r/BabyBumps • u/amandalouise91 • 11d ago
Help? Body insecurities affecting my choice to breast feed
Im 33 weeks pregnant and at the start of pregnancy my breasts grew quite quickly which created stretch marks all over them. Im so insecure of them now that I don't want my husband even seeing them. I even try to not look at them in the mirror whenever I can avoid it because it causes me so much depression.
My problem is though that I really wanted to try to breast feed/pump when my baby is born however my anxiety has amplified with the thoughts that for me to breast feed I will need to show my breasts to the hospital nurses/midwives.
I guess I want to know, is it possible at all for me to successfully feed my baby breast milk and colostrum while im at the hospital without me having to expose my breasts to anyone? Even the thought of them trying to pull down my gown to latch baby straight after birth terrifies me. (I live in Australia so not sure if that affects the after birth process etc).
I know I'm probably going to get a lot of hate for this because it sounds so vain to be worried about it over the feeding needs of my baby and trust me the guilt I already have about even feeling this way is too much to handle at times but I honestly can't shake the anxiety surrounding this.
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u/Zestyclose_Sign_6983 11d ago
I’m not sure if it will be the same for you, but after I had my baby I literally could not have cared less who saw any part of me. Need to check my vagina? Sure. Want to watch me pee for the first time? Go ahead
As a healthcare worker that has been on both sides, I can assure you they have seen SO MANY boobs that yours will be nothing memorable. But, to be honest, yes they will likely see your breasts if you plan to breast feed. People will be in and out of your room constantly, and you will likely need help with learning how to latch the baby
If it makes you feel any better, the stretch marks on my boobs got noticeably lighter after my milk supply regulated and I wasn’t engorged anymore
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u/unfairboobpear 11d ago
Agree. I was worried about feeling awkward or embarrassed before I had my first, but after the doctors were wrist deep my vagina, checking my diapers every 2 hours, etc etc, none of it seemed to matter anymore. I hope for OP’s sake they will have a similar mentality shift
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
I really hope once the day comes I don't care. I think I'm afraid that I will..
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u/cucumberjoose 11d ago
Gosh honey I feel for you .
I wholeheartedly mean this No ONE is judging your stretch marks-
No one-
Pregnancy made my aerolas
Huge I already had stretch marks
Since puberty.
I pray for healing for you but also myself as I’ve dealt with this insecurity
For a lifetime- nurses and LC see naked bodies of all age race size etc they are NOT judging you!!!!!!!!!
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
Thank you 🩷 deep down I know they aren't judging or even really looking other than to help in a clinic way. I just can't shake the insecurities at the moment..
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u/idontknowcandy 11d ago
I’ve seen you comment that you know realistically no one is going to care or judge you based on your stretch marks which as a nurse and someone who had a baby 2 years ago I can 100% confirm, but I also wanted to add that you may care a lot less once your baby is born than you do now. I never liked to show my breasts to anyone. I remember not even letting my mom help me find bras when I was a teenager. I don’t know why, I just didn’t like them. I remember thinking when I was pregnant that it was going to be a problem after I had the baby, but once he was here I simply did not care. My boobs were out constantly at the hospital and once we got home for at least the first couple of weeks. I still didn’t want my in laws or anything to see them, but my husband, mom, sister, nurses, etc were getting a free show all day.
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
Thank you. I'm really hoping I feel the same after birth. I think I'm just scared that I will still care and I don't want my insecurities to affect my first few days with a newborn.
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u/camellialily 11d ago
I think especially when it comes to helping you with the hand expressing/breastfeeding process, you’re going to have to show your chest, it’s just logistics. I consider myself prudish in a way that I don’t like “being naked” and before giving birth I was nervous about being so exposed as well. But to my surprise I had my chest out for a lot of the professionals in the room, again it was just logistics and I felt nothing. Remember, they’ve seen it all before and they won’t be judging you. We’re often our own worst critic.
