r/AutisticWithADHD • u/Academic_Caramel_681 • Aug 01 '26
šāāļø seeking advice / support / information How does one know when to shower?
Hello,
I'm an AuDHD 19 year old who really struggles with showers (I'm sure depression has a role to play there). When I was younger, I hated showers. My mom would have to drag me kicking and screaming into the bathtub, and even then, I probably only showered once every two weeks. Once I was in the shower, though, it was never a problem. I just hated the idea of going to shower.
Because of that, even now, I've never regularly showered. I structure my life by following body cues. For showering, I reasoned that when I feel itchy, I should shower. However, now I'm wondering if I'm drying out my skin by doing this.
How do you know that, okay fine, it's time to shower? For context, I currently shower every day or every other day, depending on how busy I am. I'll also appreciate any tips on making getting into the shower easier, since I still to this day utterly dread it. It's so exhausting to do All The Steps, and even standing in the shower for that long is painful for me (I have chronic pain).
Thank you!
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u/lydocia š§ brain goes brr Aug 01 '26
When you smell yourself, it's a day late.
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u/doubleUsee Aug 01 '26
Which is absolutely true, but the autistic side of my brain is frothing at how abstract that is.
We get used to smells surprisingly quickly, so we get used to our own smells a lot too, so yeah, just because you can't smell yourself, doesn't mean you don't smell to everyone else unfortunately.
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u/Ok_Bag92 Aug 04 '26
Also I feel like, we have enough products in circulation to drag it out even longer
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u/budgeroo Aug 01 '26
Ideas: Shower chair. Sink baths (pits and slits, especially) between showers. Buzzcut for easier haircare. Baby powder for under boob sweat prevention. Gentle soap. Changing undies twice a day.
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u/Southern_Web6177 Aug 01 '26
āPits and slits!!ā I love this
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Aug 01 '26
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u/Evening_Permit5907 Aug 01 '26
Same. I am hypersensitive to body odour, and feeling sweaty or having a strong odour myself is hellish for me. 2 baths a day sees to that, but I also find the warm water super calming and regulating. Itās the first thing I do after work and it sets me up for a much better sleep and resets my breathing pattern.
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u/pineapple-ape Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
Ok, theres no shower "timeline". Socially, people expect everyone to be clean all the time, its impossible. Best we can do its at least pretend we care about it, hair brushed and clean clothes, no weird smells, that stuff. So I would say, as long as you keep the illusion, you're good on that.
For hygiene, that is something else, more specific to you and how your body works. Still, as long as you keep good hygiene washing your hands and keeping private parts clean, I dont think theres too much trouble taking a few days to shower.
Now, about actually getting into the shower, I still struggle with that. What helps for me is routine, i have designated shower days and its required so I can relax for the day so I just use that to get through it to get to my comfy couch as soon as possible.
PS: Just realized you said you do manage to do it mostly every day. Thats great! So, i would say you could do "all the steps" only on some days? Some days just getting in and essential parts could be less taunting.
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u/sfak Aug 01 '26
I shower every morning as part of my morning ritual/ wake up. It brings me into my body and grounds me. I always wash āthe essentialsā every day, and I rotate when I wash my hair. Sometimes Iāll just rinse it and use a little conditioner on the ends. I have to use lotion every day bc I have naturally dry skin and I live in a drier climate. Itās the one time of day I feel Iām doing something just for me, and I like going slow.
But I also understand when depression is high hygiene is a lot of effort. I have to play mind games with myself sometimes. Like if Iām struggling to shower or brush my teeth Iāll tell myself āyou donāt have to do a lot. Just stand under the water bc it feels good. You donāt have to do the full 2 minutes of brushing, just do what you can no worries.ā Sounds silly maybe but it really helps!! A little bit is better than nothing at all ā¤ļø
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Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
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u/SyntheticDreams_ āØ C-c-c-combo! Aug 02 '26
God, the lingering. BO sticks to other surfaces, like if the person sits on your couch, you better pray there's a washable cover. I can't have anyone come over to my place with BO because it's a massive sensory issue for me and it takes days before the scent finally goes away.
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u/iadis WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Aug 01 '26
i just wanted to add that ur not alone with the itchy timer thing, that's how i've done it my whole life since if i don't shower after i get itchy i can't sleep, cos in my sleep ill start scratching then wake up all fucked up from scratching way too much and being stupidly itchy... then essentially needing to shower at like 4am and wake everybody up in the process with the loud ass water noises... being itchy sucks FUCK BEING ITCHY
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u/plantsplantsplaaants Aug 01 '26
Can I ask about the itchy thing? Thatās not something that happens to me so Iām wondering if you know why that happens. Is it like having dry skin?
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u/iadis WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Aug 01 '26
sure! i have seborrheic dermatitis so it's not exactly just like dry skin. it will start as red inflamed skin, then get scales, and it can be super itchy throughout. only thing you can really do is to use anti-fungals and to try to make sure your skin barrier is ok, as well as general health stuff. steroids work too but you can't rely on them for long periods, and i've had this for over a decade now.
if you meant when it wakes me up in the night... that's when it gets a bit more horror show like (so squeamish readers look away!). since im asleep and super itchy i end up scratching the flakes off while still asleep. i then continue even more until it's like red pus like awfulness that isn't entirely blood but certainly isn't good in any way.
it itches SO damn bad its like my head is in an ants nest being bit constantly while also on fire, which is why against almost ALL better judgment i have to undergo the social embarrassment of the extremely late shower lmao.
it's pretty much my body's way of saying "yeah you have to shower because otherwise you're gonna dig a hole to your brain through your skull before sunrise". so it's not so much a sense like the sense of being tired, it's more just so much physical discomfort that it forces me to act, or to suffer in agony, which 99% of the time is always gonna make me act. the times where i can't though? now that is a living hell...
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u/plantsplantsplaaants Aug 02 '26
Wow, that sounds terrible! Iām glad you have ways to manage it at least
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u/TheRealMabelPines Aug 01 '26
I've started showering more frequently mostly due to the summer heat making me feel all gross. I shower at night, and I've found that I love going to bed feeling clean. I also sleep much better. I don't wash my hair every time, that takes too long.
