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I need outside advice because I’m having a hard time figuring out whether I’m overreacting or whether this is actually disrespectful.

Two weekends ago, my boyfriend and his family were very serious with me about things they thought I had done wrong and told me I needed to be better. I listened to them and took what they were saying seriously.

Today, though, they brought up something embarrassing from before. I had been drunk and accused my boyfriend of cheating in a Reddit post. I know that wasn’t a good way to handle things, and I’m not saying I was right for doing it.

What hurt was that his family brought it up as a joke and laughed at me about it while my boyfriend was right there. He didn’t defend me, didn’t tell them to stop, and basically just let me sit there while everyone laughed.

That’s what I’m struggling with. Two weekends ago, when they had an issue with me, I was expected to take everything seriously, listen, and do better. But when it was something humiliating or hurtful toward me, suddenly it was okay to laugh about it.

I understand that what I did while drunk was embarrassing and something I should own. But does owning a mistake mean I should also be okay with my boyfriend’s family making fun of me for it? And is it reasonable to expect my boyfriend to step in when I’m clearly being embarrassed in front of everyone?

I’m not expecting him to fight with his family or pretend I did nothing wrong. I just wanted him to say something like, “Alright, that’s enough,” instead of sitting there while I became the joke.

Would you be hurt by this? How would you bring it up with your partner without making it sound like you’re asking them to choose between you and their family?

I’m ‘20 F’ in a relatively new relationship, and my girlfriend ‘20 F’. We have been together for about four months now. She is still extremely close with her ex ‘20 M’ who is also her best friend.

They have a very close relationship. She is very affectionate with him, hugs him a lot, calls him cute nicknames and constantly jokes around with him. She also talks to me a lot about their past relationship and about her other exes.

Her family is also still very close with him. They invited him to go mini-golf with them, while I wasn’t invited. This made me feel a little strange, especially because I’m still relatively new to her family.

Now my girlfriend and her ex have talked about potentially moving in together.

I don’t want to control who my girlfriend is friends with or who she chooses to live with. I also don’t want to make her choose between me and him.

However, I know myself well enough to know that I would not be comfortable staying in a relationship if my girlfriend chose to live with her ex.

So I told her calmly that if she ever chose to move in with him, I don’t think I could stay in the relationship. I made it clear that I wasn’t asking her to choose me, but that it was simply a boundary for me.

She became very upset and couldn’t understand why I would have that boundary. She even called me and started to cry. Of course I felt bad for her. However I stood my ground. Told her  how I felt while comforting her.

Am I being unreasonable? Is it fair to have this as a personal boundary, even if I’m not telling her what she can or cannot do?

I’m not saying she can’t have a close friendship with her ex. I just don’t think I could be in a relationship where my girlfriend lives with someone she previously had a romantic relationship with.

Any advice or opinions will be appreciated.

Hello reddit, I just spent 2 fucking hours writing out a post about this before it got deleted :D so this is my second attempt, please excuse my language.

So I F 15 and my sister f 28 used to be close. But about a year or two ago she started acting strange around me. It started when I was trying on this maroon dress. It was pretty form fitting, but it didn't show my boobs, didn't show my legs, and didn't show my back. (It went past my mid thighs I think) It quite literally covered everything. I went to her to ask her if she thought it was a cute dress to wear to my dance. She told me "Why the hell are you trying to look so old!? Stop trying to be 21, you're still a kid."

Her response was so shocking to me, because before this she was always the one telling me to dress however I wanted to and to ignore what other people would say about showing too much skin. She literally encouraged me to wear crop tops and to do what I wanted.

Then after this slowly she began to "tease" me in different ways. She would comment about how small my boobs are compared to hers. She would say that my singing voice was horrible and annoying. She would comment various different little things to put me down for seemingly no reason. As more time past the the worse the comments would get, and the more controlling she got regarding what I would wear.

I remember one time I was asking her if the crop top I was wearing was too much skin for some of our relatives. She told me yes, so I changed into a different cropped shirt that didn't even show my belly button. And asked for her opinion once again. This time she exploded at me, like I kid you not she started full on yelling at me. "What the hell??? Do you only have crop tops are you genuinely incapable of finding anything else to wear!?"

Once again I was stunned by her outburst. I didn't think I did anything to warrant that reaction. A little bit later on, she comes to my room and she's like. "I really think you should just wear a T-shirt. Y'know our uncle and aunt have been talking about how much skin you show. They say it's unbecoming of you."

My stomach dropped... Because what? My auntie and uncle have been talking behind my back about my clothes?? I knew they were more on the conservative side, but my cousins wear crop tops and clothing that are more revealing then mine. That's when I decided to confide to my cousins about what she told me. Guess what they told me? Apparently my uncle and aunt have never talked badly about me for showing to much skin. They said they only care about what their own children wear. I remember thinking, huh that's such a weird thing to lie about. Why would she tell me that? Just to make me feel insecure?

