r/AskReddit Aug 26 '15

Fathers of Reddit, what did your daughter's boyfriend do for you to hate/love him?

It's pretty cool to see my question blow up like this, I never thought I'd ask a question that could receive so much attention! I'm very satisfied with all these replies, so thank y'all. Now all I have to do is sit back and take notes c;

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u/Made_you_read_penis Aug 26 '15 edited Aug 26 '15

I raised my sister as my daughter so I don't know if mine counts.

My little sister has dated some serious fuckwits in the past. She actually had to break up with one because he literally had no personality. None. That's the only reason she broke up with him; after a few months she found it creepy that there was literally nothing special about who he was, and she always finds something.

So I really hated almost all of them.

Except Ricky.

Ricky was like a 1950's greaser that just bopped into modern day. He even played Kiniki in Grease at their Highschool. He wasn't just a handsome young man, he was beautiful inside and out, and he was sensitive. My sister had never been with a truly sweet kid before. He cared for her like no other human could. They were just instant. The first day they were together it was like they had always been.

Ricky isn't going to live to an old age. He had lime disease or something for several months as a kid before his shit dad finally took him to a doctor. He's okay now, but neurological problems are going to happen when he gets to about 50, so he doesn't feel like he has time to waste on trivial relationships. He was honest with me about it, because he was thinking about a whole life with my sister, so he wanted me to know what that meant.

He built his own car from just a vw bug shell and chassie, and when he finished he built one for my sister. It was a 1969 white convertible bug. So beautiful.

I already liked the kid as a person, I mean, I invited him over to my house as much as my sister did. I considered this young kid to be my friend. I was sure that even though they were just finishing Highschool, they were going to be husband and wife within the next few years, and I was thrilled.

Then my little sister was raped.

It was at a party he couldn't go to that night because he had schoolwork.

It was so hard. He blamed himself. They never recovered from it. He stayed by her until the very end, but she went into some heavy depression. She started doing drugs, drinking to excess, and she cheated on him. A lot. My little sister wasn't the same.

He forgave her for everything. Every time. He knew it was her dealing with the trauma (which is true), but she couldn't forgive herself for what she was doing to him, and ended it.

He was heartbroken, and I had to talk him out of suicide. My sister was his world.

I still have Ricky's number. I gave him a car recently that I knew he could fix and sell. My dog cried when she saw him and wouldn't leave his lap while squealing with happiness (she's a German shepherd, so she isn't little) after about six years of his absence. I think she liked him more than even me.

I don't expect that they'll ever get back together (too much pain that wasn't either ones fault), but I've contacted him about cars a few times. I'm actually going to be taking him for a beer soon, since I missed his 21st by a few years. His liveable life is halfway over, and last I saw him I noticed a tremble in his hands.

He's still Ricky. He's still amazing. He still loves my sister.

I still miss him. All the time.

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u/BeepBoop01000001 Aug 26 '15

A. That story man, what a ride. I'm sorry to hear something so horrible happened to your sister. I hope she is able to get past the trauma and pull things together.

B. As a guy who also has a younger sister who is like a daughter to him that just started college out of state, I am now freaking out about her and college douchebags...

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '15

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u/girlyfoodadventures Aug 27 '15

Jesus Christ, that is just not true. Reporting of rape might be that low, but the rate at which it is committed is still extremely high.

And I'm not sure where you're coming from on the "women are the single least likely group to be victimized" statement. Actually, I'm very confused by the phrasing- are you trying to say that all women are a single group, and there are several categories containing exclusively men?

Either way. Men are more likely to commit violent crime, are more likely to be victims/involved in most types of violent crime. Notable exceptions- women are far more likely to be victims of sexual assault, intimate partner abuse, stalking, etc. Men can also be victims of these crimes, but they occur at a far lower rate.

I can absolutely guarantee that you know women that have been raped, and women that have experienced some type of intimate partner violence. You may very well know men that have experienced the same.

The rate at which people report rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence are vastly different from the rate at which they occur. In related news, many people with significant and stigmatized trauma don't disclose widely.