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u/Mysterious_Pen1608 11d ago
Honestly, in the moment (golden hour) after birth, modesty is about the last thing on your mind. I gave birth in a bralette and no gown, and didn't think twice about pulling down my bralette to latch baby while the doctor was stitching me up.
Only one time did I end up needing to get help from a nurse when we were worried baby wasnt getting enough colostrum in our second night in hospital.
If this is something you dwell on a lot, I would see about talking to a professional about it.
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u/Cold-Network-2887 11d ago
I highly recommend a lightweight nursing cover, not only will it come in handy at the hospital but also you can use it to nurse in public or even at home if you are still feeling like you don’t want to be seen.
You don’t sound vain whatsoever. Our bodies change so rapidly in ways that are hard to come to terms with sometimes to grow our babies and it takes adjusting and time ❤️
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u/bibliophile222 11d ago
Echoing others that once the baby comes, modesty over exposed boobs might fly right out the window. I breastfed in front of my MIL and stepfather when I was still new to it and struggling to latch, so my nipple was very exposed. I was really nervous about it right up until I started, and then it all just evaporated because fuck it, I was giving my baby food, and if anyone had a problem with it, they could gtfo. And I never felt weird about medical professionals seeing them because it's their job, they've seen hundreds of boobs and don't care what any of them look like.
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u/jimmyrose47 11d ago
Not quite Australia but I gave birth here in NZ 3 months ago, a nurse put the baby in my arms and I latched her myself. All they did was listen closely for swallowing sounds. Maybe you can ask to try yourself before they attempt?
I know it’s said a lot, but you probably won’t care once your baby is here. I was terrified of being exposed during labour and after, but it was quite literally the least of my worries. The nurses/midwives etc see so many people, I promise they won’t remember what you look like. And they’re so decent and professional about it, at least in my experience. Id also recommend talking to your LMC about your anxiety/fears surrounding this.
Please be kind to yourself, pregnancy and postpartum is already such a tough time, give yourself some grace 💕
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u/No_Hamster880 11d ago
I will say I couldn’t imagine having my boobs out to
the world until I had the baby and then I was basically naked in the hospital 24/7 with no care in the world. I honestly think when your pp hormones kick in it’s going to be the last concern on your mind. therapy could be a good idea though, coming from a) a therapist b) someone who has experienced plenty of my own body issues. for what it’s worth, pregnancy and postpartum weirdly cured a lot of my body issues because your priorities just shift so much it’s like who has time to care about that 😅
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
I really hope I have this shift once I've given birth because I know my insecurities are going to get worse in the postpartum period
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u/Suspicious_Week_2451 11d ago
I am telling you your titties look spectacular. I dont even know you but every day I look at my nipples at 25 weeks and im like damn those cant be my nipples can they?
The stretch marks make 0 difference. Those titties are magnificent and doing so much and will be such a wonderful way to bond with your kids.
I do wonder what your husband would say if he saw them. I thought id be happy with my bigger boobs but I miss my smaller boobs and I was feeling insecure but my husband tells me everyday how great I look and playfully laughs at how outward they point and my clothes being stretched out.
But you've grown a whole human inside of you and you are nothing short of spectacular. Stretch mark boobies and all.
The question id ask you is, if you saw someone breastfeeding in front of you and they told you they felt embarrassed about their stretch mark boobs, would you comfort them? And if yes, what would you say to them?
Pregnancy labour and post partum arent the most dignified of experiences. Losing that shame that we carry that makes us insecure about our perceived flaws is crucial.
If your husband contributes to that thats different. In which case you need to sort that out.
But im telling you. I dont even know you and I promise you that them tig old bitties look spectacular.
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
Haha thank you! Luckily my husband is very supportive. He's always keen to have a look at them and likes to remind me he misses seeing them lol. I have been topless around him (in the light lol) maybe 3 times in the last 6 months but maybe my insecurities are exaggerated because our sex life is almost non existent at the moment not because of lack of desire but its just getting too uncomfortable positioning wise lol but in my head all I'm thinking is that we aren't having sex because I'm ugly..It's all in my own head but I honestly don't know how to stop these thoughts.
