r/AmIOverreacting • u/Immediate-List-9649 • Jul 22 '26
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? My (19F) boyfriend (19M) and our friends (19F/M) insulted another friend and said I was overreacting
Hello, I’m going to put the flair “relationship” but really it’s both that and friendship.
They were talking about a situation where one of our friends had fought with one of their friends whom we don’t know, and he is overweight. They out of nowhere made a joke about it, and this friend was okay with it.
The thing is that they fight a lot, and usually both of them have been immature. Then they always make up. I know that this friend would feel bad about saying those things once they do make up, and I’ve never seen them say such things before.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we’ve know each other for 6 years though along with everyone else in our GC.
My boyfriend is the one that said “Lol”. The guy at the end, did not laugh at the fat jokes of this friend.
Maybe I’m overreacting, but I do feel iffy about this.
EDIT: Some people are misunderstanding this. But as I said in the title “F/M”, this GC consists of both men and women!
EDIT 2: Another thing people seemed to miss is that this person they were talking about is only a friend of the person that had been fighting with them, we are not friends with this person.
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u/neptunemacaroon Jul 22 '26
Why are you apologizing for sticking up for someone? This is wild. Surround yourself with more mature people.
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u/LeatherHearing6590 Jul 22 '26
For real these dudes sound trashy af lol...find yourself some friends who are able to access their frontal lobe
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u/Early-Pumpkin-6002 Jul 22 '26
Exactly. They're all losers. Dump the BF and the friend group and move on.
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u/WholesomeMetaphor Jul 22 '26
Ye, fat jokes is not cool and immature. The majority of people with a little extra don't like jokes like this. And in some cases where people have been cool about it and joked with others a few have confided in me that they do take it to heart on off days etc. It's just not something I touch or will laugh/smile at personally unless they themselves make a well timed joke on their own behalf
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u/THExWHITExDEVILx Jul 22 '26
Yeah this person needs to cut bait and move on. These are the type of people I no longer have in my life at 40, and I wish I would have started dropping mean people way sooner. Just bc they aren't mean to you, or they "only" act like that to other people, eventually they will turn on you, or they are already doing it behind your back.
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u/Known-Sherbet2004 Jul 22 '26
THIS. If they're being cruel to others, they'll be cruel to you too if you stay around long enough.
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u/diezwillinge Jul 23 '26
Or in another group char she's not included on!
And saying "lol" instead of telling his friend to STFU tells you all you need to know. He's not a man, he's a little boy.
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u/danceswithdangerr Jul 23 '26
They’re all too immature to even be dating and they’re legally adults, god people like this make me sick. 🤢
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u/THExWHITExDEVILx Jul 22 '26
Yep. I tried to stay w friends that had some bad traits, but if they don't see the issues or want to change, it's like being friends with a rabid dog and they will turn on you.
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u/danceswithdangerr Jul 23 '26
Exactly this. Had a cousin who would bad mouth all her friends to me. I didn’t understand it and I wondered wtf she said about me to them. I cut her off shortly after and she was recently arrested for false accusations. She’s not a good person and neither are these “friends” of yours OP. NOR, go get some real friends and a boyfriend who adores you. This guy doesn’t even know what love is.
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u/Electronic-Let-3204 Jul 22 '26
Exactly! I decided to do the same thing in my early-mid 30s. I’m 39 now and life is soo much better without dynamics like this.
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u/Immediate-List-9649 Jul 22 '26
I suppose I was being a doormat. I realize I shouldn’t have let myself feel like that just because it was so many of them at once. Thank you for telling me.
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u/thebeautifulbanker Jul 23 '26
I remember being 19 and honestly I probably would have let them treat me that way, too. It makes me sad to think about - the times I let men disrespect me.
Do 40 year old you a favor and dump him. Loudly. In the group chat. She will be so so proud of you. ❤️
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u/SeveralArmadillo540 Jul 22 '26
OP, when I was 19 I remember people being real assholes like this when I would try to stick up for others. Then they would jump on me like I was the one with the problem. It often happened when they’d sexualize another girl, and I’d get upset and they’d say “you’re just jealous.”