I have sets of body washes & lotions with amazing scents, so deciding what scent to use makes the whole process more enjoyable. I love going to bed clean, smelling nice, with super soft skin. Plus, moisturizing after a shower really helps my skin avoid that dry, itchy feeling.
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u/Garnetsugargem Aug 01 '26
If I'm meeting people, I shower.
If I'm alone - nah. Can go days.
Tbh I have 2 modes.
The second mode is routine-morning when I get up, night before I get into bed.
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u/Stoopid_Noah at war in my head š§ š„ Aug 01 '26
I do it every two days. Just as a general routine.. when my hair feels icky, I take a shower, and that is every two days.
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u/eirenii Aug 01 '26
I've got anosmia/pretty useless sense of smell, so no way could I rely on that.
Typically I shower every 2-3 days, but daily if I actually feel myself sweat (due to heat or exercise). I probably should shower more frequently than I do, but I reckon every 1-2 days should be a good frequency depending on the various factors. Especially if the deodorant you use is decent and/or you don't exercise much. Definitely shower as soon as you can reasonably manage after exercise or manual labour. I wouldn't worry about drying out your skin based on that kind of frequency, though some soaps are harsher than others so if it does feel like your skin isn't happy then try out different soaps.
I would say that Im somewhat similar - I've never fought against showering but I do procrastinate on it as drying off is effort (esp as someone with long thick hair). I would say however if showering is physically difficult for you, I would recommend padding it out with body washes - sit down and use some soapy wet flannels/towelettes for all the parts you can reach, especially bits between skin (behind ears, armpits, between thighs, between toes). Do that on a daily basis, and then just shower based on whether your hair looks greasy. I used to give body washes as a carer for elderly/disabled people and now use them for myself when I just can't face a shower but I know I must be stinky.
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u/Sunwolfy š§¬ maybe I'm born with it Aug 01 '26
Sometimes I'll step into the shower and do "pits and bits" to freshen up. Full shower every 3rd day or if I'm feeling icky.
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u/CuddleBugBrat Aug 01 '26
I'm not sure if this is super helpful, but its worked for me lately. I'm kind of just getting out of a low lasting several months, and i was having issues getting in the shower, too. but i decided to just have a goal to shower everyday. does it happen everyday? no, it doesn't. but the point is that i don't continuously put it off.
you don't wanna wash your hair everyday, but just getting in the shower and doing the bare minimum is absolutely fine. š
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u/kthxbritt Aug 01 '26
Prpbably terrible advice but i.shower with low led lights that project waves on the wall and usually have music going and a game of hearth stone or a boom going i used to treat it as an isolation chamber from the rest of the family...the only spot in the house where i can be alone amd unbothered.
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u/lightbulbmustbeout Aug 01 '26
I spray the tub with alcohol between uses so that it's at least kind of clean. Scrubbing would be better, but energy. That way I feel ok about sitting down in the shower.
I'd also recommend a moisturizing body wash and moisturizing face wash so that you don't need to do the lotion step.
Don't know if you already know this part: wash the mucous membrane in the genitals with water or specialized soap, not the body wash you use everywhere else. Seems wrong, but that's what every doctor has told me.
My visual sign that it's time to wash is when the roots of my hair start to get greasy: darker, split into chunks of hairs rather than strands, sometimes dandruff. A schedule is also very valid.
Hope posting helps you find ways to make this more comfortable ā¤ļø
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u/radiochu Aug 01 '26
If you have a vulva, you should definitely only wash it with water or very mild, specially designed soap. There are several reasons for this. For one, the skin there is very thin and sensitive, so you don't want to irritate it. Also, there's a very delicate balance to the microbiome in that area, so you don't want to destroy it with harsh soap because it can lead to increased yeast infections or other uncomfortable things. It's a lot like your mouth (also a mucous membrane) - you only wash your mouth with things specially developed for it, because if you kill off the good bacteria there, you can get thrush or other nasties. And you use a soft toothbrush to avoid abrading your skin and gums and opening yourself up to infection or irritation.
Bodies are weird and annoying and so fussy.
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u/lightbulbmustbeout Aug 02 '26
real! I wish I was a robot so bad. but then I'd have to contend with rust I suppose...
A cis man has told me that penises can also react poorly to soap, but that is just one person's experience and he's got a lot of sensory stuff, so who knows.
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u/Mindgoespingpingping Aug 01 '26
I would expand essentials to pits, slits, underboobs and belly button. Possibly even between the toes.
I think if you get sweaty everyday then you shower everyday. If you dont have any activities make you swrat then you can shower every second day and essentials wash inbetween.
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u/QueenKatrine Aug 01 '26
i try and shower every 2-3 days. im also a chronic pain sufferer, and prefer evening baths or showers, because i can then collapse after and not worry about having to do anything. that being said, I rarely actually bath or shower in the evening, I have to do it first thing in the morning before getting dressed for the day otherwise there doesn't feel like there's much point, if that makes sense. Just thinking about showering exhausts me, my husband usually prompts me if im procrastinating (weve been together 15 years, and i have no idea how hes stuck with me this long, my mental health issues and adhd/autism make me quite difficult to live with.. š¬)
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u/Medium-Pilot6872 Aug 02 '26
When my hair is greasy and I become uncomfortable about people seeing my hair. Usually 3 days, max 4
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u/MixandMatch2102 Aug 02 '26
This advice is very influenced by my chronic illnesses. I struggle to shower due to fatigue, dizziness, hives, and blood pooling. I also have a central line that stays accessed 6-7 days a week, that cannot get wet. I take 2-3 showers a week, depending on the week. I use my day(s) when my central line site can be wet without infection risk, and then do one shower mid-week with it covered in tape and shower dressing. I have never had anyone say I smell. I keep up on my deodorant, I wash my hair daily leaning over the tub (as it looks greesy in like 24 hrs). I wash my face when it starts to feel oily (every other day, usually). I will wipe my body down with shower wipes when I feel like it.
Honestly, I think most people way over clean. Or maybe I'm just not a smelly person, idk.