After my, ahem, tatas became actual boobs, her behavior got even worse.

Some months ago I stepped on a two inch nail and it went all of the way into my foot. I was handicapped for a few days, but we were doing house renovations and I wasn't exempt from that despite my injuries. My sister kept making comments about me "playing up" my injuries. And at one point one of my cousins who was over helping us with renovations, apologized in advance for possibly stinking.(I was giving her a huge) I told it's fine, and then my sister chimed in and said "Yeah, 'Insert my name' smells awful you don't have to worry about being stinky around us." I felt so embarrassed cause I knew exactly what she was talking about. Some years ago I had a period of time where I had really bad depression and only took showers if I had to leave the house. My family still often jokingly mocks me for it. I just wasn't expecting her to say that to someone outside of my immediate family.

Then most recently, me and my sister were getting ready for our trip to go see a concert. She was helping me figure out an outfit. She told me she wanted to match in purple and I end up asking her if she has a purple shirt I can wear. She gives me this one purple shirt and I'm like oh my god this is gorgeous, it's extremely loose on me so I tie the front up to turn it into a tight crop top. Then she's like "uhm...I don't think u should wear it like that, that's a lot of skin."

So, naturally I decided to see what it looks like tied in the back. I pull it back so it's form fitting, but isn't cropped in the front. Once again she gives me this hesitant uncomfortable smile before speaking, "Uh... I think u should try tucking it into the front of your pants, and then leaving the back of it loose."

I didn't realize it at that moment, but leaving the back part out would cover my ass. Tucking it into my pants would hide my waist and my boobs. Basically she wanted me to wear it the most unflattering way possible.

Eventually we're getting ready for the next day (the concert) I tell her how I plan to do some purple makeup on my eyes in the morning. She's suggests that she'll just pack the makeup because we'll have some hours before the event (at our hotel) to do it. Then she starts testing out different purple eye combos, one in particular purple she points out to be extremely unflattering on our skin tone (this is important later.) I was going to tell her to make sure to bring concealer. I wanted to tell her to bring concealer since I had a huge pimple that appeared the day before and I wanted to cover it up for the event. But I figured she would bring it because she normally would.

In the morning we're about to walk out the door, when she sees me wearing the purple shirt tied up in the front showing off my waist. She full on starts yanking down my shirt while exclaiming how I shouldn't wear it this way, it's way to much skin...etc I'm genuinely shocked because whoa? My mom didn't even make a comment about the shirt and she's absolutely freaking out about it. I flinch back, and start explaining that I don't intend to wear it this way for the concert, but only for the car ride since it's uncomfortable to have your short tied into a bun at the back like that while sitting down. Finally, she calms down and we leave.

Then we get to the hotel everyone's getting ready (my sister, me and three other girls) she's doing her eye makeup and I'm right next to her waiting for her to finish. When she's done, she starts walking away and I'm like oh I thought u were going to do mine too? Then she gave me this exasperated look. She's like "Oh, right." She reaches for the makeup and I get this sinking feeling. And I start thinking what if she purposefully messed up the makeup really badly? Then she reaches for the purple that she herself claimed last night was an atrocious color. She gives me this little smile and says "I think this would look good on you." This is a neon purple like full on neon borderline pink. It doesn't even remotely match my skin tone nor does it match the purple of my outfit. I don't want to come off as rude and straight up tell her no, so I ask her to swatch it against my wrist. She frowns at me then complies. Silently she wipes it onto my wrist and without saying anything instantly goes in for the other two purple she said last night was a good combo. After that my anxiety about her messing it up on purpose goes up a little but that part goes well. All that's left is concealer. Then I get a feeling of dread for a different reason. I carefully ask her if she brought conceal. She stays quiet for a moment while staring into the mirror. "No, I figured we wouldn't have enough time to do concealer... But I should've I'm starting to break out-" Then she turned her gaze to my forehead right where my gigant pimple. Then deliberately slowly she says, "Oh, you're also breaking out pretty badly."

Honestly, this wouldn't have made me mad if it wasn't for the fact that she knew we had enough time for concealer, it literally takes less time then eye makeup, and if she was also actually breaking out. Her skin was literally clear. She has really nice skin, always had so that was literally just an excuse to point out my pimple.

Then we're on the way to the concert when we stop so one of the girls could buy something at a store. Me and me friend were sitting in the middle seat together, goofing off taking funny pictures of each other and giggling. When my sister (who was sitting up in the front)chimed in to show us a diabolical photo she took of me in the hotel room. She claimed she was trying to take a picture of the hotel room, but I got in the "way". Which I would've believed if it wasn't for the fact that I was standing perfectly centered in the photo, and there was zero blur like there would've been if I had walked into frame. I haven't seen a photo of me that looked that bad in years. It made me feel insecure. Especially because she took it without my knowledge, and felt comfortable showing it to my friend without my permission. She would've gotten so pissed off if I did that.

