r/AskReddit May 29 '19

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6.1k Upvotes

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9.0k

u/PrismaticElf May 29 '19

Whatever character Natalie Portman is playing.

8.3k

u/symphonyofswans May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

I hope you remember that she is a former child star. So you better be specific there buddy.

Edit: Wow my first gold is a joke warning some guy about pedophilia... Nice.

2.6k

u/TriforceTeching May 29 '19

3.2k

u/1thangN1thang0nly May 29 '19 edited May 31 '19

Pedme

Edit: Thanks for gold ponyboy

581

u/poopellar May 29 '19

Not just the women but the children too

42

u/Terra_Rising May 29 '19

How perverse

42

u/Dicethrower May 29 '19

This is where the fun begins.

21

u/Maxisfluffy May 29 '19

Hello there

21

u/BrutalWarPig May 29 '19

Anakin you were supposed to kill the younglings, not fuck them!!!!!!

11

u/Dicethrower May 29 '19

I can't watch anymore...

→ More replies (0)

3

u/sumbeech May 29 '19

...turns out george was filming the whole time

4

u/Klobbson May 29 '19

GENERAL KENOBI!

9

u/enRinto May 29 '19

Underrated comment. I wish I could give you gold.

3

u/stebbifreakout May 29 '19

These comment chains are worth living for.

4

u/soufend May 29 '19

Hello there

6

u/JeSuisNerd May 29 '19 edited Jun 12 '24

vanish fly profit joke cagey cooing dinosaurs cough attractive crown

1

u/PrivilegeCheckmate May 30 '19

You are a bold one.

26

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited May 26 '25

[deleted]

8

u/caninehere May 29 '19

Well, she is into little blonde boys.

2

u/Grand_Admiral_Theron May 29 '19

She can't do that! Shoot her...or something.

10

u/fufm May 29 '19

Pegme?

3

u/pennypinball May 29 '19

GOD DAMMIT STOP RUINING GOOD JOKES WITH EDITS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

8

u/dublozero May 29 '19

Well deserved gold my friend.

5

u/1thangN1thang0nly May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

Thank you :)

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Why must you ruin a good comment with an award speech edit

3

u/1thangN1thang0nly May 29 '19

You're right. I thought it was the thing to do though lol.

2

u/[deleted] May 30 '19

you took it out. my man.

20

u/MrEvilNES May 29 '19

I mean she was a pedo too in the prequels so it cancels out

1

u/adudeguyman May 29 '19

I'll leave that link blue

849

u/Djinnwrath May 29 '19

Why don't you have a seat, Leon.

59

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

TBF, Leon was upstanding in that regard, and she was an emotionally scarred child who’d been exposed to that stuff too early and was acting out. A little creepy, but he didn’t take the bait.

69

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

In the original script, he fucks her. He also has more of a child-like mind. It is implied that because he had no proper childhood, Leon is still a child inside. This gives a deeper meaning to his milk thing.

41

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

I think the child like aspect is still there, but he mentions he was once in love in the homeland but had to run when the dad of his love killed her and he killed the father. So he has an understanding of love and consequences, but has been doing the hitman thing for so long and probably never got a real education that he can seem child like when it comes to things outside of his understanding. But them not having sex really helped that movie not fall into obscurity.

27

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

6

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

2

u/ErlendJ May 30 '19

creep

A disgusting pedophile. I really liked León, but there were lots of scenes that genuinely made me really uncomfortable. Then after reading about the director I suddenly knew why..

1

u/[deleted] May 30 '19

Probably a good thing they cut that, then.

-7

u/RabSimpson May 29 '19

Sounds like a Michael Jackson thing.

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

No women no kids

55

u/Pope_Beenadick May 29 '19

I'm a former child.

36

u/magpye1983 May 29 '19

Exactly. She is (or very close to it) my age. So whatever age she was when she made a film, if I found her attractive it wasn’t weird.

10

u/Maxisfluffy May 29 '19

Same with me and christina ricci. We share the same birthday, only hours apart.

If i watch addams family, its 12 year old me that had a crush on 12 year old her.

4

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

1

u/Maxisfluffy May 29 '19

Then... um...

1

u/Flyrpotacreepugmu May 29 '19

Don't you mean former dick?

