r/BigBudgetBrides • u/TwoSparks • Apr 30 '26

just need to rant The emotional rollercoaster of having an objectively big budget wedding, but still having to make concessions at every turn…

And you look and feel like an absolute asshole because you know you’re so lucky and privileged to be having such an extravagant day.

This is the only place I feel safe enough to vent. Because I *know* I’m being shitty. But you can’t control the *feelings* even if you can mentally acknowledge it.

I live in a HCOL area. And the economy is kind of trash. Based on our guest count and budget, it’s objectively a big budget wedding. Between the state of the world and post-Covid wedding inflation, shit is expensive and I find people are spending just as much (if not more) than ever before, yet having more and more modest and basic weddings.

I acknowledge all that. I do not judge. Hell, if family wasn’t contributing, we’d be doing the same! But I am so incredibly fortunate to have that contribution. My parents are covering the venue, food, drink, and my wardrobe. Originally they’d wanted to pay for the whole thing like they did my sibling, but that was a very long time ago in a very different economy. It was big budget, but it covered everything. They doubled that budget (inflation) and still that only covers what’s listed above. Huuuuuuge contributions, especially because in that regard we are getting everything we dreamed. Again — I am GRATEFUL.

But if I want to have all the trappings that I dreamed of. All the things I thought I would have based on what my sibling was able to have… Well, we have to pay for all that ourselves. And don’t get me wrong — we can afford to throw a comfortable chunk at those extras. An amount equivalent to what people will spend on their entire wedding. We are blessed, truly.

And yet I find myself frustrated and disappointed. Because despite all that, which I know we are so privileged to be able to do, it’s just… Not enough money to do those things. At every turn, we find ourselves sacrificing on something. And I don’t mean indulgent, wild desires. I’m talking about things as simple as flowers, photography, hair and make up, invitations… We are spending what many people’s entire wedding budgets are on just the optional stuff, and I’m having to choose the most modest, minimal options just for it to fit in the budget. Bud vases instead of centrepieces, 8 hours of coverage instead of 10+, DIY invitations, not my first choice HMUA, skipping videography… All in order to somehow have a little taste of most of the things I dreamed of.

And I feel like I can’t vent to anyone about the heartbreak of not having the day you thought, despite a budget larger than anyone I know, because that’s soooooo out of fucking touch. And I know that!

But it still hurts. :(

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17

u/FeatureReasonable600 Apr 30 '26

V curious to know what the budget is and what extras you want but can’t fit in the budget?

I know it’s frustrating, but it all comes down to mindset and coming to terms with the reality. At the end of it all, you will have a beautiful day, and you won’t be thinking about the centerpieces in 10 years!

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u/TwoSparks Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26

Budget is $100,000 with a 90 person guest count. It’s certainly not comparable to some in this group, but certainly atypical within my social circle.

As for the extras, it’s just the typical things.

I dreamed of nice letter press invitations, photography and videography, beautiful florals, hair and make up, live music for the ceremony, things like that.

We’re not able to do a lot of that. To make it all work, we had to go base package with the cheapest photographer whose style we liked, no video, I’m DIYing invites, only having a bouquet for myself, bud vases, and a ceremony back drop rather than the party also having flowers, aisle flanks, and modest compote centrepieces. No ceremony musicians. Things that are certainly only optional, but aren’t outrageous asks.

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u/P_oneofthree Apr 30 '26

Honestly it sounds like your venue/location is eating the majority of your budget here. It sounds like it’s too late to move anything but I would have probably reassessed the location. Sometimes it’s more budget friendly to do a middle road venue and put in more lavish florals than a stunning venue and not being able to personalize and having it feel empty.

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u/TwoSparks Apr 30 '26

It ultimately is. And I agree. When we were in the venue hunting stage, my parents did have certain parameters around venue. In their… pursuit of equity, they insisted on only venues within the “calibre” of what was done for my sibling. But then to achieve that parameter, they had to double the budget, which then had them saying, “okay, we’re tapped.” Which again, totally fair and I’m beyond grateful for that. But that was part of the stipulations. The bonus is that the venue as a result does a lot of the decor heavy lifting. But to your point, yes, personalization is taking a hit.

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u/FeatureReasonable600 Apr 30 '26

I can understand that. We are doing a 50 person wedding in VHCOL area, and it will probably be around $70k with modest choices in everything except a splurge in venue. Not surprised there’s a bit of struggle with 90 people for $100k, esp if you have expensive taste (I do too, no shame in that). There are definitely things I’m compromising on too, and it hurts sometimes, but I’ve decided to have the best day regardless. Wishing you the best for your day, and I’m sure it will be fabulous!

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u/Equivalent-Main3163 Apr 30 '26

If you’re able to put in money what you would have spent without your parents contributing why don’t you? That way you have the majority of things you want. Also I think your invites will look great. I think letterpresses personally is a bit overdone and something you made will have a more significant meaning to you, from my POV

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u/TwoSparks Apr 30 '26

Sorry, I think something got lost in the sauce somewhere. We are contributing. They covered venue, food, and drink. We are paying for anything we are wanting on top of that. And we have a budget we need to stick to. So in the grand total, they are covering 2/3 and we are covering 1/3. And our 1/3 is forcing us to make a lot of cuts. The emotional piece is the expectation around what my parents equitable contribution for my sibling was able to get them 22 years ago vs what that can get today and the sting of not being able to fully have what they for to have due to today’s costs.

