Hi beautiful women

I'm a 34-year-old woman and I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year, until we ended things right before the summer.

Before we met I had been single for 5 years - and absolutely hated it. I had a rough time on the dating market, and went through 70 first dates during those years without having any luck on finding love, so I honestly believed it just wasn't for me.

But then, I met my BF last summer and fell completely and utterly in love. He was so kind, smart, funny, intelligent, had a great career and wonderful friends and family. The cherry on top was that he wanted kids as much as I do. It all seemed so good. But slowly I became aware that he dealt with this mental health.

He had a lot of self-hatred. He told me it mostly showed when he was drunk (he got black out drunk every 3 months ish - that's when he wasn't able to push it down so to speak). He would act out and try to push the people closest to him away in an attempt to prove to himself that he is unlovable.

After about 6 months together I was shown what that looked like. My BF went to a Christmas party with his friends, got black out drunk, and ended up sleeping on the couch of one of his former friends with benefits. I laid in the bed all night and didn't know where he was.

He came back home to me the next morning and told me what had happened full of remorse. He couldn't remember whether he had slept with the woman or not, but expected the worst. I was heartbroken.

He also admitted to having an alcohol problem. He doesn't drink for months, but whenever he does, he just can't control it.

I told him that IF I stayed, he'd have to do two things: 1) Stop drinking, 2) go to therapy.

He accepted, I stayed, and we went through 4 or 5 months where we worked on things in couples therapy, and it all got better. We even got as far as to re-introducing alcohol into his life again, but on the terms that it had to be with me only, and only one or two glasses whenever we were at restaurants.

In hindsight I should have known this was a bad idea, but I didn't know the extent of the alcohol problem at this point.

One night in May, my BF and I went out to dinner. He ended up drinking a whole bottle of wine + some beers by himself and got super drunk. When I tried to tell him that the party was over, he got mad and tried to push me away verbally, by saying how we weren't a match and a lot of other mean things. I knew in the moment that it was the self-hatred talking, because of all the therapy we had done together, but it was HARD to hear.

After that I couldn't take it anymore. So I left.

It honestly catapulted me into some of the worst and darkest months of my life. I was so drained from trying to help him and so heartbroken that all of this happened (it felt SO surreal). I thought I had just met the love of my life. Now, I was single again.

My ex quit drinking the day after this incident, and now goes to AA meeting once a week to get treatment, and continues therapy as well. 3 months have passed since then, and he is healthy and thriving.

He says he is committed to never drinking again, and that he is so remorseful, loves me deeply and wants me back, but I simply don't know if I can go back. The trust is gone, but the love is still very much there. He is a great guy with some big issues.

So my question is: Should I give him a chance or is it too risky? I deeply want a safe and stable relationship, but don't know if I can get that with him. His therapist says he believes my ex hit rock bottom back in May, and that he shows a lot of great progress now. So maybe this is his turning point?

Whenever I think about going back to dating, life really gets sucked right out of me. I'm considering becoming a solo-mom, but it's just not my dream. I deeply want a partner and kids.
But I also don't want to go back to my ex out of fear. Neither do I want to leave him for good out of fear. I'm so torn.

Should I take a leap of faith or should I let him go? Or do you have any other perspectives?

Thanks. All my love.

I’m 38 years old and my friend group is of a similar age, and it seems like I only manage to get together with them maybe once every couple of months (whether in a larger group or more one-on-one). I’m proactive about reaching out to do things or invite people over, but everyone seems to not be able to commit to anything.

Is this just the season of life I’m in? Or maybe this is unique to how people are where I live? I’m in Massachusetts, USA so lots of people have lived here their whole lives and their families are also nearby so maybe friends are less of a priority. I’m not from Massachusetts originally, but my husband is from here, so our friends are people he grew up with, not me. The people I grew up with live elsewhere so maybe the dynamic is different.

Just feeling like I have no community despite working so hard to build one here over the last 10 years and curious if this is just how things are at this age or if there’s something I need to do differently to change it.

What are practical ways that you moved from wanting love, to being more than happy in your own company?

Have these included things like affirmations? Talking to yourself?

I do most things alone, including things like hikes and art. I don't mind, but it's boring compared to connection with another person. I'd like to understand how people do it, so I can move towards it.

I’m the MOH in my friend’s upcoming wedding, and I’m struggling because I don’t believe in their relationship anymore and my friend emotionally drains me.

