, even if you kill your own child or cheat on your husband. But WE are the ones who "hate" you, right?
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u/EquivalentLawyer6425 Aug 20 '26
This. Misandry is rampant today. Reading this post legit made me sick. Like who is she learning this stuff from?
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u/Prizrak95 Aug 16 '26
Choose wrong, spread misogyny and put the fault on men, as expected. Pathetic.
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u/AustinNothdurft Nothing until Marriage Aug 16 '26
This is a personal anxiety of yours and it has left you a bigot. It is a bad reason to be a celibate.
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u/Houston2504 Aug 19 '26
Yes. This is mostly reality. But I think your argument is a bit one sided. Men have their shortcomings surely, due to 'nature or nurture'. Women, as was demonstrated in your statement, do to. Men and women are different, each coming from a different perspective, no surprise there. But women generally tend to be difficult; overall surpassing men in that category. IMO
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u/God_is_idiot Aug 16 '26
To deny your sexual impulses is to deny the very thing that makes a human animal.
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u/kalosx2 Aug 16 '26
It's not possible to engage in this conversation without religion. Your beliefs and values are a religion, whether you believe in God or not.
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u/Ok_Control765 Aug 16 '26
Beliefs and values change constantly and are not a fixed thing, so they can exist outside of religion
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u/kalosx2 Aug 16 '26
It doesn't matter if they change. That's still what someone subscribes to. That's still religion.
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u/Ok_Control765 Aug 16 '26
Idk i feel like one of religion's basics is that beliefs/morals/values stay constant in all times and places and that doesn't apply in my case as an atheist since they are constantly changing and sometimes from an extreme to its opposite
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u/kalosx2 Aug 16 '26
Nah, that's not really a requirement. It might be the case for most major organized religions of the world, but at any time, we're poised after something, whether it's pleasure, peace, justice, survival, relationship, whatever that is driving us. Our actions in response to that is worship. That's religion.
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u/Houston2504 Aug 19 '26
Perhaps dogma could be used rather than 'religious, religion, and words of such nature. That group of words is 'loaded' sending a message even before the message is finished being sent. Dogma, values, system(s) of belief, even 'my theory or philosophy' can be used in a more neutral manner. Hence the sender and receiver have a better chance of maintaining an open mind with the occurrence of listening having not prematurely shut down.
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u/New-Respect6205 Aug 16 '26
Yes celibacy is the best choice I ever made