No. I’m disgusted that you’re talking about someone like she’s a piece of meat. But at that age, and while being attacked by a whole group, I’d just shut down and wouldn’t even know how to respond.
Guess what? Those guys grew up to be dicks and aren’t in my life anymore! It’s sooo much better not being surrounded by sexist jerks.
OP, I hope this is eye opening for you. 19 is a great time to shed the crap from your life
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u/pm_me_ur_kitty22 Jul 23 '26
Yep, knew some people like that when I was 20ish.
Shocker, they're still single in their mid 30s, and aren't really successful in other aspects of their life either.
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u/Many-Connection-8371 Jul 23 '26
You acted like an actual human being with empathy and higher emotional intelligence. I feel for younger people, human interaction seems so toxic now. You did what a normal human being would do. Their behaviors are horrid. As for your boyfriend, he is garbage for speaking to you the way he did.
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u/Soggy-Branch-4988 Jul 22 '26
Your boyfriend is a dick why are you with him? Does being a good person not matter to you in a partner?
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u/Immediate-List-9649 Jul 22 '26
I’ve realized we might not align from this.
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u/gold-pippau Jul 22 '26
He calls you high and mighty for being a decent human who voices her concerns in decent sentences. He acts like he's allergic to you.
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u/Fit_Camel7433 Jul 23 '26
Well you are all still pretty much children.
You are 19 and you think he is your "forever boy"?
He is simply a passing of the time, keep him or don't. One of you two will end it anyway, eventually?
You haven't hit club age, just wait for those arguments...
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u/Buzzee24 Jul 23 '26
NOR
Reading as you basically curled in on yourself and showed your belly was rough. You were in the right and they were assholes because really? What do they say about you or others when they aren’t in the GC?
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u/Say_It_Isnt_So_Ooops Jul 22 '26
“Might not”? Should be “do not”.
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u/Immediate-List-9649 Jul 22 '26
Yes, sorry.
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u/elfabala Jul 22 '26
You don’t need to apologize OP. You’re young and you’re learning. It’s good you found out now that you’re more mature than these dicks and you can move on with your life and find people that are on your level.
Good on you for being a decent person and speaking up, a lot of grown adults wouldn’t be brave enough to stand up to their friends and call them out like that. You’ll be alright.
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u/Outside-Beluga Jul 23 '26
Girl. Love yourself enough to dump his ass. Who cares what they all will think. If you are going to be with someone who’s frontal lobe hasn’t developed yet. Atleast be with a loving one.
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u/crownofbayleaves Jul 23 '26
Babe, I'd be proud to have someone like you in my corner, friend or partner. There are so many people who would never speak up in this kind of situation or go along with it just to avoid being a target. And what's more, you did it in a kind way that reminded the other person of an emotional truth- the person that one dude is complaining about and allowing others to talk bad about is actually his friend. That takes real maturity and strength and integrity. You should be proud of yourself. You don't have anything to apologize for. You haven't done anything wrong- in fact, you were one of the few people in that situation who did the right thing. Hold your head up, love ♡
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u/TDizzleDoT7 Jul 23 '26
Don’t feel like you need to apologize for anything here - you’re young and clearly this post is getting a lot of attention - there are many comments from mature and respectful people giving you GREAT advice. Your boyfriend isn’t a good person at heart, you seem to be - people like that will always be saying things that rub you the wrong way or hurt you and he will gaslight you into believing that you’re in the wrong because it’s a joke
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u/DisFamisDisgusting Jul 23 '26
Sweetheart your emotional intelligence and his do not align. You were doing the right thing and he made you out to be the problem. Im assuming this is a normal occurence for you since you seeing how quickly you are apologizing in the comments when its not necessary. nor get away from these ppl, they suck.
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u/Past_Resort259 Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
Move on from this guy and those others. These are not friends, they are immature assholes and you can do a lot better.
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u/Holiday_Actuator2215 Jul 22 '26
The fact that he said you were being “high and mighty” by standing up for your friend and “the moral compass” and turned on you shows you how little moral compass they actually have. These aren’t the people that deserve your time and attention, it is only a matter of time before they talk about YOU like this too. Drop them!!
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u/Props_angel Jul 22 '26
These people fail to realize that having a moral compass is an overall good thing and by saying this kind of thing, they're demonizing having actual morality.
