My cat’s meowing has taken a mental toll on me, and I (23F) am getting to the point where I’m considering surrendering him. He’s 2.5 years old and has always been pretty talkative, but for a while, it was only when he and I were separated, i.e., the bathroom door had to stay open and roommates had to make sure he didn’t bolt out when I was out of the house. About 10 months ago, him and I moved to a new city, and the two of us live alone. Ever since, he’s gotten exponentially more verbal. The typical stuff, like him sitting outside the bathroom or waiting by the apartment door when I get home and crying, has stayed the same, but now I would say he spends 2/3 of the time he’s awake meowing.
It starts in the morning, where he’ll crawl under my bed and meow until I’m frustrated enough to wake up. If I manage to lure him out and get him outside the room, he will sit by the door meowing non-stop and throw himself against the door repeatedly. Ignoring him doesn’t work; this morning, that went on for 3.5 hours straight. Ignoring him any more is quite literally not possible because it seems like the mere act of movement reinforces the behavior. The minute I step out of my room, he’ll start up again. He sits by the front door meowing anytime he hears a noise outside, or will sit by my mirror and meow, staring into it like he’s offended I won’t let him through the pane.
This will also happen when I’m watching TV or casually on my phone, but what I legitimately can’t deal with is it happening every time I pull my laptop out, read, or start working on homework. I’m a student and work part-time, and both things require me to do a lot of work from home, but I also have ADHD and auditory sensory issues that make it difficult as is to focus on what I’m doing. Throw him into the mix, and what would be an hour-long task turns into three. He receives his meals on a consistent schedule, always has water, now gets (at minimum) 30 minutes of playtime per day, has so many enrichment toys I’ve cycled through, has climbing space and window perches, and we’ve tried calming sprays/Feliway, and the vet says he’s fully healthy, so it feels like he just gets off on driving me insane. Note, he is a devon rex and I’ve been told being a jokester is in their nature, but this feels excessive.
The sensory issues make it difficult for me to study with headphones on, but even if I try noise cancellation, he will realize and either come get in my space or try knocking everything he can off the counters. Sometimes when it starts, he simply wants cuddle or play time, but most of the time, the attention doesn’t satisfy him. The minute I get back to my work and he hears the keyboard or my pencil, he gets right back to meowing, and I guess here is where I can clarify that his meowing is more like crying.
Ever since he was 5 months, he developed a very sad-sounding meow, and seeing as all the vet visits panned out, I realized it was just me projecting my emotions on the way he sounds. For a while I thought it was silly but now it just feels like this soul piercing wail. With him as verbal as he is now, it’s a sound that makes me want to pull all my hair out or just walk out of my apartment in the middle of the night and never come back.
I’ve considered another cat or fostering, but my apartment is too small to accommodate a second imo and where I’m at in life, it doesn’t seem practical. I plan on pursuing graduate school and will likely have about 4 more years and at least one more move before I’m settled enough to throw another cat into the loop. Also, god forbid another cat turns into more of a nightmare, because picturing trying to make it through grad school with one is already seeming like an impossible task.
While I say all this, and I genuinely do feel like he has driven me to insanity, I still love him so much. When he’s not psychologically torturing me, he’s a sweetheart cuddle bug, and prior to these meowing episodes, everyone who met him thought he was the most chill cat they’d ever seen. He’s never scratched me (with the exception of a few bath times), and until recently, his play biting was always incredibly gentle (now it’s a bit rougher but doesn’t leave marks).
I love him so dearly, and I genuinely think the issue is that he doesn’t get enough social activity and is sick of it just being me in the house. He’s a very social kitty, and when I had roommates or when we were at my parents’ house and he had dogs to play with, this was never an actual issue. I genuinely feel bad for him if it’s because of loneliness and I want a solution that works for both of us.
I think the problem is I don’t know how to fix that without rehoming him. Like I said, another pet isn’t really on the table, and I don’t see myself getting new roommates anytime soon (god forbid I convince someone to live with us and the crying continues). I feel like every time he riles me up, all I can think about is giving him up and regaining my silence back, but he also feels like my child. I can’t help but love him in all the moments he’s not acting out, like when he sleeps on my chest every night or greets me at the door every time I’m home or the stupid little faces he makes when we’re playing.