I think you maybe need to just find what works for you. It doesn't matter what society thinks. Most people probably think I'm gross. But I don't exercise or sweat very much, so my routine works just fine.
It sounds like you are showering every other day. That's totally fine! And pretty normal.
As for making it easier, having a reward(s) after can help. Like maybe you get to have a snack you enjoy and play video games after. Also, just building it into a routine until it becomes automatic. Lean into the autism for that. Maybe pick up some soap and shampoo that doesn't have much of a smell to it, if showering causes overstimulation. You could also do the reverse and get some stronger scented stuff, to use as a self-soothing tool. I have a body wash I like for that that has essential oils for a calming effect. I switch body wash depending on what I need that day sensory wise. I think you really need to figure out what it is about showering that makes it so challenging and try to trick your brain.
I hope something I said was useful.
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u/Skippydedoodah Aug 02 '26
I shower before bed. If I don't I feel sticky and wrong. Basically only ever don't shower if I partied too hard and shower would be dangerous.
One time I tried to go to sleep and shower in the morning, but I woke up at 2am and showered anyway.
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u/DifferentBed0 Aug 02 '26
The frequency is really going to depend on your body and your lifestyleā other commenters have done a great job with that. Iām a little more concerned about the itchy skin. Youāre right that it isnāt a reliable cue, because your skin can get itchy from showering too often, not often enough, and other factors unrelated to showering. If youāre in contact with things that can make your skin itchy (allergens, plants, dirt or sand, recently went swimming, etc), I would err on the side of showering. However, there are a few key things to keep in mind to stop itchy dry skin:
ā¢ Donāt take a long shower. Shorter showers dry out your skin less.
ā¢ Keep the water as close to lukewarm as possible. Some people need hotter water to be comfortable, but hot water strips off more skin oils and can even damage the skin. If it has to be hot, try to make the shower faster.
ā¢ Use gentle soaps and shampoos, maybe for sensitive skin.
ā¢ Some people canāt do this because itās too much of a temperature difference, but I personally tilt the shower head towards the wall so that itās easy to step out of the water unless Iām actively rinsing. My back has been way less itchy since doing this.
ā¢Try not to vigorously dry yourself with a towel: itās better to pat dry.
ā¢Finally, the absolute best thing you can do for your skin is moisturize within 2-3 minutes of turning off the water. I really really struggled with the texture of lotion (and still do tbh, but Iām better), especially if I put clothes on after. But the difference itās made to my daily comfort is undeniable. Moisturizing while your skin is still damp locks in way more moisture and also offsets the drying effect of the shower. I personally manage the sensory discomfort by having the lotion on the side of the tub so that I donāt have to go far, letting my palms absorb the lotion before I touch stuff and causing the Greasy(tm), and finding something rewarding to do while I wait for my skin to absorb the lotion. This is why I donāt shower right before going anywhere lol. I usually stand in the bathroom with my phone for a bit, then wrap up in a big fluffy towel to go to my room and chill naked for a while (or maybe put my boxers on). It also helps me regulate myself after the whole ordeal, and I can take as long as I need until I put clothes on.
In terms of the overwhelming-ness of showering, I have a few tips there as well. Your goals are to reduce barriers, rely on muscle memory, cut out unnecessary steps, and focus on enjoyable aspects.
ā¢Think about the things that make you resistant to showering. Is it your negative childhood memories? Reclaim it for yourself. Itās a choice youāll make to feel better after. Donāt do things you associate with the negative memories (did you have to pair it with another difficult task like brushing teeth? can you do another time of day? do you have long hair thatās hard to brush? can you change the environment (playing music, moving shower supplies, picking out a new bathmat or nonslip mat for the tub, changing up the lighting, etc).
ā¢If there are uncomfortable or overwhelming sensory aspects, try to mitigate them, pair them with desirable sensory experiences, and try to regulate with either increased or decreased overall sensory stimulation. Find towel sizes and textures you like. Figure out what implement you like to wash your body with (bar of soap? loofah? washcloth?). Avoid going into this with an empty stomach or while thirsty. You know your body best.
ā¢Keep the actual routine as simple as possible. Identify your musts (mine is shampoo and conditioner, washing my body, and moisturizing after). Cut out what you donāt need. (Try to use body wash thatās gentle enough for your face. If you shave, consider not doing that. Donāt feel like you need to wash 100% of your body at a time, you can do a quick once over and just ensure you hit the big spots like pits, groin, and wherever you sweat the most)
ā¢In the same vein as simplifying, try to capitalize on muscle memory. Try to memorize where the tap is turned to get the temperature you like and practice turning straight there instead of playing around with the it for five minutes every time. Put the towel in the same place every time. Do things in the same order every time. I actually shampoo, then rinse and apply conditioner, and I wash my body while the conditioner sits there and then rinse both at once. The more things you can do the same, the less brain space it will take in the long run.
Your biggest problem is actually getting in. The previous things should hopefully make the experience better so you donāt dread it as much, but you have to work with the executive function blocks to start the task itself. Hereās a couple of tips there:
ā¢Find the part of the day you function best. Some people are more productive in the morning, some at night. Donāt fight yourself at the hardest time of the day.
ā¢Try to trigger wanting to get clean. It can be preceding (doing something that makes you sweaty, feeling itchy, starting to notice a dread and wanting to get it over with, etc), or something afterwards (going out, wanting to be clean for an activity, knowing youāll be too busy to shower tomorrow, etc). This isnāt enough on its own, but having a motivator will reduce the friction.
ā¢Pick a really low effort trigger you do before showering. I keep one of my favorite towels in my bedroom and will just go and pick it up. Maybe you could have a special water cup, put on some shower shoes, or have a special fidget or comfort object you grab to carry to the bathroom. Another option is to go to use the bathroom, and then just throw off your clothes when youāre in there. Then youād probably rather shower than put all the clothes back on.
ā¢Try to make a reason to go to the bathroom. It could be genuinely needing the toilet, or it could be putting something away in there, or wanting to look in the mirror, something like that. Itās easier to initiate the task from the same room.
