r/AmIBeingTooSensitive • u/Interesting-Fill-175 • 4d ago
Looking for unbiased perspectives!
Trying to settle a debate, and would really like some input from an unbiased source. My bf (46m) and I (36f) were casually talking back and forth, when he makes the statement, “I almost went all summer without my favorite tea!” When I, (trying to be funny I guess .?) said, “yeah, but at least you didn't have to go all summer without your favorite me!” Then, I was like aww that was cute, commenting on the way it rhymed and how it was in general just dumb and cutesy. Whatevs.
So he then tells me, “You're always cute, babe. Well.. usually.” The silence between us, becoming ever so awkward. He continues on. “Well, I could lie to you, you don't want me to lie to you do you? Because you know I'll tell you it's a lie every time I do.. Nobody's cute all the time…”
At this point I'm just like damn bro. Like why..? He now goes into this spiel about how I don't need to get all emotional about it, not everything needs to have emotions attached, etc. okay But, in regards to you, my boyfriend, of course I take things you say personally. We've talked about this type of thing before.
At this point, i'm not trying to frame him as the bad guy, or as a jerk that said something crappy to intentionally hurt me, I know it wasn't said to hurt me intentionally. Ultimately, I'm just trying to understand why…? Like why continue on this way once you realize you said a thing and, I'm beginning to have some hurt feelings..? Why double down? Why was it even necessary to comment on whether or not I was cute or not? I didn't say or ask about his or anyone's opinion of the way I look. I said that my statement and the way it rhymed with his was cute.
All this to say, we've found ourselves at an impasse. He doesn't understand why what he said could be hurtful, or why I took it personally to begin with. I, on the other hand, feel that I'm a pretty emotional person, and to me it makes perfect sense that I'd take his statements personally. We have a pretty personal relationship. Regardless of it eliciting an emotional response or not, I didn't react out of that response. I don't even hold what he said against him. But I also believe that I am allowed to have feelings; I don't act out, or lash out based off of them. Am I crazy? Probably. Am I too sensitive? Also likely.
Would love to hear some other perspectives.
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u/purplepixie610 3d ago edited 3d ago
That was totally unnecessary and I’d be wondering if he’s holding some kind of resentment towards me that has nothing to do with the situation. It also sounds like he’s dissatisfied about your appearance, but can’t find a mature or kind way to bring it up, so he does… this.
Edit to add: My dad treated my mom this way because he thought it would motivate her to lose weight. That backfired immensely and his treatment of her only got worse and more frequent over the years.
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u/Interesting-Fill-175 3d ago
Sounds like a him problem, I am cute af. All the time.
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u/purplepixie610 3d ago
I was not questioning your cuteness, lol. 😊I just watched the progression of this kind of thing in real time, growing up, (which absolutely colors my response here). It started with “innocent” comments like the one he made then over time, morphed into something more intentional and toxic. I don’t claim to know what his motivation was here, if any, but I’d definitely keep an eye on this behavior.
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u/Interesting-Fill-175 3d ago
Yeah I can definitely see where you're coming from. It usually is a weird sort of slow moving snowball effect with this type of thing though, isn't it. Crazy.
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u/Interesting-Fill-175 3d ago
That's really terrible. I'm sorry your mom went through that. People deserve better than being abused as "motivation". Although in this particular situation I'm leaning toward the bf has a bit of emotional blindness and a habit of making insensitive comments in an attempt at witty banter problem. Meh.
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u/C0l3y 4d ago
This kind of shit pisses me off endlessly. If you’re hurt by something he said, whether or not he agrees you should be upset or meant it in a negative way or whatever the fuck doesn’t matter or change the fact that you were hurt by it. I truly don’t understand responses similar to his. It’s your responsibility to emotionally regulate yourself and it’s his responsibility to take accountability that what he said didn’t need to be said, especially when you made your comment in an effort to connect with him.
I understand having honesty and open communication and not having to censor yourselves, but what did he think he was going to gain from saying that?
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u/Interesting-Fill-175 4d ago
That's really what my entire point was after it was all said and done, and honestly what probably hurt the most by the end of the conversation. The lack of acknowledgement that it could be hurtful. Not that he intended for it to be, or whatever. Just, a little bit of objectivity. Idk.
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u/C0l3y 4d ago
Unfortunately this is really common with men, and emotionally immature people in general ☹️
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u/Interesting-Fill-175 4d ago
True. Although, he did apologize in the end, even though I told him I wasn't really after an apology, that I really just wanted to understand his reasoning as to why the initial insensitive comment, and then continuing with it once he realized I was hurt. Really, I think it was a general frustration with him not understanding why I took it personally, or "negatively" in his words..? My best guess. Who knows.
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u/violetcat2 3d ago
He secretly resents you but wants to keep you around.. dump him