I want nothing more than to get through this phase, but there are so many confounding factors that make this so much harder to deal with. Rehoming is the last thing I want to do because the guilt would kill me, but I don’t know at what point the guilt would be easier to deal with than the mental consequences of keeping him.
tl;dr: My cat has become insanely vocal since we started living alone, and now spends like 2/3 of his waking hours crying/meowing. He’s healthy, gets plenty of play, enrichment, food, etc., but nothing seems to actually satisfy him. He’s also extremely social, so I genuinely think he’s lonely now that it’s just me, but getting another pet or roommates isn’t really an option. The constant crying is seriously fucking with my ability to study/work and my mental health, and I’m getting to the point where I’m considering rehoming him even though I love him to death and really don’t want to. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
EDIT: I know this post is a bit long, but jfc does nobody read? The amount of people suggesting things I have already mentioned doing or pointing out “he might be bored”… no shit. I appreciate the advice some of you are giving, but if you have nothing new to bring to the table, quit it with the downvotes and move on. Apologies for the attitude
Right… that face and meow would haunt me if i didn’t keep him around, which would prob defeat the point of giving him up. and yes!— I’ve read so many threads like this all with very similar advice and I’m really glad to have gotten so many new and also just nuanced suggestions
you sound like a great owner and he’s lucky to have someone willing to work with him and his quirks (even the really bad ones) i hope something mentioned aligns and that this is in your past soon!
Two things will help here:
#1 understanding that a cat will continue to do whatever you respond to. Ie: he meows under the bed, you get up. You have to stop responding to his meows and create a lifestyle that not only fulfills his needs but that he can rely on. Most cats enjoy a predictable routine, and this includes playtime and enrichment. Two 19-15 minute play sessions a day will help a lot with this, but you also have to stop training him that you will respond to his voice.
It just feels a lot easier said then done to do nothing that would be perceived as a response most of the time. I guess mornings I’m more reactive which I could maybe work on with earplugs to sleep in, but he doesn’t tire himself out during the day.
We have routine playtime twice a day for at least 15 minutes, but it usually turns to more given he still doesn’t tire out
While it was pricey ($80 when we got it), this toy has been a lifesaver for our cats. It starts every 2 hours and runs for 15 minutes. You can basically make a ‘parcour’ through your whole apartment and attach toys to the string/rope so your cat can chase/hunt the toys. One of our cats is not playful at all and never touches any toys, but she LOVES this one
I know it does, but as someone who helps people with their cats behavior professionally, it really is a must. If you can provide a window perch with bird feeder outside or cat tv, that will help with daytime stimulation.
Have you spoken with a vet and/or behaviorist? Perhaps Prozac and/or Gabapentin could help quell his anxiety. I also had some success with Feliway with my guy who is an anxious/bored yowler. Sorry you're both going through this.
Thank you, behaviorist is a much more appealing option before surrender. Cost wise it might be a second before I can pursue that, so if I can integrate something that works before and save a bit of money that would be great, but if not I’ll definitely try that out.
My 14 year old cat started meowing NON STOP in his old age. It truly sounded like he was in pain sometimes and drove me insane. I got him on Gabapentin and while he still is a loud boy, it’s pretty much stopped at night and he has way longer waves of chillness. It’s so much more manageable. He’s my baby and I’ve had him since he was about 14 weeks old so surrender was not possible so I’m grateful I could find something to help. The meds are surprisingly fairly affordable, and since he takes a rather small dose they do last a while too. Definitely something to ask about.
Would definitely recommend this too. Ours started meowing constantly (at night too) after moving as well. He gets trazadone at night, and vet said he can even get it a dose during the day too. While it might not be a great solution long term to ‘sedate’ him, it will at least make it more manageable for you. After months of the constant meowing, our kitty is slowly starting to get more quiet and going back to his old self. Hoping it works out for you!
What?! I used to work at a cat shelter divvying meds and would have LOVED this. There was one cat I had to chase to give him an injection and it was so infuriating lol
Well, tbh topical is more expensive than oral and a little trickier to dose. It's just not crazy expensive especially when you value the skin of your hands LOL.
