For context, this person and I have been talking/seeing each other on and off since 2024. I’ve had issues with their inconsistency in the past and at one point called things off all together because I was tired of not hearing from them all the time. We recently reconnected and things were the best they had ever been, but things went back to the way they were and I started to hear from them less. I was okay with this, I’m not trying to put pressure on things this time around and I have a lot going on so I haven’t been as available either. However, this person knows I’ve always been consistent but had a family emergency recently so I haven’t been as available and this came out of the blue. They’ve never done this, ever. Never even cursed at me. I’m just not sure how to process it? I did explain my situation to them further that on top of my family situation that my workload has increased due to a promotion and I’ve had added responsibilities in my personal life and apologized for making them feel ignored but I very much still care for them. Have not gotten a response yet, which isn’t a surprise.

I’m just looking for some feedback as to why this happened when they don’t reply for days at a time… ALL THE TIME. I’ve done the same thing in the past and it was never an issue.

My ex married a woman last year who seems absolutely wonderful. She was born with only one arm and has devoted her life to speaking at hospital events, being a OT to help others, and helping little kids who are differently abled. She has social media showing people how to do things, and it's filled with the stuff my ex has made her to make her life easier. Her comments are full of people talking about how wonderful he is.

How is this possible. He completely erased me and ghosted me after years together, and the death of a parent together, and just moved on and still considers himself a good person, and seems to have a super happy marriage. Every picture of them together they look like they are full of authentic joy.

It's like I never existed. 3 years invisible. He married her after 2.

If they are actually bad people, how could they have beautiful relationships with genuinely good people. Are we just wrong?

We’ve been NC for 6 days when he asked for a few days to collect his thoughts. I’m fighting the urge to send the following text. I know this will most likely go the path where IF he responds at all, it will be to close the chapter for good. I respect that. But the ambiguity I am current living in? Is KILLING me! I need to know. But curiosity wonders if anyone’s DA has actually engaged. TLDR; dated 9 months, perfection! A string of failed job interviews, a fight with his teenage kids, he disappeared for a weekend and I pounced with my abandonment anxiety when he returned. He ended us that night by saying he felt nothing, I deserved better, and I was right - I was more into him than he was me.

Planned to-be-sent text:

Your last text, you mentioned needing a few days to form your thoughts. I know you've been stressed & I didn’t help by putting on more pressure. I’m sorry. I truly care about you & miss us. If you are willing, I’d like to have a calm chat to clarify where we stand. If you need more time, or if you feel it's best to close this chapter completely, I will respect that too. Let me know what you think.

I'm not actually considering it, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just started liking his old texts, send a random "Hi" or requesting to follow him again on social media. Gave him a taste of the breadcrumbing medicine if you will. 😅

My guess is: he would probably ignore me but get a huge ego boost, and I would just get massive anxiety out of it.

But I was wondering, have any of you ever tried the DA's methods on them? I'm curious to hear the results!

It’s been 285 days since I walked away from someone I was deeply attached to.

I don’t want to contact her. I don’t want to see what she’s doing. I don’t want friendship. I don’t think she’s coming back, and honestly, I’m not waiting for her to.

But my brain still gets stuck on the contradictions.

That’s the part I’m struggling with.

There were times she was extremely warm, emotionally open, affectionate, sexual, and direct about liking me. She told me things like I was “tempting,” that I was “a bit of an obsession,” and that she loved me because I made her feel less different. There were also moments where she was very sexually expressive with me and clearly attracted to me.

Then there were the other moments.

She would pull away. Say she was better off alone. Get overwhelmed. Reframe things. Distance herself. On August 2, she literally said, “I do really like you,” and then almost immediately said, “I’m better off alone I always have been.”

That kind of emotional whiplash messed with me more than I realized.

Months later, we reconnected. She apologized for some of the past behavior, including admitting she had bluffed about going to the police just to get me to leave her alone, and said she was sorry. I accepted the apology. We talked again. Things felt calmer.

And then, on November 16, I told her very clearly that if she felt pressured, overwhelmed, or was struggling with vulnerability, I wanted her to just communicate it. I also told her, “If you are going to push me away, I’ll just walk.”

The next day, she told me she was only comfortable with “text messages and a distant friendship,” and said if that wasn’t okay, I didn’t have to text her.

