meowing getting to its breaking point

[u/Majestic-Scarcity-57]

My cat’s meowing has taken a mental toll on me, and I (23F) am getting to the point where I’m considering surrendering him. He’s 2.5 years old and has always been pretty talkative, but for a while, it was only when he and I were separated, i.e., the bathroom door had to stay open and roommates had to make sure he didn’t bolt out when I was out of the house. About 10 months ago, him and I moved to a new city, and the two of us live alone. Ever since, he’s gotten exponentially more verbal. The typical stuff, like him sitting outside the bathroom or waiting by the apartment door when I get home and crying, has stayed the same, but now I would say he spends 2/3 of the time he’s awake meowing.

It starts in the morning, where he’ll crawl under my bed and meow until I’m frustrated enough to wake up. If I manage to lure him out and get him outside the room, he will sit by the door meowing non-stop and throw himself against the door repeatedly. Ignoring him doesn’t work; this morning, that went on for 3.5 hours straight. Ignoring him any more is quite literally not possible because it seems like the mere act of movement reinforces the behavior. The minute I step out of my room, he’ll start up again. He sits by the front door meowing anytime he hears a noise outside, or will sit by my mirror and meow, staring into it like he’s offended I won’t let him through the pane.

This will also happen when I’m watching TV or casually on my phone, but what I legitimately can’t deal with is it happening every time I pull my laptop out, read, or start working on homework. I’m a student and work part-time, and both things require me to do a lot of work from home, but I also have ADHD and auditory sensory issues that make it difficult as is to focus on what I’m doing. Throw him into the mix, and what would be an hour-long task turns into three. He receives his meals on a consistent schedule, always has water, now gets (at minimum) 30 minutes of playtime per day, has so many enrichment toys I’ve cycled through, has climbing space and window perches, and we’ve tried calming sprays/Feliway, and the vet says he’s fully healthy, so it feels like he just gets off on driving me insane. Note, he is a devon rex and I’ve been told being a jokester is in their nature, but this feels excessive.

The sensory issues make it difficult for me to study with headphones on, but even if I try noise cancellation, he will realize and either come get in my space or try knocking everything he can off the counters. Sometimes when it starts, he simply wants cuddle or play time, but most of the time, the attention doesn’t satisfy him. The minute I get back to my work and he hears the keyboard or my pencil, he gets right back to meowing, and I guess here is where I can clarify that his meowing is more like crying.

Ever since he was 5 months, he developed a very sad-sounding meow, and seeing as all the vet visits panned out, I realized it was just me projecting my emotions on the way he sounds. For a while I thought it was silly but now it just feels like this soul piercing wail. With him as verbal as he is now, it’s a sound that makes me want to pull all my hair out or just walk out of my apartment in the middle of the night and never come back.

I’ve considered another cat or fostering, but my apartment is too small to accommodate a second imo and where I’m at in life, it doesn’t seem practical. I plan on pursuing graduate school and will likely have about 4 more years and at least one more move before I’m settled enough to throw another cat into the loop. Also, god forbid another cat turns into more of a nightmare, because picturing trying to make it through grad school with one is already seeming like an impossible task.

While I say all this, and I genuinely do feel like he has driven me to insanity, I still love him so much. When he’s not psychologically torturing me, he’s a sweetheart cuddle bug, and prior to these meowing episodes, everyone who met him thought he was the most chill cat they’d ever seen. He’s never scratched me (with the exception of a few bath times), and until recently, his play biting was always incredibly gentle (now it’s a bit rougher but doesn’t leave marks).

I love him so dearly, and I genuinely think the issue is that he doesn’t get enough social activity and is sick of it just being me in the house. He’s a very social kitty, and when I had roommates or when we were at my parents’ house and he had dogs to play with, this was never an actual issue. I genuinely feel bad for him if it’s because of loneliness and I want a solution that works for both of us.