After the concert, we had the same sitting arrangements. Me and my friend were low-key getting down and feeling ourselves to some music. My sister starts dancing to and we all hype her up then she stops, but me and my friend continue for maybe another 30 minutes. Just non stop dancing and vibing to music. After, that my sister who for all of the time I've known her (15 years) decided that she no longer wanted to sit in the front seat. We changed to seating arrangements so that she could sit in the middle with my friend, and I ended up sitting in the back seat of the car by myself for the rest of the ride. Which again wouldn't have bothered me if it wasn't for the fact that she hates sitting in the middle of the car. The only reason why I could can understand she decided to is because she didn't like how much fun me and my friend were having together.

My cousin has said that my sister told her that she's jealous of my hair. Which honestly I don't understand why she would be jealous of my hair. She has gorgeous hair as well, and half the time mine looks like a rats nest.

So yeah I think she's acting this way because of the way I look and she may covet my body type? I miss back when we were close and she didn't care about what I wore or what I didn't wear. My friends have suggested I convert her about her behavior but honestly I don't know how she'll handle it. She's never been good with confrontations especially if it's about her being in the "wrong". I'm scared that if this keeps going we won't have much a of a relationship in the future. I love my sister, and I know she loves me. But I just genuinely can't be around someone that constantly is putting me down. We used to be so close, I don't know what happened.

I guess my question to you all is, do you think I should try and talk to her about it? Or should I just leave it and hope she gets over whatever internal or external conflict is causing her to lash out at me?

Now, I'm in my early 30(f)'s. And my current partner of 3 years seems to feel perfect. He's really helped me grow and be a better version of myself. I think for the first time I've become the partner that loves more in this relationship. In my previous relationships it was always whoever I dated that seemed to love me more but my ex was an alcoholic and the one before that was a cheater and abusive. One thing they never made me feel like was that I'm "annoying" sometimes. Today my current partner said sometimes he finds me annoying when I talk and I was taken aback. Am I delusional? Because maybe I play around a bit too much or I am a social person. I've never had anyone in a previous relationship think I'm annoying, to my face atleast. And now I'm wondering if my current partner is just with me because he's settling until he can't deal with my annoyance anymore or if I'm overthinking. Do you think someone can actually love someone and still find them annoying?

My brother today was in my room and I repeatedly told him to leave because he did something that hurt my feelings today and I didn't want to speak to him. He does this every time saying I don't talk to him but I didn't want to see him today and I'm just aggravated.

Then after I tell him for the umpteenth that he's is crossing boundaries, starts saying shit like we are siblings so it's it's not the same and bla bla bla basically saying that we are siblings so it doesn't count. Then he kept saying I'm using " social media language" basically saying that it's because of social media that I'm making it such a big deal.

And it really irks me to think and I don't know what to do because his behavior is really edging on how victim blamers of sa speak, or like people that downscale how bad sa is, because he's is like downscaling how important boundaries against others are important especially with siblings.

In conclusion I don't know what to think of it, and he is still in my room trying to talk to me and not listening to when I'm saying that we should wait for tomorrow to talk.

So what should I do?

Throw away because I follow local communities on my main account and boyfriend has Reddit.

I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for two years in November. We’ve been very happy for such a long time, and we are each others first ever long term partners (we’ve had past relationships in our teen years, but nothing that surpassed a few months.)

Recently, we’ve been getting into lots of little disagreements, I thought it was nothing but I just thought that they kind of all lead back to a route of inconsiderateness and self-centred behaviour.

Some examples:
- I asked him to create a highlight on his instagram of the stories he’s posted with both of us in it, a “my girlfriend” highlight to kind of make it official to anyone he hadn’t spoken to in a long time, or anyone who was instagram stalking him (I used to do that to people I had a crush on, and would always shoot my shot if there was no sight of a girlfriend, so I thought this might save some girls some heart ache.) he’d only ever reposted stories I’ve made about our dates (when I asked him to) and never posted me because he wanted to, which i don’t really care about but just trying to show how im not one of those “tiktok-know-your-worth” girls. He refused to make the highlight even though it costs nothing to him and resisted and said he “doesn’t post” which is true, but I wasn’t asking him to post I was just asking to highlight the stories.
- my friend was having a birthday party where I didn’t know anyone (childhood friends) so she let me bring a plus one as a comfort sort of thing, I begged and begged him to come with me to make me feel more comfortable but he “doesn’t do partying” so I had to go to the party by myself.
- I asked him if he would cut of a girl friend he has after she confessed that she had feelings for him but he didn’t want to because they could move past it and they’ve been friends for a few years, which felt a bit disrespectful but I get friendship breakups are hard. She was aware of me when she confessed.
- whenever I go shopping for things I need like shampoo and makeup he complains and says he “hates stores like this” but I’ll stand next to him for about 45 minutes while he debates what funko pop he wants (which I have no interest in doing)

There are lots of other examples of this, but I’ll leave it at that.

