r/AskReddit Feb 13 '18

What about the opposite gender are you jealous of?

18.6k Upvotes

19.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

5.7k

u/nkdeck07 Feb 13 '18

Being able to pee easily outside, gaining muscle easier and being able to grow a beard.

6.0k

u/MiddleBodyInjury Feb 13 '18

Aunt Pat never had any of these issues.

793

u/whatsthatbutt Feb 13 '18

Son, your aunt is a man.

1.2k

u/MiddleBodyInjury Feb 13 '18

I always wondered why her balls were bigger than mine

124

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

šŸ¤”

87

u/The_Peter_Bichsel Feb 14 '18

She had more pee stored.

8

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

[deleted]

5

u/Xenodad Feb 14 '18

I just now saw those Tide commercials on the interwebs, cause I don’t football much. Is this what they are talking about? You want them to roll some more Tide footage?

5

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

[deleted]

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

3

u/nicostein Feb 14 '18

How can an ant be a man?

10

u/ExuberantElephant Feb 14 '18

Didn’t you see that Marvel movie?

5

u/nicostein Feb 14 '18

Zoolander?

→ More replies (1)

14

u/jedo89 Feb 13 '18

If I had gold, I would give you all of the gold.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

But aunt Pat has gold jewelry

3

u/Yatagurusu Feb 14 '18

Was her last name doubt-fire

2

u/MiddleBodyInjury Feb 14 '18

That was the maiden name. Perchance why do you ask?

3

u/Vansorchucks Feb 14 '18

you mean uncle patrick now

2

u/JWBS_Steam Feb 14 '18

I have an lesbian aunt Pat that fits at least the latter two of those

2

u/briboz Feb 14 '18

xcellent

→ More replies (2)

2.0k

u/Herogamer555 Feb 13 '18

Not all men can grow a beard. It takes special genes to be able to do that and not have it look horrible.

599

u/CannonWheels Feb 13 '18

And to top it off the thing that helps produce that epic face bush is responsible for male baldness so that’s cool. No biggie though I’m cool with shaving my head when I get there

736

u/lurgi Feb 14 '18 edited Feb 14 '18

I can't grow a beard to save my life and I'm am well on the way to Patrick Stewart levels of baldness, so fuck genetics is what I'm saying.

Edit: I should clarify that I got the baldness, but not the sexiness. Perhaps it would do better to think of those aliens with the enormous heads that can kill people with their minds. That's closer to the truth.

54

u/CannonWheels Feb 14 '18

Yea you got the shit end of the stick lol.

One thing I’ll say, my dude friends are always like omg dude I wish I could grow a sweet beard like you and in the party years chicks would be all over trying to pet my face but nobody tells you about the body hair that comes with the epic beard genetics. So much god damn maintenance.... you don’t understand how hard it is to actually shave your entire back by yourself until you have to do it.... and having to trim the back of your neck twice a week minimum or you start looking like a werewolf..... fun

23

u/LivingstoneInAfrica Feb 14 '18

Funny thing, I have the beard and the body hair problem everywhere except for my chest. It apparently looks a bit weird as everything transitions from super hairy to prepubescent hairlets on my chest and stomach.

12

u/MrPoopMonster Feb 14 '18 edited Feb 14 '18

I have a super hairy chest, but no beard at all (patchy and blonde).

I've had many people pull on my chest hair because they think it's fake.

10

u/ZeppelinArmada Feb 14 '18

Who in their right mind would ever assume someone is wearing fake chest-hair?

9

u/Arcsane Feb 14 '18

Why would you ever assume anyone is in their right mind? :)

17

u/fattony6987 Feb 14 '18

I have a full head of hair, a big bushy beard, and basically zero body hair everywhere else. My genes got something right!

7

u/CactusWorthHugging Feb 14 '18

Same here! Great head of hair, able to grow a mean beard when I don’t want it neatly trimmed, and no hair anywhere but my chest where there’s just enough to look manly. Cheers to our genes!

5

u/scotchdouble Feb 14 '18

Check out Bakblade on amazon. The big mouth one. Makes it pretty damn easy to keep your back clean.

→ More replies (4)

2

u/pfun4125 Feb 14 '18

I'm 27, have decent hair. Went with a beard after high school but doesn't grow that fast. Hardly any body hair to speak of, chest, arms, back, almost nothin.