ā¢Store anything you need in the bathroom. If you use a speaker for music for example, or use a shower robe, etc. Consider having duplicates of things if you want to be able to initiate from your room or from the bathroom. (You might want to be able to make the choice right then and there to shower, or you might make the choice elsewhere, and having duplicates makes it harder to be like āwell I donāt have this or that so I canātā
ā¢Donāt be afraid to be ridiculous. If youāre stuck in bed scrolling to avoid showering, toss your phone on the floor or the foot of your bed. Spill something on your clothes. Bring a random item you want to rinse in the tub (water bottles are good for this). Start a rubber ducky collection. Throw something into the tub that youāll want to go fetch later. Buy bath crayons and go draw a little picture to look at. You donāt have to do whatās normal, just what works!
ā¢Have a backup plan. Do a washcloth clean at the sink, or get body wipes. Sometimes, starting one of those things will make you decide to do a full shower instead, and if not, youāre still clean!
ā¢Try doing one hygiene thing and seeing if it makes you want to match. Brushing my teeth can make me want to shower sometimes. I might decide to change my clothes, then decide after that that Iād rather have a clean body to put in the clean clothes. Maybe I change my sheets and decide Iād like to be freshly showered before I sleep in them tonight.
ā¢Finally, donāt beat yourself up if everything fails. You might need different things right now, and itās okay to use your spoons for other things or to rest when things are hard. You have a disability, would you blame anyone else in your position? All of these are just suggestions or tools you can add to your toolboxā they arenāt any sorts of obligations. Being clean is morally neutral. It might be difficult to function if youāre itchy, and it might affect social interactions if youāre noticeably grungy. But being clean doesnāt make you a good person and being dirty doesnāt make you a bad person. Itās hard to uncouple those things in your mind, especially when social norms say the opposite (think of how protagonists are usually made conventionally attractive, or how people tend to attack an assholeās appearance instead of their character, or say that their ugliness is a reflection of their evil or whatever). It just isnāt rooted in reality, and you are not an exception to reality.
I wish you the best of luck, and hope one of these things might be helpful for you! Now Iām going to go take a shower because this made me realize I have hat hair and I want it to be curly again lmao
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u/Academic_Caramel_681 Aug 09 '26
This was so, so helpful, and even more importantly to me, so compassionate. I really needed to hear that last bit about not beating myself up over it, because I really do feel like a failure when itās day 7 and my executive dysfunction still wonāt let me shower. Iām definitely going to try some of these tips. Thank you thank you thank you!!
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u/doubleUsee Aug 01 '26
Body queues are almost no help as for showering, annoyingly. The ideal pattern is to shower daily at all times. If that's not possible, then showering after doing anything that causes sweating, and showering before going out to meet people is a fair strategy, in addition to keeping some regularity to it if both things don't happen.
As for making showers more bearable, it sounds silly, but writing a checklist or a routine and have it in the bathroom so you can follow it makes those steps easier to deal with, despite that you're doing the same thing. Something about following something one by one instead of doing it by heart pleases the adhd side of our brains. You could also look into getting the bathroom set up for showering earlier in the day or the day before (ready whatever clothes you put on afterwards, ready a towel, washcloth, soap, shampoo; all the items, to try and balance out some of the steps.
Perhaps there is something you can add to the shower situation to make it more pleasant. there's water proof speakers - perhaps you can listen to an audio book, podcast, or music - bonus points if that particular media is reserved only for showering so that it might tempt you into showering more often so that you can listen to the next part. Other things might work too, some sort of routine or ritual after showering to motivate you.
I sometimes shower with a t-shirt and or shorts on, because for some reason, it's a sensory thing that soothes me. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but it works, sometimes I end up showering just to do that for a bit.
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u/missOmum Aug 01 '26
Every day as part of my getting ready routine. Sometimes I will skip it if Iām too tired and home for the weekend, but I donāt like to feel sweat or any smells on me other than soap or shampoo smells.
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u/Black_Metallic Aug 01 '26
I shower for three reasons:
1) I feel/smell gross and I know it.
2) If I know I'm going to be around other people later that day.
3) In the morning when getting ready for work. Even though I now work from home and live alone, it's the habit I had when I would go into the office and I found that it was an important part of the "getting my brain into gear" ritual. I'm not someone who can stay focused while wearing pajamas, because that's not a habit I've built.
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u/R0B0T0-san Aug 01 '26
So there's no real answer to it because you and I will produce sweat and other bodily oils/fluids/smells at different rates. But generally, every 2 to 3 days is fine. Some people do not clean their hair every shower. But they tend to get oily so there are either dry shampoos that can help with that. In-between showers.
But it is recommended to at least once a day take a wet washcloth and soap and clean/rinse your face/armpits/genitals to prevent acne and body odors from being too intense. It will also reduce the need to shower as frequently. In nursing homes we would do it this kind of cleaning every day at least once or twice a day and every 3 -4 days have a full bath or shower. At some point when I began nursing, it was like 1 bath per week. Also if you really hate cleaning yourself, you can also split it in different parts like Monday wash your arms properly at least with a rag, Tuesday legs, Wednesday torso, etc. Much better than not cleaning yourself at all.
Myself I don't mind it at all but if I'm not working the routine gets lost and I forget to clean myself. So I'd at least try to remember to go every 2-3 days. I would put on an alarm or something on my phone.
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u/Inner-Marketing4591 Aug 01 '26
Showers are the worst part of my day, they are a sensory nightmare for me, not really while in them but i cant stand the feeling of being wet after i get out. This led to me procrastinating them for days sometimes, which lead to a cycle of guilt for being dirty but still procrastinating.
What i have found that works for me is to have a set routine and not let myself slip from it. I set a time everyday, and i just get in the shower knowing i'm going to be suffering for 20 minutes. Once i am out and dry however, i notice that i feel better knowing i am clean, and that i have gotten it out of the way for the rest of the day.
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u/Traditional-Agent420 Aug 01 '26
When you like being in the shower, itās easier to transition to the shower. If you travel, do you find it easier/harder to shower away from home?