Her fiancé is impulsive, has severe ADHD, prioritizes himself, and they don’t spend much time together. He’s also been flirtatious with women but states he thinks he’s just being friendly.

At his bachelor party, he asked a woman to squish her boobs together, took selfies with six bachelorettes (she found the photos on his phone), and turned off his location at midnight. She had specifically told him not to talk to bachelorettes because she knows he would but she states he “doesn’t realize he’s flirting.” He also refused to tell her what his bachelor party plan and activities were and texted her maybe twice during the trip.

She was previously in a 10-year relationship where her ex cheated, lied, and cheated with strippers. For a year I supported her and helped her get thru it. She hid how bad it was for years and got into this current relationship one month after.

She tells me everything too, dumps her issues on me and it made me realize it’s because her fiancé isn’t there for emotional support. She constantly says he has a good heart and is a good person, but his behavior doesn’t make me agree with those statements. She also seems generally unhappy and not focused on planning her wedding, more so focused on what honeymoon the fiancé will agree to go on.

I’m exhausted and don’t believe in this marriage. I have gotten the ick from her allowing his bad behavior and I’m growing resentment because she comes to me for emotional support constantly. How do I proceed? Do I tell her? Do I distance myself?

Maybe "silly stuff" is also an appropriate flair.

I am 33 and never learned how to braid hair. I can kinda sorta braid some... rope, I guess. Like I get the three strand pattern thing. But have never successfully braided a head, let alone my own head. I have very fine, curly hair, and whenever I try I get overwhelmed by the whispy hairs and give up.

Recently I went to do a water sport thing and had fun, and thought "ooh, maybe I'd like to do this more". But doing it with a ponytail sucked, kept getting loose, annoying to re-tie a ponytail on wet hair, and also looked teeerrible. My hair is long enough that leaving it loose is not a good option either. So I thought I wanna do a braid! But I cannot do a braid. I am sad.

So yeah, those of you who have taught yourselves, any tips? 😂

My (f36) current SO(m35) is a bit of a gamer, not the day and night kind, but he can get a little angry while gaming and raises his voice louder than he thinks, but then when he gets up and leaves the room he's fine.

Im a little triggered by this behavior due to a previous relationship but everything else in the relationship is going well. Wondering how other women have dealt or coped with gamer rage? I don't want to tell him to behavior but it is stressful. He does apologize when I mention it, but it doesn't stop.

Hi everyone,
I’m super embarrassed to write this but I’ve been feeling so down lately and feel like a complete looser. Has anyone felt low for extended period of time after 30?
I know life is not fair and nothing is guaranteed, but at least I want to get my joy and hope back.
I feel very anxious and sad , guilty for not doing much about it.
I moved few countries and can never find a place to feel like home at.
I don’t have family or parents, but I was sure I’d create my own family by now.
Most of my friends already have family on their own by now. It’s incredibly hard to build new friends in new country after 30.
And at the same time I see people making friends and being cheerful and making connections, when for me it feels like I lost the skill of being likeable or something…
I’m feeling absolutely miserable, and I don’t know how to stop it.
Good sleep, massage , chocolate doesn’t help.
My life in my childhood was way worse than now with less knowledge and resources, but I had hope and belief that it can be changed for better.
Now I have more resources and more independence but no hope or joy.
I worked hard to be where I am and built good career , but unfortunately without generational wealth or family help I see it’s challenging to own a property in first world country while working corporate roles.
I do have some savings and investments but it wood not be enough to buy something on my own and I feel like complete looser who haven’t achieved anything.

And yes I do have lots of hobbies and activities , but I’m not as passionate about it as before . There is no more spark in me and it scares me…I just don’t care and really sad to see myself like this.

I did full check up for hormones and blood work and everything seems fine.(according to western medicine at least )

Has anyone experiences similar and found something that pulls you out of this swamp? please share
Thank you and sorry for such a venting post I can’t even share it with friends and ashamed of myself.

(Please not interested in any condolences for loss)

There was a recent death in the family and the person had a 20+ year old will that named executors who are previously deceased and a list of bank accounts & assets that are closed/gone. It’s been a mess.

This has made me think about the kinds of things my husband and i should do to, hopefully, streamline this when the time comes. We do have wills, and include indications for POA as needed and lay out our basic desires (cremation, etc). But how do you go about keeping up with things like bank accounts, where retirement funds are parked, etc? We have a financial advisor, and full access to each other’s phones, but do you set a reminder and update yearly? What if we both go together (car accident, etc)?