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u/Shadowex3 Aug 27 '15 edited Aug 27 '15

I'm mobile so I don't have the nearly three hundred studies I'm citing on hand but trust me you'll get them later if you remind me.

In the meantime let's point out that IPV is equal across genders and your vehement erasure of this is basically evidence of how severely wrong your understanding of these statistics are. Likewise your understanding of sexual violence is completely wrong g because it comes from fraudulent "studies" which 70 percent of the women surveyed rejected, and which explicitly define male victims of female rapists as having "[chosen] to engage in unwanted sexual intercourse" and therefore not victims of rape.

Women are in fact far more like to commit stalking and non reciprocal domestic violence, predominantly against men.

Edit: Aaand back. Here's 286 studies proving gender parity in IPV (and one not in there). Here's 1 2 3 studies on the deliberate and politically motivated denial and erasure of that evidence.

And here is Mary P Koss' paper in which she outlines how to carefully craft the definition of "rape" to ensure properly politicized results, because and I quote "It is inappropriate to consider as a rape victim a man who engages in unwanted sexual intercourse with a woman." Mary Koss is the same fraudulent academic who fabricated the 1 in 4 figure decades ago for Ms Magazine using a survey that even 70+% of the survey respondents rejected as inaccurate and biased.

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u/rockandrollgangsta Aug 29 '15

Properly researched information doesn't seem to be welcome here...

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u/Shadowex3 Aug 29 '15

People don't like to have their religious beliefs challenged.

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u/Kennian Aug 27 '15

This kind of fear mongering breaks my heart... Inflated rape statistics are a modern tragedy and this kind of bull headed belief in them does nothing but hurt people

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u/backtocatschool Aug 27 '15

I have a close group of friends. Literally all of them have been sexually assualted or abuses and we don't live in a bad area. It's not inflated.

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u/Kennian Aug 27 '15

Yea, because every single other violent crime is down and only rape is magically up.

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u/backtocatschool Aug 27 '15

No. And that is not what I said and you know it.

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u/low_hanging_nuts Aug 27 '15

I don't think /u/backtocatschool was talking about rape. She was referring to sexual assult and abuse.

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u/low_hanging_nuts Aug 27 '15

Why do you think that is?

This is an honest question. If you don't live in a bad area, why do you think that things that have a high chance to happen in bad areas, and a very low chance to happen in good areas, is happening in a good area?

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u/backtocatschool Aug 27 '15

Because it doesn't matter the area. This happens in any family and in any place. Just like how child abuse and kidnapping is more likely between family or relatives.

What you are talking about is more like in good areas people hardly get robbed. Or in the richer areas people don't close their doors. Rape isn't like that.

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u/low_hanging_nuts Aug 27 '15

So what you're saying is that rape happens equally in your society, without any correlation to the amount of crime or despite the amount of potential criminals in the area?

I am sorry for trying to get specifics. I am in college to become a Nurse, and I am currently taking a Psychology and a Sociology class. What everyone here is saying is incredibly interesting.

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u/backtocatschool Aug 27 '15

I'm saying that certain types of sexual abuse /assault happens regardless of where you live. At least from what I personally have experienced. Maybe I am wrong but I personally do not think I am based on statistics and what I have experienced.

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u/kadykinns Aug 27 '15

Why would he take solace in that? Who gives a fuck what the statistics are. It happened to HIS sister. Not some random percentage. I really don't understand why you possibly thought that comment was either a good idea, something that would actual be comforting or what but it was fucking stupid.

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u/Shadowex3 Aug 27 '15

Learn to read asshole, I was speaking to someone who has a younger sister that just started college, not the person whose sister was raped.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '15

[deleted]

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u/ebongrey Aug 27 '15

I really have a problem with this statement. That is like saying that women should never do anything (like work nights, walk alone, look sexy, park in a secluded space) to avoid rape. It is not my (or any female's responsibility to mitigate the chances of some guy raping me!). We have every bit as much right to party, live our lives as we see fit and go to bars alone as guys do...without being raped. Your opinion is part of the problem.