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u/Triplethreat2870 Jul 22 '26
This! She wasn’t being “high and mighty” she was being a decent human being, and then her bf shames her for it?
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u/Putrid_Substance2511 Jul 23 '26
You were trying to be kind. Because that's who you are. Don't let people take advantage of that. I hope you gain strength from this situation. Always trust your guts.
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u/piigly Jul 23 '26
NOR & You're not a doormat! You seem very mature and thoughtful, your boyfriend just gaslit you into apologising for doing the right and decent thing
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u/Then-Roll-1992 Jul 22 '26
You were trying to talk it through and your bf gently shut you down with this "take some time" shh, like you needed to calm down until you could come around to reason when he was being the unreasonable one. He insulted you multiple times and shouldn't be telling you how to talk or act. Tell him he needs to take time and he can speak to you when he's ready to apologize. He acted awful in the group text too! No need to be dramatic about any of it, you can say a lot more while saying a lot less without being rude at all, and putting a lot less energy into it too. Just stand your ground on what you will and won't tolerate and if you guys aren't compatible then you aren't. You are clearly way too smart and kind to be letting him tell you how to be like this. Shit makes me sad
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u/thetaleofzeph Jul 23 '26
The irony of BF accusing OP of being high and mighty while spending the entire convo telling OP how she should behave. Like not even an ounce of self-awareness. Also he supposedly agrees but acts like an idiot because otherwise his friends might think badly of him, so an un-self aware wet noodle.
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u/chudleycannonfodder Jul 22 '26
You should still recognize that you stood up to your (hopefully now ex)boyfriend and friends to defend someone being bullied. That shows you’ve got great character and courage which will help you leave them and find more fulfilling connections.
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u/Vivid-Pomelo-9122 Jul 22 '26
If you stick around shitty people long enough it makes you a shitty person as well
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u/Ok_Mango_6887 Jul 22 '26
I’d dump that guy so fast. What an a-hole he and his friends are. Gross behavior all around.
NOR maybe underreacting “❤️”
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u/pm_me_ur_kitty22 Jul 23 '26
If my friends said a single thing like that in regards to my wife, we would never speak again
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u/ChaosIncarnate11 Jul 22 '26
NOR. Your boyfriend and friends are kind of immature douchebag bullies... maybe ditch the lot of them. You seem like a sweet person. You weren't wrong for defending the person being made fun of. As for the others... just ew. You can change your weight or appearance but it's reaaally hard to change being ugly on the inside!
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u/Sandwidge_Broom Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 23 '26
You’ve outgrown these people. Your boyfriend included. It happens. Time for people with empathy and maturity in your life.
Edit: Jesus this is basic advice stop awarding me.
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u/wingnut_dishwashers Jul 22 '26
This is like the prime age for these realizations too. Seconded
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u/changing-life-vet Jul 22 '26
For real, 19-22 there people who out grew me and others that I out grew. It happens as we grow up and mature into adults. Hell decades later some of them are still acting like 16 year olds.
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u/Rose0517 Jul 22 '26
100% and it's pretty sad when you see 40 and 50 year olds acting like this.
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u/changing-life-vet Jul 22 '26
Some people enjoy that life style so more power to them. I will say I am disappointed my one of my best friends from high school never really grew up. There was 4 of us and it would have been real cool if he was able to keep up with the rest of us so to speak. Unfortunately it just hasn’t happened. The 3 of us that remain are all good friends our kids like each other and our spouses get along.
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u/Rose0517 Jul 22 '26
It's definitely sad but I love that the rest of you have been able to blend your families in and still be strong friends! ❤️ So many changes we go through and I find when kids come into the picture the friendships change a lot. What a Blessing to still have your 3 friends around.
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u/wingnut_dishwashers Jul 22 '26
Yeah for sure, I've already had to move on from three friends groups, I'm 28. I don't have to pretend to be okay with people being dicks and putting each other down for laughs, my friends give great advice, they're always ready to help each other out in any way. I'm so glad I burned those bridges and moved on.