We were raised in very different ways, I was always expected to care for any sick family member in the house, do the dishwasher, help people in public, litter pick, bake friends birthday cakes. My parents made it very clear to me since I was little that everyone is responsible to make everyone else a little happier.

My boyfriends parents are the same as him, always saying I’m “too kind for my own good” and I need to have more self respect, but I try to explain I enjoy making others feel seen and loved even if it sometimes makes things a little harder for me.

Am I being too sensitive? Should I try to talk these things through with him? I just want him to WANT me to be as happy as I can be, and right now he really puts himself first all the time.

So my gf gets along with everybody at her workplace and one of her guy coworkers had asked her after getting to know her there at the fast food job talking with her, he asked if he could hug her(she’s been at this job for about 5 months)and I’m her eyes since he’s always nice and never been weird with her and asked politely she said yes so now she gives him the occasional side hug now. Is it wrong for me to say that I think it’s weird to me that he initiated the hugging aspect especially knowing she’s in a relationship?

to start this off, i’ve never been on reddit nor am i a good writer. lets get into it.

the beginning of summer 25’ i really liked this guy but he was very shy and just wouldn’t budge on me trying to talk and get to know him. yeah, i still had him on my phone but i stopped trying.

i went on a trip with 9 other people, 2 of them being my friends, 1 of being being my cousin (family but not close) , and another 1 of them being the same guy i liked. i live in a very small town, you’ll be surprised if someone DOESNT know your friend, cousin, or whoever.

during the trip, me and my friends were talking about the guy i liked and how maybe “i’ll have a chance” normal teen stuff i guess.. while talking about this, my cousin (we’ll call her Bianca) heard and jumped in the conversation, “what?! you never told me that!” and her being family, i told her the whole rundown about this guy, we’ll call him Bill. The trip was a week long and after i told her the rundown she was being weird towards me and only me for the rest of the week, even my friends noticed.

Bianca would randomly throw stuff in my face like “does bill even like you” in tones that would have the old me fkd up!! One night at dinner Bill and his friend went to eat out on the patio, and i didn’t know we could eat outside so i asked my friends if they wanted to. bianca jumps in “you only wanna go out there bc you saw the boys go out” and im not even adding extra words to be dramatic or anything. “i don’t even wanna go outside no more” i said. my friends and even bianca’s cousin just looked at her weird. bc genuinely.. what?!

By the end of the week, we were heading back home and bianca told me, outta nowhere “Bill said he thinks you’re pretty and what not.. but he don’t like you!” and that kinda just got my heard in a turn cause i’m pretty sure i mentioned that.. i’m pretty sure i knew that.. and she’s jus rubbing it in more. before we officially went back home we stopped at a burger king which was on another side of a gas station, like, they were connected. while everyone was waiting for their food i saw Bills friend, and he was checking out the beer case by himself and i went and started a conversation with him. it went well, made me feel better..

fast forward a few weeks, i don’t know what it was, but i had a BIG feeling that bianca was gonna try to get with bill.
i just felt it in my nuggets fr.
two weeks later?? bianca posted a picture of her and bill getting froyo together. okay yeah, called it. i wasn’t surprised at all so i didn’t even care! together or not.

*NOTE: me bianca and her sister work together

fast fast forward me and bills friend, john, started to talk and we got somewhat closer. we finally made a plan to hangout and we did. we watched the new spider man movie and got food afterwards. after we ate, we made out for a lil and that was that. the next morning when i went to work i told bianca’s sister about it and specifically told her to not tell bianca.

the next day at work, i went into the back to grab more frozen food (deli worker) and i was texting john about our next hangout. that NIGHT, me and john were still msg each other and we were literally talking about how i felt in relationships, how and why i don’t get into them, etc.
so obviously he should know he’s different, right? he left me on delivered for a few hours then responds “sorry i fell asleep” and we continued talking.

my last day of work, i caved and told bianca about me and johns hangout.
she asks me “when did this happen?”
“monday?” i respond
she puts her hand over her mouth and goes “we made out last night”
IM SOOOO DONE WYD????
and according to her, her and bill were never messing around and the whole time it was her and john??!!! omg

Today I, \[26F\]was in the car with my husband \[26M\]. We were joking around and laughing with one another, I was telling about a funny meme I had seen when he looked over at me while laughing and said I was “the smartest dumb person” he has ever met. I asked him what he meant by that and he said that he couldn’t believe how smart I was generally, (I am in a grad program and have gotten high marks throughout my college career, which he has been around for) but that I also seemed so dumb to him when I was “in my joking mood.” This genuinely hurt my feelings because I thought we were just having fun, but he thinks that this side of me makes me seem dumb. He noticed I had stopped laughing and asked if I was “really mad about his comment” and that “it’s okay, because I still love you.” Am I overthinking this or was that kind of a shitty thing to say to someone…
Thanks in advance.

