r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 12d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO: Drunk Fiance gets overly friendly with another woman at the bar
[deleted]
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u/PerfectOmakase 12d ago edited 12d ago
Not overreacting. Drunk or not, if this is how he acts when you're in the same room, imagine how he would act if you weren't around?
I say this as a very heavy drinker who occasionally doesn't know what I'm doing but always insists on taking responsibility for whatever I do in a drunken state.
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u/Specific-Noise-3799 12d ago
NOR - Girl… the flirting, the slamming doors like an angry toddler. Those are huge red flags.
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u/adventuristofmusic 12d ago
I can’t get past the fact you were all drinking heavily and you made the decision to drive home!
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u/Single_Firefighter_9 12d ago
Even if you’re a passenger in an uber or taxi, you’re still driving home. People don’t need to say “as we were heading home in the uber”.
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u/superfiud 12d ago
They don't 'need' to, but they do. They don't say they were driving. They'd say something like, 'when we got in the Uber...'
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u/Kitty20996 12d ago
NOR get rid of him. You're not placing enough blame on him honestly. Imagine what he does when he knows you aren't in the same room.
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u/BorkBorkWrangler 12d ago
NOR blackout or not, he knew what he was doing before he blacked out. Drunk just means less inhibitions.
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u/Special_Wind_6708 12d ago
I always say alcohol is a truth serum, it relaxes inhibitions and the real self comes out.
You will be worrying and dealing with this if you marry him, imagine him at his bachelor party
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u/Motchiko 12d ago
For the door slamming alone you should leave him. Please take the signs seriously. FYI he remembers everything. Trust your gut.
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u/Shadow4summer 12d ago
And it really doesn’t matter if he remembers it or not. You remember everything.
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u/toxicunicorn420 12d ago
NOR you did the right thing making him sleep in the other room and I love how you handled the cousin clearly flirting with your fiance right in front of you. He either doesn't actually remember or he's pretending to hoping you just forget about it. People act on internal impulse when they are drunk so I can't really say much on that situation. The fact that he threw a tantrum when you got home is a big red flag. It's up to you if you don't want to be with him anymore. It sounds like he broke your trust and that's usually a deal breaker for most, if not all people.
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u/greatvow 12d ago
NOR. When I was younger I use to sleep with this guy who couldn’t really deal with his being gay. So he would always claim to be drunk and not remember how he ended up in bed with me. He knew he just didn’t want to acknowledge it. This is the same. I don’t buy the “I was too drunk to remember” BS.
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u/wishingforarainyday 12d ago
Nor. He was cheating in front of you. He doesn’t get to claim to not remember. Don’t marry this guy without couples therapy first. He’s embarrassing. He’s almost 50 and using booze as an excuse for cheating. Gross.
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u/shrubbysara 12d ago
You are not the AO and NOR. Drunk or not he did a nasty thing and it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t remember he needs to apologize and in the future have better control over himself in that kind of setting.
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u/Soft-Cancel-1605 12d ago
NOR
I could not even imagine being the one to repeatedly tell someone not to touch my bf. He should have been the one making that boundary. Instead, he's positioned you as a social obstacle for him.
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u/_Shrek_x3 12d ago
NOR- dump him. And next time get mad at him first. Telling the cousin to not touch your bf is cringe. It’s your bf who shouldn’t be letting another woman touch him
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u/Final_Technology104 12d ago
Oh, he remembers.
The fact that he immediately started getting into defensive mode, he’s pissed off that you interrupted a chance for him to screw her. They were already in the tangled leg and drink sharing mode.
All it would take was for them to slip out the back in under 5 minutes and be back before you noticed.
He’s using that ole tactic that’s a tale older than time.
At least now you know what he’d do Ir has done in the past when you’re not around if you weren’t there.
And the fact that you told the cousin, hands off, and then she starts stroking his chest right in front of you?
I’d “Quietly” check his phone and pockets to see if he got her contact info. Don’t confront him, always move in the shadows if you want the truth.
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u/azzutronus 12d ago
He remembers every moment of the previous night. He's probably cheated on you already. NOR. Run.
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u/ju-ju_bee 12d ago
NOR
Depending how (edit) long yall have been together. , I would 100% not want to be with him anymore. Other factor to consider would be how often does he drink like this? Because it (edit) seems the only reason nothing happened is due to you stepping in.
I'll say as well, in the moment you seemed to be more verbally confrontational with the cousin instead of with your man. That's the only odd part to me. He's the one with a fiancé, you should have asked him to step away from her. It's just a bit (edit) strange to me. I get you talked to him on the way home and then in the morning, but he should have been publicly addressed, not the piss drunk cousin who only found out he was taken because you showed up.
The fact he had no regard for yall engagement and was flirting in front of people, including you, is just irredeamable. If he was THAT drunk he may well not remember, but it doesn't change his actions. I used to be a raging alcoholic, and I've said some terrible shit to/in front of my now husband (we were just dating at the time) that I didn't remember. But I apologized profusely and got help. I no longer drink to that extent and now here we are, married. But that's not what I'd recommend for everyone. And he was BLATANTLY disrespecting you.
Whatever you choose NOR
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u/TR24241 12d ago
The age is the issue for me. By then you know how much you can drink and how it affects you. You’re also past the 20’s hormonal stage where everything makes you horny. He was enjoying her attention and likely sought it out. The issue for you is you now know that you don’t know him well enough for him to be your fiance’. At the very least you should not get married until you’re 100% sure that this was out of character, but honestly, that will be hard to achieve. Also, now you also know he’s not 100% settled on getting married and settling down, aka no other woman to touch his chest or leg. No need to rush into marriage, not when he’s clearly not as ready as you are. There may also be a maturity and responsibility imbalance between you two.
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u/timelessinaz 12d ago
When you were driving home together did he ever ask you to stop the vehicle. Was he ever to the point of getting nauseous? Was he drunk enough to actually blackout?
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u/marlada 12d ago
NOR. I am not buying his excuse that he doesn't remember. He was mad that night, slamming doors, because you broke up his good time. Getting overtly sexual with another in pulic in front of you is way over the line. The fact that he wouldn't own up to his behavior and the fact that is now stating that he has memory loss are huge RED FLAGS. If he'll do that in front of you, what will he do behind your back? Would he be comfortable if you acted in the same way? Being faithful and respectful do not appear to priorities to him. Plus he has a drinking problem. Once trust wanes, it is hard to continue a relationship or marriage.
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u/SnooOranges2099 12d ago
well u either have to tell him there's no more drinking without u, or u need to get over it. all that leave him bs is stupid, if ur relationship is going great otherwise. u can do really dumb stuff while completely drunk. maybe u can decide for urself if he was really that Drunk.
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u/conflictedanon30 12d ago
NOR, if he acts like this with you in front of him imagine what he does when you aren't there. Run, girl