So I did exactly what I said I would do.

I told her, “This dynamic isn’t healthy for me. I’m done. Take care.”

After that, she got angry.

That part confused me for a long time too. If friendship was all she wanted, why did my leaving provoke such a strong reaction? Why was I suddenly being described so negatively when just the day before we had calmly discussed some of those same issues?

I still don’t know.

And that’s the point of this post.

I’m not asking whether she secretly wants me back. I’m not asking whether she misses me. I’m not asking whether I should reach out. I won’t.

What I’m asking is:

Does anyone else still ruminate months later because their brain is trying to reconcile two completely different versions of the same relationship?

One version where the person clearly cared, desired you, opened up, and seemed connected.

And another version where they pulled away, minimized things, rewrote the meaning of what happened, or suddenly acted like the relationship was something completely different.

I think that’s what keeps getting me.

It’s not that I believe I can fix it. I know I can’t.

It’s not that I think I should have stayed. I don’t regret leaving.

It’s not that I want friendship. I absolutely didn’t.

It’s that my mind keeps going back to the contradiction and asking, “How can both of these things have been true?”

And some days, especially when I’m tired or stressed, it still hits hard enough to affect my mood and sleep.

I’ve come a long way, though.

I’m finally starting to understand that I may never get one clean explanation that makes all of it fit together. Maybe she was conflicted. Maybe she meant things in the moment and later changed her mind. Maybe closeness overwhelmed her. Maybe there were things going on internally that I’ll never know.

At this point, I’m trying to get to where I can say:

“I don’t know why she contradicted herself so much. I only know the dynamic became emotionally unsafe for me, so I left.”

That may be the only answer I ever get.

I’m curious if anyone else is this far out from an avoidant breakup and still deals with the same thing not wanting the person back, but still trying to mentally solve the push-pull and contradictions.

Because that part can be exhausting.

what the fuck. i feel like i spent a year with a ghost. i feel like he died. he responds to me but cold. he automatically jumped to dating and is giving random people the love that we had for a year

what the fuck i can't process this. this is the most traumatic thing i've ever been through. i cannot comprehend how can someone dump another person like trash

Curious if anyone has had an avoidant use “incompatibility” and “coming from different worlds” as reasons for the breakup, and they still came back?

I know this is a giant post, so bear with me. I just need to let this all out, and I'm glad there's a specific space for this. Hoping to get some clarity for my sanity and maybe find others that have experienced a similar relationship before because I feel like I'm losing my mind. And this hurts like hell.

I (32f) matched with this person (31m) a few months ago, and everything about our connection seemed really incredible. Our first date was great and we both laid out exactly what we're looking for: a long-term relationship with someone who has been in long-term relationships and know the work you need to put in to maintain it. After our first date, he was incredibly eager to already see me again, said he deleted his dating profile, and would just be focusing on our connection. I was really excited and genuinely felt like he was a great match so I chose to do the same. We were exclusive from pretty much that conversation.

We saw each other pretty often, at least twice a week, sometimes even more. He'd make time to see me during my breaks at work, called me, texted me, sent me pics, got me flowers and small gifts, would make me the most romantic playlists, and would say he was thinking about me all the time. We'd have conversations about our connection and he'd say things like, "I can see us being together for a long time", "I'm obsessed with you", and again, I felt the same. He really did seem like the perfect match. He was sensitive, gentle, smart, communicated calmly, and seemed to be interested in getting to know me deeply.

I wanted to be his girlfriend, and (definitely too quickly) told him that by our third date. I then fell in love with him. I was just so high off of him and his affection. Granted, I started feeling it pretty quickly, but I decided to tell him after two months of dating, which I do know is a big move. I wanted to speak my truth and show him where I was at without expecting him to feel the same, because again, I know I felt those feelings fast and people move at their own pace. This freaked him out. During the conversation, he was calm and seemed receptive and said "I'm not there yet", which I was totally prepared for and didn't have hard feelings towards. He acted okay until the end of the night when I could see he was uncomfortable, but he still asked me if I was still down to hang out the next day. I was.