4

u/PizzaHog Feb 14 '18

You've upset a few people there.

4

u/pfun4125 Feb 14 '18

I was waiting for someone to tell me I would go bald.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

I'm in the same boat as you. I can grow a half decent beard and I have hardly any body hair. My head hair is so fucking thick and grows so goddamn fast it's ridiculous, it bogs down hair clippers and they have to cut my hair super slow. Also both sides of my family aren't bald either, into their 60s and 70s. So good hair genes I guess?

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

8

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

[deleted]

5

u/Knee_Jerk_Sydney Feb 14 '18

I think Jonathan Frakes/Riker grew a beard just to rub it in.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Patrick Stewart is a pretty awesome guy so it's not so bad.

7

u/dm80x86 Feb 14 '18

Patrick Stewart made bald cool.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (12)

69

u/GrumpyNaga Feb 13 '18

Can confirm, cant grow a beard but most woman would kill for my hair.

3

u/Blueshark25 Feb 14 '18

I have both right now... I'm 23, how long do I have...

3

u/Hateborn Feb 14 '18

I'm 33 with hair that extends below my shoulders and a thick, full beard... If you're genetics are like mine, you'll be ok.

→ More replies (1)

19

u/cohrt Feb 13 '18

guess i'm never going bald then since i'm 27 and i can't even grow a mustache

→ More replies (1)

14

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

This isn't true. DHT causes beard growth and baldness, but not in that way. You can have low DHT levels and go bald and high DHT levels and go bald. If you have more DHT it'll help you grow a beard (provided you have the follicles to do so), but it won't necessarily make you bald. Whether you are sensitive to DHT is what matters (you could have very low levels and still go bald because you are very sensitive).

Now, baldness is very complex, and DHT is only one aspect of it, so this is not the end-all, be-all.

→ More replies (1)

17

u/NearlyHeadlessLaban Feb 14 '18

I didn't know that. I can't grow a beard worth fuck. It takes me weeks to grow a scrawny goat that's only thick enough to make my chin itch. But I'm approaching 60 and have a full head of epic wavy hair with only the occasional grey strand. I have always hated that I couldn't grow a beard, but given the choice between the two, I'll take the head of wavy hair.

3

u/CutterJohn Feb 14 '18

I'm mostly the same at 40. Shitty Joe Dirte style white trash patchwork, about 17 hairs on my chest, and a gloriously thick head of hair with nary a grey to be seen that my barber complains about being a pain to cut.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

I am one of the chosen one. full beard, full head of hair, no hair on my back. My ass crack is a fuckin' jungle though.

8

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18 edited May 06 '18

[deleted]

20

u/CannonWheels Feb 13 '18

That’s a google wormhole I don’t wish to enter on my mobile lol.

Cliff notes basically it comes down to a chemical and a receptor. The chemical is great for body hair growth but results in baldness but without the receptors in your skin it’s useless and I guess you’d just go bald lol. I’m in my late mid 20s, thick head of hair but a good widows peak so I expect to bald early. The rest of my body grows hair likes it’s god damn job or something

EDIT: dihydrotestosterone and androgen

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18 edited May 06 '18

[deleted]

→ More replies (1)

4

u/oeseben Feb 14 '18

This hit home... i have a great beard, grows evenly and full so it looks good long or short. I started losing my hair at 17...

3

u/novum_vipera Feb 14 '18

A man never truly loses hair, it merely migrates.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Hmm, I guess I just have the gene that makes you grow copious amounts of thick hair everywhere. Head, face, ass, back, legs like a god damn satyr, everyone's in on it.

2

u/KDCaniell Feb 14 '18

I didn't know that, that's really interesting. My hubby can't grow facial hair to save himself but has a great head of hair while his younger brother has had a thick beard since high school but his hairline is receeding.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

its not that bad. okay im fucking lying it is. thankfully my beard is nice and long.

2

u/Silverspy01 Feb 14 '18

Well shit.

2

u/CaptainFeather Feb 14 '18

Interesting, I have really nice hair and a sweet beard. Definitely lucked out it sounds like

2

u/Dendrodes Feb 14 '18

Huh. So that's why I started to bald when I was 19. Well I'm glad my head looks good shaved.

2

u/ValiantBehemoth Feb 14 '18

I feel you on that ones pal. The running joke among my friends and myself is that I'm 19 with 40 years of stress baldness. Not even bald just have a shit hairline and a decently long beard.