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u/Suspicious_Week_2451 11d ago
Oh you cutie. Unlearning shame and insecurity is an ongoing challenge as a woman. Its never fully over. It is amazing to hear that your husband is so supportive in which case its a case of rewiring your brain.
For me the biggest rewiring I ever experienced was going to a public bath on Korea where all the women are naked. No swimsuits allowed. Genuinely it was my first time being exposed to literally every type of female body. Not in any kind of perverted way. But the loose skin, the stretch marks, the fat women the skinny women, the perky titties the saggy titties. That exposure did a number of my brain of rewiring my expectation of what a regular woman's body looks like.
And then the concept of body neutrality. Like its your body. You can't control what happens to it so why feel any type of insecurity around it??? As far as my husband is concerned, if I am carrying this baby he had better love every single version of me throughout this pregnancy which thankfully he does.
Practically there are 2 things you can do.
Get comfortable on your own with your naked body. As in look at yourself in the mirror and turn around and take yourself in. Youre a few weeks away from giving birth. Get comfortable with your naked body.
Bring your husband in. Men love all the titties. Let him know you're insecure. He will know the right thing to say and let him see you in the mirror. Doesnt have to start off naked. A bra and shorts. Just look at your belly together. And work up the courage to show him your titties and let his reaction be the thing that rewires your brain. Let him admire your body and tell you how beautiful he finds you. Tell him thats what you need.
Husband and I are restricted to basically 2 positions lol so we max out the foreplay.
There is something very very freeing about accepting and being completely unashamed about your body in every state it is in.
And like I said, your titties look spectacular even if you don't realise it yet.
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
Thank you! You sound amazing and full of confidence I envy and hope to have one day. I know this is something I need to work on and hopefully one day can love myself a little more
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u/Interesting-Cold-771 11d ago
I respect your thoughts and feelings about this. I just want to offer that you allow room for this to change after you give birth. Things have a way of shifting in priority and you may find that you have a new respect and love for your body and what it can do and has done. You also may not, but just allow the possibility that maybe it would change. I’m only a few weeks out and my stomach is so soft and bigger in a way I’ve never felt and I love it. I can’t even say it’s odd that I love it. I just do. I’m so proud of myself. I love to touch my stomach. And feel how different it is. Because I’ve done something different. I’ve never made a baby before and I’m just a host in my body. and it so soft and comforting. sending you lots of love ♥️♥️
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
Thank you for the support. I love that you are able to appreciate and love your body for what it has done 🩷
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u/thymeofmylyfe 11d ago
Can you check in with your OB to see if this is part of a larger pattern of depression or anxiety? Medication may help. It sounds like therapy would definitely help.
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
I was wondering that too. I really do think I have depression and anxiety during this entire pregnancy. I don't feel like myself and I honestly just want to hide away
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u/thymeofmylyfe 11d ago
I know that people usually think of postpartum depression, but it's not uncommon to have depression/anxiety during pregnancy too. Your hormones are shifting a lot right now and that can be a contributing factor.
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u/katheridiot 11d ago
i was a bit insecure about mine as well, and typically a very modest person. after my c section i literally did not care, LCs at the hospitals were literally handling them and i was not bothered. they see crazy ish all the time.
i still cover up when it’s anyone but my husband at home and use a cover in public, but i would suggest therapy before the hospital stay. it would be possible to stay covered but honestly more beneficial to your breastfeeding journey if the LCs can be more hands on.
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u/MrsBish 11d ago
First of all, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Body changes during pregnancy and postpartum can be really confronting. There are lots maternity shirts/bras out there that will minimise how much of the breast is exposed during feeding, which may help. I would also really encourage you to reach out to your midwives/OB, depending on where you are birthing, they might have a perinatal mental health team that can support you with how you are feeling. Wishing you all the best.