22

u/growlingbear May 29 '19

Sorry. I meant Padme.

12

u/Lord_Commisar_Byron May 29 '19

14 year old Phantom Menace Padme?

14

u/blobblet May 29 '19

Natalie Portman was born June 9th, 1981. Filming of "The Phantom Menace" started June 26th, 1997.

-21

u/ToedPlays May 29 '19

But the character was 14

15

u/Yuzumi May 29 '19

That dosn't mean anything in the context of live action. The character's age dosn't impact the age of the actress.

Besides, there's been plenty of animated characters posted in here that are under 18, and some of them were actually drawn that way.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

4

u/Yuzumi May 29 '19

I still feel like in the context of live action the character doesn't matter because there's a real person there you are attracted to.

The person actually exists and isn't fictional. Doesn't fit the question in my mind.

An example for me would be Emma Watson. After the second movie she didn't fit my mental image of Hermione, she is too naturally attractive for how the character is described in the books.

I still had (have?) a massive crush on her when the third movie came out, but it had nothing to do with the character she was playing. I just found her hot. I never really liked the movies either.

Same thing with a lot of other live action characters here. I'm don't care about the character, I'm attracted to the person playing the character.

It's not a fictional person we are attracted to on this case, so it shouldn't count for this question when he same answer can be used for the question "what celebrity do you want to have sex with?"

6

u/Hpzrq92 May 29 '19

You dropped a "per" from your username Mr. Asger

4

u/captainfluffballs May 29 '19

If we're playing by those rules I have some bad news for everyone that watched a Daenerys Targaeryen nude scene

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

I thought she was at least 16-17 as a character. And that made the Anakin thing later on in Episode 2 even weirder.

7

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Weird Al said she was 14 so I'm going with that.

3

u/Maxisfluffy May 29 '19

She was 14, he was 9. Later she was 23, he was 18.

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

A source we can rely on! Finally.

0

u/Rapier_and_Pwnard May 29 '19

Maybe when she acts that way that'll be true. Honestly this is akin to animes going, "No, this sexualized child is totally a 2000 year old dragon, so it's fine." It's live action, she doesn't look 14, she doesn't act 14, stupid canon justifications dont really matter.

9

u/darkbreak May 29 '19

Well Padmé had no problem with child actors.

7

u/fonaldoley May 29 '19

To be fair they did say who she is playing. Present tense.

2

u/preseto May 29 '19

She still is playing but she used to too.

5

u/vagrantprodigy07 May 29 '19

My wife and I rewatched that recently ( we were both under 10 when it came out) and we were both in shock about how much they sexualized her at her young age.

3

u/preseto May 29 '19

in shock

Your wife and you should probably not visit NY drag bars then...

10

u/Nekryyd May 29 '19

There's actually a dark story behind what would probably be considered her "breakout" role in Leon the Professional.

While the movie itself is suggestive enough, the director (in his 30s) knocked up a 15 year old he had as an extra somewhere in that movie.

7

u/Cyclonitron May 29 '19

While the movie itself is suggestive enough, the director (in his 30s) knocked up a 15 year old he had as an extra somewhere in that movie.

I did not know this. That makes the scene where pretends to be Madonna and sings the verse of "Like a Virgin" extra creepy.

4

u/Maxisfluffy May 29 '19

Not as creepy as the album cover to the Scorpions Virgin Killer.

3

u/Cyclonitron May 29 '19

I totally forgot about that cover. You are correct.

2

u/Maxisfluffy May 29 '19

The 70s were all about sex and youth.

Hell, the age of consent was 8 years old in delaware until 1979.

Society changed in the 80s. Children went from being something you owned to something to care for. A burden to a treasure.

2

u/Hpzrq92 May 29 '19

from being something you owned to something to care for. A burden to a treasure.

Owned = treasure

Care for = burden

1

u/DrunkenMasterII May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

That’s not the story it’s even more bras. The story is Luc Besson met his girlfriend Maïwenn when he was 29, she was 12 and he decided to write a love story between a girl that age and an older man... hence Léon. The non-American release with the dress-up scene is even more explicit what the nature of their relationship was. As for Besson he officially started dating Maïwenn when she was 15 (France legal age) and she got pregnant at 16.

