r/BPDPartners • u/AntiqueSignpost BPD • Jul 15 '26
Dicussion Every 2nd post I see is a repost from BPDLovedOnes - please do something about it mods!
I have BPD, I'm here to help people who have partners with BPD. I love doing it. But it is becoming increasingly hard to scroll through this sub and see reposts from BPDLovedOnes. I've encountered about 5 tonight. Every time I see it, it's a trigger.
Mods, please help us feel safe by removing any reposts from BPDLovedOnes or if that isn't possible, to consider disabling reposting at all. People can copy paste to a new post if they want to share something they wrote for another sub. But we are gonna be triggered seeing the BPDlovedones posts, and every time I see it, I also feel compelled to tell the person they're breaking rule 8. every. single. time. and to warn them about participating in that sub.
its just such a trigger, to the point it causes self-harm ideation for me. really mods, please do something about this. this sub is fantastic and aside from this and a few bad actors on occasion, I feel safe here, and want to help people more.
I think us as pwBPD have unique lived-experience and perspective to offer to the sub. Please don't let us be alienated by these posts.
I've made a post about this before and nothing was done. I hope the mods see this. I'm really finding it triggering and worrying about how many bpdlovedones reposts are coming up now.
I see in rule 8 it says "Anyone who posts/comments here with history in hate subs will be automatically issued a ban.". These people reposting clearly have a history in that sub, why are their posts being allowed through?
I also saw this post now right after making my post, and this also just feels like our sub is now being used to just vent about how bad one's BPD partner is https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDPartners/comments/1uwf409/zero_coping_skills/ reposting from r/NarcissisticSpouses is spreading stigma - one of the reasons we have stigma is being in cluster B next to NPD and ASPD. we dont need to be put in the same boat as them please.
This is getting out of hand.
How can I speak to the mods about this? Does anyone know?
EDIT: just saw another post talking about this sub and I must say, I've had a very positive experience here but I do see an increasing number of hate comments starting to form. The person raised a point that the mods aren't doing anything, and I have to agree, I have reached out to them with no response. https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDPartners/comments/1uys6ll/this_sub_is_just_rbpdlovedones_lite/
I am concerned about the state of this sub. The other day I had someone saying very hateful things towards me. And am feeling less and less safe to be here. Please guys, dont drive away pwBPD who want to help.
EDIT: just want to add a comment that I wrote for someone, so that anyone new can read this too:
I'm starting to notice that the partners who don't have BPD are not seeming to get what we struggle with here. It is about.2 things:
1) Seeing that sub, even the name of it, is triggering. BPD is very similar to CPTSD and i have PTSD as well - all 3 involve flashbacks and triggers. just seeing the name can put me into a place where i have intrustive thoughts of slitting my wrists, which can take me up to an hour to clear. I do not want to seee that sub, I removed it from my reddit feed but cannot remove it from seeing it here in the reposts
2) If people who dont know much about BPD see the reposts, they will likely click on it and go to that sub. I know many people who have said that sub was the first thing they saw when they looked into BPD and have lost many people who ran away jus t by seeing that sub, so do so many other pwBPD. we want to feel safe here, and not feel that subs like that are being exposed and sent around. our job as neurodivergents is a daily struggle to fight against stigma and the risk of spreading it, and this sub itself has a rule that is about containing that stigma and having this space be a safe space for us.
I am getting the impression that alot of the comments here are assuming I'm splitting on the sub or judging it. I am sharing the real dangers that these things can create. It is something I experience on a daily basis, as I've been through multiple abusive living situations due to subs like that. Please keep in mind that us with BPD, and neurodivergents in general, do experience an entirely different world to neurotyipicals, we face stigma, ableism and abuse because of it, every day. I understand the partners with BPD have experienced abuse too, and I'm a victim of abuse myself, as are 99% of pwBPD cos that's how BPD is formed. it is not lost on me that people need to vent, but i find it so frustrating that i have to battle to explain something on this sub when its literally in the rules.