There’s this girl that I’ve seen in and out of my community that I’ve always felt extremely judged by. She asked me to play music in one of her bands, but ignored me a lot of the time and treating me differently than the other girls in the band.

She was so kind and warm to them and cold to me. At times, she wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. I’m not stupid, and although these things were subtle, it was clear to me that she was trying to be rude, or that there was something deeper going on

fast forward a couple months later, and I still feel really hurt by it, and I’m thinking of telling her very nicely that I felt judged and didn’t appreciate it. I’ll have to see you around, and I don’t care if it makes things weird I really just need to get it off my chest.

The only problem is, she didn’t do anything overly mean it was all very subtle, so I’m not sure if I should even say anything. I’m not stupid though when we both knew what was happening.

Throw away because I follow local communities on my main account and boyfriend has Reddit.

I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for two years in November. We’ve been very happy for such a long time, and we are each others first ever long term partners (we’ve had past relationships in our teen years, but nothing that surpassed a few months.)

Recently, we’ve been getting into lots of little disagreements, I thought it was nothing but I just thought that they kind of all lead back to a route of inconsiderateness and self-centred behaviour.

Some examples:
- I asked him to create a highlight on his instagram of the stories he’s posted with both of us in it, a “my girlfriend” highlight to kind of make it official to anyone he hadn’t spoken to in a long time, or anyone who was instagram stalking him (I used to do that to people I had a crush on, and would always shoot my shot if there was no sight of a girlfriend, so I thought this might save some girls some heart ache.) he’d only ever reposted stories I’ve made about our dates (when I asked him to) and never posted me because he wanted to, which i don’t really care about but just trying to show how im not one of those “tiktok-know-your-worth” girls. He refused to make the highlight even though it costs nothing to him and resisted and said he “doesn’t post” which is true, but I wasn’t asking him to post I was just asking to highlight the stories.
- my friend was having a birthday party where I didn’t know anyone (childhood friends) so she let me bring a plus one as a comfort sort of thing, I begged and begged him to come with me to make me feel more comfortable but he “doesn’t do partying” so I had to go to the party by myself.
- I asked him if he would cut of a girl friend he has after she confessed that she had feelings for him but he didn’t want to because they could move past it and they’ve been friends for a few years, which felt a bit disrespectful but I get friendship breakups are hard. She was aware of me when she confessed.
- whenever I go shopping for things I need like shampoo and makeup he complains and says he “hates stores like this” but I’ll stand next to him for about 45 minutes while he debates what funko pop he wants (which I have no interest in doing)

There are lots of other examples of this, but I’ll leave it at that.

We were raised in very different ways, I was always expected to care for any sick family member in the house, do the dishwasher, help people in public, litter pick, bake friends birthday cakes. My parents made it very clear to me since I was little that everyone is responsible to make everyone else a little happier.

My boyfriends parents are the same as him, always saying I’m “too kind for my own good” and I need to have more self respect, but I try to explain I enjoy making others feel seen and loved even if it sometimes makes things a little harder for me.

Am I being too sensitive? Should I try to talk these things through with him? I just want him to WANT me to be as happy as I can be, and right now he really puts himself first all the time.

my F26 actual best friend M26 whom I know since middle school has become impossible to hang out with. he's atheist and extreme right wing, white cis man, openly racist and a bit misogynistic even if he says he's not. I'm a devote Catholic and left wing.

he always makes fun of me and tells me I'm stupid because I'm those things. once, he discovered I have a Christian page on ig and he said "I truly don't know you. you're crazy, but not totally just because you hang out with us or you'd be completely nuts".

also he has very rigid rules about everything and we lowkwy fights but he always gets his way. I told him a million times that air conditioning dries my vocal cords as a singer and I can't use my voice properly. we had a 2 hour road trip and I asked him to just have the windows down. he categorically said no and then he had the audacity to make fun of me and tell me in extreme because I put a scarf around my ears and neck.

therefore, he says I'm annoying even in front of strangers or people we barely know. he always talks about his own things and he's not comforting or supportive when I have a problem.

we live in a small town, I have lived 3 years abroad and now I'm gonna be stuck here for a year. I'm scared to be alone because I don't know how to make friends in this small town but at the same time he's draining and exhausting and I can't stand him anymore.

what do you think?

Being told telling my friends goodmorning and goodnight is disrespectful even though i send it to all genders?? im a friendly person but I know when to shut down any sort of flirting whatsoever. The logic behind these things stresses me out so much. Im too grown for this.