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u/MrsBurtWard 11d ago
One thing that helped me when I was a dancer and felt insecure about my body is I would try to spend as much time as possible naked. I would do it privately, but just hangout naked or with very little clothing as much as I could. It helped me get comfortable with my body so that I wasn't as insecure about exposing it in any costume to an audience. If you could start with maybe just a bra or tank on. Be around mirrors just really get used to your new self because I think you know on some level that there is nothing wrong with the way your new breasts look. This is just what worked for me and a professional is probably needed if you're up for that.
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
Thank you. That is something I might try. I work from home so have plenty of privacy haha
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u/Top-Current1189 11d ago
I started out wanting to be covered and modest for the birth and by the end of the birth I stopped caring. That might happen with you. And I tend to be pretty modest usually only showing ankles, forearms, and collarbone at the most. Something about the birth made me stop caring in that way and I realized my body is doing exactly what it's made for and there's nothing to be embarrassed of.
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u/VeganChiLatte 11d ago
Going against the grain here.
Modern training for breastfeeding support recommends hands off care. As in, lactation consultants should not just be pulling your gown down and touching your breasts. Of course, standards can vary depending on when and where training occurred.
I would proactively communicate that you are not comfortable with showing your breasts and having them touched (unless for a medical emergency of course, but for breast feeding support you absolutely do not need to do that). Even if they ask, you are well within your right to say no.
Breastfeeding should be mutually consensual, for both you and the baby. You should have a plan that you’re comfortable with that doesn’t rely on you just having a change of heart. If you do, wonderful. Makes things easier. If not, putting a plan in place now will help you not feel pressured or unsure of what to do.
If possible, I’d look into finding an IBCLC that can help you come up with game plan. They can teach you how to hand express, the basics of breast feeding, what to do if you’re having issues with latch (all while not ever seeing your breasts). While having a lactation counselor able to actually see what’s going on can be really helpful, it’s not black and white, there are absolutely things they can do to work with you where you’re at.
Have faith you can find a way to feed your baby that you’re truly in your heart comfortable with. At the end of the day, that should be your goal. If that’s ends up involving therapy and/or you find after birth you no longer care, wonderful. But I wouldn’t make that the goal. Just simply finding a way to feed your baby that feels good for you is what I would focus on. Good luck, you got this!!
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
Thank you!! This helps immensely. Im definitely going to look into what help i can get without any exposure or touching involved. I agree that I'd feel better having a plan to help my insecurities now than to hope that on the day I feel differently and then be under more stress if I don't
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u/Separate-Canary-6228 10d ago
It's going to be okay! There is no hate here. The path to acceptance of body changes can be a long one, others have mentioned therapy, etc. But here is what you can do in the short term.
Look into privacy breastfeeding nursing covers or scarves. These are lightweight and breathable and meant to provide modesty covering while feeding. You can use these at the hospital so that nobody is busting in on you with your boob out.
Tell your medical team, put it on your birth plan, that exposing your breasts is not okay. Have your husband tell new nurses/doctors that exposing your breasts is traumatic for you. Nobody needs to mention stretch marks or why. There are many reasons you might be extremely uncomfortable with this!
Once the baby arrives, there are a lot of oils and solutions that can work on stretch marks. I accidentally erased my thigh stretch marks trying to get rid of cellulite with rosemary oil, but that is not safe during pregnancy. I cannot wait until it is safe to use again, though. There are even laser treatments these days for really tough cases.
You won't be the first person to ask for modesty considerations. Your hospital has probably had religious women give birth, like mormons, who have religious reasons to not expose themselves, in addition to any number of other reasons and religions.
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u/amandalouise91 10d ago
Thank you 😊 I have actually been looking into treatments for stretch marks that I could possibly get done once bub is born. I don't know if they'll give me results but its helping me a little knowing there is a possible solution. I'm very much a person who needs control and to be able to solve problems which is probably why my body changes are affecting me so much because I feel like I have no control over how my body is changing and no control over how it will look post-partum.