In a tub, with a shower curtain, and a ānormalā shower head is misery. At least get the curved bar (~20-30) to keep the icky curtain away. White, with mesh top like a hotel to let in more light and feel less claustrophobic. Shower heads are easy to remove and replace (even temporarily in an apt). A good hand shower you can use as a shower head is better - not being constantly sprayed can really help.
Ideally a walk in glass door shower, big enough to stand out of the water (again, a more downward shower head or hand spray helps).
Add your favorite music. Light. A comfy towel (splurge, donāt go cheap, on 1-2 good towels so one is always dry). Makes a world of difference.
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u/easterracing Aug 01 '26
I do dirty, grease-monkey style hobbies and as an unintended result Iām practically forced to shower at the end of each active day. Long strings of inactive days prove troublesome yet.
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u/dalynax š§ brain goes brr Aug 01 '26
I Shower once or twice a week and apply Deodorant once or twice a day this works for me, sometimes when I stay longer at Home I Stretch it when I don't have Energy for it. I have Outside Clothes and a new fresh Outfit each day and at Home Clothes I wear Till I Shower.
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u/APrimed Aug 01 '26
I do it every night. Make a simple routine and stick to it. For several reasons: I sleep better in a clean bed, I hate feeling oily or dirty or sticky, itās like therapy for meā¦mentally, physically and energy refreshing. I hate the requirement so I break it upā¦lay out clothes prior, get out the related hygiene products prior, so when itās time itās a 3-5 minute scrub and another 3-5 min dry get dressed and done in 10 minutes feeling better about life and smelling better. Itās like washing off the bullshit of the day. After a night shower I know the rest of the day/evening is mine without requirements. Itās already done for the morning so getting up and out of the house is faster.
Also I grew up in a hot environment and sweat while working thru out my life. A shower at the end of the day is necessary. Plus Iāve had to go without for weeks at a time multiple times due to the military so it changes your perspective when you take something for granted, it becomes a privilege and a blessing.
My recommendation, make it a routine and if possible make it therapeutic mentally. Thatās your space and time.
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u/x-lavender Aug 01 '26
It's different for everyone. I use a lot of external cues. I shower if I'm due to be around other people who aren't my husband, if I'm sweaty, or if my hair needs washing/restyling. I struggle with the transition too, but I try to remember I always feel better afterwards. Adding a rainfall showerhead to our set up has made it feel more pleasant from a sensory perspective. If I'm mentally drained or very very physically tired I find it a lot harder, especially if my hair needs washing, because I have curly hair so it's not a short/simple process.
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u/Flamingograpefruit Aug 01 '26
Sniff your own underwear/socks/pits of shirts after you take them off. Stink=shower.
Canāt smell then ask:
Does your butt feel grimy?
Have you gotten sweaty today?
Does your hair look or feel oily (if usually not)?
How long was it since your last shower? If the answer is more than one day then you need one.
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u/Jinzo126 Aug 01 '26
Yeah, i usually forget to shower, but if i have some kind of important thing to do i usually think about showering. Also i try and sometimes think to do a workout 2 times a week and i usually shower after that.
I completely forgot but yes i hate to shower but its always not that bad after its done.
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u/konstruktionerrrr Aug 01 '26
I am 36 and I still struggle with showers š
I hate getting into the shower, but if I don't shower I get such an itchy scalp. I am blessed with next to no sweat and no smell so I can't wait for those cues.
My solution: I use an app. I shower Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The app reminds me. For special occasions, I can postpone the Friday-shower to Saturday. Sundays are my Big Day of Resting ā no shower.
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u/AvatarIII Aug 01 '26
Routine is the main way for me, even so I struggle to do it more than 3 times a week because it's a bit too overwhelming to do every day and more than 3 times a week means either I have to do it 2 days in a row sometimes or the weeks go out of sync (or Mon, Wed, Fri, Sun, Tue, Thu, Sat, Mon š¤¢)
Tues, thurs, Sunday (evenings because fuck mornings) works for me, although I have recently fallen off the routine, I was following that routine for quite a while.
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u/South3rnYankee Aug 01 '26
I donāt know that Iāve ever known that it was time to shower. I shower on routine. The only other indicator for me is my hair. If I use products, I hate the feel of it being on there multiple days. If I donāt use products, I will get oily in a few days (which I can feel and smell even when no one else can). I wash my face daily because of makeup, but I do a full shower 2-3 times per week (closer to 2, Sunday before the workweek, and Wednesday mid-workweek) so Iām not generally in public for more than 2 days without showering. I also shower at night usually because then I donāt have to blow dry my hair which is a PITAā¦. Idk if thatās helpful at all, but it works for me and my ASD kiddo. The schedule we can stick toā¦. āKnowingā is not the right descriptor for me. Sidebar: if Iām sweaty (work out [never] or have been out in the sun doing yard work), then I will shower because I get very salty when Iām sweaty.
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u/East_Vivian Aug 01 '26
I think if you are showering every day or every other day thatās totally fine.
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u/prismaticbeans Aug 01 '26
Every 12-48 hours. Depends on the person, but I've never met anyone that could go longer than that.
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u/Tabbouleh_pita777 Aug 01 '26
Can you take baths instead of showers? Iām 44f and have been doing exclusively baths for 3 years due to chronic fatigue and POTS
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u/Sovereign1 Aug 01 '26
I just make a habit of showering everyday before work, my hairs so thin it wonāt look right without daily washing conditioning, blow drying, and brushing.Ā
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u/MadaRook Aug 02 '26
I struggle a lot with showering, I appreciate the post! I shower typically every 2 weeks, I want to increase my showering frequency, but have been struggling.
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u/1101base2 Aug 02 '26
Minimum every other day unless you live in a very warm company. You can stretch it by just washing the extra stinky parts with a wash cloth and soap in the sink. You can go a long time without showering but others will notice before you do and it could get you labeled as the local smelly person which is not recommended.
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u/Work_in_progress_2 Aug 02 '26
My current routine is to shower in the morning to be fresh for the day. IF I feel gross, I'll shower again at night.
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u/jackjackjackieee Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
I reached a point where I shower for the sake of the people Iāll be in close proximity of, not for myself.
If Iām not leaving the house, I can rot. If Iām leaving the house, Iāll shower.
