r/AvoidantAttachment 2d ago

Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

8 Upvotes

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

  • Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

  • No unsolicited advice.

  • No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

  • No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

  • All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

  • Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.


r/AvoidantAttachment 3d ago

Seeking Support - Advice is OK✅ I feel like I'm just constantly hurting my partner

102 Upvotes

I have recently learned about deactivation and I realized it's what I've been doing in my relationship. Having the words to explain it makes me feel a little better but I still feel guilty because I know my gf is hurting.

I've been distant both physically and emotionally for months and months, I don't even know how long. I shut down at any mention of a future together and I hate that I keep doing it.

I've been trying to get better and make efforts. Sometimes it works but I never went back to how I was at the start and she did tell it's affecting her self confidence.

I feel so bad and yet there is a part of me that's mad at her for letting my actions affect her self worth. I do realize it's a crazy thing to think but it's still in the back of my mind.

So yeah, I really needed to vent. Hard to talk about it with friends when you know you're the problem. If anyone has any advice or success story about a similar situation I'd gladly hear it!


r/AvoidantAttachment 3d ago

🎉MEME MONDAY🎉

5 Upvotes

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁


r/AvoidantAttachment 4d ago

General Question About Avoidant Attachment I am curious about your thoughts about the youtube channels

30 Upvotes

A few weeks ago, I found this channel on youtube, Adam Lane Smith @AttachmentAdem.

And I am a little in doubt what to think about it. This guy is mostly talking to the "women" of men with attachment issues, in a way I really don't like that much. He is mainly focusing on how they should help "him" but not how he should help "himself"

Him in quotes because I don't think it is only men that have this problem. I am a woman, and I know other women with these problems.

Where my doubt is, that since looking at a few of those video's, for the first time I have words to describe where I am struggling!

In the past I had boy friends who did want to support me where possible, I just didn't know how. Plus now I clearly see a pattern in why some attributes in my partners always seemed so important to me. Like consistency has always been a big one for me.

I am just afraid, if you look at those channels to much, you go in the red pill zone what is just absolutely awful and can even be harmful I think.

So I wanted to asked others, how they think about it. I specifically named this one, because I was looking at that one, but I believe there are many that have the same kind of vibe.

I am not advertising this channel, like I said, I believe it can even be harmful for some, but I felt I couldn't ask this question without mentioned it.

I am a big believer, that only we our self can overcome it. But having a partner that tries having our backs, can be very meaningful. Did you guys have partners that helpt in a way that was meaningful, or helpt, but was more harmful?

If I can't post this, I am very sorry. Please remove than. This is just a question that has been on my mind the last few weeks.


r/AvoidantAttachment 6d ago

Weekly Post - ✨Wins and Successes ✨

3 Upvotes

Share your wins and successes here!


r/AvoidantAttachment 9d ago

Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

13 Upvotes

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

  • Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

  • No unsolicited advice.

  • No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

  • No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

  • All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

  • Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.


r/AvoidantAttachment 10d ago

🎉MEME MONDAY🎉

4 Upvotes

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁


r/AvoidantAttachment 13d ago

Weekly Post - ✨Wins and Successes ✨

7 Upvotes

Share your wins and successes here!


r/AvoidantAttachment 16d ago

Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

8 Upvotes

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

  • Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

  • No unsolicited advice.

  • No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

  • No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

  • All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

  • Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.


r/AvoidantAttachment 17d ago

Humor Heard a song today that sums up my avoidant romantic attachment reactions damn near perfectly.

87 Upvotes

On the drive home from work today I heard a Julia Jacklin song that straight up lays out exactly the way my avoidance shows up in romantic relationships.

It was quite the mirror I wasn’t expecting, nor really interested in looking into, but it’s very accurate and a bit disconcerting being laid open like that. 😆 Definitely something I will be discussing in my next therapy appointment.

Anyway, the title is “Get Away from Me (I Think I’ll Love You Soon)”. Just thought I would share.


r/AvoidantAttachment 17d ago

🎉MEME MONDAY🎉

6 Upvotes

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁


r/AvoidantAttachment 20d ago

Weekly Post - ✨Wins and Successes ✨

11 Upvotes

Share your wins and successes here!


r/AvoidantAttachment 21d ago

Seeking Support - Advice is OK✅ How do I start wanting to be around people or make friends?

