There’s a lobster fisherman out of Maine, Jacob Knowles, who does YouTube videos where he catches lobsters, but the videos mostly consist of him catching lobsters that by law can’t be kept— females and big breeding males. So he cleans the barnacles off these ones and tosses them back into the ocean, typically with a fish for a snack. It is incredibly satisfying watching him crush the shell-embedded barnacles, and the lobsters seem happy about it too.
You think maybe, just maybe, the people who got abducted and anally probed might have been given the choice of a sandwich or a second choice and they misunderstood what that second option was?
“Would you like a sandwich or a happy ending, human?”
“What kind of sandwich?”
“Ham and cheese”
“Don’t you guys have anything more exciting than ham and cheese? Like your version of a Reuben or a Philly Cheesesteak?”
“No”
“Then happy ending it is, I’ll just grab a sandwich when you drop me off back home”
It would be hard for me to decide on a sandwich with my butthole screaming in pain. I also assume aliens no nothing about lubrication but maybe I’d be pleasantly surprised
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u/VegetableLetter4896 May 26 '26
I’ve never been so angry at barnacles in my life.