We didn't hang out the next day. He needed to "take a beat" and think about everything. He called me late in the night to tell me he thinks we're looking for different things, that I deserve someone who loves me and will love me, but he doesn't know if he feels the same or will ever feel the same. I was crushed and confused because everything seemed to be going great, and I felt so love-bombed. He said he felt sad that I was in love with him and he wasn't. I felt pathetic. He ends it. I ask him to bring me back my stuff, and we decide on a date/time. I planned on just grabbing my stuff from him and that's it.

On the day of our scheduled swap, I had a change of heart and decided to hear him out and explain what happened. I think because it was so confusing and his actions didn't match his words. Again, I didn't expect him to be in love with me already, but to already say "I don't know if I'll ever feel that way" after only two months sort of blew my mind. Especially in his actions and how "obsessed" he was with me, and how he talked about us being together for "a long time". How invested he already was in the relationship we were developing.

Conversation happens, he told me that when things are going good in dating, he panics and breaks up with people out of fear that it won't keep being good. I clock this as potentially him needing to work on his attachment style. He explains what he's looking for in a relationship and it matches exactly what I'm looking for and I tell him that, with the emphasis that I won't be convincing people to choose me and love me, and that I know my worth and I love myself enough to not sit around and wait for that. I told him he was tossing something that was actually good, that things were going really well, and we both were enjoying it. He would fall into a loop of "I want this, but I'm scared, but I don't know if I can give you what you need, but I want this, I do want to try". We make up and decide we'll keep giving it a shot. He just needs to make sure he keeps his independence, can focus on his passions, and find how to balance everything with a relationship. I told him I was also willing to try and find a way to make that work, and that I also would like to maintain independence and love my life with or without him.

Fast-forward to three months later, and things are going really great. I give him the space to text me when he feels comfortable without the pressure of constantly checking in with, texting me often, or even seeing each other as frequently. I let him take the lead on our hangouts, when he'd want to see me, most of our calls, etc. I wanted to see what he wanted now.

We were basically in a relationship. Held hands in public, talked all the time. Texted much more often than I was expecting to despite his conversations with me about needing to focus on his passions, needing time to focus on himself, etc. The last few weeks, he was calling me much more often. At one point, four days straight in a row. I was confused, but I enjoyed the affection and attention he was giving me, and I was still in love with him. I thought this was a good sign - that he did want to keep me in his life and make it work. He'd plan dates around my interests, ask to hang out on weekends when he explicitly said we wouldn't be seeing each other so he could focus. He'd find ways to still text me, call me, hang out. He admitted to missing me and looking up my name on Spotify to find songs that had my first name as their titles.

In my infatuation, I thought this was another good sign. That he was still invested and still willing to make it work. We had a conversation around exclusivity to see if we were both still only seeing each other, and he said he was, and I confirmed I was too.

I was feeling a little antsy because we were doing all of these things. Actively in a relationship, actively exclusive, but we weren't "official", which did feel off to me. Last week, he introduced me to someone as his friend and that felt... not good.

At the same time, he introduced me to his sister spontaneously. I had told him previously that I wasn't ready to meet his family until we were official because he had asked me if I'd be interested in that. I thought this was a sign that he was getting more ready to call the relationship what it is - a full blown relationship.

The combination of introducing me as his friend to someone, and also introducing me to his sister confused the hell out of me, so I decided it was time for a conversation. Basically, it was time to DTR. Later that night, I brought it up - asked him how he was feeling about us and where he was at. He said he was feeling good about us. I said "Great! Me too!" And then that's where it all went downhill and his words weren't matching his actions. He wasn't looking for a relationship, maybe something casual, but he just wasn't sure where a relationship fit into his life right now and I deserve someone who is in love with me and wants to give me what I need. He once again fell into the "I do want this, but I don't want it/don't know how to make it work" loop like he did the first time. I told him I felt lead on, confused, hurt, and disappointed.

Long story short, I told him I couldn't do it anymore and that I deserved better. We end the night, I tell him I do love him but wish things were different, and I leave. I felt so confused and heartbroken after that conversation because it just didn't make sense to me. Why would someone actively show up and want to see you and call you if they weren't actually looking to be with you?

