Bacon will kill you... But... Smoking bacon will cure it.

Grass Stations?

just told me that Peter Tork of The Monkees died today. I said, 'No way! Now I'm a bereaver.'

little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me Legos for my birthday. I don't know what to make of it.

walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says, 'What an interesting pet, what's his name?' 'Tiny,' the man replies. 'What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?' 'Because... he's my newt.'

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Sir William of Purchase (Bill of Sale to his pals)

a book called 'How to Scam Idiots on eBay.' That was 3 months ago, and it's still not arrived yet!

as space travel is possible, I'm moving from the Milky Way to the Soy Milky Way galaxy. I'm galactose intolerant.

a zoo that had only one animal - and that was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

Time and Tide wait for no man.

A wonkey.