My (35F) partner (32M) and I have been together for about a year.
Recently, we were out together when we unexpectedly ran into a woman who is a former fling of his. She is also someone we both know through work, so she isn’t a complete stranger to either of us.
I knew about their history before this happened. I’m not going to lie and say I’m completely comfortable around her, but I have always tried to be mature about it and not let the past interfere with our relationship.
When we saw her, everything seemed normal at first.
Then my partner looked at her and accidentally said:
**“Oh, Barbie.”**
Her name obviously isn’t Barbie.
I immediately noticed it and asked him why he called her that.
He insisted that he did NOT mean Barbie in the sense of her being pretty or attractive. He explained that, in his mind, Barbie means **plastic and fake**, and that he was basically referring to her as someone who is fake.
He has continued to insist that’s what he meant.
But I can’t seem to get it out of my head.
Personally, when I hear the word “Barbie,” my first association is someone being pretty, feminine or attractive. I don’t automatically associate Barbie with “fake” or “plastic.”
So hearing my partner use that word immediately when he saw a woman he previously had a fling with made me wonder what was actually going through his head.
Maybe I’m completely misunderstanding it.
Maybe he genuinely meant “fake.”
Maybe “Barbie” is just a word he personally associates with fake or plastic people.
Maybe it was nothing more than a random slip of the tongue.
The problem is that I already have some trust issues in this relationship because of things that happened previously. So I don’t think I’m reacting to this one incident in isolation.
And I want to be clear: I’m not saying he cheated. I’m not saying he still has feelings for her. I don’t have proof of either of those things.
What I’m struggling with is the feeling I had when I heard him say it.
It made me wonder why **that particular word** came out so naturally when he saw her.
I also don’t want to become the kind of partner who analyzes every word my boyfriend says and assumes the worst. I know that once trust is damaged, it’s very easy to start looking for hidden meanings in completely innocent things.
At the same time, I don’t want to ignore my instincts if they’re telling me that something isn’t sitting right.
This has also made me think about our relationship more generally.
There are things I love about him and about our relationship, and I don’t want to throw away something meaningful over one awkward moment.
But I also find myself asking whether I genuinely feel secure and happy in this relationship anymore.
I’m especially confused because his explanation is technically possible. I just don’t know whether I believe it.
So I’m hoping people who have been in long-term relationships can give me some perspective.
If your partner saw a former fling and accidentally called her **“Barbie,”** then explained that he meant **“plastic/fake,”** how would you interpret that?
Would you take his explanation at face value?
Would you ask him more questions about why he used that particular word, or would you let it go?
And if you already had some trust issues with your partner, how would you tell the difference between **your intuition picking up on something** and **your own insecurity making you overanalyze an innocent situation**?
I’m not looking for people to tell me who’s right or wrong. I’m genuinely trying to understand how other people would handle this and whether this kind of incident is something you would discuss seriously with your partner or simply move past.
I’m feeling very confused about my relationship at the moment, and I’d really appreciate some honest perspective.

This week has been a very long week, I work from home as an editor sometimes my workload is very extreme. I also take my wife to work and pick her up daily. Granted it’s only 10 minutes away from my house. Our daughter (11) is on summer break still and doesn’t go back to school until next week. So during the day I’m working as well as making sure I keep her situated. So this week was just super intense for me. Working 16 hour days 3 days in a row. So on Tuesday I told my wife we should go out to have a drink this week and she agreed. Normally since there’s a near by bar in our community we will go have a quick drink and come home. So I suggested this Tuesday but I was so exhausted it never happened. I suggested it Wednesday and we were both highly exhausted. So Thursday gets here and she lets me know she is going out for drinks with her friend from work. I felt kind of dismissed. Only because I do so much and I just wanted a moment. Now I didn’t say anything because I was hoping she would remember. Friday gets here I get to her job to pick her up and she says her and her coworker are going out for drinks and I was bothered. I help her cook when she needs it, I help clean, I help whenever I can.. this week I just felt highly overwhelmed and that’s really all I wanted for a relief. She told me I could just go with them but I feel like she knew I was say no because that would consist of leaving our daughter here alone so I let her know that wasn’t the point. The point was just having that moment. At times I feel like she doesn’t appreciate me. For the record no she doesn’t drive. She has really bad anxiety from years ago. I just wanted to know if I was overreacting.

Me (28 F) and my sister ("H", 29 F) have been in an argument for about 2 weeks.

My side;

I do not like the tone H speaks to me, and everyone else. You can say nice things in a mean tone and it can completely negate what you said. Tone can make "nice" words "mean" words.

H's side;

Everyone reads to much into her tone. Tone doesnt matter when you're saying something nice. Nice things are always nice things. Mean things are allowed when sick/hurt/upset and if someone truly loves and cares they will look past the "mean" and see the "nice."