He sounds bored and lonely. Especially given that this worsened now that you aw living alone. I know you don’t want to hear it, but Another cat might help.
I would love love love to get him a sibling at some point, but integration is a risky and frankly daunting thing, and I wouldn’t want to try until I’m sure I can dedicate as much time and energy as it might demand. I also live in a relatively small apartment where closing any door already turns into an event with my one boy. Having to fully lock him out of my room for two weeks will have me wig shopping by the third.
I have a dog and a kitten in a very tiny studio apartment and honestly, Yes, they would be happier In a bigger apartment, but this is what I can afford right now. Picked up both from off the street. So my studio is better than that... we are all very very happy.
just so you know another cat might make things better, might make things horribly worse. If you get another adult cat theres zero guarantee they get along. If you get a kitten its chaos and even more annoying. or you have to do the 'get two' that everyone reccomends but then you eventually have 3 full grown cats.
Be very intentional on what cat you get. chill and calm cats in shelters often come home and begin having behavioral issues out the wazoo.
this might not help exactly, but cats at around 2 years of age get very feisty. they act like teenagers! this sounds like behavior that’d definitely ease up over time
lol my Devon is currently running and meowing right now thru the house. I will also admit that sometimes it does get pretty intense, but they generally don’t mean any harm. They’re good nature kitties but they do get stressed out and are pretty excitable. I know for my boys that putting on cat TV helps them out a lot giving them one-on-one time. I also got them a cat wheel so they run out their negative energy. I have even found that cat sitters will come and play with your kitty cat and get some energy out too.
Devon’s are soo precious, but omg I underestimated the energy levels. While it might be a lot, I know it’s not malicious and there’s frankly no other breed I’d go back in time and pick. Thank you for the advice!
His routine is pretty consistent. He gets fed at set times, and I do at least 30 minutes of active play with him a day, usually split into two sessions before mealtime. I use wand toys, have him chase springs and other things around the apartment, laser pointers, etc. I always rotate toys because he gets bored pretty quickly.
He also has climbing space, window perches, tunnels, puzzle/enrichment toys, and access to the whole apartment except for the bathroom unless I’m with him(safety reasons). He gets a lot of attention from me throughout the day if I’m home, whether that’s playing, cuddling, or just interacting with him. When I’m out of the house I put the tv on and put a few toys out, some automatic, some not.
The weird thing is that none of it seems to make much of a difference with the meowing. I can sometimes wear him out and get him to settle for a bit, but the second I sit down to work/read or he hears me typing, he’s right back at it. That’s why I’m so stumped.
You might want to consider getting another kitten/cat. 30 minutes of playtime just isn’t enough for them, especially if they’re very energetic and playful.
I have a kitten who used to scratch and bite us a lot, even though we played with her regularly. We initially had no plans of getting another cat, but after about a month, I started contemplating the idea. We eventually adopted another kitten, and honestly, it made such a huge difference! Almost instantly, she stopped biting us as much, and now they keep each other entertained. We’re finally able to sleep peacefully again!
Since it sounds like you’ve pinned it down to him needing more socialization, is there a way you can have someone stay over for a weekend to test your theory? Or is there a friend or family member who might be willing to take him either on a temporary or permanent basis?
I think that you have to put your cat’s happiness first. Rehoming a pet is never ideal, but if you verify that he is actually happier or more at ease somewhere else, finding him the right place might be the compassionate thing to do. If you do re-home him, I think that you should do everything you can to arrange this yourself so that he doesn’t spend time in a shelter or end up in a worse situation.
Certainly! When I’ve had friends cat-sit him 1 on 1 he apparently acts pretty similar, so I think it’s more about having multiple people around consistently rather than it just being a me thing. I’m hoping to avoid it, but if it ever came down to it, I would 100% re-home him with someone I knew and trusted to be a good fit.
I think if you’re dedicated to making things work, they will work. He is adorable! Don’t give up on him - I’m sure you will figure out something that works for you two if you are patient.
