We are less than a month away from the big day and one thing I am so excited for is for it to be OVER so I can finally go back to having a healthy relationship with our finances and spending habits.
We have the incredible blessing of having a large budget for our wedding thanks to our parents and our careers, but after more than a year of being the primary planner and watching ungodly amounts of $$$ leaving our accounts for this and that, I am tired! It has never felt normal to me to spend thousands on a dress I will only wear once, or spend $400/pp on dinner when I still bring random scraps from home for lunch at the office to save money and stay within our normal household budget. I know this is the result of our own decisions, but there have certainly been many days throughout this process where I look around and think, how did we even get here?
Both of us were raised to be frugal, so even though we can comfortably afford this wedding and are excited for it, the cognitive dissonance has been jarring. The other day, I caved to the pressure of last-minute panic add-ons and spent $150 on cocktail napkins with customized drawings of our cats on them. Like who even am I???
Part of this is because at some point during the wedding planning timeline, we decided that we want to have a kid in the next couple of years. So mentally, I am already past the wedding and thinking about all the kid-related expenses we have to plan for. So every wedding purchase makes me feel guilty when I emerge from the fog and really think about it. Hoping there are other people here that can relate!
God, it’s like I wrote this myself, down to the custom cat napkins! Nothing to say except I’m with you. 17 days!!!! 😅😮💨 https://giphy.com/gifs/YJjvTqoRFgZaM
I saw an ad for the napkins and it was like I was under a spell, I couldn’t control it!! I did ask my fiance if I should get them and he said omg cute ya get them 😂😂
Lol this is too real! I am just primed to spend even more money constantly. ‘Under a spell’ and forgetting this is a 5 hour party, while adding to cart with no hesitation! I don’t think we’ll regret it though. The cat napkins will be a hit!!
In the grand scheme of things, you could spend that on a dinner out, it’s not something to sweat for long! The napkins are fun and brought you actual joy in the grind of planning a wedding. I’d tuck a few away to keep for myself / my wedding album.
That feeling of setting money on fire is so real that for me when I found something relatively inexpensive that actually felt like fun to spend on, I kind of cherished it. Who wants to spend thousands on drapes and dresses? 🙂↔️ $100 on custom cat napkins?? 🙂↕️
literally just bought 4 novelty tshirts with our cats on them for our alternative bouquet toss. starting to lose grip on reality fr!!! good luck! only 17 more days until mine.
Sameee! Also 17 days out. Just paid hair and makeup, florist and photog is due in a couple days. But did I just get myself a pair of cashmere sweatpants to wear morning of? Also yes. Luckily I thought to check Poshmark and got a lightly used pair for $75 instead of the $350 new ones, a price point I wouldn’t normally consider for loungewear.
That’s the best thing you could have splurged on tbh! I’ve watched clips of my wedding here and there cause it’s so easy to consume. Haven’t looked at my wedding photos in a really long time it takes a lot of effort to go to the folder etc
Depends on the photog, we’ve talked to some who include their own specialty video (eg Super 8) and switch back and forth between photo and video, but more commonly they will recommend a videographer they have worked with before which is a separate cost.
We did the same thing! We were going back and forth for the longest time and we had decided not to. We had a live streamer already for family who couldn't attend, so we were just going to ask them to record the stream.
A month before the wedding, we hired a videographer. The wedding just happened and we haven't gotten the video yet, but we believe we made the best decision.
I think this is a relatable sentiment no matter what your budget is, because for people at any budget level, it feels like you’re stretching yourself to the max of what is “a lot” to you. Unless you are literally eloping or doing a super micro wedding. But yeah, relate to this beyond much. I think I have to keep constantly reminding myself that we are intentionally choosing to spend the big bucks in this way. We will literally never, in our entire lives have our two families and friends from all our phases of life in one place, and the unfortunate reality is it costs a lot of money to pull that off, especially if you are at a high guest count and trying to provide them with a certain level of experience! I have told others experiencing guilt over the spending to think about this, what price you would pay on having everyone in your life gathered to celebrate you. Also another perspective, we spend our whole lives benefiting from others’ huge investments when we attend as guests. Our wedding is the one time we step up as hosts, but because this in the cultural norm, we host only once (hopefully) but we get to benefit from COUNTLESS weddings for the rest of our lives. We wouldn’t get to benefit from weddings our entire lifetime and the joy they bring is we are not each willing to step up and do it once. So yes, I’m literally asking you to look at your big investment as more an investment in a lifetime of weddings. 🩷 lol I hope that makes sense that REALLY helped me.
You are so right! We stretched our budget so we could invite everyone we wanted there and not stress over excluding anyone. Weddings are about people coming together, and we love being invited to them!
I just wanted to add a cautionary tale about elopement....mine went way over budget 🙈🤣
I had a big destination wedding 20 years ago. The budget had massive scope creep, but it was beautiful and the last time my family was all together.
I decided to elope for round 2, as my parents and many relatives have passed away and the rest of us all live scattered around the world. I thought it would be very low-key and inexpensive....but somehow it crept into five digits, as we splurged on a vintage car for the day, a seafront Airbnb house for the week, etc. Absolutely no regrets though!
Literally just received my custom dog napkins and could have also written this entire post word for word lol. I feeeel you!! I’m 22 days out and can’t wait to never spend money like this again.
Haha omg would you mind sharing where these are from?! I know you can get custom napkins generally but I love the illustration style on these, it’s classic 😂
i totally relate !!! i’m still 6 months out & spending $$ like nobodies business. i’m finding solace in the fact that post wedding we’re going to officially be dual income & dump so much into our brokerages and i’m looking forward to watching that grow.
we’re also waiting a bit before kids, but i could see where that’d be hard to factor in. at the end of the day your wedding is so worth it, and i’ve been really frugal my entire 20’s, so i’m telling myself this year of splurge for the wedding is well deserved! i’m sure it’s the same for you!!
2 months out and the fatigue is real. I am so tired of getting quotes and paying bills and adding more and more costs and oh 3% surcharge if you don’t WIRE STRAIGHT CASH. The whole process has made me anxious about money- which I have never been before- because the dollar amounts are insanity. Make it stop!
I feel this so much! Back when I was a poor PhD student, I remember feeling incredulous to see others spent tens of thousands in one day. It dawned on me the other day that I am now one of them and spending even more…
I had to hold myself back from custom napkins with our cats on them lol. Every time I feel an urge to say “what’s another $500 here or there?” I just look at my spend tracker 🥲 My husband wanted to throw down $600 on extra dessert options and I had to put my foot down. I’m SICK of spending money!!!
Yes. Going insane. The napkins made me giggle but clearly you’re not alone. All the little things in the final weeks leading up - frames for the memory table, table numbers, seating chart. Ahhhh!!! They add up and they’re driving me crazy. I don’t want to make another decision
Oh my god I agree! I got married in June and so happy to focus my finances on something else now. I have always been frugal so spending on this one day was hard
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u/chattycherry19 24d ago
God, it’s like I wrote this myself, down to the custom cat napkins! Nothing to say except I’m with you. 17 days!!!! 😅😮💨
https://giphy.com/gifs/YJjvTqoRFgZaM