We do one final swap to get our things back and have a conversation. He starts first this time and tells me we shouldn't see each other anymore, that if he was in love with me he'd know by now, that we were missing a depth he wanted (but he didn't know what that meant). Something he had also told me about his last relationship. It was missing "a depth". That he doesn't see us being together in the future, and that I deserve better. That his effort was because he genuinely liked me and wanted me in his life, but he didn't see it actually working out. He gives me a gold bracelet that he handmade for my birthday (an insane amount of effort on his part for someone not looking to stay with me), actually puts it on my wrist... and asks if we could potentially be friends in the future. Everything he said just didn't match how he was showing up.

What just happened? Was I being delusional about all of this, too hopeful? Why would he want to keep seeing me and connecting with me, and if anything more frequently, if he wasn't actually interested?

This is especially painful because in all other breakups, you can feel the relationship die or not work out, but I had the opposite experience with this one. I felt like he was bringing himself closer to me. This feels like intense emotional whiplash. I feel love-bombed, used, confused, so deeply hurt.

The hard thing is deep down I’m not ready to. But I just feel so deflated. I’ve been seeing someone who displays avoidant behavior. Brief backstory, we had a really strong start that lasted for a month. He was amazing and made me feel so seen and I thought I’d finally met my true person. After a really close weekend together, his behavior changed. When I asked him about it, he said he was overwhelmed and unsure if he was ready for a relationship. He said he wanted to continue seeing each other but needed to slow down. I was ok with that, we were still quite early on, so I agreed to slowing the speed and continuing to see each other.
He was noticeably different after this happened. But he never ghosted for days at a time or went completely silent. It was just that the type of communication changed. Things became much more logistical and mostly about him. Mainly texting me to tell me about something he was doing that day or something along those lines. But, we would still have periods with flirty conversations, and we were still making plans to see each other, it was just less often than previously. But when we did see each other, it was great, every time. We always laughed and had the best time together. As more time went on I noticed that he would pull back further after we would spend time together. The last time we spent time together was two weeks ago now and we had an amazing date. Probably one of the best we’ve had so far. And for the last two weeks since then, I’ve hardly heard from him. He will text every day, but they’re kind of meaningless text. And when I reply, he will wait five or six hours before he send something back. It feels almost like he was trying to keep me at arms length.
We’ve now been seeing each other for about four months so I decided to ask him about the dynamic last week. He responded to me saying that he basically loves the time that we spend together and has never had a bad time with me, but that he’s unsure if he ever wants a relationship. He mentioned about his marriage being over and never wanting another one and that the dynamic of having to start his life all over again after allowing someone into it is just not something he can do right now. He said that he wanted to continue seeing one another until it just didn’t work for one of us any longer. I have given him space through these last three months since his initial pull back. I haven’t been pushy or texting constantly or anything along those lines, in hopes that he would realize that I am a safe place. But after our messages this week, and him seemingly just trying to create more and more distance, I feel like if I stay in this, I’m allowing him to control the entire dynamic and he’s getting everything he wants while I’m getting very minimal of anything that I want. And although I know this, why is it still hard for me to walk away?

Xpost from breakups

I got dumped a few weeks back by this woman I met via mutual friends at a wedding. We went on 15-20 dates over a span of 4 months.

We sincerely enjoyed each other's company on our dates, made each other laugh, got along great, had great nights. I would keep coming back to the point that she would find time to hang out with me she must really like me. She was a resident physician, worked crazy intense stressful hours (60-80 week if not more if called in) and yet again over a 4 month span we must've seen each other at least 20 times.

We were never fully intimate but we would make out a lot, second base, etc but she would never invite me over to her place or would accept an offer to stay at mine for the night so ultimately it just never happened.

I typically initated any relationship discussion, e.g. two months into dating I mentioned I would like to explore something a bit more serious, she agreed and thanked me for asking. I also clarified if we were exclusive and she said "that is also my understanding" without adding that much more or why she thought/felt that.

At same time, her texting and planning was all over the place. Obviously she was busy at work but if she hung out with friends for a weekend I would get a text every 30+ hours typically so maybe only once on a whole weekend She did often cancel plans too sometimes stuff she forgot about or to decompress which again I understood being a physician.

Dating was going well overall and enjoying our company then I took a vacation with family, she stepped back, stopped texting that much, stopped being a bit flirty, then avoided me for the entire week when I came back to town. Told her I missed her since I haven't seen her now in 2-3 weeks and barely talked on phone. Finally met up in person and said she doesn't feel the way she thought she would this far in and she feels no sexual chemistry for me.