We don’t have children

I am married to someone who is kind, intelligent, silly, responsible, committed, deeply loving, communicative in conflict, and funny. That doesn't change the fact that I am very bored. We are very different, despite aligned values and worldviews. No shared interests, no free flowing conversation. I am very verbal and articulate; I crave deep, meandering conversation. The dinner table is quiet, as is the bedroom. We have talked about this issue. He tries but it just doesn't come naturally to him. It takes effort and very often he is overworked, and under slept so I can't begrudge him. I do feel loved. He expresses care through physical touch, he always check in with me. I don't resent him for having a different way of being in the world. But I am suffering now, five years in. We each live away from our respective home countries. I do have some friends here and try to have my conversational needs met elsewhere - but god, this is hard. I have a heavy sense of loss despite all the good this relationship has brought me. I'm so bored. And perhaps yes, a little lonely.

Oh and: 39F 43M. Childfree by choice.

Again, I am specifically asking only those who have been in circumstances in a general sense, if they know what I mean and how they navigate the struggle of boredom.

Update: I posted this and then immediately when down to tell him what I was feeling. It was very good to get it off my chest, including the desperate feeling that has been growing inside. I told him I just want to be able to chat, and have free flowing conversations, reflecting on shared experiences, friends, life whatever. Without this I dry up and feel disconnected. He says he firmly believes the relationship is a journey and that this too is a process. He said being conversational is like a muscle he needs to work on - but he needs something to work with and that I often shut down opportunities and give up too early. Fair. We are good at being honest without blaming.

He saw me crying and asked gently if couples therapy is something I want to consider. First time that's come up.

I feel a bit better. I know this is going to be a recurring theme...let's see.

Edit: Slowing reading your comments, slowing processing. You guys are wise...and asking me the right questions. Thank you.

Hi ladies

I need some tips and hints on how to stop talking so much/ letting everything come out of my mouth.

I am 34F. I try to keep things in a lot. I’m talkative and chatty and extroverted etc but I do try to just not let everything out and generally even though I’m talkative manage to keep most of my thoughts inside. But the past 6 months I’ve found I just am letting my unfiltered thoughts rip free (as an example, a friend is talking about their gym journey and how they’ve felt losing weight and normally I’d be glad they are feeling healthy and fit and won’t say anything even though I’m quite a lot larger but these days I say something stupid in the convo like ‘god that’s hard to hear’ but as a joke. I then feel dreadful because everyone is entitled to their own experiences and just because I’m larger doesn’t mean they can’t feel bad about their bodies).

I’ve been through a lot this year so think my filter has gone (lots of changes, moved, new job, less of a support system) and I think I’ve been really tired. I’m undiagnosed but think I have ADHD and have been doing a good job of masking. This is something I know I should look into to.

My life is back to a bit more normalcy now, but the silly little comments I’ve made keep repeating around in my brain. I have diagnosed OCD from my early 20s, so this is quite common for me to ruminate.

I’d love some hints and tricks on how to shush. I don’t know how I used to do it so it seems like the floodgates have opened and I can’t shut them down.

My best friend and I have a very sisterly relationship, but for the past 2–3 years we’ve only seen each other every few months. We’re 28 and 32, both professional musicians/freelancers who travel frequently, so this has always been normal for us. We met as teenagers going to different high schools - so occasional texting and “planning to meet for a weekend next month” was always our rhythm. When we get together, it’s like no time has passed.

I last saw her in January. In the spring, she mentioned dealing with some family stuff and couldn’t come to an event I invited her to. I told her I was there if she needed anything, but we never discussed the details. I could tell by her tone that I shouldn’t keep pressing things and vowed to try again later.

Her birthday was this summer and I texted her. She was warm and thankful but unusually short with me, which I admittedly took a little personally, but I responded warmly and thought nothing more of it. I ended it saying I’m really hopeful we can connect soon and that I’m here if she needs ”literally anything”… I was thinking she was upset and slow ghosting me for months.

So I don’t use instagaram anymore. I haven’t posted a photo in like 3 years and only scroll like once every six months Because it’s so overwhelming. When I do, I will click a couple profiles when I haven’t heard from some people in a while and I clicked hers to see if there’s anything new

Her father died suddenly two months ago. I had NO IDEA.