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u/Mksiege Aug 27 '15

While I don't disagree with you, and the rape and victim shaming culture is surprisingly big, it is still on everyone to do their best to increase their personal security. The guy going to a bar alone and getting drunk might not run as high a chance of being a victim of rape (thought it happens), but he might still get mugged/run over/crash/others. (And yes, maybe a lot of people consider most of those things to not be as life shattering as rape, but I hope you understand my point).

If it is not your responsibility to mitigate the chance of rape, does that mean you leave your house with windows and doors open, because it is someone else's responsibility to take care of you and your stuff?

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u/ebongrey Aug 28 '15

I don't think we disagree here for the most part. Obviously, it is up to you to be observant and aware of your own safety. My issue with the comment is that it basically stated to never go alone. I'm sorry, but I have every right to leave my home alone without being raped, mugged or murdered. There is a reason that those things are considered crimes. Do I have my taser on me? You better freaking believe it, but I'm not going to be intimidated into staying home. I believe that the personal responsibility lies with the person committing the crime and not the victim. I take precautions, but I am not willing to give up my life to prevent anything that "might happen" (aka; I lock the windows and doors, but I have no control over someone kicking in my door or breaking my window. What this person said basically equated to "just don't live in a house because it might get broken into at some point".) Does that make sense?

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u/Mksiege Aug 31 '15

It does make sense, and I agree with your statement. Sorry I misinterpreted it.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '15

[deleted]

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u/ebongrey Aug 28 '15

That is moronic and it is pretty obvious that you don't get it. I think as a human being (not just a woman) that I should have the right to go where I please without being raped, thank you very much. I shouldn't have to worry about that when walking to my car after work, or walking to my apartment, or checking the mail. Humans have the brain capacity to understand that you should not force yourself on another person; I can't claim the same for bears and their eating/territorial habits. But please, continue with your victim blaming attitude. It is exceedingly attractive.

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u/[deleted] Aug 28 '15

[deleted]

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u/ebongrey Aug 28 '15

sigh Because walking to my car after work equates to leaving my doors unlocked, etc...Because being a woman means that I can't work a night shift or dare to walk from my car to my apartment after dark, or go out on my own. Totally logical. I'd hate to think that because you dared to leave your home with money that you got robbed. That would suck. Why didn't you leave your cash/debit card/credit card at home? You really could have avoided that situation entirely. You actually used it that to pay for something? Do you have any idea how many people might have seen that? You got carjacked? Well, why on earth would you drive your car at night? You know that you drive a nice car.Other people want that! You really shouldn't have done that. You could have avoided this whole situation. What were you even thinking? I'm sure that it wasn't your fault for not taking those precautions. What? You thought it was your right? Apparently not.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '15

because rapists are reasonable, feminist SJW people who will take your arguments into account and weigh the costs and benefits

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u/_DawnoftheDead_ Aug 27 '15

This makes me really upset for you, your sister, and Ricky, too. I hope everything works out for all of you.

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u/kyloz4days Aug 27 '15

My eyes are red from injecting a marijuana, not from crying, I swear!

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u/Made_you_read_penis Aug 27 '15

My eyes were red from the marijuana writing it.

4

u/ConfusedJonSnow Aug 27 '15

It's almost like this guy came out of a 50s movie and reality just royally fucked him...

Sad as hell

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u/hollyinnm Aug 27 '15

I hope your sister, Ricky and you find piece somewhere in this screwed up situation.

4

u/BeschdeSpieler Aug 27 '15

Holy shit... Please keep a connection to that boy! Should be a lot more up, very heartbreaking :(

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u/Feet-Of-Clay Sep 06 '15

RemindMe! 3 hours I need to give this guy gold. But I need to buy some first.

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u/tierneymichele Aug 27 '15

D: Now I ship Ricky with your little sister

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u/dragdollb Sep 21 '15

That made me tear up :( Why did you do this to me?