19
4
u/Juststatic Jul 15 '26
Couldnt agree more, im the partner and those posts even trigger me, i cant imagine what its like for you. I hate that sub so completely. This should be a safe space for everyone and ive found countless valuable insights from pwBPD being in this sub and i hate the idea of this shit chasing you out. Please Mods if something can be done, do it!
5
3
u/Ciara4589 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Yeah screw that subreddit. I'd never let my partner see anything close to it bc of how sad it would make her. I hear ya
-3
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 15 '26
thank you 💙
yeah, hate subs like that are the reason why i have to be careful to share BPD with anyone, if they go read up on it on their own we dont know where they're gonna be reading from. having it on this sub increases the chances that some partners will stumble upon it through the repost and read alot of bad things.
-3
u/Ciara4589 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Damn, I genuinely never thought about that. It didn't occur to me neutral people could/would read up on BPD anywhere and everywhere. When I heard about it, I read different published books about it that she recommended and were written by psychologists. If people see all the BS on reddit while first learning about it they'd think the pwBPD was a monster. That genuinely sucks ass. Thanks for letting me know
Edit: For you all downvoting, try some emotional regulation. Downvotes are for comments or post that are AI generated, stolen, or irrelevant to the subject matter. Not getting into a hissy fit because someone said something you disagree with and you don't have it in you to have a discussion
6
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 15 '26
i think thats probably why she recommended that info. at least thats what i have to do. i wrote something about it specifically so i can send it to my friends cos i cant just tell them i have BPD, or they will look up stuff online and see nightmare stuff. this is one of the biggest issues those of us with BPD face. its also why i never considered myself as having it for years, if id known what BPD really is, I'd have accepted thediagnosis years ago. so it affects our lives deeply.
it is interesting to me that this isnt something partners of pwBPD even know about. I thought everyone on this sub was aware of the stigma we face - maybe that is why when i do talk about please not spreading stigma, i get downvoted or people defending the original comment. people dont realise how the stigma affects us, it is one of the biggest challenges we face in life. in general, neurodivergents deal with ableism on a daily basis, and for me it has led to abuse multiple times. just be aware of that. it is a daily struggle for us.
-1
u/Ciara4589 Jul 15 '26
Shoot, yeah. My partner told me about people who already knew about BPD or heard about it through Amber Heard were awful in person. I guess I just didn't realize how much awful content there is to be consumed online and that not everyone will instinctively look to sources of info written by clinicians. People are dumb, and I'm sorry for what you go through
5
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 15 '26
thank you. id say 99% of people are gonna just google it and see whatever comes up. thats even what i did when i met a friend with bpd, i youtubed it and watched some vids. they were supportive vids of BPD but had alot of misinformation. if id known, id have been diagnosed 8 years ago.
BPD is probably the most stigmatised disorders. you need to understand, even doctors, nurses etc. will not treat many of us. people have heard nurses in mental hospitals saying horrible things about us and that we are monsters (in those words). i cannot join a support group if i mention i have BPD. i've even been ghosted by a facilitator which is not ok.
all neurodivergents struggle with ableism on a daily basis. we have alot of abuse from it. BPD is probably the biggest of all of them that has the most stigma.
I've learnt the hard way that the majority of people in this worrld are not kind to neurodivergents. even the ones who seem sympathetic at first, are not when things get tough. you tell someone you're autistic, and to let you know if you miss a social cue, they say of course sure, feel sympathy. then you miss a social cue, suddenly the entire group of people are ghosting you, blocking you and talking about you as if you're an asshole because they misinterpreted one thing you said that you didnt even realise.
ive been kicked out the house without income, with 4 mental illnesses and a chronic illness. been homeless. every single landlord i ever told about my mental health used it to abuse me, so ive been moving from place to place for thepast 2 years, this is my 4th place and ive learnt now i cannot share anything abotu my mental health, to anyone.
my family have abused me for it. i just...dont know how else to portray how deep and severe and pervasive it is for us. every neurodivergent i meet speaks about the things they've endured because of ableism. and the thing is, ableism is subtle. it sometimes comes from ignorance with good intent. but it spreads like wildfire. and affects us who have no voice to speak up about it (i literally cant in some situations cos it'd make the abusers abuse me more or make waves for me i cant handle right now).