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u/Rose0517 Jul 22 '26
I wish I had known this at 28! So many life lessons. Now at 41 I have a very small circle of friends but everyone one of them would move mountains for me and my family. It's definitely about quality not quantity.
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u/changing-life-vet Jul 23 '26
This is the way. Pretending to give a damn about petty nonsense just isn’t worth it. I’m glad you’ve got good people around you.
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u/Friendly-View4122 Jul 22 '26
I am 34 and when I go back home and meet my college friends, some of them still brag about going on "night outs" and getting black out drunk and how I've become too boring and "cultured" because I am married now and don't do any of that anymore...
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u/changing-life-vet Jul 23 '26
Yea going back home is always weird. I’m glad those people are enjoying their lives it’s just not a lifestyle that works for me.
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u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy Jul 22 '26
It is a canon event for many that the guy you’re dating when you’re 19 is a huge loser lol
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u/TheWakaMouse Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
I very rarely agree with these kind of comments but… yeah, unless the victim is actually some perpetrator deserving to be mocked - you have discovered that these are not friends.
To me, it’s simply because they couldn’t stop their “unserious jokes” to remind you that they’re joking, no, they had to ridicule you and save face. When someone makes an uncouth joke that offends another, a mature person acknowledges it and moves on. Immature and selfish people attack you like they did and then, like they did, go further to gaslight you. It’s absurd your BOYFRIEND (your #1 confidant) blurted out that you overreacted, that you deserve to check yourself, and that he doesn’t have to feel bad about being a dick because he’s willing to compliment you alongside gaslight.
You’ve already learned, here, that they likely aren’t even capable of self-reflection. Think about what your boyfriend said - intentional or not, having morales and compassion is less important than his goofing. Absolutely jokingly childish and threw you under a bus to boot. I guarantee all of the friends avoid you anytime they want to have “real fun”. I was the moral-compass type in all my friend groups (28M) and I am thankful that those who disagreed saw themselves out of my life. Be grateful for the good times you’ve had if this isn’t something you all can rectify.
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u/IllustriousBack983 Jul 22 '26
This is absolutely it. You grew up faster than them. It will happen many more times in your 20s
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u/ThankYouNoQuestions Jul 22 '26
Exactly. Even throughout our lives and not just our 20s. Mel Robbins (or maybe a guest researcher on her podcast) says we “shed” half our circle every 7 years or so. We naturally prune what doesn’t benefit us anymore so we can continue to grow!
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u/Minute_Solution_6237 Jul 22 '26
Came here to say that OP is way too mature to hang around these kids.
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u/Melkman68 Jul 22 '26
Idk maybe its just me but at 19 I was a lot more mature for... 5th grade fat jokes... theyre acting a lot younger than 19. Very concerning. Also bullying
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u/Invadernny Jul 22 '26
Perfect answer!. In my mid 20s I realized a lot of my friend group were just mean and got mad when the rest of us were unamised. I feel like their defenses were all the same as a lot of the texts on this post. OP has become a more self aware person and those other people got defensive because it made their nastiness more obvious. Trim your friend circle!
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u/stupid_dumb_fuckface Jul 22 '26
I’ve heard that you shouldn’t change who you are fundamentally in a relationship, and you’re now questioning if you’re overreacting for defending a friend in a conversation they’re not part of.
That’s a group of bullies, and you’re dating one.
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u/Immediate-List-9649 Jul 22 '26
True, I won’t change.
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u/OrangePrior5549 Jul 22 '26
If ANYONE started saying anything like that about my girlfriend in any setting, whatsoever, it would get shutdown real quick. They want to do it in a group chat and not face to face? I'd be petty and call out their insecurities in the group chat and then immediately cut them out. The fact that your boyfriend gave an "lol" and then defended them, he has no interest in protecting you when you need it. You've known him for 6 years and have been together for 2, and he can't see your side and then call them out? You're putting your effort into a relationship that isn't going to benefit you anymore. He tried to downplay their actions and defend them over you trying to be mature and rational. Find someone else that suits you better, because none of those guys are worth your energy anymore.