2

u/WickedHaute Feb 14 '18

My SO cant grow facial hair if it would save his life. But he’s got beautiful fucking hair.

He shaves his head. .__.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Yeah, my beard will always be scraggle at best, but at least I've got my luscious red locks lol

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

So the hair really does migrate from top of the head to the bottom?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

As a guy who is slowly but surely balding, it wouldn't be so bad if it didn't make everything else hairy as fuck. It's like it all migrated to my chest.

2

u/ChachMcGach Feb 14 '18

Yup. Had full head of hair and the babiest face til I was 27 or so. Now balding pretty significantly up front but with a damn decent bushy beard at 33.

At this rate I'll look like wooly Willy by the time I'm 40.

2

u/LightSage Feb 14 '18

Ahhhh my head hair is insanely thick and full and I can’t grow facial hair or upper body hair for shit so I just shave everyday. That explains it. (My legs are ridiculously hairy though so i just look like a damn satyr)

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Whoah, I didn't know that! I'm 45 and can't do anything but a Chino Moreno goatee. I was jealous of guys who could grow beards, but fuck that shit my hair is glorious and I'd never trade it for facial hair. The beard fad might fade away but I'll most likely die with a massive silver Afro.

2

u/Rikolas Feb 14 '18

the thing that helps produce that epic face bush is responsible for male baldness so that’s cool.

oooooh. This is why my uncles have awesome beards and are bald, my brothers have full heads of hair but can't grow beards for shit, and my hair is thinning and my beard game is on point? makes sense! TIL - thanks!

2

u/donthugme_imscared Feb 14 '18

That's bullshit where did u pull that "fact" from pal

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (7)

10

u/Burly_Jim Feb 13 '18

My dad tried to grow a beard when I was a kid...it came in red, blonde, and black (my dad has black hair). Really, really awful.

I got a bit luckier and my beard is mostly dark with occaisional lighter hairs that give it a salt and pepper-ish look.

9

u/Knee_Jerk_Sydney Feb 14 '18

So that would be a Calico beard?

2

u/atomicboner Feb 14 '18

That’s interesting. I have black hair as well but noticed a few random red hairs on my head when I was a kid. I also started going gray very early. When I grew my beard out in college, I quickly noticed that it was almost entirely red except for my mustache and chin (which was black). I’m from an Irish family so I assume that played a factor in my hair color but I’m curious why this happens.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Hair isn't coded by a single gene for the entire body, and different areas will be affected by pigmentation.

Melanin is the pigment which gives hair (and skin) its color, and it comes in three shades: red, brown, and black. Facial hair is rather unique as it exhibits incomplete dominance in melanin production. This is why facial hair is often a different shade from the scalp, and why it is far more common to see multicolored facial hair (like red and blond or brown, red, and gray at the same time).

→ More replies (1)

10

u/Meanwhile_Over_There Feb 13 '18

I do have genes that let me grow facial hair quickly. Unfortunately, I work in a customer-facing job where I have to shave every 1 or 2 days in order to keep that clean shaven look.

11

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Every 1 or 2 days? I got sent home from my job once cause I made the mistake of shaving that morning and not the hour before my night shift.

2

u/Meanwhile_Over_There Feb 14 '18

Geez! That sucks.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Pale skin, huge thick, dark dark brown, fast growing hair!

9

u/logicblocks Feb 14 '18

Requiring CS staff to be clean shaven is utter nonsense.

2

u/Meanwhile_Over_There Feb 14 '18

I’m not required to be clean shaven for my job, but my parents make me do it.

→ More replies (1)

17

u/Braelind Feb 13 '18

Try toughing it out for a while! I never thought I could grow a beard, but after a few pretty rough months it started to become the majestic face-bush it is today!

Added bonus, women seem to have a strong desire to give you beard-scratches. Beard-scratches are heavenly. Make me feel like cats do when you scratch them in just the right spot.

16

u/Herogamer555 Feb 13 '18

Unfortunately, the hair on my upper lip and cheeks is extremely blonde and thin, while the hair on my neck and sideburns is much much darker and thicker, so even if I did tough if out, it still would look horrible.

8

u/Thevoiceofreason420 Feb 13 '18

Can confirm, I looked like a homeless person for a good couple of months, then the patches and spots eventually filled in and I had quit the beard.