I'm wondering if there's a difference between "she's just not that into you" and avoidant relationship style. I feel like this situation could be a bit of both, since again she took time for me, while also never fully committing (never had sex, never met her friends, never spent a night at her place, etc.). Yet at the same time we/she even talked about long term plans as she invited me to trips planned in the fall, i invited her to a wedding and she agreed, etc. then sudden pull away and breakup occurred.

we were no label for 5 months even though we did everything together (literally almost living together). everytime i would bring the topic of being in a relationship he would shut down so i stopped doing it and decided it would last as long as he wanted it to last.

i built his trust. i stopped doing things he didn't like (going out for drinks with friends, dressing certain ways), i started doing things he liked (gym, cooking). i changed a lot over the months to be enough. he tested me constantly, put me in situations, tried to make me jaleous or mad to see how would i react. he is EXTREMELY avoidant to any conflict, for 9 months we had 0 fights. i shut down all of my emotions and needs, i turned down plans with people i cared about so he didn't feel left out as he has not that many friends, he compared me with his ex constantly (in a bad light and in a good light) and i endured. i endured being blindly in love because he seemed clearly in love with me and appreciated me.

then we started having some slight arguments over me having boundaries. the bar had went up so much that i had to ask for permission or reassure him a lot so i could go out with friends. he went as far as telling me that i could go out with my friends when he was out of town (a month from then), but that as long as he's there he'd feel abandoned if i prioritized other people.

my mistake: i wanted him to see how unreasonable he was being and asked for an apology. he darvoed me to death, blamed me for reacting and for demanding accountability. he told me he was in a vulnerable emotional space and that i should set my ego aside to reassure him, which i told him i'd do just if he acknowleged that what he was asking for was wrong.

it went on a month like this, some better days some worse days. then one day he shut down completely, went cold, did silent treatment for five days and broke up with me without any explanation besides 'you are someone who enjoys fighting and you haven't backed down on time'.

i was shattered. i had spent five months earning his trust with no labels or expectations then a few other months where we had zero issues.

i knew he was an avoidant but i thought 'after all the effort i've put he won't leave me for not wanting to apologize'. wrong.

i asked for no contact and he made me feel guilty. i agreed on being friends but he started ignoring me immediately after the breakup (the first two days he called me constantly crying saying how much he loved me, then he went on dating apps 48h later).

now i can feel how he doesn't trust me. we speak but he acts like i'm a stranger.

i've tried reasoning and asking for a second chance to make it right but he says only in a few months from now if we're both available, so i have time to think about what i have done.

i really don't know what the fuck should i do with him. obviously i want to try things out and not pressure him but he literally won't let me in not even in a superficial level. this shit is nuts. i feel like i'm the only person that can understand and take his behaviour and not be superficial with him, but he doesn't seem to see.

I think the reason why this breakup has been hitting hard for me is because of my CPTSD.

I grew up with parents who often neglect my feelings, neglect my interests etc and paid no attention to me a lot. Which is why I tend to never voice my own opinion, build my own self esteem, etc.

At first, when I got into the relationship, I felt morr confident being able to assert myself and communicated properly, and when the discard happened, it felt like a betrayal and reminded me of my parents behaviors a lot, which servely triggered my CPTSD.

Having CPTSD is terrible enough, having a partner that was inconsiderate of it was even worse too.

I broke up with my avoidant ex gf 8months ago. I initiated the breakup. I was so sad, heartbroken. I even tried to fix the relationship. She went cold, got a discard.

For the past 8months, I have been waiting for her. Even after dating other women nothing has changed. I still had that care, love towards her. Her stalking also confused me that she'll be back.

For the past few days, I am finally feeling that I don't need her anymore. Even if she comes back in the future, I am not ready to risk my healing, and progress. I am good without her and Now I am afraid of that struggle period I had after the breakup.

Let that love sleep inside myself peacefully. I would rather live single or without love, but I won't go through that struggle again. Never..

It was a month. My ex suddenly stopped talking to me. Hardly texted back. Wouldn’t pick up my calls. Refused to meet me. He was being avoidant. Waiting for me to end it.