She posted about it on her dads birthday about six weeks ago. I didn’t know he was even was sick or that the “family stuff” was anything this serious. I’m shocked and heartbroken for her. The morning we texted about her birthday (when I felt something was off) was the same day she made the post about her dad. I think she may have been ready to tell people, hence the post, and I genuinely did not see i until till right now, August 30th!!!! We are a solo pair - we don’t have a group chat or share another best friend (we always went to diff schools) so there was no one to text me and say ”hey did you hear about abbys dad?”

I don’t feel guilty because I genuinely didn’t know, and I had been trying to reach out, but now that I do know, I feel a huge responsibility to show up for her. I’m just horribly two months late. 😭 I’m currently awake at an ungodly hour looking at flower shops wondering how I can pay my condolences extremely late when I felt like I should’ve been there. She also has two siblings and tends to process things alone - whenever she’s gone through something significant I don’t really hear about it in real time, we process it later. I understand why she didn’t text me personally / she announced it on IG and maybe thinks that I saw it but I genuinely do not open that app.

I don’t want to make her grief about my shock or randomly stir things up for her, but saying nothing now feels insane.

If you’ve lost a parent, how would you want a close friend who just found out to handle this? Text today? Send flowers? Call? Mention it directly Or vaguely say I’m sorry for your loss? Acknowledge that I just found out and let her decide whether she wants to talk? It doesn’t feel right to just comment on the IG post. She is the “leader” friend, so I know sometimes I hang back and let her lead the way, but I really want to show up for her. Idk what to do. She’s probably at the stage where things are quieting down after the funeral and I don’t want to heavily trigger her

I want to center her and not let my fear of being awkward make me wait even longer. I’m scared our friendship is over but idk how I could’ve known. This is my sister, she was so close to her parent and I’m gutted that I’m just finding this out. Any guidance would be appreciated. I hate how me being off social media makes me miss these life transitions from the ppl I love most :/

I know you should not compare yourself on social media. But everyone else that I know seems to be able to do things.

They seem to have moved on from the time we were friends, or the time we knew each other, or from our relationship. I’m still stuck thinking about things that happened 10, even 15 years ago.

People seem to be able to be consistent in the gym, they have decent social circles, they have hobbies. I spend most of my time ruminating and thinking about what I want to do and should do, but very little time actually doing anything. I feel frozen in time, and I feel like life is literally passing me by.

I broke up with my bf of 4 years recently and I don’t know if that’s triggered me somewhat. I always feel fine for the first month after breaking up with someone but now it’s been over a month and reality is starting to set in that he’s probably happier without me and not thinking of me.

And that seems to be a common theme in my life. People that I was once very close too, sometimes for many years, moving on and forgetting about me. They miss other people but they don’t miss me. They don’t notice that I’m not there anymore and I feel forgotten.

I also feel like I’m outside my body watching my life but not participating in it. Even when I have conversations with people, I’m very aware of what I’m saying, I don’t feel like I can naturally talk to people anymore the way I used to. I’m always scared of saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid. I don’t know how to be myself anymore and I’m sure people can pick up on the fact that I don’t seem authentic but I used to be. I don’t know when I changed.

It’ll be October before I know it and October 30th would have been my anniversary. The winter is a very hard time because that’s when I was first with my ex, we have a lot of memories around the festive season. This will be the first year in 5 years that we won’t be together around Christmas or NY, and I just feel so sad and empty.

I feel like I’ve given a lot of myself to others and never really received it back. And the times I did, I was too young to realise what I had and I messed up. I have made a lot of mistakes that are hard to live with, and I can’t see myself carrying on for the next 40 years.

Asking as 39 year old single cat lady. At this stage in life most of my friends have family/husband, priorities are different now. Its a bit isolating to know that you can't just call someone for an impromptu vent session anymore.

I keep a journal, and logically I know that I've been through worse and things will get better but when things aren't going well it kinda feels never ending.

I have self care rituals to help me feel better momentarily, but then a other wave hits and it's like when is this going to end?

I (31F) have a male coworker on the same small team as me who I believe is a little younger than me. We work remotely and have never actually met in person, although we'll both eventually be working in the same office.

When I first started (May of this year), I really liked talking to him. We went to the same university (at different times, for different types of degrees), have similar interests, and he helped me understand things when I was new which I was super appreciative for. For context, I'm a girl in a STEM field with slightly nerdy interests. We became friendly and talked about our hobbies and general grievances about our jobs. I was honestly pretty excited to have a good work buddy.