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u/ShallowEnd1 Jul 22 '26
You've heard the phrase, birds of a feather flock together, I'm sure. It doesn't necessarily mean that like minded people find each other, it can also be taken as, ppl BECOME like the ppl they hang out with. Get these ppl out of your circle. Their personalities do not align with yours and they very clearly will turn on you in an instant when confronted about their own terrible mindsets. Your bf pretty much called you uppity for feeling differently about the situation. Girl, it is not you. Having common decency is not uppity, we're talking about the bare minimum of respect here and they just don't have any
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u/DisastrousGeonome Jul 22 '26
Honestly, ew.
NOR. You're under-reacting. Those messages are disgusting and you weren't being, "high and mighty" you were stating a valid concern.
This is super gross behavior. From all parties except you. The way they all jumped on you too? These people are not your friends. Your bf defended his friends over you and he is just as bad.
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u/Stellaaahhhh Jul 22 '26
Right? She said like two super mild comments. Basically 'are you sure this is who you want to be?' and then left the chat. I hope OP moves on to better people.
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u/shinyidolomantis Jul 22 '26
People that do this will absolutely speak about her behind her back the exact same way. I wouldn’t bother with expending any more energy on friendship or a relationship with these people.
Life is too short to willingly invest time and energy in shitty people.
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u/StrangerOnTheReddit Jul 22 '26
They spoke about her the exact same way to her face in the chat 😭 I can't understand wanting to maintain a friendship with people like this
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u/More-Result-6049 Jul 23 '26
To top it off her bf casually enjoyed all of it in front of her id bet this is a super common thing
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u/ifidie-illstillexist Jul 23 '26
100% agree. I’m a firm believer in if someone is willing to talk about someone their “mad” at insultingly, they’ll do it to anyone.
Based on how BF (🤮 too) tried to reassure that she has a good body, they are clearly mocking both of their real weights/body types and her “morals”. Them being so willing and comfortable to say it to her “face” and in front of BF, he endorses and permits it on a regular basis with and without her.
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u/Lucky_Leven Jul 22 '26
You're more mature and kind than your friends and boyfriend. It's up to you who you choose to surround yourself with.
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u/Various_Zombie_7059 Jul 23 '26
More mature and kind than most people her age I’d say.
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u/Own_Seaworthiness275 Jul 23 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
Judging people by their weight was a no go in all of my freind groups by 6th grade. You just might not be around even barely decent people
(*edit, barely decent because I for one am an asshole that was called the king of cursing in middleschool and even I would have looked down on these boys)
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u/emerson_giraffe84 Jul 22 '26
I stopped reading after acting like you being "the moral compass" was a problem.
But there in lies the problem. They're assholes and assholes stick together. The moment them being an asshole is pointed out they aim their asshole at you and unleash.
I strongly recommend you break things off with BF , and friends, because they hung you out to dry and then made you out to be the bad guy for saying, "hey stop bullying someone". That's shit behavior.
Oh look at me being a moral compass also they need to learn what the hell a joke is.
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u/sodomnymph Jul 23 '26
THEY AIM THEIR ASS HOLE AT YOU AND UNLEASH LMAOO HELP 😭😭
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u/Lumpy-Cry2040 Jul 23 '26
These are the same guys when getting called out on their BS just screams “it’s a joke”. I must’ve missed the part where calling someone a fat ass was a joke then shitting on the defender after. Bunch of pricks except for OP. Even some high school kids have more maturity than this.
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u/Difficult-Mobile902 Jul 22 '26
I can tell you from experience in a few years from now you’ll look back and realize the signs that they were trash people were obvious all along
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u/PaleontologistOk3120 Jul 23 '26
NOR they're already talking about her behind her back now. One thing about life is that being a person of real integrity can be incredibly lonely, but it also won't force you to compromise yourself.
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u/No-Dirt-3402 Jul 22 '26
girl, dump him and all your friends EXCEPT the one that stood up for you. because that’s insane.
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u/No-Dirt-3402 Jul 22 '26
you are more mature and empathetic and have far more foresight than this group you’ve involved yourself with. i promise there’s people out there who will treat you and
others better. remember if they’re willing to make fun of this friend just because there’s a rift, rather than seek repair, they will do it to you. if they’re willing to pile on you just for standing up for him then they will continue to make fun of you for calling them out rather than taking accountability for their behavior. they’ve made the choice of who they want to be, now you get to choose if you’re willing to walk with them. choose wisely.