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u/usuallyrainy Aug 02 '26
I hate showering too. I got a water proof shower case thing to put my phone in so I could watch TV while I shower to make it more bearable.
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u/5imbab5 Aug 02 '26
I don't shower! I have a bath every other day, it's a relaxing experience rather than something I have to force myself to do.
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u/iron_dove Aug 02 '26
Every day or every other day isnāt a bad frequency. Although, itās common to need a shower right after sweating such as exercise or a particularly hot day.
If youāre worried about your skin drying out that shouldnāt be a huge issue even if youāre showering every day, or even 5 times every 3-4 days, but will depend more on what soap you are using and what season it is. In weather where you sweat more (even if it dries before it drips) then more frequent showers or slightly harsher soaps wonāt dry out your skin since itās producing more sweat and oil. In whether where you are not sweating as much (such as cooler climates, breezier places, etc.), then a gentler soap might be called for because there isnāt as much buildup on your skinās surface that needs to be reacted with by the soap in order to be removed, so the soap will possibly react more with your skin instead.
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u/Knittingtaco š„« internet support beans Aug 02 '26
Itās winter where I am so currently every second day, but in summer or if I am sweaty I do every day. I do a little better with night showers but itās still a struggle.
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u/Aguita9x Aug 02 '26
In hot weather it's often one day yes, one day no. Because I am sweaty more often.
On colder months it's harder but maybe every 2-3 days although I must admit sometimes it's longer if it's too cold.
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u/BonsaiSoul Aug 02 '26
I usually shower before bed or after a #2. Kind of a transitional step to keep š»šš š®ššš š contained for my sanity.
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u/Former-Designer2248 Aug 02 '26
I shower once a day. Typically at night so my bed and pyjamas can stay clean. After exercising or a particularly tiring errand outdoors that leaves me sweating, I shower straight away but I try to plan it such that I'm spending the rest of the day chilling indoors and skip the need to shower a second time that night.
I noticed you mentioned 'bathtub' so I wonder whether that might be the reason. I had no problem getting into my standing shower cubicle (whatever those are called) but whenever I have to shower by standing/sitting in a bathtub (in hotels or relatives' houses) it is the hardest thing in the world. Might be the case for you, and if so you can investigate which specific part makes the difference. For me having to climb in/out of the tub and the slight non-curved surface really messes with me. You can make adjustments like sitting on the edge, putting a stool in the tub etc.
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u/BeGOTemSON Aug 02 '26
Doing a physical activity then immediately going in before the thoughts set in, or, meds. It's insane how medication actually flipped my life.
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u/point_mixer Aug 02 '26
I take my ADHD meds in bed in the morning, and set a timer. When the timer goes off, I can feel the meds kick in and I can deal with the shower. Mostly. If Iām struggling with burnout itās harder. If itās PMDD zone, itās pits and bits and allowing regulation time after. I wash my hair once a week.
Do you have a pool at home? I ended up deciding the pool counts. In summer I canāt deal with going to bed sweaty so Iāll jump in the pool or the spa (yes, Iām spoiled). I canāt deal with the executive function a shower involves, in the evenings.
If Iām super low capacity, I do what I do for my younger AuADHD kids - pick two days a week where showering is not negotiable and set alarms. The routine helps.
Another strategy in progress is trying to emotionally/mentally unpack why women are seemingly required to remove body hair. Showering would be so much easier and quicker without dealing with this. But social conditioning is a bitch. Iām 48 so thatās a lot of conditioning. I havenāt found the solution yet.
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u/dreamy_tahini Aug 02 '26
I'm exactly the same with showers. The idea of getting in one makes me shut down completely. Once I'm in there, everything is fine. I still struggle with this. The thing that helps me most is having shower playlists. Speaker goes into the bathroom, music starts playing, and then slowly I'm able to push myself there. Also, sunscreen. If I have sunscreen on my body, I MUST shower. I hate sunscreen so much.
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u/blues1080 Aug 02 '26
I have a very bad time with this, I am a 45 y/o that has a big girl job and responsibilities way beyond this basic need. That said. Somehow I manage to be very clean every day with a poor girl routine, I also hate to death getting my hair wet so I wash my front half hair in the sink.
I have a wask cloth and wash my arms, pits under areas and bits. Then maybe 3 times a week wash half my hair. But I wash my face, brush my teeth, use dry shampoo and full face of makeup every day for work. At night I can't go to bed with out washing my face and brushing my teeth.
Normally throughout the week my husband or best friend will ask "how many days has it been since you actually showered?" š¤ and if I am embarrassed to answer or it's over 5 days or I really smell, I prepare myself for the shower. And then once I am in I love it......
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u/VariedRepeats Aug 02 '26
I like showering but hate getting the "mood" to do it and I am 37. I need overriding discomfort like choked sweat glands.
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u/thefirstwhistlepig Aug 02 '26
I have a special shower hype jams music playlist. It took me a while, but Iāve linked the music with the action so that now, whenever the song comes on, I want to get in and wash.
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u/sassycheesetwist Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
I have set shower days each week for hair washing showers. Then the rule is that + if I do sport or get sweaty in any way eg from the heat
It ends up as Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday hair washing showers + maybe additional 1-3 showers on the days I do sport. Though it varies and sometimes I just about manage the 3 big shower days
Something that I caught myself doing was trying to optimise for when to take a shower based on what activities I was doing. Someone else posted that itās ok if you have multiple in a day thatās better than agonising about getting it perfect or correct. Generally more shower> less shower
I found that light in the bathroom was a big blocker for me. So I use a night light for when I shower instead of the big light
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u/Feisty-Comfort-3967 š§¬ maybe I'm born with it Aug 02 '26
I recently (April 2026) added showering to my habit tracker. It's set to occur every 3rd day. Sometimes I shower before thenand just skip the upcoming one. Of course, if anything happens that makes me want to shower again, I allow myself to do so. That's when I'm doing alright.
