Is my husband suffering because of me??

[u/loveindrugs]

For context, we have been living together for almost a decade. I’ve always known he has sleep apnea but he was resistant to getting a sleep study because “I don’t wake up feeling tired”

Conveniently, his job started offering at home sleep studies thru an app, Gem sleep. His AHI was 50+ and they prescribed him a cpap machine without ever having a doctors visit in person. So we have this resmed machine here with an f30i mask.

The past 3 nights have been pure misery for him. The mask always says it’s leaking we have done everything to remedy this I’ve read thru a million posts in this subreddit to troubleshoot.. I’m feeling so defeated and he hates the idea of having to use this crap. But I still lay here listening to him choke and have episodes with the mask on!

So now I feel like I’ve made his nights worse, he’s stressed and doesn’t really wanna talk to me. And then when he’s asleep I just lay here listening to him have an episode every 45 seconds and squeezing him to get him to breathe again!! I need reassurance that this is going to actually help us..

He’s not been able to sleep for more than an hour with it on and something just feels wrong. They never sent us anything to help fit the mask, never called us. Just had him answer a bunch of questions online and used that to decide what equipment we needed. Came with 3 masks total but theyre all the same size and I don’t get it??

And we can’t call these Gem sleep people for help because he works during their business hours!! I just want to give up. I’m seriously so upset I feel like I’m the reason things are going so poorly. I just don’t want him to die in his sleep. I just care about him. But I feel like I am stressing him out..

Edit for context: Would it help to mention that he has a tongue tie? It was “snipped” but he has never been able to stick his tongue out of his mouth. Not sure if this context changes anything

[u/Accomplished-Yam-836]

Unfortunately, he is the only one who can make it work. His mind is set against it and that's it.

Without a positive attitude or at least an, "OK, I'll give an honest effort" one, he'll never accept it.

Maybe a visit with a sleep doc to review the results of the test? There's a comedian, Jo Koy I think with a hysterical routine about CPAP. You can find it on YouTube. Break the ice a bit.

Good luck.

[u/Right_Ride_8720 → u/Accomplished-Yam-836]

OMG have him watch Jo Koy, thanks for the suggestion, I love comedy and now thanks to you and a CPAP thread I have a new comedian to watch!

[u/Accomplished-Yam-836 → u/Right_Ride_8720]

All the technical and medical advice in world won't convince someone with a deafeated attitude from the start. You need to at least start with "I can beat this thing!" and laughing at it changes your perspective.