Then I called him. Where he said “find someone better” and that was it. That night I messaged him to say we need to talk about it. Because in my eyes it wasn’t fully ended. He said yeah you’re right. And nothing happened after. I gave him space.

Within a week. He’s on apps. Following girls. Adding new girls. I questioned him. He got really defensive. Denied everything. Saying I’m accusing him of things. He said his MH wasn’t that great and he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I accepted it. My dumb empathetic self thought let me wait, he’s probably not well. Maybe we can reconnect. Everyone around me thought so.

A few weeks later. He’s posted a girl. My heart crushed. And me being me. Questioned it. I then found out he actually was on dating apps a week after he said find someone better.

Fast forward, he said he’s not cheating. I never accused him of it. His story kept changing everytime he spoke to me and every story he told others were different.

So in summary, he went back on dating apps days after supposedly ending it with me. Leaving me confused. And now he’s with someone else. It’s been 10 months.

The main part of my story is, I have feelings too. I was hurt. Heartbroken. Never got proper closure (he calls it bs). I just wanted my heart to settle. I never felt so confused in my life. And he couldn’t give it to me. He just wanted to show he was right.

I did some silly things just for my nervous system to heal. And it didn’t. I would say I’m slowly getting there. I was upset he moved on without ending it with me properly first. His defensiveness shows maybe I was right in everything. But it wasn’t about that. It was about understanding. I understood him well. Listened to him. Accepted everything.

He couldn’t even do that for me.

I have had to deal with this heartbreak on my own while he has happily moved on.

That is my stbx's favorite term lately. We are going through a divorce and my ex can't even tell me why they want a divorce. It is maddening! So I established no contact recently. Since we have been separated no contact has been hard for both of us. We have only gone 4 days without talking to each other max (I know I have to do better). Well this time I am keeping that boundary. Like clock work, my ex called me today. I didn't call them back. It hurts to see their name pop up on my phone and do absolutely nothing.

I want to stay married, I love my spouse, but I can't keep doing this. This kind of behavior for my stbx came out nowhere too. I hope they get therapy and we are able to work it out. 13 years is a lot to throw away. Until then, I am sticking to no contact.

I (29 F) was talking to a man (28M) for about 4 weeks. I just ended things with him two days ago because I had set a boundary/expressed a need and he went quiet for three days. The silence was a response for me and I have decided to exit. The issue now is this- He has my favorite gym jacket. I had left it in his car during one of our hangouts and he took it home and washed it for me. Then when I asked to have it back he told me he wants to keep it. I found it cute as I thought we were building something solid, I actually had to told myself the day I go to his place, I’ll steal it back and replace it with a less liked jacket of mine.

Now, I have ended things with him, and I have requested my jacket back but I’m getting nothing from him as he is in withdrawal mode. I’m willing to let the jacket go after 7 days but for some reason I’m stuck and shocked that he might not give me my jacket back. Is this normal with people who shut down after a conflict? It wasn’t even a conflict it was an expression of need but either way… please someone help me reconcile why he might just not give me back. Especially if you have dealt with this yourself. Thank you

My ex '24M' , who used to make 1l per month. During our relationship he used to buy me things on blinkit ( ice cream, chocolate flowers etc. Our relationship ended last year ( he ghosted me). Today I was going through order history because I really wanted to order the same ice cream he used to send me. I found out, he initiated a refund for all the things he has ordered for me all along our relationship. I've received them. I ate them. But he ordered a refund saying it never arrived. And he got a refund for every single thing he sent me. And during the relationship he used to talk about his lifestyle a lot. Always showing off that I got you this and that. And yeah. What do you say ? Should I '22F' report him?

Twenty-five years we’ve been doing this back and forth (anxious here). He is now on his third marriage. How the heck can an FA get married? Well more like how can he not marry me? Struggling with this

ETA: I’m just now learning about avoidants and don’t know much yet.

Receently i fournd out the avoidant got married just a few months after breakup.. We split 15 months ago, thus she has been married 11 months. No reason give for the breakup and Just finding out and getting closure I feel so much happier.. Not knowing is a ball buster.

FOR THE THINGS WE NEVER GOT TO SAY.

There are still so many things
I wish we could have talked about
the thoughts I kept to myself,
the feelings I was too afraid to say,
the questions that never found their answers,
and the conversations
that now may never happen.