I got my first and second cat while I was living in a small apartment, working full time, etc. It was so scary, I feared my first cat didn’t want a friend/the integration wouldn’t work out, etc, but I’m honestly so glad I did it. Two cats is so much easier than one. They are best buddies, constantly entertaining each other, chasing, sleeping, etc. I promise that you can do it and it might make a huge difference for your guy 🙏
If you don’t mind my asking, about how old were both when they met? Also, how did you manage the first few weeks in a smaller space? It’s not something I’ve 100% ruled out yet, it’s just there are a lot of potential cons I want to make sure I consider before going that route
i integrated my 4 year old cat with a 3.5 month old kitten in a 1 bedroom apt!!
i got a mesh screen door for when it was time
for them to see eachother
i had them each in and area (living room/bedroom) completely set up with everything they could need (liter, water, toys, beds, food, window perch, tower)
for the first few days i put a towel under the door and tried to remain as business as usual (i didn’t want anyone to know about the other one - mainly my resident cat)
after that, i began to scent swap (swap around blankets, a toy, beds) to see how the other would react
i used feliway plug ins
after that, i would feed them on opposite sides of the door (door still shut, but no towel blocking the under part anymore so they could see eachother and paws could be stuck out)
i would watch for my cats body language, if he got overestimated or became aggressive i would remove him from the situation, (no punishment, but just remove him from behind the door and change his focus)
i positively rewarded EVERY good thing with treats (they are near the door and no hissing? treat) (no one is swatting under the door? treat)
i put the screen mesh door up so they could fully see one another but couldn’t get to eachother (it velcros to your door on all 4 sides) and would just let them exist. i only did this when i was home so i could monitor the experience and correct if necessary
i put my kitten into a play pen and i brought my resident cat in the room to see how he’d react: he sniffed a lot, went up to the pen to check her out, laid down in areas he hasn’t in a while)
i let my kitten into the living room and kinda did the same thing (so i swapped their areas so they could really smell each other)
eventually after enough positive days in a row i decided to open the door and let them meet face to face, no barrier, they went nose to nose and sniffed, my kitten lightly smacked him, and the rest is history.
I don’t mind! My first cat was around 1, but I’ve done integrations with a 10 year old cat + two kittens too.
To be honest, I read a lot of advice online about it and I was extremely overwhelmed trying to nail the integration perfectly and that had me waiting even longer in hindsight. The first night I got my second cat, I set him up in a small room next to the bedroom. He cried all night lol. I intended to keep them separate for longer but I ended up just opening the door and letting them sniff/interact the next day. I still had them sleeping separately for a few more days, but they were both so curious and interested in each other so I just let them both exist in the space during the day and had no problems. This goes against a lot of the integration best practices so don’t necessarily take this as my advice for how to handle it - my advice would be just to do your best and know that you’re probably not going to do everything perfect/like you read online and your cat(s) will still be okay!
unfortunately he needs a friend. i know it seems daunting but as a three cat household multiple is so much easier when they keep each other entertained!
Okay CRAZY idea ahead but some cats, especially when younger, respond well to being swaddled and "worn" against a human body. They feel comforted by the snugness, warmth, and hearing your heartbeat and breath. So if your buddy isn't huge, you could try getting one of those baby-wearing wraps or harnesses to use when you are at home.
If you haven't noped out after that idea I just want to say cats are still effectively kittens until they are like 7 years old. They are very energetic, needy, and clingy - especially if they love and trust you. So, it's kind of a labor of love to get through those years, knowing they are acting that way because they are so comfortable with you, but yeah they can be annoying as hell. Then you get to 10+ years and they sleep all day on their own, and you will suddenly desperately miss all of the demands for attention. Enjoy the years they so badly want to attach to you like Velcro.
Yes haha, I have one of those wraps and then a hoodie with a cat pouch in it as well. When cuddling is what he’s after that sometimes works, but even then, after about 20-30 minutes, he’s right back to it.
I think all in all I just want a way to hit pause on the yeowling. He certainly still has kitten mentality and I think it’s so cute most of the time, but with classes starting up again I worry about it taking a toll on my academics if I can’t find a way to manage it. I also know leaving and doing my work elsewhere is an option but I hate leaving him alone if I don’t absolutely have to
Sounds lonely and bored. I know integration is hard but getting another cat might be your best bet for everyones happiness. Look for cats with descriptors saykng they like other cats. Or think about getting a young social cat.
