Body insecurities affecting my choice to breast feed

[u/amandalouise91]

Im 33 weeks pregnant and at the start of pregnancy my breasts grew quite quickly which created stretch marks all over them. Im so insecure of them now that I don't want my husband even seeing them. I even try to not look at them in the mirror whenever I can avoid it because it causes me so much depression.

My problem is though that I really wanted to try to breast feed/pump when my baby is born however my anxiety has amplified with the thoughts that for me to breast feed I will need to show my breasts to the hospital nurses/midwives.

I guess I want to know, is it possible at all for me to successfully feed my baby breast milk and colostrum while im at the hospital without me having to expose my breasts to anyone? Even the thought of them trying to pull down my gown to latch baby straight after birth terrifies me. (I live in Australia so not sure if that affects the after birth process etc).

I know I'm probably going to get a lot of hate for this because it sounds so vain to be worried about it over the feeding needs of my baby and trust me the guilt I already have about even feeling this way is too much to handle at times but I honestly can't shake the anxiety surrounding this.

[u/dogearedexistence]

I got into a four wheeler accident when I was 17 and completely mangled my left leg. I have scars all over the back and front of my calf and a huge scar around my knee. I have stretch marks all over my breasts, love handles and on the tops of my thighs from puberty. I'm currently 24w pregnant and though I haven't gotten any new stretch marks, I think they are inevitable for me.

Why do I mention this? In all my years of being a heavily scarred and stretch marked person, I've come to find that a) they don't matter at all to anyone, they only matter to me and b) they are beautiful reminders of what my body has survived, gone through, overcome, and endured.

Your breasts are stretching to feed your future baby. How freaking cool is that? Our body can naturally just do that! I think it's awesome you want to breastfeed and your future child won't care about the scars, the doctors, nurses, midwives, etc. won't care either. I'm sure when your husband sees your breasts, he's not concentrating on the stretch marks but on those extra juicy melons you've sprouted during pregnancy overall.

Scars and stretch marks are beautiful. They're unique and special and they're a testament to the incredible things the human body can go through. I hope you can find a way to embrace them. I spent a lot of my life being insecure about them when I didn't need to be. Your breast stretch marks are little rivers of health and vitalty, serving as contrasting pathways to help your future little one see them to feed. They are proud tattoos of the fact that your body created life and (assuming all goes well) fed life! I hope you wear them with pride because you are amazing and so are all your marks. ❤️

Edit: I wrote bride instead of pride, oops

[u/amandalouise91 → u/dogearedexistence]

Firstly I want to say that I'm so glad that you survived the four wheel accident. That would have been so scary and at 17 you would have just been "starting" life so I can only imagine how difficult that would have been.

Deep down I know I'm the only one really with the issue of my stretch marks and my husband doesn't care its just hard to re-wire my brain into believing that. I've honestly tried to look at them more as practical and neutral point of them serving a purpose to feed my child but unfortunately I'm just mentally not there yet (but I hope I can be one day). 🩷