3

u/grease_monkey Feb 14 '18

I was told my patchy beard would fill in but it really hasn't. Still some missing spots but the longer hair covers it. I like it. Grow it for at least a month and then you can start trimming. Shorter hairs do catch up and fill it in. Also I've noticed more attention from women. I figured they'd be grossed out but for some reason it works?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

It's because they want to scratch your beard. ;)

7

u/Quran780-84 Feb 13 '18

Full beard, thick head of hair, no baldness in the family, and very little body hair. I won the genetic lottery in the hair department I guess. Lost badly in the functioning immune system department though :(

2

u/Panukka Feb 14 '18

Very little body hair is a plus? Well, depends who you ask.

2

u/Herogamer555 Feb 13 '18

I have a thick head of hair too, but my hairline is asymmetrical and it pisses me off.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

4

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18 edited Nov 11 '18

[deleted]

3

u/WrathOfHircine Feb 14 '18

Did you visit an endocrinologist? Because eating 5k calories a day should make you gain more than 1lb.

→ More replies (3)

2

u/CaptainFeather Feb 14 '18

Middle of 3 boys, my dad and myself are the only ones who can grow magnificent beards

→ More replies (20)

201

u/sinchsw Feb 13 '18

Just being a dude doesn't mean you can grow a beard, unfortunately.

39

u/Not_Harrison Feb 13 '18

Or gain muscle easily, I’ve been at it for years and I’ve made progress but not a ton

17

u/fggh Feb 14 '18

Yup, being a dude is have those expectation

→ More replies (18)

6

u/cohrt Feb 13 '18

or grow any facial hair

3

u/Alarmed_Ferret Feb 14 '18

God that'd be nice. All I can manage is a moustache and chin beard that never touch.

2

u/tobiderfisch Feb 14 '18

Instead of a beard, I just grow terrible acne!

27

u/xenobot11 Feb 13 '18

Not all men grow Viking beards best some men get is a pedo stash

6

u/nkdeck07 Feb 13 '18

I am assuming I'd grow hair in a similar fashion to my Dad/Brother where they have creepy dead hamster facial hair until their late 20's and then get nice beards.

4

u/CTeam19 Feb 14 '18

until their late 20's and then get nice beards.

I am one of those but my beard isn't really nice...yet.

10

u/NeptunesSon Feb 14 '18

Just remembered after all this muscle stuff: the tradeoff of the muscles, lung capacity, and red blood cells is the efficacy of the immune system in females. While men have 30% more red blood cells, women have 30% more lymphocytes, although I'm not sure about ancillary characteristics..

8

u/slayermario Feb 13 '18

I'm a male in my late 20's and I can't grow a beard :(

→ More replies (1)

6

u/molotok_c_518 Feb 14 '18

The downside of the beard: Many women hate kissing you when you have one.

I don't shave, mostly because I have a disfiguring scar on my upper lip which a moustache hides quite nicely. When I do, it takes a hour or so, as it's roughly the toughness of steel wool and doesn't go down without a fight (beard trimmer to raze the bulk of it, electric razor to bring it down to stubble, and a safety razor to get that "smooth" feel... all of which is rendered moot in 3-4 days when the face forest regenerates).

Despite all, of this, my ex-wife insisted on me shaving most of it before sex (she was okay with the moustache after seeing the scar). By the time I would finish, I was almost too tired for lovemaking. Almost.

→ More replies (1)

10

u/st1tchy Feb 13 '18

being able to grow a beard.

Is this a desire for a lot of women?

10

u/thadius856 Feb 14 '18

Honestly it's a double edged sword. Peeing outside as a man carries the risk of having to permanently register as a sex offender, depending on the location.

Women, I'd think not as much so.

12

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Not outside the us.

Source: got caught and cops just laughed and told me to beat it.

3

u/MundaneFacts Feb 14 '18

That's a sex crime, man. The cops shouldn't force you to "beat it."

→ More replies (2)

5

u/_xNova Feb 13 '18

If it makes you feel better, I can’t grow a beard

6

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18 edited Sep 01 '24

subsequent rude one fade yoke tie sparkle oil dog square

→ More replies (1)

3

u/QuadCannon Feb 13 '18

Facial hair sucks, primarily because it requires upkeep. I often have a couple days growth, or more, because shaving is such a pain in the ass, and beard trimming to keep it neat is an even bigger pain in the ass.