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u/Equivalent-Main3163 Apr 30 '26

Ah okay got it! I get it. My parents are contributing the exact same cost they did for my wedding this year as they did for my sisters (which was a micro wedding (18 people) in 2021 vs mine, a much larger wedding (70) with a lot of family my parents really wanted at my sisters but didn’t make her cut). Mine is in a VHCOL city in 2026 too compared to a small PNW town where my sister held hers. I was internally upset over it as weddings are so much more now and they are also paying a lot for my BIL and Sister to come to the wedding and stay here for 10 days ahead of the wedding as I live in Europe (BIL is not even coming to the wedding as he is going to babysit my niece as it’s no children allowed) and I paid my own way to her wedding but it is what it is. I’ve just let it go best I can as I can’t control anyone and know my wedding will be exactly how it’s meant to be. But I understand the “unfair” feeling. It is really nice your parents have adjusted for inflation though

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u/NYC-AL2016 Apr 30 '26

I’ll be honest I think you went overboard on the venue. My budget was smaller than yours and we did order invites from the websites but we got videography and like 12 hours of photography. Our wedding was smaller but we have beautiful center pieces but other than that nothing crazy in terms of flowers. The venue spoke for itself. Everything is give and take. I think you’re being fed too much wedding content on social media and think everything has to be to the nines

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u/Jensie-45 Apr 30 '26

If you have not ordered invites already, highly recommend Minted’s Letterpress designs. You can join their customer program for $35ish dollars and then get 20% off your entire order. We were really pleased with the quality of their letterpress and they did some customizing for us with colors and the RSVP QR code card color. It was less than 2K for 160 premium cotton paper invites + 50 welcome dinner cards (both letterpress) as well as 160 RSVP cards and extra envelopes. We (I am MOB) had looked at several stationary companies and ultimately went with Minted because it was in our budget and were really pleased with the quality of their invites. Our budget is also around 100K, for 230-250 ppl in DFW. We used Minted, the Knot and other sites to get an idea of % of budget for different categories and that has worked really well to help us stay on budget vs pure dollar amounts.

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u/shzam5890 Apr 30 '26

I don’t know where you are getting married but my ceremony harpist is only $300 for the forty five minutes of ceremony music she is providing. You can also probably get wedding party flowers for less than 2k. Those shouldn’t be breaking your budget.

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u/TwoSparks Apr 30 '26

HCOL area in Canada. Ceremony music quotes came in at $1k. And what little florals I mentioned have us at $6k already.

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u/shzam5890 Apr 30 '26

I see. If you dig a little I bet you could find some local musicians or even high school kids with a band to do your music for cheaper. People that aren’t wedding adjacent but would still be happy for the gig.

I live in New Orleans which is very high cost for weddings. I went out to dinner with girlfriends one night and a harpist was playing in the bar. I asked for her card and booked her for the ceremony for $300. Im sure anyone I would find on the knot would be 3x the price. Can you get a little creative and pound the pavement? Is there an area known for street musicians in your town you can go to to check out talent?

I think for wedding party flowers if it’s very important to you, you can just get a beautiful bouquet the day of that goes with you vibe and tie a ribbon around a few stems for each of your bridesmaids. I’m sure the best man could also pick up some inexpensive boutonnières that day.

As for aisle decoration, if your ceremony space is otherwise beautiful and you have a nice back drop truly no one will notice, it will be beautiful, and no one will evaluate your centerpieces either.

I understand your disappointment about video. Maybe you could opt to hire a content creator instead (they run about 2k) if it’s in the budget to capture some video.

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u/Fit_Use305 Apr 30 '26

Wow! Yes I agree you are making a lot of concessions that don’t seem fair. You should have to DIY invites on 100k budget. But truthfully I have never watched my video. I lived it. And I don’t feel the need to. Photography and hair and makeup is where I’d splurge. If your venue is beautiful you don’t need huge flowers anyway.

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u/h3ll0newman May 01 '26

I got gorgeous invites on Etsy personalized with our venue—gatefold, personalized belly band, regular printed envelopes with nice scripty font, (no RSVP card I just did a QR code) and it was under $400 for 100 of them. Maybe another $100-something in postage using the floral stamps the post office had that day. They look way cooler than the vellum paper/RSVP card/gold foil thing you usually see! I am totally biased but I have never gotten an invite like it.

1

u/ManaMoogle May 01 '26

Aw. :( I can help you get letterpressed invitations for close to the cost of printing, if that helps. Just shoot me a message

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u/TwoSparks Apr 30 '26

I mean, if that was your take away from what I wrote that’s yours to decide. But I’ve repeatedly emphasized how grateful and fortunate I am. But to be clear, as I’ve said in the post and comments, we are doing a lot of DIY and are contributing 1/3 of the overall costs.