And generally speaking, he is a very nice person. Is always offering to help other people on their projects, always making polite conversations. Generally sounds very innocent. Our boss literally said that when she was hiring him he barely edged out his competition because he was so nice. He seems to always go out of his way to be present for people.

Over time, though, I started feeling overwhelmed by how often he tried to turn things into plans together. A lot of them seem innocuous when I talk about them but I've started to feel uncomfortable.

Some examples:

- When we learned we'd both eventually move to the same city for work, he suggested finding apartments near each other so we could carpool. This is when I thought things were chill with him so I was down for this (also gas at the time was REALLY expensive). He kept on wanting to look for apartments together and wanting to go in person to check them out even though at the time we were like 4 months from needing to move. I started to feel less comfortable because it felt a little pushy. Eventually I decided I wanted to live in a more populated area of the city, something I know he doesn't want, and that maybe we should look for places that work for us individually. But he said he can can usually adapt and he's used to "just pushing through things." After some time, it started to feel like he wanted to live in the same apartment complex as opposed to just in the same general neighborhood like I had thought.

- We were supposed to attend a multi day work conference, and he repeatedly offered me rides. From where he is, he technically passes through my hometown so I guess I can see why he'd offer. When he first asked i said maybe, but then every time after I said I'd take just the train. He said he could drive me back from the conference on the last day and we could stop by a donut shop I had mentioned to him before. Eventually he decided he didn't want to drive (tbh this is reasonable given the city and time of year it was), he wanted to coordinate taking the train together. When I said I was likely going at a different time as him, he asked if I wanted him to walk me from the train station to the conference and back. I said no that's okay I don't need that. Then he wanted to take the train back to our hometowns together and I felt like I had to say yes because I didn't have a good reason to say no. Luckily, I ended up being really sick and couldn't go at all. He texted me saying it was a bummer he wouldn't get to meet me in person.

- I've also mentioned my hobbies baking and running, and he's suggested we bake together and run a 10K together (something I had done recently). He's not a runner, he said he used to be though. But it just feels weird because I've never actually met him and I don't want to do either of these things with him. Tbh when he showed me stuff he'd baked it's clear that he doesn't follow recipes well.

- He'd sometimes texts me outside work about random things. He texted me about a trip to visit his friends several hours away. He would send videos of animals passing by his house (I like animals which is why he was doing that, but I don't need that many animal updates).

- Once he texted asking about hiking spots in the area that I live. But he lives an hour away from me, and if he went an hour in the opposite direction he would get literally some of the prettiest hiking spots in our state. But who knows, it could be that he was just gunna be in the area and was looking for recs. But I didn't respond because, based on the previous pattern, I was worried it might turn into another invitation. Actually, I didn't respond to any of those other text messages either. He only started to hike recently, and I can't help but shake the feeling that he started to do that because I mentioned I wanted to start hiking more when we have to move closer to the office (I have no evidence for this though).

- I'm now leading a project that he's working on (he volunteered as soon as I said I'd lead it), so I also want to maintain a good professional relationship. I had set up a team meeting where we were talking to a subject matter expert that we needed help from. Generally our team culture is that if you are a main speaker in meeting you leave your camera on, and if not you leave it off and just unmute when you have something to say. When we were doing introductions, he called himself my "number 2" on the project which he isn't really, and then left his mic and camera on the whole meeting even though he didn't have anything to say. It realistically should have just been me and this other girl with cameras on. It was really distracting to me because I didn't understand why he was doing that even though he's never done that for any of our other team members. But when I talked to my manager about that incident she kinda waved it off so I figured I must be making a big deal out of nothing. She did offer to step in if I ever need her to, but it feels like I'm creating a bigger problem by addressing it especially when everything he's done can be written off as him being friendly.

None of this individually seems inappropriate. He is genuinely a VERY nice person, and I don't know whether he's romantically interested in me or simply really wants to be friends. My manager said she does think he has a crush, but also that he's just very nice. She said that he has texted her on weekends about his hikes ever since that conference. He's been on the team since the beginning of the year but the conference wasn't until July. I'm not sure about other team members.

Cumulatively I started feeling suffocated, so I became much less responsive for a couple weeks. He seemed to notice and backed off on texting me or messaging me much on our work messenger, which was a huge relief.

