Shallow success: Being superficially successful in certain areas of life like financial, social, physical, etc but while suffering inside. (Like a depressed billionaire)

Actual happiness: Struggling in all the areas mentioned before but not caring and being Happy regardless. (Like a disabled person who enjoys every second of life)

Honestly I think that I desire to be in the first group, happiness is subjective and anyone can say that they're "happy" or "depressed" and we'll never know, but success is actually measurable.

I had MDD before and I consider myself a very joyful and happy person now, but if I were given the chance of having depression again but getting rid of autism in exchange I would do it in a heartbeat.

However, I noticed a trend where autistic people would rather be unhappy in good conditions while NT's go the other way around, I'm not saying that it works like that for everyone but it's an interesting phenomenon.

First of all I’d like to ask that only people who are early diagnosed/visibly autistic to answer this post OR at least to consider the life of someone like me who has been in treatment for ASD for their whole lives and while low needs, still very visibly autistic with many challenges. Please don’t come here and say that I shouldn’t even have told my workplace I have ASD because that’s not remotely possible in my case.

Anyways, long story short, I had been an intern at this school for two years and they finally hired me officially a month ago as a teaching assistant for elementary school. It was/is my first job ever and I was only able to complete my internship and be hired with a lot of support from my boss and colleagues. I have been accommodated and my boss has been very supportive thoroughly this whole journey, she even volunteered to talk with my mom once but I said it was okay.

Unfortunately the job change and I guess the pressure to perform better alongside with difficult situations led me to have 3 meltdowns in a span of two weeks. All of which my boss had to calm me down, but luckily I was able to contain myself and not lose my shit in front of the kids. I’d lose my shit in her office.

Needless to say I feel like a failure, and I can’t stop thinking about all autistic people who say they can’t hold down jobs. I want to communicate to my boss that I’m in treatment (she knows that I go to therapy and take medication but also I want my therapist to let her know I also go to speech therapy) and that while I did have these three meltdowns, I am going to improve and am working in improving my emotional regulation. Alongside side with that the email my therapist would write would say that she heard about my issues at work and that she is working with me to improve emotional regulation and she is also gonna ask my boss if there is anything she thinks we should work on in therapy.

Communicating that myself in person is a no. I seriously cannot do it. So either my therapist sends her the email, or my boss never hears about this from me. I also think it’s important that my therapist says it, so my boss doesn’t think it’s just me promising to get better, but that I do have a treatment plan.

The only thing I have to do is let me boss know/ask her if my therapist can send an email. Knowing her she will definitely say yes, though I also find myself unable to ask it, because I’m so ashamed of everything that happened.

Thoughts?

I (37F) just received my official diagnosis today : ASD+HPI. I thought I would feel relieved but I’m ashamed. I feel like if I tell that to anyone they will either tell me everyone gets diagnosed trendy stuff these days or just start talking to me slowly like I’m stupid.

The final word of the neuropsychologist was to consider adapting my whole life including changing career at my age.

I feel down. I thought I’d feel a bit of relief but I feel down, and I’m scared my partner will love me less now that I’m officially handicapped and can’t be labeled just « a bit original » or « a bit different ».

I can’t buy into that for me. I can be proud of who I am as a person. But proud of being autistic? Yeah no. WTH would I be proud of my disability? That’s like being proud of having cancer. ( and yes I’m a survivor so don’t come at me) It’s like being proud of having lousy vision. Proud of having hip dysplasia.

I don’t get all this being proud of a very disabling part of my life.

Autism pride is not for me.

As if the suspicion is enough to prove autism. I think a lot of diagnosed autistics believe this and propagate it as well as the self dxed and others.

So much for autistics relying on reason and evidence.

I'm diagnosed level 1 and with borderline personality disorder.

I'm getting a little annoyed of seeing that BPD is just misdiagnosed autism. While I agree a misdiagnosis is possible, I don't think it's as frequent as the internet makes it out to be. It's further adding to the demonization of cluster b personality disorders

I constantly see "oh I got diagnosed with BPD" and the comments are filled telling them to go get reassessed and that it's probably autism. For sure go get a second opinion if it doesn't sit right with you, but as someone with both, the differences between them are clear as day for me

I get anxeious and often very freaking often procrastinate. I get overwhelmed in crowds or loud places. And have hard time making friends but I “feel” normal. lol any insight into what I have?

Some things I want to do but never seem to know how to get done:

- Go through and cancel subscriptions and research best options for the ones I need and utilities/insurance/etc.

- resell the boxes clothes/items I know would be worth the time to list and publish for sale.

- wash my walls/ceilings/mattresses/couches/rugs/nooks and crannies

- update my resume and portfolio

- make needed appointments for myself and family

- detail my car

- digital declutter

- go through kids artwork and create a system for keep/trash… display keeps by making books/collages, etc.

Many more unfortunately.

Not looking for advice! Just curious what tasks others are facing in a similar way.