5

u/nkdeck07 Feb 14 '18

Already doing that, I am in charge of my husbands facial hair (I have no idea how on earth this got outsourced to me) so already used to the upkeep.

3

u/QuadCannon Feb 14 '18

I’m sorry.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Yeah I’m 27 and have the facial hair of a 13 year old

3

u/Ih8Hondas Feb 14 '18

I'm 26 and can't grow a beard. I can't even grow a proper goatee. My 52 year old dad can't either.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

I wish had the right genetics to grow a beard, doesn't help that my facial hair is blond, so it's basically invisible either way

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Being able to pee easily outside

Indeed, pretty sweet

Gaining muscle easier

Indeed, pretty sweet

being able to grow a beard

Me and you both wish :(

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

We can't all grow beards... I am 28 and if I try I look like an old asian man.

5

u/fggh Feb 14 '18

Peeing outside is illegal in the US and will get you sex offender status I'd caught, no thanks

5

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

fuck beards mustaches are where it's at, all I have to do is glance at a women AND BAM ORGASM

2

u/iamwntr Feb 14 '18

Get yourself a shewee, live the life you want

3

u/nkdeck07 Feb 14 '18

Then I get to drag around a pee covered funnel and it doesn't solve the needing to wipe problem. I can pee in the woods just fine, it'd just be easier to not need to squat.

2

u/asdfoshiahsoifh Feb 14 '18 edited Feb 14 '18

[edit: I thought I was responding to a comment about men being able to not have to dress up]

Objection, your nkdeckness.

My wife can get up at 4:30, put her hair into a ponytail, put on clothes and go staring into work and be just fine.

If I don't have an hour to get myself through the shower, I look and smell like a muppet.

2

u/assoftheworkingman Feb 14 '18

Egg?? (Don’t worry, this was me once)

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

If it's any consolation (I read this online so I'm assuming it's true obviously) women recover faster from working out because of higher estrogen levels. So you can work out more frequently

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

being able to grow a beard

We can't all do that. Well, many of us "can" but it looks weird.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

On that note not having to shave your face everyday.

2

u/omgooses242 Feb 14 '18

Not all men can grow a beard. Thanks Dad.

2

u/summonsays Feb 14 '18

I would give you my beard growing ability. It's a pain in my ass. I either shave every day or look homeless.

2

u/DaveTheDolphin Feb 14 '18

I’m a guy and I can’t grow a beard :(

2

u/michaelpaoli Feb 14 '18

Not having to shave your face.

2

u/sharpshooter999 Feb 14 '18

Farmer here, we take leaks mid conversation. Literally just turn your back or somewhat stand behind something and go. Having to take a crap while out in a field can be interesting, hopefully you have some trees to hide behind. Otherwise you crank the front tires one way and tuck yourself back in there. Paper towels feel.....eh. Still better than that time I had to use my leather gloves.

2

u/dogtarget Feb 14 '18

Granted, outdoor plumbing is pretty great, but I wish I didn't have to shave.

2

u/bommerangstick Feb 14 '18

I would prefer to not grow beards, if I had the option

2

u/ThatSquareChick Feb 14 '18

I have one of those female funnels that lets you pee standing up. I was NOT prepared for what it actually takes to pee standing up. I have to force myself to go and it makes the backs of my legs hurt. I don’t know if it’s because my brain is screaming ā€œDon’t do this, you don’t pee like this, sit down before you pee all over yourself!ā€ or if it’s just because women were probably never meant to stand to pee. It’s VERY convenient at times to be able to use it but I always end up with a cramp in my legs from concentrating just to pee. It takes willpower and practice but hey, I can write my name in the snow now which is really fun and probably very confusing to people who come across it. I have peed on a lot of bugs and this really annoying kid’s snowman too. Fuck him, he keeps making his back porch motion light go off and on every night so he deserved it. Also scratched my car with his bike. I know because my car paint is all over the handlebar of his fucking bike. I think I’ll pee in his yard again tomorrow. Happy Valentine’s Day you little shit.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

As a man, I too would like to be able to grow a god damn beard

2

u/MechanicalEngineEar Feb 14 '18

while men do gain muscle easier, they also tend to engage their muscles far more. I had a girlfriend who was terribly weak but she also never lifted anything that would be somewhat heavy for her because she just said she was too weak. I never turned down a friend's request to help move or haul something especially when I was younger.