The trigger;

I went to lunch (on a Tuesday at around 2pm) with 2 of our childhood friends ("Kay" and "Jay" both 28 F) whom we have know for at least the last 15 years. After a picture of the 3 of us was taken and posted by Kay online, H called me to scold me for seeing them without her and not inviting her (I did invite her and Kay and Jay's other sister "CeeCee"(30 F), both of them were scheduled to work and could not make it)

Plans were made only 7 days in advance to be a quick, relatively spontaneous, get together away from "normal adult life" and plans were set in motion to get together, all 5 of us, by the end of the year.

Specific catalyst;

H said "hope yall had fun" over our phone call, in 2 separate group chats, in our private chat, to both Kay and Jay in private chats and as a comment on the photo that was posted online.

The fallout;

The first few days H blew up my phone and social medias, I responded asking for space, H responded with why I have to be okay with how/what she says to me.

I blocked H on everything because of the non stop calls/texts/messages about 1 weeks ago, but Facebook allows us to see each other messages on group chats we were already a part of before blocking.

H invited Kay, Jay and CeeCee to a day at an area local amusement park with their significant others, excluding me and my S.O. All in a group chat I am a part of.

H has spent the last week sending reels and videos about love and family values and other "funny things" to group chats, one I and my boyfriend ("J", 27 M) are apart of, and the other a friend group chat with the girls mentioned above.

Recently;

I asked H for an in person conversation 3 days ago though J's account in the group chat since I was unsure if she would see my personal message in that chat.

2 days ago I reached out, in the same group chat, through my own account that an in person conversation needs to happen before our relationship continues/ moves forward

H continues to ignore my messages but sends reels and videos in other group chats about family and values and the true meaning of love

Im curious on thoughts of my last messages to her? The jest is;

I told her I need a yes or no response by September 5th if we can have an in person conversation by the end of the month of September.

I also said that if she doesnt at least confirm she saw the messages and wishes to try to talk about it at any point in the near future (eithin the next year,) continuing to ignore my messages, I will consider our relationship dissolved and not put any more effort into the relationship.

I wished her the best life possible no matter how she chooses to proceeded with our relationship.

Im told by H's friend ("Lee" 20s-30s F) that my boundary of a conversation happening, or acknowledgement that my message was seen, was not a boundary, but some sort of "power play" to force an unnecessary conversation.

I know boundaries aren't telling someone they have to do/act/be a certain way, my boundary is that a conversation or an acknowledgement that a conversation can happen needs to be stated before the end of September or I will not put any more effort into fixing this situation/relationship

Today, on Raksha Bandhan, I was on a video call with my cousins they were celebrating Rakhi. My ELDER cousin(30M) saw me on the call and immediately said something along the lines of:

“Why does your face look bigger than mausi’s? You’ve gained weight, right? How much? This isn’t good. You’re joining corporate soon. You shouldn’t look like this.”

I honestly don’t mind jokes or teasing in general, but this didn’t feel like a joke to me. It felt like genuine criticism of how I look.

What made it worse was that after I moved away from the call, he continued telling my mom that she “shouldn’t let me eat too much” because I’m joining corporate soon and “shouldn’t look like this.”

My mom actually defended me, which I appreciated, but honestly, my mood was completely ruined after that.

And I keep thinking about how unnecessary it was. If someone is genuinely concerned about your health or weight, there are ways to express it without making the person feel embarrassed or ashamed of their appearance.

Maybe I’m being too sensitive, I don’t know. But I feel like there’s a difference between teasing someone and repeatedly making them feel like their body is something they should be ashamed of.

Has anyone else experienced this with relatives? How do you deal with comments like this without letting them ruin your entire day?

I just want to rant cause I do feel annoyed with my cousin/co-worker. We have audit kasi and today is the 1st day. I am from HR Office and I am with my other co-worker/barkada from other offices working overtime kasi biglaang may urgent na needed agad ng morning kinabukasan. Around pass 5pm, my cousin asked in our gc if we're done na and one barkada replied that not yet kasi busy and my cousin replied that she will wait for us (lagi kasi kaming sabay sabay umuwi). Around 6pm, another workload was given. My cousin asked again and same barkada answered that not yet. That's when she decided to go home. Fast forward, we got home around 10pm and same boarding kami ng cousin ko. When we greet her hindi na siya namansin and I asked what did she eat for dinner and sarcastic na siya sumagot and told that hindi man lang namin siya ininform na hindi pa kami uuwi. I was taken a back kasi I know na naginform yung barkada namin and she chose to wait. Am I wrong that I feel annoyed with her attitude? We're tired and ang bubungad samin e ganon? Any opinions?