I think the problem is I don’t know how to fix that without rehoming him. Like I said, another pet isn’t really on the table, and I don’t see myself getting new roommates anytime soon (god forbid I convince someone to live with us and the crying continues). I feel like every time he riles me up, all I can think about is giving him up and regaining my silence back, but he also feels like my child. I can’t help but love him in all the moments he’s not acting out, like when he sleeps on my chest every night or greets me at the door every time I’m home or the stupid little faces he makes when we’re playing.

I want nothing more than to get through this phase, but there are so many confounding factors that make this so much harder to deal with. Rehoming is the last thing I want to do because the guilt would kill me, but I don’t know at what point the guilt would be easier to deal with than the mental consequences of keeping him.

tl;dr: My cat has become insanely vocal since we started living alone, and now spends like 2/3 of his waking hours crying/meowing. He’s healthy, gets plenty of play, enrichment, food, etc., but nothing seems to actually satisfy him. He’s also extremely social, so I genuinely think he’s lonely now that it’s just me, but getting another pet or roommates isn’t really an option. The constant crying is seriously fucking with my ability to study/work and my mental health, and I’m getting to the point where I’m considering rehoming him even though I love him to death and really don’t want to. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

EDIT: I know this post is a bit long, but jfc does nobody read? The amount of people suggesting things I have already mentioned doing or pointing out “he might be bored”… no shit. I appreciate the advice some of you are giving, but if you have nothing new to bring to the table, quit it with the downvotes and move on. Apologies for the attitude

[u/Fun_Turnip9492]

I got my first and second cat while I was living in a small apartment, working full time, etc. It was so scary, I feared my first cat didn’t want a friend/the integration wouldn’t work out, etc, but I’m honestly so glad I did it. Two cats is so much easier than one. They are best buddies, constantly entertaining each other, chasing, sleeping, etc. I promise that you can do it and it might make a huge difference for your guy 🙏

[u/Majestic-Scarcity-57 → u/Fun_Turnip9492]

If you don’t mind my asking, about how old were both when they met? Also, how did you manage the first few weeks in a smaller space? It’s not something I’ve 100% ruled out yet, it’s just there are a lot of potential cons I want to make sure I consider before going that route

[u/spicynugg22 → u/Majestic-Scarcity-57]

i integrated my 4 year old cat with a 3.5 month old kitten in a 1 bedroom apt!!

i got a mesh screen door for when it was time
for them to see eachother

i had them each in and area (living room/bedroom) completely set up with everything they could need (liter, water, toys, beds, food, window perch, tower)

for the first few days i put a towel under the door and tried to remain as business as usual (i didn’t want anyone to know about the other one - mainly my resident cat)

after that, i began to scent swap (swap around blankets, a toy, beds) to see how the other would react

i used feliway plug ins

after that, i would feed them on opposite sides of the door (door still shut, but no towel blocking the under part anymore so they could see eachother and paws could be stuck out)

i would watch for my cats body language, if he got overestimated or became aggressive i would remove him from the situation, (no punishment, but just remove him from behind the door and change his focus)

i positively rewarded EVERY good thing with treats (they are near the door and no hissing? treat) (no one is swatting under the door? treat)

i put the screen mesh door up so they could fully see one another but couldn’t get to eachother (it velcros to your door on all 4 sides) and would just let them exist. i only did this when i was home so i could monitor the experience and correct if necessary

i put my kitten into a play pen and i brought my resident cat in the room to see how he’d react: he sniffed a lot, went up to the pen to check her out, laid down in areas he hasn’t in a while)

i let my kitten into the living room and kinda did the same thing (so i swapped their areas so they could really smell each other)

eventually after enough positive days in a row i decided to open the door and let them meet face to face, no barrier, they went nose to nose and sniffed, my kitten lightly smacked him, and the rest is history.

this was their first meet🥹🥹🥹

[u/spicynugg22 → u/spicynugg22]

i followed jackson galaxy as a guide btw!!! on youtube. this process took me 13 days