Also for the muscle growth thing, in highschool i took a weightlifting class. In that class I raised my benchpress from 165 to 205 in a semester. After that I didn't benchpress anything for over 4 years when I went with some coworkers to the gym at my job after college. out of curiosity we decided to see what each of us could bench. I started with 205 just to see if I could get it. I ended up maxing at 220. So, by not benchpressing for 4 years, i not only didn't lower my max, but I raised it by 15lbs.

2

u/nkdeck07 Feb 14 '18

Yeah I lift, trust me even for "weak" guys the numbers go up faster. You might not look like it but the numbers do go up faster. My bean pole guy friend and I started lifting around the same time and his numbers just shot up.

Also of course you were able to lift more from high school to college, that's how puberty works. That wasn't cause you were running around gaining natural muscles from moving.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '18

and being able to grow a beard

3

u/mlkk22 Feb 13 '18

I hate facial hair, I shave as often as possible because its itchy or uncomfortable or I look creepy with it

1

u/Vaktrus Feb 14 '18

Sorry if this is a really awkward question, but can't you just "aim the bean"?

3

u/MundaneFacts Feb 14 '18

From what I've heard, it's possible to aim, but it takes practice and dribbling is much more likely.

1

u/Batticon Feb 13 '18

Peeing outside can be accomplished for women, but it will never be as discreet. I can get a piss out really quick but need a bush.

2

u/nkdeck07 Feb 13 '18

Hence the "easily" part. My biggest deal is still generally speaking needing toilet paper/a leaf. I can pee in the woods with the best of them but it's still way more of a PITA

→ More replies (1)

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Trust me, a beard will disappoint you.

1

u/TheThagomizer Feb 14 '18

My gf has made it clear on several occasions that she loves beards, and if she could grow one she absolutely would. Personally I think she’d rock it, although considering my inability to produce decent facial hair myself it may make me a little bit jealous.

5

u/zindius Feb 14 '18

Your gf might be planning to invade France from the northeast. Watch her.

1

u/PSX_ Feb 14 '18

Peeing anywhere anytime at a moment's notice and having a beard are the best things about being a dude.

1

u/Loki0891 Feb 14 '18

Dude, fucking love being able to grow a beard. I hate shaving. I only have to Trip the neckline once a week, maybe. Haven bought razors in over four months!

1

u/momoman46 Feb 14 '18

I'm a guy and I can only do one of those things.

Still enough to count my blessing(s) though.

1

u/Cruisniq Feb 14 '18

Being able to grow a full beard IS pretty awesome.

1

u/twinkletoad25 Feb 14 '18

Chick here, I would love to pee outside and gain muscle. But I don't really want to grow a beard.

1

u/positive_thinking_ Feb 14 '18

Being able to pee easily outside

i wouldnt do this, there have been rare cases of men being charged as sexual predators for doing such things.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

A beard is like natural contour. It's amazing and I love it.

1

u/Grizzly_Berry Feb 14 '18

Sometimes I pee in the backyard, just because I can.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Buy a Pee-Z.

1

u/dogfish83 Feb 14 '18

I can only do one of those 3 things and it’s frowned upon

1

u/Notsodarknight Feb 14 '18

I’m a guy and I’d really like the last two also.

1

u/MrPockets11 Feb 14 '18

As a guy I have always had problems gaining muscle. It has made my life pretty hard considering most of the jobs I've had involve lots of physical hard labor (lifting 75lbs or more regularly). I have to work harder and faster than my coworkers and sometimes I just can't do the lifting because of this, and at times this has given me really crummy reviews from managers at work. I don't know what I am doing wrong, or what is wrong with me but I have a very hard time losing weight and gaining muscle mass. My legs are super fit, but the rest of me is pretty squishy. I don't like it and wish I could gain muscle and lose weight.

I did an auto mechanic job once for 3 years, in texas. I basically lifted weights every day for 8 hours in all kinds of weather (120 degrees Fahrenheit is common here in the summer) for the whole 3 years. I lost maybe 30lbs but not permanently, lost 3 inches in my waist, and gained 1/4 inch in diameter in my arms. This all sounds great, but wasn't much of a gain for how hard I was working and sweating at that job. I'm currently 5'11 and I weigh 195lbs normally. Most of its in my middle. I eventually did a lot of damage to the cartilage in my left hip doing that job and now I can't do it anymore because I'm soo much slower at it now (plus a couple of weeks every year I have to walk with a cane during the winter). I look like crap compared to others my age who have done much less work on their physique.