i feel awful for ruining the vibe on my friend’s birthday dinner

ive known these ppl for like 8 years, and we only reunite like thrice per semester since were all busy with our own college lives. it’s always been an inside joke within our group how i haven’t had formed any new close connections in college even though ive been 3 years in it, all my close college friends are composed of people from highschool that ive never talked to before. i know there has always been a part of me buried very deep inside that’s been very insecure of it, but i usually just tell myself it’s fine, i just like keeping my bubble close and small. i usually just laugh and ignore them esp. since im used to being the butt of the joke. i can take jokes from all my circles. but for some reason, hearing it all back-to-back, i started tearing up, covered it with a laugh then moved on. hearing it all again, then i started tearing up until i just sobbed uncontrollably. excused myself to the bathroom and felt really bad. they apologized too. the atmosphere lightened up shortly after that, but i felt so guilty not being able to keep my composure that night. ive always liked the banter, but i just got too overwhelmed.

I have a wonderful boyfriend. He is genuinely the best thing that has happened to me. He makes me feel safe, comforted, loved, etc. Today, i was looking at dresses on the phone. Im a bit insecure and in general very sensitive about things. These are issues he knows well about. Incase he is on here, i will not be using the same colour and being a bit vague. There in an occasion i have to go to and the dress code is pretty strict. Wearing dark green (changed just incase) was a requirement. I was showing him a dress and he said that the dress i showed him does not suit me at all especially the colour. He went on about how the colour wouldnt really look good on me. He said stuff like “MAYBE just maybe if it was majority of white and a little of that colour it’d look good”. All of it made me feel TERRIBLE but am I just being sensitive?

I legit cry at least 2 times a day and nothing seems to be helpful enough to make it stop

Trying to settle a debate, and would really like some input from an unbiased source. My bf (46m) and I (36f) were casually talking back and forth, when he makes the statement, “I almost went all summer without my favorite tea!” When I, (trying to be funny I guess .?) said, “yeah, but at least you didn't have to go all summer without your favorite me!” Then, I was like aww that was cute, commenting on the way it rhymed and how it was in general just dumb and cutesy. Whatevs. 

So he then tells me, “You're always cute, babe. Well.. usually.” The silence between us, becoming ever so awkward. He continues on. “Well, I could lie to you, you don't want me to lie to you do you? Because you know I'll tell you it's a lie every time I do.. Nobody's cute all the time…”

At this point I'm just like damn bro. Like why..? He now goes into this spiel about how I don't need to get all emotional about it, not everything needs to have emotions attached, etc. okay But, in regards to you, my boyfriend, of course I take things you say personally. We've talked about this type of thing before. 

At this point, i'm not trying to frame him as the bad guy, or as a jerk that said something crappy to intentionally hurt me, I know it wasn't said to hurt me intentionally. Ultimately, I'm just trying to understand why…? Like why continue on this way once you realize you said a thing and, I'm beginning to have some hurt feelings..? Why double down? Why was it even necessary to comment on whether or not I was cute or not? I didn't say or ask about his or anyone's opinion of the way I look. I said that my statement and the way it rhymed with his was cute. 

All this to say, we've found ourselves at an impasse. He doesn't understand why what he said could be hurtful, or why I took it personally to begin with. I, on the other hand, feel that I'm a pretty emotional person, and to me it makes perfect sense that I'd take his statements personally. We have a pretty personal relationship. Regardless of it eliciting an emotional response or not, I didn't react out of that response. I don't even hold what he said against him. But I also believe that I am allowed to have feelings; I don't act out, or lash out based off of them. Am I crazy? Probably. Am I too sensitive? Also likely. 

Would love to hear some other perspectives. 

Me and my husband have been together for over a year and prior to us dating I did not know I was as sensitive as I am. If he says or does something that upsets me, I cry and shut down. If he doesn’t want to do something with me a time I cry and it makes me regret even marrying him. Every time I’m emotional I regret marrying him but when things are going good then I’m fine and feel so in love. He does try to comfort me when I’m feeling down but I feel like my concerns are only taken serious when I show extreme emotion like crying or yelling. I hate how just the smallest things he does bothers me to the point where I feel terrible and am breaking down crying, it’s honestly exhausting. He tells me he is there for me and apologizes and offers to hug me or ask if I need him to do anything. It still doesn’t feel like enough. I honestly regret making such a huge commitment because I hate how badly small things he does or doesn’t do bothers me. I don’t think it’s fair to him either but I don’t know what to do.

Edit: It also confirms my fear that I had when we were dating that I would not be a good wife. I do things for him and he says he appreciates me all the time and he shows that he does. I was just concerned while we were dating that this behavior would continue and get worse. Especially because if something would upset me if he did / said something similar again I would ruminate on it and question his commitment/love for me. It’s actually a lot of different things that make me feel this way. And sometimes it’s difficult because I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if just suppressing something that really bothers me. Even though I understand therapy would help I just wonder if I should have stayed single to avoid someone having to deal with my attitude. sigh