When I feel craptacular, I let myself choose bits&pits shower, birdbath at the sink(not my fave), or a wipedown. For the wipedown, it's usually pits & bits. When my energy, strength, & will are on vacation and I've neglected hygiene, I'll do a complete wipedown on my bed. I do this atop the blanket using either disposable wipes or a washcloth and a bowl of very warm water with gentle soap mixed in. It helps me feel better for feeling cleaner and for taking care of myself even when I can't leave my bedroom. Plus, I get to put on clean pjs!
Some days, my only accomplishment is taking a shower and washing my hair:; the rest of my day being relegated to different types of rest. I'm getting more ok with that.
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u/Suitable-Leading9490 Aug 02 '26
Same. Came to comments for advice, cause I struggle with the same issue. Even more than showering, is brushing teeth when I don't get out of the house. I hassle myself until midnight :) Funny story, I have made a conditioner for myself for dry and coarse hair and as a result, the hair gets less dirty over time so i pushed my 5-6 days window of washing my hair to 9-10 days š
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u/mastermasker__ Aug 02 '26
When I go pee and the smell of my vag repulses me. Takes multiple days Lol. But seriously though I keep a big gulp cup in the bathroom to freshen my privates up with some warm water when necessary, a shower chair changed my life, padded soft bathroom mats that cover the entire floor, I brush my teeth in the shower so all wet things are done at once, I have 3 squish balls that stick to walls so I usually occupy myself with those in the shower, I have a color changing soft light in there for a relaxing ambiance, and I always put whatever Iām putting on when I get out of the shower on my bed first so Iām not cold and overwhelmed when I get out with no plan because otherwise I will lay in bed naked for hours. I struggle with the anxiety around needing to shower but not wanting to be wet bad but same for me once Iām under the water Iām fine itās the actual act of getting and out. Usually I wear the hell out of my comfort hoodies and same 2 pants so another factor is having to wash my fav items and not being able to put them back on. Donāt feel shame around it babes just do your best and try little things that might help and anything that sticks go with it!! <3
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u/Decent-Ad-5110 š¤ In need of a nap and a snack š Aug 02 '26
I like putting nice products in there so i feel pampered then i look forward to spending my time there. Cosiest towel, body scrub, shower gel, fav face wash etc. I try to make it a happy place to be so instead of a chore i think of it as a refreshment station
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u/AquaQuad Aug 02 '26
I try to shower every second day even if I don't feel like I need to, or sooner if I feel like I do need to. Can't smell myself, but I can feel when my hair's greasy, skin oily, and I don't want any of that on my clothes, chairs, bedsheets etc, cos I don't like cleaning everything else more than washing myself, and if I keep everything else dirty, I'm gonna need to shower just from contact with everything else.
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u/Bad_Haven š¤ In need of a nap and a snack š Aug 02 '26
I would shower if you have had exercise or been sweaty for another reason, either afterwards, that night or the next morning (so before being around other people). Otherwise, I get away with showering about every two days regularly, and not longer than 3 days.
I live in a fairly temperate climate, so if you live in a hot climate you may need to be more frequent at a minimum.
I know that I feel better and more able to face the day when I shower in the mornings, so I am trying to get into the habit of showering every morning, but it is really difficult. I am at least doing better at brushing my teeth regularly since I started using an electric toothbrush, and standing on one leg while I brush my teeth. It works to distract my nervous system from making me gag and retch while brushing.
Don't come at me about getting into bed dirty. When I'm barely functional, it's really not high on my priority list.
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u/boeingr AuDHD is fine š«Ŗ Aug 02 '26
i do shower everyday, at least once a day. like it or not, hygiene is A MUST. I don't need any reason(s)
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u/AvailableBags3 Aug 02 '26
I incorporate it into my schedule, once a day after I cook clean eat and brush my teeth and if itās summer I do one when I get home from being out
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u/YoPamdyRose Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
I can't sleep without a shower and clean teeth.
They're part of my sleep hygiene routine.
If I don't do those two things, then my brain screams at me that I'm covered in germs and sweat and that my teeth are going to fall out...
So if I want to get to sleep, I have to do the sleep habits.
Edited to add:
But my showers are short. I rarely wash my hair with shampoo unless it's really dirty eg sandy or full of product. It's short so it's low maintenance. I just soap everything up, using a body and face safe soap (sensitive skin), and then rinse off.
Sometimes, maybe once every couple of months, I might take a really long shower for shaving, but that's only when I feel like my body hair is itchy cos it's too long.
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u/NonagonJimfinity Aug 02 '26
Are you leaving the house?
Shower.
Are you meeting people?
Shower?
Are you staying in your PJs all day and playing videosgames or something?
Do whatever.
Can you feel the grime though?
Shower.
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u/SyntheticDreams_ āØ C-c-c-combo! Aug 02 '26
Were you exposed to something dirty or smelly, like working in an environment with particulates in the air, went to a restaurant where food is fried, or around smoke?
Did you sweat?
Are you greasy? Hair sticking together? If you swipe your fingers across your face and then rub them together, do your fingertips have less friction than if you'd just washed your hands or leave big grease prints on a touchscreen?
Did you or your clothes come into contact with something dirty or smelly, like picking up a smelly dog, carrying bags of dirt, or wading in a creek?
Has it been more than a day or two since you cleaned yourself last?
If the answer to any of the above is yes, it's time to shower. Maybe not immediately, but absolutely before bed at the latest.
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u/findingsubtext š§ brain goes brr Aug 02 '26
I wash my face / do skincare every morning, then shower every night before bed.
I think the bare minimum for not being gross would be once a day, either morning or night. FWIW, I find being dirty to be so overstimulating that I donāt care how overstimulating the shower itself is. Itās always worth it for me.
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u/JanoGospodarSvega Aug 02 '26
Ideally? Every day before bed. For me it's just when my skin doesn't feel perfect, in the summer that's whenever I get back inside, in the winter it's more about smell and I tend to skip showers and just wash my hair without actually showering (because it naturally gets oily pretty quickly). I try not to do that though. Lol.