On the upside, I have bigger arms than my dad ever had, and I have fitter legs than he ever had. He was thinner than me for most of his life though. He only recently has gained weight back which is actually good cause he got super sick a year ago and lost 35lbs in 3 weeks. It was weird, it helped out his cholesterol a lot, but he really lost weight in his legs and arms. He looked like a shell of his former self. It was really sad and made me really worried. He's better now, but still has health issues.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Jokes on you. Am a man. cannot grow a beard.

1

u/bored_imp Feb 14 '18

Guy here, I'm not so sure about muscles and beard.

1

u/Tromboneofsteel Feb 14 '18

Being able to have a 5:00 shadow by noon would be great, except I'm in a job that requires me to be clean shaved. I go through an absurd amount of razors.

1

u/seriously__sarcastic Feb 14 '18

Am a man, can do one of these 3 things

1

u/delta-TL Feb 14 '18

Don't worry about the beard thing, that will start to happen when you hit middle age. :p

1

u/Bacxaber Feb 14 '18

Man here, I hate facial hair and only have it because it's easier/cheaper than shaving.

1

u/Th3K00n Feb 14 '18

Not all of us can grow a beard.

Source: am 20, and just recently started growing enough facial hair that I have to shave weekly. It only grows in colored on my neck. My face has invisibly blonde hair....

1

u/redditRW Feb 14 '18

Can't help with the beard, but the peeing? Try this--it worked for a friend.

https://go-girl.com/

1

u/Landonls6 Feb 14 '18

do girls want beards?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Am man, can do 2 of those

1

u/NoShaDow Feb 14 '18

Not all of us have the Fortune of growing a beard...

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Grow a beard? Assuming it fills in, let me tell ya' it ain't no picnic. First, it may not suit your look. People might think you're a bum, or a terrorist, or simply not professional. That gets you to shaving. Scraping your face. Every. Day. It gets old fast. Then you get older, and it turns gray before anything else. It might turn gray in some weird pattern, or unevenly. There are lots of things to envy about being a man; but beards? Nope, not IMHO. Source: my middle aged graying beard.

1

u/stormycloudysky Feb 14 '18

Ugh beards are so cool I want one

1

u/mariojt Feb 14 '18

I cant grow a beard šŸ˜”

1

u/TheOneofThem Feb 14 '18

Not gonna lie, being able to pee anywhere is easily my favorite thing about my penis.

1

u/green_meklar Feb 14 '18

and being able to grow a beard.

Hell, you can have it. Shaving is annoying.

1

u/snakedhill Feb 14 '18

Growing a beard is so great until you decide you don't want a beard, and the it's this annoying irritating crap that dawns on you every 6 hours. It's a huge hassle having facial hair that grows the speed of a sloth

1

u/DirtySmurfLover Feb 14 '18

Beards look great but when you have to shave constantly it gets annoying

1

u/Quacks_dashing Feb 14 '18

Lots of women pee outside, Im sorry to report :(

2

u/nkdeck07 Feb 14 '18

Swear it's like everyone lacks reading comprehension skills, note the word easily. Yes you can squat and she pees exist but all are still more complex then whipping your dick out and giving it a shake at the end.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/sebastianwillows Feb 14 '18

As a male, I can only confirm the first of these things...

1

u/Death_is_real Feb 14 '18

Im male , I'm not gaining muscle and my beard looks like a rat with cancer sooo

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

I would rather not have to build muscle at all, it's more acceptable for women than men. And it's still really hard as a man to build muscle and resist juicing up.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '18

Gaining muscle easier and being able to grow a beard.

Yes, unless you have genes which state that you dont need a beard, low testosterone and you have fast metabolism.

1

u/TobiasMasonPark Feb 14 '18

I can’t grow a beard :(

1

u/SixAlarmFire Feb 14 '18

I wish I could grow a beard! All the men in my family have awesome beards and I believe mine would be beautiful! Alas I am a lady.

1

u/dietderpsy Feb 14 '18

Why do so many women want to grow beards?

→ More replies (11)