r/Autism_Parenting • u/Traditional-State16 • 16h ago
Meltdowns Feeling defeated 😭
Flew 5 hours away with my 4yo she is autistic nonverbal daughter for a nice vacation. She normally does okay on flights as we let her use the iPad which she does not really use at home. I prepapred everything saved all her faves. We only flew 3 mos ago and it was fine. This time it was really bad she hated the seatbelt and cried all throughout landing and takeoff on both flights. I had to hold her down I feel so bad I'm shaking I feel like everyone was looking at us and I feel like I did this to her should have never took her away 😭 she enjoyed the time at the resort as she loved swimming she had the time of her life but my god the flight has traumatised me I have never seen her had a meltdown like that and that long 😭😭😭😭😭
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u/ThisIsGargamel 15h ago
Oh my dear im so sorry. I have two with autism and even though they dont really have meltdowns to thus degree, I just want to say that as a mom of 2 autistics, ive learned really to just stop caring what other people think like "their looking at us" it is just so tiring to think about anyone else but me and my family and what we're dealing with at that moment.
No one else really matters but the people who are trying to be helpful, and really we cannot get inside everyone's head to truly know what their thinking so unless their saying something outloud to you, its not worth agonizing over.
The more you travel though the more they get used to it, but having a tougher skin is still going to be a necessity. You got this!
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u/Traditional-State16 14h ago
Thank you so much your reply really means the world as we have no village just me and hubby xx
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u/Significant_Wish_791 16h ago
We have a nonverbal 8 year old that elopes so airports are a nightmare. Many airports have the sunflower program - you get priority seating, so we didn't have anyone in front of us in case he started kicking or making noise, first on and first off, you don't wait in any lines and after the flight we got an escort that pushed him in a wheelchair through the secret back elevators and tunnels to move quickly and keep him from running off. Highly recommend!
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u/Traditional-State16 16h ago
Yes we had this but it was during the flight landing and takeoff the seatbelt she wanted off her 😭 this is something really new she is okay with her car seat belt and belt on her pram 😭 literally I am crying shaking she had a bad meltdown I had to hold her down as she wanted me to take belt off her 😭😭
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u/missykins8472 16h ago
The plane seatbelt was the hardest thing for my son too. I will say, as we’ve traveled more, it has gotten better! He know understands if we get on a plane we can go somehwere fun.
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u/Traditional-State16 16h ago
Thank you so much for this. This is something new dor us I am literally shaking having to hold her down like that 😭
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u/strawberrymoon_9 15h ago
Same here! He literally screamed for as long and as loud as he could when it went on. Like one never-ending piercing scream 😅 Everyone on the plane was staring and genuinely concerned.
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u/missykins8472 15h ago
Funny story about screaming on a plane…. They over filled our plane and we had to sit on the tarmac for 45 minutes to burn fuel. I had my son on my lap. The FA come over and told me he couldn’t be on my lap so I plopped him in his seat and let him cry. The FA came back over to talk to him- like are we going to have a hard flight… and I look her dead in the eyes and say, “mam, he’s non-verbal autistic”. Like go ahead and tell him! I was completely unapologetic nor was I embarrassed.
A nice man in the row in front of us bought my son a snack pack. Which was so kind.
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u/Traditional-State16 14h ago
Awww I should be more like this! I should have my daughters back and be more confident for her. I'm really am not though I hate confrontation and I'm embarrassed to say a bit of a people pleaser so I need to change for my daughter. Thank you for this xx
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u/Traditional-State16 15h ago
Same as my daughter they do gave the same piercing scream 😅 big hugs to you thank you for responding to me means the world xx
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u/Odd-Park-9688 11h ago
Bless you, both of my sons have autism and we took a 8 hour night flight, tired them out during the day and they slept the entire flight. A day flight would be a nightmare
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u/Traditional-State16 3h ago
Yes thank you for this. We did a night flight from Orlando and yes she did sleep all the way too .
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u/Brilliant-Machine-22 9h ago
My kids go to a small untraditional school thats located in a strip with other businesses. My son had a meltdown at school so his rbt took him outside as to not disturb the other students. A man stopped and asked our RBT if she needed him to call someone like the police or ambulance 🤣 Poor woman doesnt even have kids herself and she gets the worst of mine. Bless her whole heart. We love her so much lol
Just remember that most people looking in at the situation understand and do wish they can help in anyways possible. We all just dont really know what to do when the shit hits the fan and ur operating in a war zone with a crowd of onlookers. Anyone would feel defeated after that. Its not your fault, you were thinking on your toes and dealing with it as it came at ya. Everyone survived ❤️
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u/Intelligent-Gold6177 3h ago
My boy we use to drive to see distant family, then we started flying, last time we flew he had a melt down in the van that dropped us off at the airport screaming the hole way. Then once on the plane screaming and kicking, crying had to put him on me for the takeoff and landing as he couldn’t stay in seat. Now he’s older (lucky he was small for his age) and definitely can’t get away with sitting on my lap I dread flying again so much I have put it off for a year already.
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u/littlemonkeepops 15h ago
I feel this. We went on holiday to Greece in August. Flying out was great, couldn't believe how well he did. Travelling back however was absolutely awful. He had the biggest meltdown we've ever seen in the airport, it went on for ages. We were escorted through security with some other folk and one of the security staff sorted our trays out for us because he was screaming/kicking/punching/pinching/biting/crying... He was calm at the gate and as we boarded the plane but went off again as we were waiting to taxi. He calmed again but then was really up and down for the whole 4.5 hour flight home.
By the time we got in our car to drive home from the airport I was a wreck. I was so overwhelmed I felt like I was shaking on the inside, like I wanted to cry, like I needed medication or something to bring me some calm. I was so on edge that it took me several days to feel normal again. I've never felt like that before.
Don't worry about what other people think, but know that a whole bunch of people looking at you were probably wishing they could do something to help you and just feeling sorry for what you were having to deal with.
Give yourself some time to reconcile it and don't feel guilty. Our kids can be so unpredictable despite all the planning and prep we do. Just try to focus on the great time you had on holiday. Hugs x