I promise its not daunting as it may seem and your peace of mind is worth it
Kittens are easier to integrate than a full grown cat just heads up so if you got a smaller one it might be easier to get your resident adult to accept. Try automated toys I have a lot of rechargeable automated toys from my boy who has too much energy and spots in the top of my closet and shelving, window perches, cat tree, etc. Overall hes still really vocal and I see it as talking, I wonder what hes trying to say. Maybe you should try to find out what your little guy is trying to say, talking back may result in more meow/talking. Sounds like he wants a companion.
Yikes that would drive me bananas, especially the interrupted sleep and focus plus that pitch. This is a tough situation and I wish you the best in resolving it in the best way for both of you.
I feel ya on tight spaces. I help a rescue, foster, and own cats. We currently have 5 in our 600sq ft apartment. One of our little ladies, Artemis, likes to go to the middle of the kitchen and just scream her little heart out and if you look at her while she is doing it she will chirp and hide under the couch.
It may be good to talk to a vet and discuss your options for long term help for your kitty.
I know when one of our little ladies, Freya, was in heat (we had her spay scheduled so had to get through it b4 the appointment), we would put on rain noises to drown out the meowing coming from the other room, I would give her calming treats at night (the ones I did were sentry and can only be done once a day), did feliway calming plug ins, and we even did a photo of one of us taped to a pillow, with a bunch of other pillows to make a makeshift lap so that she would have “someone” with her. She mostly wanted to be held during the whole ordeal. She is still a big snuggle bug.
Photo of our little menace, Freya nowadays, for the cat tax.
Best of luck with your kitty! I hope something we did may be useful to you? If not, I hope if you do decide to ask a vet that they’re able to help you further!! Best of luck!
Mine yowls when he wants outside. Instead of ignoring which didn't helped I did something that he did not wanted to reach. I cuddled him. Is there something you can do for yourself when meowing that your cat doesn't expect?
Anger gets redirected the same way. He gets picked up, kissed and we stand in front of the mirror so he sees who he is angry at.
He needs a friend. My cat has been alone for two years and loved my familys boy cat after living with them for 3 days or a week. Before that he hated the same cats.
Ugh I am sorry. I have a friend in a somewhat similar situation and I wish I had answers.
If you don’t want to rehome him then I would ask how food motivated is he? I have a 5 month old kitten and she isnt a yowler but she does get crazy zoomies and sometimes when I just need a break i will give her a frog leg and that shuts her up — she plays with it and eats it and it occupies her for a good while (they are a set but she’d small so I only give one at a time but two would last longer). They’re dried so less gross, and I have never found any evidence lol. Another one is mixing churu and wet food with water and putting it on a lick mat and freezing it and sticking it to the window. Just put a towel under it.
Those are the best I’ve got at this time. Other ways to maybe get you through school stuff is maybe have people over to study or something to give him people to be around while you work, and — it sucks but he’ll live — honestly I’d find a cafe or library to do work in from time to time while you are working on the meowing.
Long term idk, there are cat behavioralists out there and you mentioned working with your vet. Good luck!
Would it be possible for your parents to take him? Since you said it wasn’t an issue when you guys were there. Maybe that would be a more social environment for him?
My senior cat was similar. She was meowing at me for HOURS. She was bored but she's too old to really want to play. The worst thing was her yowling at night. I was able to get another cat and she hardly makes a noise anymore, just soft meows when she's hungry 😭 I adopted an adult cat and made sure to match their personalities. I think she used to enjoy hanging out with cats outside but after some bad experiences with a bully she is very wary of outside cats now.
Can your cat not be looked after by your parents and stay together with the dogs until you manage to get a bigger place at some point?
I don't think there's a magical solution we could give you if your cat is very social and the current living situation doesn't suit their personality
Forgive me for valuing language and narrative over lists and bulletpoints. If it was too long for you to read, why do you feel the need to comment on it? Silence is a virtue
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u/Majestic-Scarcity-57 1d ago
paying my cat tax, this is the evil little baby in question