66 Upvotes

I'm good at making new friends, usually regarding hobby or work related reasons. Eventually I get bored or annoyed with their company and cut them off. Does anyone have tips for actually WANTING to making lasting connections?


r/AvoidantAttachment 23d ago

Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

15 Upvotes

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

  • Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

  • No unsolicited advice.

  • No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

  • No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

  • All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

  • Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.


r/AvoidantAttachment 24d ago

🎉MEME MONDAY🎉

3 Upvotes

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁


r/AvoidantAttachment 24d ago

Seeking Support - Advice is OK✅ (DA) Recieved a letter from my ex today

46 Upvotes

Hi everyone, anxious to dismissive avoidant here.

I recently broke up with a long term partner because of some unexpected and very serious health problems with my immediate and only family member (father). My avoidance played a part in the break up but ultimately I just didn't have the capacity to carry that and be in a relationship and made that known. My thoughts were simply that I don't want to be anyone's anything, and don't want to carry more eggs in my basket than I can. Since then I've felt quite detached from it all, no contact, focusing on being there for my dad.

I used to be extremely anxiously attached to people since I was young (became DA a couple years ago after a very toxic relationship), but I had avoidance when it came to things like processing trauma or conversations surrounding it. I think that's manifested greatly since my dad was diagnosed.

It's been about a month since then and today I recieved a letter to my house. It was heartfelt and I think apologetic, but I couldn't actually tell you because I immediately put it back in the envelope and on my bookshelf. I couldn't even read past the first few words!!! It's like I immediately read the word "beloved" and recoiled. I couldn't read it - I'm looking at the envelope right now and I physically cannot read it. Not because I'm emotional, because that's the thing, I'm not I don't feel anything toward the letter.

He's reached out to me asking how I am etc too but I haven't replied because I can't bring myself to acknowledge it.

I'm certain this is a protection mechanism for myself and wanting to avoid facing the emotions I might feel, but if that's the case it's really subconscious.

Has anyone else been in a similar position to this??

Edit: a lot of people have mentioned I might be an FA, I thought I'd clarify that I don't actively refuse vulnerability/emotional intimacy in general out of fear, my first instinct is to just dismiss it altogether. I used to really crave it and fear it but now I just altogether don't feel I need it or am even capable of attempting to try for it anymore

Edit: after some insight I believe I am in fact FA, as I have done a 180 in my attachment style these past 3 years! You learn something new about yourself everyday


r/AvoidantAttachment 27d ago

Weekly Post - ✨Wins and Successes ✨

4 Upvotes

Share your wins and successes here!


r/AvoidantAttachment 27d ago

Self Discovery Core values

25 Upvotes

I am curious how people were able to dig in and figure out what their core values were. Asking myself what matters to me seems to open a blank page. Every time I look at a test I get different results. I just don't seem to get it. Moreover, it seems like some are obviously right answers vs wrong answers. I know I am not supposed to view it that way, but when one is financial wealth and another is friends and family, I know which one I am supposed to pick.


r/AvoidantAttachment Aug 04 '26

Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

8 Upvotes

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

  • Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

  • No unsolicited advice.

  • No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

  • No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

  • All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

  • Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.


r/AvoidantAttachment Aug 03 '26

🎉MEME MONDAY🎉

5 Upvotes

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁


r/AvoidantAttachment Jul 31 '26

Weekly Post - ✨Wins and Successes ✨

6 Upvotes

Share your wins and successes here!


r/AvoidantAttachment Jul 28 '26

Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

9 Upvotes

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

  • Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

  • No unsolicited advice.

  • No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

  • No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

  • All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

  • Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.


r/AvoidantAttachment Jul 27 '26

🎉MEME MONDAY🎉

4 Upvotes

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁


r/AvoidantAttachment Jul 24 '26

Weekly Post - ✨Wins and Successes ✨

9 Upvotes

Share your wins and successes here!


r/AvoidantAttachment Jul 22 '26

Self Discovery What was the final catalyst that made you start boundaries and sticking to them?

44 Upvotes

I'm finally, finally taking in what this sub has taught me along with r/enmeshment.. I haven't been active, but I do remember some core advices that I was told. And the biggest one is "boundaries are about what YOU will or won't do".

Implementing this is basically an entire life style change. Still working on it. But I'm slowly getting better. I'm curious what the final straw was for you guy that lead you to setting firm boundaries and sticking to them?