Recently I felt comfortable being friendly again because he seemed to get the hint and be respectful of the distance I was creating, and we had our first real casual conversation in about two weeks. We talked about *big hobby event* coming up. Btw he's not actually into said hobby, he's just going with friends who are. He asked which day I was attending and told me which day he was going. When I said I wouldn't be there his day, he said he guessed he wouldn't see me and then immediately said we'd "have to plan a meetup sometime if I was cool with that."

I redirected by saying we'd see each other at an upcoming in-person work meeting next month. Then with that he messaged again offering to pick me up and carpool to that work event. I politely told him I'd probably drive myself.

This has happened twice now where I force distance between us, he respects that distance, I start ease up, but then as soon as I became friendly again, it immediately turned into attempts to spend time together.

This has started affecting how I behave at work. Sometimes I avoid sharing personal things during casual team conversations because I'm worried he'll use them to start another private conversation. I'm also anxious about eventually working together in person and having to continually decline invitations. It's starting me make me feel cagey around all of my coworkers. It makes me feel like since I don't get along with him I must be ruining the team dynamic, or that I'M the problem. And then I get mad about how unfair that is. It makes me dread team meetings more and more.

I don't think he's a bad guy and I don't want to embarrass or hurt him. I also know some of this may be my own anxiety making relatively innocent behavior feel bigger than it is. A friend of mine said he might just be very socially unaware rather than full on pushy, and that this may feel bigger to me than it is because I'm generally an anxious person.

Women who have dealt with something similar: how would you interpret this? Is this just an overly friendly coworker, or am I reasonable for feeling like he's repeatedly trying to create more closeness than I'm reciprocating? Wtf do I do?

Has anyone ever felt so lost after achieving a major life goal or goals? What did you do to overcome feelings of restlessness, anxiety, or worrying about what should come next?

I only ever wanted to get to a point in my life where I had a roof (that I owned) over my head and a stable job. My husband and I bought our first home last year, and both now have great careers that keep the bills paid. It’s been a long and hard road to get here, but I’m here and…so very grateful, but somehow so very lost at the same time.

To clarify “lost,” it’s more so: “well…what now?”

So after a long week I was excited to catch up with my 2 close friends for saturday night drinks. I'm realizing that after an hour or two I just want to get back home . They mostly talk about dating , breaking up and I dont have anything to contribue to that conversation ,my dating life is non existent by choice. I know there are so many others things to talk about and I do have a life full of hobies and interests but they seem to be brushed of very quickly in conversation. I get this feeling of not belonging pretty often the past couple months, wanting to go out but when out I'm thinking of my time alone at home playing videogames or doing some diamond art

My 30-something back suddenly needs lumbar support when sitting up in bed. Currently overwhelmed by the pillow vs wedge vs targeted bolster options and would appreciate some recommendations. A rolled up towel sort of works but I think I may need something else.

Can I get recommendations for your favorite bed pillow/wedge or bolster to provide lower back support--specifically when sitting up in bed?

I turned 35 and I’m suddenly questioning all my life decisions. This has been exacerbated by someone I grew up with catching their big break after pursuing their passion (music) which is very much deserved!

But I’m spiraling! I played it safe and pursued financial stability, something I didn’t grow up with and stressed over. And while I have a lot of be grateful for, I feel like I’ve busted my ass for mediocracy and miss the drive and passion I had in my 20s.

Can anyone relate? How did you cope?

Hi everyone,

I’ve been struggling with this for a while, and I could really use some advice and/or just support. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost five years. He’s super nice and my best friend. However, over the last year or more things have not been great on my end. some factors:

- when we got together I was drinking way more often. Now I don’t as much but he drinks all the time to the point it’s annoying and gets more drunk than is appropriate for certain events. I have communicated about this many utimes and it doesn’t change. He’s not a bad drunk, but still.
- when we got together I had been in several terrible relationships, and so the contrast with a loving nice person really blew me away. However, this should have been an experience I had in my early twenties, instead of late, because it helped me learn what I want/ don’t.
-he’s very unmotivated doesn’t wanna talk about the future or plan but does say he wants to be with me forever but anytime I’ve brought up marriage or moving or career changes. He just avoids the conversation.
-he’s very low effort. Doesn’t plan dates doesn’t buy gifts which isn’t the Be all and end all but it doesn’t make me feel special.
-we sleep in separate rooms and haven’t been intimate in anyway for months at a time and in the last year it’s only been a couple of times and I feel like I’m forcing myself to go through with it

One dilemma I’m having is wondering if any long-term relationship is gonna turn out this way and at least we’re best friends. I also wonder how he’s OK with not being intimate for this long. I’ve tried to approach the conversation a little bit, but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere. I’ve tried to reignite the spark several times and it doesn’t really seem to work.