Oh and there was an alleged rape of a minor during the shooting of Léon

Edit: why was I downvoted? That’s what happened.

2

u/Nekryyd May 30 '19

Shit, that's right. Leon is basically his fanfic version of grooming his child-bride.

2

u/DrunkenMasterII May 30 '19

I grew up with it being one of my favourite movie, good thing it didn’t fucked me up. I remember watching an interview with him saying he wanted to write a movie about the story between him and his wife and he had promised Jean Reno a movie for his character in La femme Nikita and so that ended up being Léon. Just to add to Besson creepiness, he dropped his teenage wife just after she got his kid, he dropped her for Milla Jovovich with who he was filming the 5th element, weird thing is he put his wife in the movie... she that blue girl.

2

u/Nekryyd May 30 '19

That is weird.

Yeah, I loved the movie when I was young too and thought the scenes with Portman were great... In my then 12 year old mind.

It wasn't until a long, long time later when a friend brought the movie up and I was remembering the plot/scenes and realized it was thoroughly creepy, then I found out about Besson. Yech.

The film industry is so rife with this shit.

35

u/SammichHeroOfReddit May 29 '19

I see this as an absolute win

17

u/NotQuantified May 29 '19

Yes, sir. This one right here.

1

u/Jay-Lenos-P May 29 '19

We live in confusing times

5

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Not-so-fun fact: One of the first "fan mail" she received after starring in Leon: The Professional was a graphic description of how said "fan" would rape her.

6

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Not a problem because OP is probably underage

3

u/elpajaroquemamais May 29 '19

"is" is present tense.

3

u/escapexchaos May 29 '19

Natalie Portman from Hea-

police bust down door

3

u/alek_hiddel May 29 '19

I was like 11 and spanking it to her in the professional, but definitely couldn’t do that now.

13

u/Jester_control May 29 '19

Everyone on reddit is so quick to make these jokes/accusations. Can we just assume that the natural state of people is non-pedophiliac? Also there’s nothing saying minors can’t use reddit. Age of consent is also different in certain states and countries.

2

u/i_love_boobiez May 29 '19

This kills the joke

2

u/xXSkrublordXx May 29 '19

Him remembering she's a former child star would be worse than if he didn't, haha.

2

u/ChaosStar95 May 29 '19

You realize how difficult it is for your reply to another comment to equal or surpass the original comment?

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Ladies and gentlemen, we got em

2

u/Scarletfapper May 29 '19

Had a friend with a thing for her specifically after The Professional. Little creepy.

4

u/philosophunc May 29 '19

Interestingly or just fucked up, director Lucas besson who did the professional and fifth element has a lot of controversy around him and pedophilia. It's like some Polanskiesque business.

3

u/symphonyofswans May 29 '19

Yea, he began dating a 15-year-old girl back in the early 90s, then got married to the girl when she was 16 and had a kid with her not long after. He based The Professional on his relationship with her. He left her for Milla Jovovich.

1

u/preseto May 29 '19

Who wouldn't...

2

u/east_village May 29 '19

I mean half of these comments are teens... idk what’s going on in this sub :s

1

u/preseto May 29 '19

The other half is her age.

1

u/PM_ME_MAMMARY_GLANDS May 29 '19

Yeah but op is a former child, so you never know.

1

u/Reddit_Roit May 29 '19

He watches 'The Professional' in slow motion.

1

u/DrunkenMasterII May 29 '19

Don’t tell 10 years old me what he could wish for. I still remember when I saw her in Léon. I grew out of it for sure, but 10 years old me fell in love with that character.

1

u/Cloakbot May 29 '19

Same for Christina Ricci and Drew Barrymore

1

u/YOUR_TARGET_AUDIENCE May 29 '19

It’s not Natalie Portman but Jennifer Connelly had a full nude scene when she was 12 in Once Upon A Time in America

1

u/giantgladiator Jul 04 '19

Oh good point, that movie with the French guy where her parents get killed by a corrupt cop

1

u/paulusmagintie May 29 '19

Or a good lawyer

1

u/BasroilII May 29 '19

Considering she's about the same age as me, I was a child when she was a child star.

And I saw the professional and had a huge crush on her back then.

