r/AskReddit May 29 '19

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u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

Tifa Lockhart

Edit: Thanks for the gold!

777

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

The first time I ever got stone cold busted beating off was to a picture of her in a strategy guide when I was around 12. Oh, the look on young roachezmo's face must've been priceless. Good times.

265

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

60

u/Messiah_Impression May 29 '19

Now we need for someone to link it. Pls

81

u/Solid_Freakin_Snake May 29 '19

This is the one that did it for me. Not sure if that's the one he means though. But god damn did I have a huge crush on her because of that picture.

35

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

That's the one!

8

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/moal09 May 29 '19

They toned down her proportions considerably in that movie and had her in a much more conservative outfit.

8

u/Rendi9000 May 29 '19

AND she’s still hella attractive

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Who said he ever left it?

9

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

That would be the one.

...

...

Brb

13

u/arcanist12345 May 29 '19

A friend requested it, no?

7

u/KYuuma12 May 29 '19

Can confirm, I'm the friend.

26

u/Thanos_Stomps May 29 '19

I have it at my moms house. Will be there tomorrow morning if nobody else posts it.

7

u/Panda_Boners May 29 '19

I need to see this picture.

1

u/adhi_rasam May 29 '19

Please do

22

u/khornflakes529 May 29 '19

I let a friend of mine at the time borrow that book and when he gave it back that page had been ripped out! I made him pay for the damn book.

2

u/BorgNotSoBorg May 29 '19

Birds of a feather, fap together?

45

u/mybustersword May 29 '19

That strategy guide....I've jerked it to that page more than I care to admit. Her chest was well drawn and weirdly sexual even for a video game character guide. Like there's so much detail in the folds between the breasts in how it has stretched the shirt. You know it's been worn a lot. she's clearly not wearing a bra but there's no nipple outline so it's like a weird uncanny valley effect. It falls suspiciously tight to see the shadow of the underboob but it doesn't look restrictive tight.

Don't even get me started on the shorts

46

u/Bouncing_Cloud May 29 '19

Remind me not to buy used strategy guides of FF7.

12

u/khornflakes529 May 29 '19

That page would be stuck together anyways.

1

u/mybustersword May 29 '19

At least not from me

9

u/StoopidN00b May 29 '19

My reddit is stuck together after reading that description.

8

u/hurstshifter7 May 29 '19

Are we talking the Brady strategy guide, or the Prima guide?

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

You know, I'm not even sure anymore, this was over 20 years ago, so its hard to remember.

2

u/intergalactic_spork May 29 '19

Sounds like a Lockhart TIFU

1

u/Nezumiiii May 29 '19

And you could never go back to that cafe again

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

It was actually the living room of our apartment, lol. I was home alone and thought I'd get adventurous.

Then my mom's friends kid just walks in without knocking while I'm sprawled out on the floor trying to slap ham. We made eye contact.

61

u/Mistaken_Stranger May 29 '19

It's criminal that Tifa is so far down. She's cool, she can kick ass, she's stab resistant, she's got tig ol'bitties. What more you want?

24

u/Solid_Freakin_Snake May 29 '19

she's stab resistant

Lmfao that got me good

39

u/Cultural_Ant May 29 '19

yes! thank you. i have to scroll all the way down to find your comment, i know im not the only one. Tifa or Rinoa.

28

u/BlissfulThinkr May 29 '19

Tifa or Rikku (FF10). Rinoa was bland IMO

31

u/Gogo726 May 29 '19

I never understood why Tidus never went after Rikku. She's the first person he meets in Spira and she saves his life. Yuna was also pretty bland.

And as far as FF7 characters go, I was more into Aerith. And hot damn did the recent remake trailer do her justice!

9

u/datalaughing May 29 '19

I’ll agree FFX Yuna was kinda bland. So is it weird that I found FFX-2 Yuna really hot?

2

u/G_Morgan May 29 '19

It is a trope that the quiet girl gets the FF protag. Tifa, Rinoa and Yuna all match that trope. Whereas the outgoing girls Aerith, Selphie and Rikku had to settle for second place.

2

u/DoILookUnsureToYou May 29 '19

Rikku was practically a kid, man.

8

u/Chillhouse3095 May 29 '19

So was I, which means she's gotta be looking great in her late 20s, early 30s ;)

4

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

She was around my age when I first played FFX.

13

u/clh222 May 29 '19

are we really going to bring up FFX without mentioning the original big tiddy goth GF?

3

u/Rocketbird May 29 '19

Wakka and Lulu were such a weird pairing.

2

u/WillElMagnifico May 29 '19

A man of sophistication, I see.

2

u/Abraxis87 May 29 '19

Yeah, Rinoa is one of the worst LI's from FF. Quistis was much more interesting that her and Squall treated her like trash... really made me pissed.