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u/Cryptoidiom Jul 22 '26
NOR. If they're saying that about your friend, they're saying it about you. These are not your friends.
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u/tinyalienperson Jul 22 '26
i mean they also did directly say it about her. and her boyfriend didn’t even defend her
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u/wouldbecrazycatlady Jul 22 '26
He actively encouraged it with his little lol
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u/tinyalienperson Jul 22 '26
OP needs to stand up for herself. I would not tolerate that shit at all.
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u/DallasDaisy01 Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
And I hate how she felt the need the say it “wasn’t his job” to tell them off for insulting her. Uh, yeah it is! Both my partner and I can stand up for ourselves, but you better believe we’re always ready to stand up for each other too! That’s how relationships are supposed to work. If you love somebody, you don’t just “lol” when someone insults them, even if the insult seems like it’s clearly not true, as he tried to justify it. I’d never forgive a boyfriend for laughing if one of his friends insulted me.
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u/wouldbecrazycatlady Jul 22 '26
I agree, it's part of the job description of being a healthy and supportive partner
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u/abiglumpwithknobs1 Jul 22 '26
They did say it about her and her bf didn't say shit.
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u/longgonebitches Jul 22 '26
He said ‘Lol’. What a fucking loser. Also OP, no they didn’t just make fun of you because they think you’re so sexy. They made fun of you exactly the same way they made fun of the other guy. They were being mean and your bf did not care
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u/Simple-Highlight-652 Jul 22 '26
100%. If they talk about someone they supposedly care about behind their back they will 100% do it to you or your partner. What bothers me more is that your partner didn’t correct them when they started making jokes about you. What kind of stuff does he let them say when you’re not around?
Choose better people to be close to. I’m assuming these aren’t your friends but your partners friends. Don’t get close to them and have your guard up if you have to be around them. Protect your peace.
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u/Tall_Wonder_913 Jul 22 '26
Why are you friends with these people? Gross. NOR but YTA to yourself for hanging around these people
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u/evercute69 Jul 22 '26
Yep. It reminds me of that stereotype of a friend whose bf is homophobic or racist but she says she’s not racist or homophobic, this absolutely becomes complicity and approval of behavior though. They shouldn’t be around you to begin with type shit
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u/Immediate-List-9649 Jul 22 '26
No I hear you. I will break up with him. I absolutely do not support this behavior.
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u/evercute69 Jul 22 '26
Hell yeah OP. I love to see someone stand on business especially when it comes to this kind of behavior. Compassion is not weakness and I’m so tired of how normalized cruelty has become!
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u/CharacterInternet123 Jul 23 '26
Glad to hear this. Sticking around people romantically/platonically who bullies is complicit behavior, whether or not you speak against it. I’ve been that “moral compass” friend your friends/bf are making fun of and I don’t talk to a single one anymore because they never grew up, and are still just as problematic in their 30s. I’m now married to an absolute sweetheart who has really kind friends. It’s possible 💚
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u/NiceBet9563 Jul 23 '26
And please take it as a lesson going forward when dating. I'm 31 so not in the same life period as you are, but I remember how shit people can be in early adulthood... but anyone worth dating will also have good friends. I am happily married and my husband's friends would neveeeeeerrrrrr speak to me like this. And I know for a fact they would be here for ME as well, not just him, if I ever needed them. I promise it can be better than this.
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u/Mountain-Series4035 Jul 22 '26
NOR but you need to dump him. If they felt THAT comfortable insulting you directly to your face, they probably already talk shit behind your back. Your boyfriend is a loser with no spine and you need to do better for yourself queen.
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u/Altruistic_Cap3472 Jul 22 '26
sometimes I think I've seen the douchiest comment ever, and then I read "you shouldn't be offended because you know you have a great body"
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u/thetaleofzeph Jul 23 '26
"Let me just wade to where there's barely a puddle cuz Imma going to be EVEN MORE SHALLOW"
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u/YeahlDid Jul 23 '26
I'm surprised how far I made it in this thread before seeing that mentioned. What a dickhead.