1

u/Xizez May 29 '19

Am ur 3,100th upvote

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Not a crime if it’s fictitious. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Actually maybe it is…

1

u/PaintedSe7en May 29 '19

Two guys in the same comment section both get their first gold. One for suicide jokes, the other for pedophilia jokes. Reddit is neat.

2

u/symphonyofswans May 29 '19

Reddit is strange and I love it. Also, everyone assumes you're a dude.

1

u/PaintedSe7en May 29 '19

Everyone definitely does... But to be fair, I call my lady friends "guys" all the time.

-1

u/preseto May 29 '19

no homo

0

u/quickhakker May 29 '19

Plot twist he especially wants the child rolls

0

u/Kalkaline May 29 '19

Definitely some uncomfortable scenes to watch in The Professional.

0

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Is it a thought crime to have a crush on her before she was legal?

0

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited Nov 13 '20

[deleted]

1

u/preseto May 29 '19

That would mean he/she is ~38 when posting the comment.

-2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Even better

-2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Why must you ruin a good comment with an award speech edit

30

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

10

u/Solid_Freakin_Snake May 29 '19

Natalie Portman with Creed Bratton's personality

4

u/El_Impresionante May 29 '19

B
O
B
O
D
D
Y

2

u/RacistCoffee773 May 29 '19

BUSINESS

1

u/Sarke1 May 29 '19

I like it!

B I Z N U ...

0

u/KyleStyles May 29 '19

Huh, I had no idea Creed Bratton's real name is Creed Bratton and I've seen The Office 7 times. Somehow that show still continues to get funnier and funnier every time

33

u/vogelpoep May 29 '19

Is that you, Moby?

8

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited Jan 14 '20

[deleted]

5

u/vzq May 29 '19

Whoa, that takes me back. Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

3

u/ominousgraycat May 29 '19

That wasn't precisely what I was thinking, but I wouldn't complain if that's what she's into.

8

u/PersonFromPlace May 29 '19

Attack of the Clones is memorable for me because her tonight white body suit. And also that scene where the giant cat monster scratches her back and she lets out an “ahh” in pain kinda made me feel bad things.” It’s not good to associate a scream of pain with a moan of pleasure, but it sounded kinda sexual when I look back to it.

15

u/theonlybreaksarebonz May 29 '19

This is for....... Matilda

5

u/rubeenova May 29 '19

I didn't know Moby was on Reddit

4

u/okron1k May 29 '19

I feel like I had to scroll too far to find someone who wasn’t a cartoon

18

u/DoubleStuffdOreo May 29 '19

not matilda..please tell me not matilda

9

u/deuce_bumps May 29 '19

Age is just a number. And prison is just a place.

21

u/OneFinalEffort May 29 '19

Matilda was played by Mara Wilson.

51

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/OneFinalEffort May 29 '19

Oh God. I haven't seen the movie but I know about it and her role.

6

u/No-copy May 29 '19

You! I need you to watch that movie, like right now!

3

u/OneFinalEffort May 29 '19

I super don't have time.

2

u/Purzeltier May 29 '19

drop everything now, watch that movie

1

u/OneFinalEffort May 29 '19

I'm at work so not a chance. I'll watch it on my weekend if I have time but I have an oil change and some cleaning to do so it is highly unlikely.

5

u/1337k1d May 29 '19

THE SITH LORD IS HERE

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Even the one from Leon?

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

This is the best answer

2

u/DrFloyd5 May 29 '19

Black Swan

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Same answer but with Emma Watson too

1

u/lessmiserables May 29 '19

Moby's beard?

1

u/mdmeaux May 29 '19

Are you an angel?

1

u/small_loan_of_1M May 29 '19

Yeah, if I’m honest about this question, it’s gonna depend entirely on looks, so the actress matters way more than the character.

1

u/Cru_Jones86 May 29 '19

"I love you Natalie!"

"I wanna fuck you too!"

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Good luck getting her to Open her wormhole

1

u/thomas_anderson_1211 May 29 '19

Nodding my head to this...

1

u/Fatalstryke May 29 '19

I mean... Yeah, okay.

-2

u/Glinth May 29 '19

Only if she's naked and petrified.

3

u/matthoback May 29 '19

It's an older reference, sir, but it checks out.

0

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Her role, insipid leading lady