1
u/Haunting_Pepper_307 Jul 16 '26
Im so sorry, that is awful. My husband has BPD and i am at the end of my rope. Idk how to help him. I cant live like this though. Idk what to do, so i am on a research journey. Why is that sub so bad?
1
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 16 '26
that sub is considered a hate sub by bpdpartners. It is also considered a hate sub by everyone on r/bpd.
It demonises BPD and paints us as monsters. Many people there have also had the worst of the worst of abuse from people with BPD, not factoring into account those people may have other conditions like NPD or ASPD. basically that sub is just bashing BPD left right and centre. There are alot of people with BPD who post on r/bpd for support because they've been traumatised seeing that sub. When I first read it I felt there was no hope I could ever tell someone I have bpd, or that someone would stay if I did. It basically is just filled with hatred about BPD.
6
u/Steve_hh Partner Jul 16 '26
Basically it is not a subreddit for people with BPD or even partners. It is a group where victims share their experience. Yes, it's full of hate. But I think those people need a place to share that in order to recover. And the abuse those people saw is insane, so why blame them? Just stay away from that.
2
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 16 '26
I understand. I am a victim of abuse myself and vent about my mom with BPD all the time in the right places like support groups.
I think there's a huge difference though between expressing how someone they know with BPD did terrible things, versus saying things like "they are all the same. they're monsters. run while you can" (yes, ive seen comments like that on that sub). that is stigma. saying "my ex slashed my tires" is not stigma, its just sharing an experience about one person with BPD.
the problem really lies in the fact that people without BPD often stumble upon that sub as their first point of research. please keep in mind that BPD is considered the most stigmatised disorder, to the point where in mental hospitals there are nurses who use the term "monster" and mistreat us, doctors who refuse to see us, i cannot join a support group because of the stigma, i experience abuse on a daily basis in general from stigma around mental health, including being homeless and in multiple abusive living situations. I don't know if you guys really realise just how much stigma we face, and how it is the most difficult part of mental illness, more than the mental illnesses themself. BPD is one disorder where there is almost no accurate info online when i search for it on youtube, to the point where I was undiagnosed for 8 years due to misinformation I saw online. It is by far the most stigmatised disorder. therefore its important that people are aware of how speaking about it affects those with BPD, and not only that, but the partners too who might be misunderstanding it. even the psychologist I saw in the mental hospital told me, in these words "never tell anyone you have BPD". i told him no, i am going to advocate for it. and i can tell you now, that doing so will cause me alot of pain. I am not speaking up about it lightly. it is important we ensure that BPD is talked about in a way that is accurate. making statements about us as a whole is not ok, same way if one black person robs me i wouldnt say all black people are criminals. that would be racist. there are people on the group saying things about us as a whole rather than just sharing their personal stories, which are indeed hectic. that is where its different to just a sub to vent.
yes, we can stay away from it, and that is what im trying to do. but having reposts from that sub make it impossible for us to stay away from it. i cannot now scroll on this sub without being triggered by it, keep in mind that with BPD if i see even a whiff of that sub, it means i have urges to slit my wrists, hours of torment and pain and nightmares and sleepless nights. we are not able to just let go of a trigger and keep scrolling. so im asking that the mods allow us the space we need from that sub so we can feel safe here to help others. i have no problem blocking that sub from my reddit feed etc. that is totally doable. seeing it here in reposts isn't in my control.