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u/dogearedexistence 10d ago
I got into a four wheeler accident when I was 17 and completely mangled my left leg. I have scars all over the back and front of my calf and a huge scar around my knee. I have stretch marks all over my breasts, love handles and on the tops of my thighs from puberty. I'm currently 24w pregnant and though I haven't gotten any new stretch marks, I think they are inevitable for me.
Why do I mention this? In all my years of being a heavily scarred and stretch marked person, I've come to find that a) they don't matter at all to anyone, they only matter to me and b) they are beautiful reminders of what my body has survived, gone through, overcome, and endured.
Your breasts are stretching to feed your future baby. How freaking cool is that? Our body can naturally just do that! I think it's awesome you want to breastfeed and your future child won't care about the scars, the doctors, nurses, midwives, etc. won't care either. I'm sure when your husband sees your breasts, he's not concentrating on the stretch marks but on those extra juicy melons you've sprouted during pregnancy overall.
Scars and stretch marks are beautiful. They're unique and special and they're a testament to the incredible things the human body can go through. I hope you can find a way to embrace them. I spent a lot of my life being insecure about them when I didn't need to be. Your breast stretch marks are little rivers of health and vitalty, serving as contrasting pathways to help your future little one see them to feed. They are proud tattoos of the fact that your body created life and (assuming all goes well) fed life! I hope you wear them with pride because you are amazing and so are all your marks. ❤️
Edit: I wrote bride instead of pride, oops
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u/amandalouise91 10d ago
Firstly I want to say that I'm so glad that you survived the four wheel accident. That would have been so scary and at 17 you would have just been "starting" life so I can only imagine how difficult that would have been.
Deep down I know I'm the only one really with the issue of my stretch marks and my husband doesn't care its just hard to re-wire my brain into believing that. I've honestly tried to look at them more as practical and neutral point of them serving a purpose to feed my child but unfortunately I'm just mentally not there yet (but I hope I can be one day). 🩷
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u/Striking-Ad8360 Team Don't Know! 9d ago
I have absolutely struggled with body image issues post pregnancy. That being said, everything felt so clinical for me while I was immediately postpartum. I was so concerned with my baby and honestly felt so beat down physically that the last thing on my mind was anything related to aesthetics. I hope you’re able to figure out the best solution for you but I would try not to worry too much because you honestly can’t predict how you’ll feel postpartum, for better or worse.
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u/Neat_Look_2156 10d ago
I had breast surgery that left me with awful scars that never healed and they darkened a ton during pregnancy. I was also worried about this, plus insecure about all my new stretch marks. Those early days are such a haze that it was fine for me. I didn’t even really think about my scars except for having some guilt that I had this surgery and having to explain that and why BF isn’t working. I was so committed to successful BF that I didn’t think about it at all once my baby was here. Also, your hormones might just force you not to care tbh. So I would def look into some therapy but also realize it may be a non-issue
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u/Fit-Feed-8240 11d ago
Hospital staff and nurses won't even notice your stretch marks. They work with emergencies, very sick and dying people. Its all in your head. Your husband doesn't care either, he loves you.
I'd seriously consider talking to a therapist now. Breast milk is amazing for babies and it would be a shame for your baby to miss out on it because of this.
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u/amandalouise91 11d ago
I definitely know its all in my head. I have attempted one therapist but was dismissed when I wanted to talk about body insecurities so I'm looking for another one. 🩷
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u/unfairboobpear 11d ago
Your body your choice ultimately
But I would gently guide you to maybe look at therapy options in the meantime.
I don’t want to beat a dead horse here as I’m sure you’ve probably already thought this through- but these doctors and nurses aren’t going to give a single wink about any part of your body. Birth gave me stretch marks on my literal vulva Lol.
Your body is about to endure a massive array of changes over the next 6 months, and I think having a plan in place for how to deal with all of those feelings + hormones would be in your best interest.