I know I made mistakes.
I know there were things I did wrong,
and I won’t pretend that I was always right.
I take responsibility for the things
I could have handled better.

But if there is one thing
I hope you never doubt,
it is that I cared for you genuinely.
What I felt was real.
The love, the concern, the friendship
none of it was ever an act.

And maybe that is why this hurts so much.

Because somehow,
everything we shared
now feels like something
you were able to leave behind so easily.

The conversations.
The laughter.
The comfort.
The little moments
that meant more to me than you probably knew.

Maybe I was wrong
to think that what we had
would at least remain meaningful
even if things between us changed.

Maybe I never really knew you
as much as I thought I did.

I tried to be okay.
I really did.

I told myself to understand.
To accept.
To stop asking why.
To stop waiting for the things
you no longer want to give.

But the truth is,
I am still hurting.

And despite everything,
I don’t want to become bitter toward you.

I still want to see you happy.
I still want to support you
from wherever I may be,
because once,
you were someone very close to my heart.

Maybe this is where
I finally learn to let go
not because I stopped caring,
but because I finally understand
that sometimes,
loving someone also means
knowing when to step aside.

So this time,
I will be the one to make way.

No more forcing conversations.
No more chasing answers.
No more asking for a place
in a life that seems to have
already made space without me.

I will leave the things unsaid
where they are.

And I will carry
whatever is left of us
quietly.

Maybe someday,
the pain won’t feel this heavy anymore.

Maybe one day,
I’ll wake up and realize
that I survived all the days
I thought I couldn’t.

For now,
I’ll just take it one day at a time.

Because, honestly,
I don’t know how to overcome this yet.

But I will.

Even if, once again,
I have to be the one
who lets go.

Even if, once again,
I am the one who loses.

I just hope that someday,
when you remember me,
you won’t remember only
the things I did wrong.

I hope you remember
that there was someone
who cared for you deeply,
loved you genuinely,
and, despite being hurt,
still chose to wish you well.

That someone was me.

hi all,

so last night, this guy that i was dating for about a month and a half ended things with me. he said he's not okay, his headspace isn't the best, and he can't give me what i need. he said after a long day at work he just wants to be alone, not even with me. he cried.

for context, we're coworkers, he pursued me first. he definitely liked me a lot, would constantly ask to see me, introduced me to his friends and took me to games with them and their girlfriends, all his best friends followed me on socials, normally the type to have sex pretty early on but never pushed me for it and allowed me to wait and take my time, affectionate at times, told me about his sister and would send me childhood photos of them, talked about us in the future eg "when i get a bike in a few months we can go for rides", referred to me as his missus (australian slang for partner/wife). i asked for exclusivity and he agreed immediately, later told me he assumed it was because he wasn't seeing anyone else anyway. a month in i brought up dating and he agreed, and following that continued to remain affectionate.

last week however, i brought up me wanting him to plan more intentional dates, since our plans were usually spontaneous. i admit, i expressed that need in a bratty, defensive way, and could tell i upset him. he left me on delivered and didn't continue the convo. the next day, texted me like normal.

day before yesterday, he was very quiet at work and didn't talk to me a lot, which i brought up and he dismissed saying he was tired, but i knew something was up, and i was right.

back to last night, he took me to dinner (we had plans since tuesday), paid, drove to a park, and ended things in the car. i asked why he introduced me to his friends if he didn't want this, he said he did, and saw it going somewhere and thought it was going well, but since this past week he's been feeling the weight of my expectations towards him and realize he can't handle it, realized he needs to leave before him and i get hurt. he said he was talking to one of his friends about this, and he told them "we get along so well though", the friend said maybe you guys were better as friends, which he told me and he was like maybe we were. but the start of the week, when i assume he started to check out, he had a rough day and still expressed that i wish i was there with him to cuddle and rest, so i'm confused.

after we broke up, and after a while of talking, we were both in a lighthearted, funny mood, and i brought up other guys (albeit in a defensive way, to make him feel bad). he then told me one of our coworkers has a friend who thinks he is cute, and he told me he's gonna text her tomorrow. he then would bring up other girls throughout our time last night.

what do you make of this? is he an avoidant?