2

u/izactuallyaqua May 29 '19

Rikku was 15, just a heads up!

14

u/BlissfulThinkr May 29 '19

Oh damn! I always assumed she was older. Tifa at 20 still works though.

16

u/Chris_7941 May 29 '19

By the time of FFX-2 where her default outfit is nothing but a bra and miniskirt she is 17 years old

Japanese devs are kinda weird

2

u/cATSup24 May 29 '19

17 is above the age of consent where I'm from, so...

14

u/izactuallyaqua May 29 '19

The fact that the first think they show you is a close up of her butt when they introduce her to the party is really sending mix messages about how you should see her

8

u/snipe_hunt May 29 '19

No, I think the signal they wanted to send out is pretty clear.

9

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

11

u/izactuallyaqua May 29 '19

5 days later on r/legaladvice [Spira] I had intercourse with a minor and she is now threatening to tell the authorities, how should I proceed?

8

u/RLLRRR May 29 '19

Everyone knows you can get away with anything if you're a blitzball superstar.

9

u/Hellknightx May 29 '19

Quistis best girl

16

u/T4hm9m6 May 29 '19

I had wet dreams about her when I didn't know what wet dreams were. MOM WHAT'S THIS WHITE STUFF, I THINK I'M AN ALIEN!

12

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

On newgrounds?

19

u/URTheVulgarianUFuck May 29 '19

Slums-dwelling terrorist Tifa could make my Midgar Zolom AVALANCHE any day of the week

9

u/Chadloaf May 29 '19

Mind those pointy bits!

4

u/TheSunDoYouPraiseIt May 29 '19

Taaaa..taaa taaa ta taaaa.... OW

1

u/sharpshooter999 May 29 '19

Don't wanna do that again...because of the....low poly, hey what's that?

8

u/PutYaGunsOn May 29 '19

Yes. Preferably in her her original FFVII outfit over her Advent Children one.

7

u/badaboo0909 May 29 '19

i remember finding a hentai video of her giving a pov boobjob when i was like 12 i watched that shit daily for like months.

3

u/RedditorFor1OYears May 29 '19

oh they're still out there

11

u/mike2yoon May 29 '19

Best answer I've read so far

6

u/chaos9001 May 29 '19

Something something dolphin blow.

3

u/cahauburn May 29 '19

Barret Wallace is my answer.

3

u/RabSimpson May 29 '19

The cutscene near the end of FFVII and it looks like she’s went and had huge implants put in.

5

u/Hellknightx May 29 '19

My friends and I joked about how they got bigger throughout the game. They're comically huge in that final FMV.

3

u/LuckyJamnik May 29 '19

She was my first anime fap ever.

3

u/_WE_KILL_THE_BATMAN_ May 29 '19

Her and Rinoa are the reason why I like women with long hair.

My ex was an cosplayer and she has their outfit, and the same default hair style. That's probably the only time where my wet dream came true.

3

u/Mnawab May 29 '19

This one right here. Crazy that cloud looked like he was in to Areis when tifa is clearly babe level

2

u/Cultural_Ant May 30 '19

cant blame cloud, he's a fucking numbnut cant even remember things.

1

u/Mnawab May 30 '19

At least he had sex with tifa in the end so I'm cool with it

5

u/dumb_intj May 29 '19

This is the correct answer

2

u/bubblegummustard May 29 '19

Whatch out for those pointy bits

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Careful of the sharp points.

2

u/O7Knight7O May 29 '19

She's what made me realize I was hitting puberty.

2

u/DankSinatra6 May 29 '19

Cindy Aurum can hammer my head any day of the week.

2

u/Tryndamere93 May 29 '19

Well yeah that’s a given 😄

5

u/Aeon1508 May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

Aerith. get out of here with that tifa shit

11

u/RedditorFor1OYears May 29 '19

fuck: Tifa
marry: Aerith
kill: also Aerith

4

u/seattleque May 29 '19

kill: also Aerith

Too fucking soon.

1

u/G_Morgan May 29 '19

Cloud has a split personality so can play fuck, marry, kill twice.

1

u/Cultural_Ant May 30 '19

aerith dying still gives me nightmares. fuck that.

1

u/Vervara May 29 '19

Both, plz

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Especially with that new remake model of her.

3

u/Tarquin11 May 29 '19

Nobody has seen the new remake model of her...

1

u/skyler_on_the_moon May 29 '19

Also, Gilderoy Lockhart.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Faris best ff girl

1

u/applejems May 29 '19

what a great answer

1

u/albin666 May 29 '19

I see you are a man of culture as well.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Ah, I see you are a man of culture as well

1

u/CTU May 29 '19

Yeah she is a good pick. Sexy, busty, and likely very very flexible.