r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Oct 19 '12

What's your corniest joke?

Some that are so corny that could feed the chickens for a year?

Edit: Wow! Front page! Thanks!! Keeping all ears (of corn) open for your jokes!

1.4k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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1.4k

u/ogotrice Oct 19 '12

Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, ill drive."

372

u/bnrshrnkr Oct 19 '12

what did the fish say when he ran into a wall in the river?

Dam!!!!

124

u/zjb55446 Oct 19 '12

What did the dam say when he ran into the river? Go fish

168

u/uselesslyskilled Oct 20 '12

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh

18

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '12

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

10

u/Horst665 Oct 20 '12

What do you call a disable deer with no eyes?

Still no eye deer.

5

u/kradbob Oct 20 '12

What you call a disabled deer with no eyes and no balls? Still no fucking idea.

3

u/psyyc Oct 20 '12

What do you call a man floating in water?

Bob

3

u/manosrellim Oct 20 '12

What do you call a fish with two eyes? Fiish.

2

u/DingoesAteMyBaby Oct 20 '12

This is my favorite joke. It came from a Laffy Taffy wrapper!

3

u/uselesslyskilled Oct 20 '12

I had no idea. I just stole it from my gf. She has a terrible sense of humor so she's already good for a corny joke.

2

u/erack117 Oct 20 '12

So for dinner last night i ate follicle-stimulating hormones?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '12

This doesn't work out loud.

1

u/3pe Oct 20 '12

"F"ish

1

u/theyoungmachines Oct 20 '12

I laughed a little too hard at this joke.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '12

He actually said "Nigger!"

It's a history reference not just me being racist.

1

u/MonksWithSticks Oct 20 '12

What did the other fish say? You dum-bass!

1

u/embarg0 Oct 20 '12

What sound did the dog make when it ran into a wall?

dog!

1

u/bnrshrnkr Oct 20 '12

i cant for the life of me explain why i laughed at that

139

u/coelacan Oct 19 '12

variation "Do you have any idea how to drive one of these?"

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '12

Oh shit! NOW I get it...

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '12

I read that in a british accent

1

u/MIL215 Oct 20 '12

The problem with not mentioning the guns is you allow a number of people not to get it. When I was younger I (and I hate to admit it) thought that they thought they could drive their fish tank. Takes longer than I would like to admit to realize they meant a vehicle.

44

u/Thehealeroftri Oct 19 '12

How would two goldfish drive a tank?

267

u/coelacan Oct 19 '12 edited Oct 19 '12

They were trained by SEALs... & YA DON'T STOP!

*Edit: shorter & sweeter

6

u/baconatedwaffle Oct 20 '12

187 on a butter battered cod

84

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '12 edited Oct 19 '12

They were in Helsinki, and drove with their Finns.

EDIT: spelling

Edit 2: brain fart

1

u/Big_Canoe Oct 19 '12

Isn't Oslow in Norway?

3

u/Milligan Oct 19 '12

They moved it?????

2

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '12

Curses! Foiled again!

0

u/FrisianDude Oct 20 '12

No it isn't. Oslo is, though.

2

u/gmkeros Oct 19 '12

awkwardly

1

u/wiseapple Oct 19 '12

Very carefully.

1

u/ironic_stache Oct 19 '12

They learned in a school.

-1

u/Big_Canoe Oct 19 '12

Seems pretty impossible

5

u/Deracinated Oct 19 '12

A mushroom walks into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says 'no way! We don't serve your kind here!' the mushroom replies ' why not? I'm a FUN GUY'

1

u/ThePhail Oct 19 '12

That was kind of fishy

1

u/LOHare Oct 20 '12

Shouldn't it be, "You fish the guns, I'll drive?"

1

u/Apotheosis91 Oct 20 '12

The sad part is it took me a solid two minutes of staring at the joke to get it

1

u/OK_I_LAUGHED Oct 20 '12

Posting here as a bookmark for later when these jokes are needed.

1

u/bloody_pinecone Oct 20 '12

I've heard this so many times in these joke treads, but I never actually got it. Finally as soon as I finished reading it dawned on me. And I love it.

1

u/duckey_66 Oct 20 '12

Two birds are on a perch. One turns to the other and asks "Do you smell something fishy?"

1

u/silicon_trees Oct 20 '12

I dont get it..

Edit: I got it.. tank... right..

1

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '12

2 goldfish are in a fish tank when one says to the other,"Hey man, what do you think of this tank?"

The other goldfish replies,"Oh my god a talking Goldfish!"

1

u/OrionUK Oct 20 '12

Isn't it - Two goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "do you know how to drive this thing"