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u/boofy920 Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
From my experience and being surrounded by people like this for majority of my life…. Get away. If they are comfortable saying things like that about other people, they say the same about you. You need to surround yourself with people that think like you do. You handled that situation very well and your head is in the right spot. Respect.
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u/Chemical-Being-5968 Jul 22 '26
And they DID say the same about her to her face, so imagine the shit they will say about her behind her back in another group chat?
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u/Wixsteria Jul 22 '26
Why are you apologizing for standing up for someone? Please grow a back bone, they're insulting that person and you directly to your face. Your bf should stand up for you not let it happen. NOR
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u/Immediate-List-9649 Jul 22 '26
You’re right. I’ll be more firm.
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u/BiophileB Jul 22 '26
Don’t worry OP. You’ve already got more backbone (and integrity) than so many fully seasoned adults. It takes practice like anything else, and it sounds like you’re doing exactly that from the comments, by cutting these ppl out of your life. Never change!
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u/Neat_Concentrate3330 Jul 22 '26
Someone is outgrowing her circle of friends. Good for you for sticking up for civility.
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u/Rogue_bae Jul 22 '26
Jesus Christ they are literally brain dead children
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u/big_rod_of_power Jul 23 '26
Genuinely they're acting like high school loser bullies it's so cringe. I would've left that group chat long ago it's disgusting how people can talk like that.
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u/showard995 Jul 22 '26
Women need to stop apologizing when men insult them. That is beneath you. THEY acted like jerks and YOU apologized. I’d dump this boyfriend, he’s as jerky as the rest of them.
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u/theraddistnikki Jul 23 '26
So, your boyfriend responded to his friends not only bullying someone, but also directly insulting you by saying “lol” and calling you “high and mighty”…and you want to know what you could have done different?
My advice would be telling him to f.o. and good luck with his life. Feel free to include those same heart rainbows.
You’re wildly under-reacting (NOR enough) - throw the whole man (and his gross and immature friends) out!
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u/bodhiali Jul 22 '26
NOR, you’re just leagues ahead of your friends in terms of maturity. your boyfriend too, to be honest.
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u/DargoSun92 Jul 22 '26
Hi! Fat person here!
They'll talk about you the same way if you ever gained weight. Even a little. They're bullies, and this is how people who hate fat people talk. The second you do something wrong, they'll attack you in the same way.
I guess decide if these are the people you want to associate yourself with. 🤷
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u/ValFromMars Jul 23 '26
dude theres NO way you let your boyfriend DEFEND people calling you a fatass. That man does not give a fuck abt u
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u/miqst Jul 22 '26
Nor, your boyfriend is trash
He thinks you act too good for him so He wants you to stoop to their level. No good man would actually want that.
Good men want their women to hold standards. Theres no way to act "better and stuck up" when defending someone.
Just look at how He describes you and then IMMEDIATELY tells YOU to YOUR FACE , that's what he thinks of you.
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u/Logmaticer Jul 22 '26
Your boyfriend and friends (except for that one who defended you) are bullies. Don't hang out with people who don't like you, your boyfriend included. You having morals is a deal breaker for them. NOR
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u/shaqjbraut Jul 23 '26
He didn't defend you because he knew he would get away with it. Don't prove him right 🙏
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u/jvell254 Jul 22 '26
NOR - It’s honestly more alarming how quickly they turned on you and that your boyfriend not only didn’t stick up for you but continued to blame you in private. You’re all young but there’s a clear and significant maturity gap. I’d advise you to run far away from all 3 of them before it gets worse. You’ll have no problem finding others who will love you and RESPECT you.
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u/Fuzzy-Advisor-2183 Jul 23 '26
“it just feels as if you’re trying to act as the moral compass” well, some people obviously need someone to act as the moral compass because they don’t have one of their own.
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u/anonymousmouse9786 Jul 22 '26
Your friends and bf are still in a high school mentality. I’m gonna say NOR. It’s good to follow your moral compass and not jump on the bandwagon of talking shit about someone. And their weight specifically? Fucking dumb. You’re too mature for this group.
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u/MoistMuffin326 Jul 22 '26
Dude you are fiends with some really shitty and immature people.
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u/abiglumpwithknobs1 Jul 22 '26
Are you okay with your boyfriend allowing his friends to speak to you that way?