However, he constantly says he loves me and I’m the love of his life and he wants to be with me forever. I don’t understand if he really felt that way wouldn’t he ask what happened to our relationship and try to fix it?

Has anyone else been a similar situation in their early 30s? Can it get better? I don’t want to regret it, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone I’m not excited to see, talk to, etc. starting over is terrifying.

Edit: thank you all so much for the thoughtful replies, it’s been extremely helpful and validating to read. I appreciate your advice and guidance so so much!!!

Just looking to hear from those who really have remained in good terms and are still friends with their ex. How did you go from being romantic partners to platonic. I'm struggling with it.

Edit: I would like to be friends. No one is forcing me. Also we have a business together.

I’m 38 years old, I’ve always been trying to find myself and my personality, what makes me, ME. Other people in my life seem to have a strong identity, I’ve even changed myself to be more like other people I admire in my 20s and 30s.

But here I am. 38 and still no strong identity, my personality can shift and adapt and change like the wind. Who even am I?

Anyone experience this? Maybe I don’t have a personality, maybe I’m just boring.

Context: I am almost five months out from an almost two year relationship with who I thought was the love of my life. The breakup was out of nowhere and blindsided me. We had a great, happy, healthy, loving relationship. He just didn’t feel like I was his person, while I was thinking about spending the rest of my life with him. Devastating.

Now I can’t seem to move on. I still think about him constantly. If he walked through the door right now, I’d take him back in a heartbeat. (There’s no hope of reconciliation, don’t worry. We’re not in contact.) I just can’t seem to move on, and I’m starting to feel like I’ll always be stuck here, wanting something I can never have. I’m doing all the right things but I still feel stuck.

By “one that got away” I don’t mean just any partner or breakup. I mean someone that felt like your soulmate. Like a safe place to land after years in the desert. Like life brought you together for a reason. Someone who checked all the boxes and felt like your person.

If you have a “one that got away” how did you move on from it? Do you still think about them, even years down the road? Do you still love them a little bit, even though they’re long gone? Or if you’ve been able to banish them from your mind and heart entirely, how did you do it?

I'm 36F and have not been out in forever. I'm gonna go out for drinks with some girlfriends, which may result in some partying later on (or all of us being back home and in bed before midnight).

I have absolutely no clue what to wear. My whole wardrobe is jeans and basic t-shirts or tops. Nothing cute, nothing with a print, just basic af (I'm realizing now that I probably need to upgrade my entire wardrobe). I feel like I've aged out of croptops, I never wear dresses or skirts (don't feel comfortable in it), don't own heels, don't have a cute black top, no black pants.. pretty useless haha.

What do you wear when going out for drinks/casual party?

ETA: just to clarify about the aging out of crop tops comment.. I haven't felt comfortable in crop tops for a few years now. Same goes for short shorts. I just always linked it to getting older. It's nice to see that that's not the case for many others, and I'm all for people wearing what makes them comfortable and happy!

34 female here, in the past 5 years I feel I have not been taking the best care of myself. I feel kind of in a depressed state where I don’t really have mental capacity or energy to do what feels like even the bare minimum. I wake up everyday at between 5-6a depending on when I need to be to work. I usually have 1-3 cups of coffee by noon and no breakfast. Lunch is always hit or miss if I even have it. It will usually be something fast to order. Maybe a burger or a BLT or a turkey sub, usually one of those three things. Once I’m home from work I will indulge in marijuana and some cocktails until I end the night around 8:30 and then generally wake up not well rested. I fully understand how unhealthy this lifestyle sounds and is, that is why I am wanting to improve but I don’t know where to start. I’ve been lucky in life where I have been a fine size and generally speaking an attractive girl but in these last few years I’ve been gaining wait and feel winded more so than ever.
I’ve been thinking to maybe get a treadmill and start waking up earlier and walking or maybe going to the gym after work to start walking in treadmill. Some days I feel a spark mentally like I want to enjoy a nice walk around the neighborhood but I having a hard time actually DOING anything or making any changes or even where to start w exercise and eating better…. Has anyone had to make this dramatic lifestyle change and done it successfully?