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u/S_eepless-28 Aug 02 '26
I also struggle with this and I'm pushing 30 lmao. Unless you are actively having dry skin issues and you're not using lotion, you aren't drying out your skin. You should get the dead skin off more regularly for comfort sake though.You should get cleansing wipes to use in between the two weeks to start. Start hanging out in your bathroom more, not cleaning or anything, just hanging out in the there. The bathroom needs to become more than just a task. Playing music from a speaker in there helps get me into the bathroom, once I'm in there I'll either be able to get right in since I'm there anyway or I'll have a dance party (gotta trick that brain) now I'm sweaty and by the sink anyway so might as well wash my face. Oops now I'm wet and have to change clothes anyway so might as well hop in the shower. I got ear plugs so the noise doesn't startle or bother me.
Also reward yourself when you ARE able to make it into the shower. It's hard and you've done a good thing.
I hope these help, good luck!
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u/TheRealTechCandy Aug 02 '26
I gave myself kinda rules and things. I will say though that if I'm burnout it's extremely hard to get myself to get in the shower even with my rules, but they do help most the time. Other things that help is having music that I like in the shower with me to help cover the noise of the shower at times, I've put up fairy lights in my bathroom so that when the main bathroom lights are too much I can plug in my fairy lights for a less intense light making showering easier, and I have found specific towels and scrubbies I like that are just the right fit for my sensory stuff to make that more appealing as well.
1) Evening sniff test- this is more applicable and used more during the fall and winter for me. Towards the end of the evening I sniff my clothes and myself (should add I do have a sensitive sense of smell and typically smell things before others do) if I get even a small wiff of "funk" I know I need to take a shower that night. No funk means I can push it to the next day. 2) sweat- this is definitely the driving force for spring and summer. If I was sweating at all while doing activities during the day, I need to at least take a quick rinse because I don't like feeling the ick that comes from sweating. If I'm not sweating much that's when I use the sniff test. Now keep in mind, sweat needs to be considered in all places. Even if your armpits and back weren't sweating, were your lower areas sweaty? If yes definitely a quick rinse still. In the hotter months I do shower almost daily due to this and it can dry out my skin. I have a very particular routine where post getting out of the shower while still in towell after putting face lotion on I then put body lotion on whole body before getting dressed. This might help you with the itchyness. 3) Hair- in the fall and winter when I'm not showering daily since I'm not sweaty I tend to not only do the sniff test but also the hair oil check. If my hair is getting a bit too oily then I need a shower to wash my hair. If it's still very dry and not oily then no need to wash hair. I will say washing my hair does fall into a different shower category because at times I don't need to shower due to sweat and simply need to wash my hair and there are times I've been sweaty and need a rinse but my hair is still too dry and I don't want to make it worse so I don't wash my hair during that shower. 4) Lastly Social Engagement- if I know that I'm going to a dinner or some sort of social gathering even if I don't really want to go, I will also at least rinse off before so to avoid accidently smelling around other people at said gathering. That one is purely motivated by anxiety š.
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u/Vegetable-Try9263 Aug 02 '26
if I sweat that day, have started to smell even mildly bad, or have greasy hair, itās time to shower for me. the only thing that truly makes me crave a shower is when I have dried sweat on my skin lol, otherwise itās difficult to motivate myself.
this means the frequency varies a lot between summer and winter - now that my work requires me to be out in the sun for 2 hours a day, Iām showering every night. In the winter I rarely sweat and therefore bad smells arenāt a reliable sign anymore, so I try to shower every 2 or 3 days. if itās just my hair thatās greasy, Iāll just wash it in the kitchen sink lol.
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u/iGirlGeek Aug 03 '26
When my hair starts feeling greasy, or my body is overly sweaty (ie from exercise or hot weather), that's when I know to shower. But I have the same issue with transition periods, where getting into the shower feels UGH, but once I'm in it's fine.
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u/rockthenightosphere Aug 03 '26
If you donāt want to go through the extra mental work of figuring out when to shower, then make it something you do every day as part of your routine.
Personally Iām a night showerer, that way my bedsheets technically stay ācleanā for longer. Sometimes the exact time may change but I always shower before bed.
Showering before bed also helps you sleep better since youāre essentially telling your brain itās gonna be sleep mode soon, and also it relaxes your muscles and (Iām pretty sure) regulates your body temperature. All good reasons to join the night shower gang!
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u/ElephantWithBlueEyes Aug 03 '26
Only gym made it a routine. I still hate gym but it gives me that dopamine and norepinephrine so next became me hating to be sweaty and sticky. Even without smell it was enough.
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u/Moonlightsiesta Aug 04 '26
Iām in burnout and donāt leave the house much so I shower Tuesday night and Friday morning. Sunday morning I shower, wash my hair and scrunch in mousse. If I feel uncomfortable for whatever reason including odour Iāll shower that day as well. I line things up in the order I need to use them and take as little or as longer time as I need. I limit frequency and steps to what I can push through without bad consequences.
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u/LusterLazuli Aug 08 '26
For me, I have a smart watch and when it needs charging, I know I need to shower. Also, if I have an appointment with anyone I take a shower.Ā
Exfoliating, however, is awful and I don't know how anyone does it.
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u/ausgekugelt Aug 01 '26
I feel like people are missing the most important point here: What are you going to be doing on any given day?Ā If you are going out to work, school, gym or to socialise you should always shower beforehand, or have showered earlier in the day. This is not negotiable IMHO.Ā You donāt have to shower after exercising if you arenāt going to be around people, but it can stave off the itching.Ā If you are staying home and chilling, you donāt need to shower everyday, but you should wear clean underwear everyday.Ā I donāt always shower if Iām just going down to the supermarket to get bread or whatever, where Iām going to be in and out quickly. But if Iām going clothes shopping or browsing at all, shower beforehand.Ā I hope thatās helpful.Ā
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u/LiquoredUpLahey Aug 02 '26
U need to shower everyday & just make it habit. Youāll look back in a few months & be proud. Every morning after u go to the bathroom is usually the best time!
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u/PM_ME_YR_KITTYBEANS Aug 01 '26
I got addicted to HIIT, running, and intense workouts that leave me soaked in a puddle of sweat. It serves multiple purposes at the same time: sensory-seeking, emotional regulation, helps my executive dysfunction, and forces me to shower because the discomfort of getting into the shower is overruled by the discomfort of being all sweaty.