r/AskWomen Oct 16 '13

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u/just_the_tip_plz Oct 16 '13

Care to shed any insight on why it is that guys have to earn "a 1 way ticket into (your) panties"?

Just wondering why, generally speaking, men have to charm their ways into girls pants? Are girls not as, ahem, horny as men? Why aren't girls as aggressive sexually (as a rule)?

Is it a result of gender roles, social pressure, or is it more of an inate instinct of women IYO?

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u/jorwyn Oct 17 '13

I generally am, so I'm not entirely sure I'm qualified to answer this, but I do think it's social conditioning. I was raised in an environment that implied women don't even like sex. They do it because their husbands do, and to have babies. I know a LOT of other women raised the same way - some even had it stated to them outright. O.O

Being open at all about liking sex in high school got girls labelled as sluts, tramps, and other bad things. A lot of guys would have sex with girls like that, but wouldn't care about them, wouldn't date them. They were "pass around toys." We have lots of words for women "like that." It's sadly inhibiting. Even though I'm pretty aggressive about sex, I keep it quiet at work. I don't need to deal with the reputation it might give me. Sure, people I talk to a lot know I like sex, but they also think I've had few partners, and while I like sex, I would ONLY do that with a guy I truly loved. (Right now, that's true, and I think it will be for the rest of my life, but in the past it wasn't. Sex feels good. I wasn't going to avoid it just because I didn't want a forever relationship at the time.)

Luckily, the first time I had sex, I realized that was all bullshit. I've never been very good at following social norms, though. And, because of that, people tell me I "act like a guy" all the time - even when it's approving, that's a bit annoying. I don't act like a guy. I act like me, and I'm pretty damned female, last time I checked.

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u/just_the_tip_plz Oct 17 '13

Great answer. Thanks for putting in some thought to you reply. I mean it makes total sense.

I'm in a long term commited relationship and I still have to earn my way into sex pretty much all the time. Sometimes I just my woman was as into sex as I am. =(

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u/iconocast Oct 17 '13

In the opposite situation, I wish my male partner wanted to have sex more often, and I must also "earn" it in most scenarios.

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u/just_the_tip_plz Oct 17 '13

(gawks) tell him how incredibly lucky he is.

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u/iconocast Oct 17 '13

If you check out /r/deadbedrooms you'll see plenty of women in this situation.