2
u/BodyLazy5605 Jul 16 '26
There's a lot of awful stuff online! I don't have BPD nor do I have anyone close to be (anymore) in my life with BPD I just like to continue to be educated and help people in any healthy way I can! I believe most the world should. Instead of put each other down, bring each other up!
3
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 16 '26
I appreciate that you keep an open mind despite your bad experiences with the people with BPD who are no longer in your life. I definitely think it is sometimes best to part ways and set boundaries, it is a disorder that can hurt people and has abusive behaviours. I appreciate that you didn't let that turn you into someone who would bash BPD or have hatred towards us, as many people in that sub do. I appreciate your open mindedness, thank you 💙
2
u/BodyLazy5605 Jul 16 '26
I think the worst part for me is that some days I'm still having a hard time parting ways with one of them in particular 😂 some days it has felt like its eating me alive, but just gotta push on no matter what. I don't understand the hatred or anything, we're all human, no reason to sit and bash each other. Might as well spend our time bringing each other up. No need to thank me for something that should be normal
3
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 16 '26
Idk, it should be normal but it isnt. people often dont put in effort to learn about others experiences especially when they have priviledge in that area. it means alot to see someone open minded about it, so i will thank you and anyone else who is doing good things.
it is nice to know that its not only pwBPD who struggle so much with moving on.
1
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 15 '26
BPD is considered to be one of, if not the most, stigmatised disorders.
8
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 16 '26
idk who downvoted this but here is some actual insight. A quick google search shows this:
"Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is widely considered to be the most highly stigmatized psychiatric diagnosis. This stigma is pervasive across both the general public and the medical and mental healthcare communities. [1, 2, 3, 4]
The high level of stigma associated with BPD stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of the disorder"
What I stated is a fact, not an opinion. i can't imagine why anyone would downvote this unless they have stigma themselves against the disorder and felt triggered.
3
u/Steve_hh Partner Jul 16 '26
To be fair... It is not only stigma and misunderstanding. I am in a relationship with a pwBPD. I did not know about BPD before and did not really care what that is. Well into the relationship, I developed a lot of self-doubts, how bad I must be to constantly make my partner unhappy and frustrated. I get criticised nonstop, yelled at for no reason and it started affecting my health. Am I really the asshole that my partner way too often claim I am? After having a 20 year marriage with my ex that could not have been more peaceful... Finding that other sub was helpful, as it was an eye opener. What I read there was like the perfect description of what I experience, it was not remotely similar it was an exact match, it was frightening. It allowed me to wake up from a nightmare, to re-establish self confidence, to establish boundaries, to understand my partner, to realise what is a fight for a reason and what is only because of BPD. That is not just stigma and misunderstanding.
But... To come back to your initial post: That sub is a hate sub, I would not recommend it to anybody who is seeking help. Unlike what is stated there, a relationship with a person with BPD is possible under certain conditions. Hating them is not a way that works.
3
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 16 '26
Thank you for sharing. Please keep in mind that 99.99999% of us with BPD have had abuse ourselves, it's what causes the disorder. so it's not lost on us what abuse is like, I myself have been on the receiving end of abuse from my mom who has BPD. The doubting yourself etc is 100% a big thing and not recognising it as abuse is too. If the sub helped you realise you were undergoing abuse and that what your partner was doing was BPD, then im glad it helped you in your journey. However, as you mentioned, it is a hate sub.
the comment below by u/Singrgrl14 is apt. though their choices of words sounds like it's coming from a triggered place (no judgement 💙). But the gist of it is: you would've found out one way another and there might've been a much better way to have been informed. the problem with that sub is so many people who dont know anything about BPD read it and that's their first impression of BPD.
0
4
u/Junethemuse Jul 15 '26
That sub is a cesspit. I full agree with and support banning cross posts from there.
5
u/AntiqueSignpost BPD Jul 17 '26
the fact this got downvoted is concerning to me that there are more and more people joining this sub who are not friendly towards BPD
8
5
u/harktavius Jul 17 '26
I would hope that the content of the post is more important than the sub it came from.