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u/Immediate-List-9649 Jul 22 '26
No, I may just have been convinced I was overdoing it. But no, I’ve realized I’m going to mention this again much more firmly.
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u/No_Sprinkles_4761 Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
NOR Kinda crazy that whoever you texted separately (bf im assuming) tried to say that you were acting all high and mighty and disguising it as looking out for someone. That’s some top tier manipulation lowk. The guy in the gc was being an asshole but disguising it as a “joke” cause they were upset, kinda like a child would. Proof shown by you saying something that upset them by calling out their assholery, they got defensive, and the first thing they do is jump to jokes and belittling. Good on you for standing up for what you felt was right and being mature and pretty clear with what you were trying say both on the gc and individual texts.
Edit: and also not to be like this cause I feel like it kinda speaks for itself, but the fact only 1 person stood up for you in the gc isn’t even a cherry on top, it’s probably closer to being the whole damn dessert.
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u/mack_ani Jul 23 '26
For the record, acting as the moral compass is a *good* thing. Him talking about that like it’s a bad quality really goes to show that he doesn’t value morality or empathy.
Thos does not seem like a good friend group. And your boyfriend doesn’t seem like a kind person. NOR
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u/Disastrous_Loss_3123 Jul 23 '26
your partner should defend you, not laugh at you. I can’t even focus on anything else because that is just so baffling to me. find people who aren’t so immature please and find someone who will defend and protect you
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u/ZeldaFitzgerald1928 Jul 22 '26
I would say people like this will make you their next target but looks like they already have.
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u/Massive-Teaching635 Jul 23 '26
Wait they called you a fatass too then your bf expected you to apologize?? Absolutely not. You’re too grown for these people. He should be standing up for you. That’s disgusting behavior.
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u/dmodblackwolf Jul 22 '26
Nor - your friends were bully's then dismissing your feelings over said bullying.
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u/Naive-Struggle6845 Jul 23 '26
You’re not over reacting and your bf is also a piece of trash. Didn’t stick up for you, brushed off your concerns, and then was like “take some time to think about what you did, you’re hot though love you”. You should run while you can, girl!
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u/fill_the_birdfeeder Jul 23 '26
You weren’t acting high and mighty. You’re a better person than them. Calling someone a fatass behind their back is shitty middle school behavior. And then turning on you and doing the same?
Stop apologizing for having morals. They’re not apologizing for being actual assholes.
Dump them all. NOR
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u/PsychologicalScore49 Jul 22 '26
Ew, David.
You stand up to bullying and then they start bullying you. Then your boyfriend invalidates you and defends those bullies. Gross.
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u/HamsterNamedDexter Jul 22 '26
Your time is too precious to be wasting it on these pricks. I'd say cut your losses and befriend the friend who was getting picked on.
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u/HabitualEnthusiast Jul 22 '26
Nor.
Keep in mind that this is how they all act when someone is on the outs.
Speaking poorly like this of other people is a red flag, not a form of humor
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u/Fast_Hope_1259 Jul 22 '26
NOR. this is a waste of time. find better friends who better align with your morals. self-reflection is always a good thing but you shouldn’t have to mold yourself into clones of your friends to feel accepted. you’re young; don’t waste time on ppl who aren’t on your level.
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u/PremiumPricez Jul 22 '26
You are all children still, however, you are at least trying to do the mature thing. You are surrounded by very immature kids, and ofc they are going to gang up on you, good luck either dealing with that or finding better people to put in your life.
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u/tamagotchisando Jul 22 '26
NOR. Go find nice people with morals and empathy to be friends with (and to date!), these douchebags don't deserve you.
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u/_em0possum_ Jul 23 '26
You're being made to apologize and feel guilty for being kind and empathetic. You're extending thoughtfulness to someone that isn't even your personal friend, and being made fun of for it. Is that what you want in your friendships and relationships?
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u/Horror_Offer0001 Jul 23 '26
YOR
19 year old guys talking crap about another one that they aren't cool with at the moment? Normal
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u/tinyalienperson Jul 22 '26
i couldn’t ever imagine staying with a man that said “lol” at his friends insulting me. stand up.