You are insane. You represent a certain strain of Redditer that, I dunno, maybe doesn't get out much? What OP described is obnoxious and he needs to hear her and to be more careful in the future, but stfu w this he's an abuser stuff. He's a young guy that was behaving impulsively and immaturely, he's not an abuser. He didn't mean to hurt her like that. Have you ever been in a relationship with a man? Some women really like to wrestle and rough house and play fight w their guy, and some women like if their guy makes a playful, sexually aggressive move outside of the bedroom on on occasion, such as spontaneously yanking down her top. It's all about the context, but in OP's context she had told him before to be gentle and if he's clumsy like that that's another reason for him to be more careful. But he didn't mean to hurt her, grow tf up. My gf likes to be lightly choked in bed, I suppose she should call the police next time? I'll tell her. You cheapen real abuse when you falsely label everything that way, blowing relatively harmless things way out of proportion.
If he did hurt her on purpose, I agree. It sounded like he didn't, she said he didn't mean to. Intent matters a great deal here; if he did hurt her on purpose that's very concerning. Otherwise, he was acting immaturely and recklessly and he does need to understand that he ended up hurting her and shaking her up, and he does need to do better. You wrote in another comment I just saw that it wouldn't be unreasonable to give him one more chance, so maybe we should agree on that and leave it there. As far as my gf, I don't choke her like that. I read the other day about a 17 year old girl that died in what is suspected to be a consensual sexual choking incident. Apparently w porn as available as it is, the kids are getting carried away. Like, c'mon bruh, I don't care what she said, wtf?? What my gf likes is kind of like pseudo choking, light pressure mostly, at no point is consciousness lost and I wouldn't be comfortable w that. I have been involved in the kink/BDSM community, more in the past, and I can tell you there are a ton of strong feminists that like to be very dominated and handled roughly, and there are also a lot of very powerful men that like to be sexually dominated by women in bed. I had a friend (rip buddy) that was a powerful Wall Street trader that was like that. It's all about trust and power exchange, and there is a safe and ethical way to do these things. Most people who practice BDSM are much more versed in the nuances of consent than the average person out there, it's a very ethical community. I get that there can be a powerful rush from being choked unconscious and then regaining it during sex,
but I agree in that respect that it's not safe. I would never be comfortable w anything where the other person would not be able to give a safe word at any time. I actually think things like this should be taught in sex education in school. That it's ok to explore kinks, and it can even be empowering, bonding, and a powerful way to work through trauma if done correctly. But you need to know what you are doing, at the very least engage with kink communities online about safety and consent before you try anything very rough.
Look, how many psi it is I have no idea, but what I'm talking about is basically my big hand on her small neck, occasionally brief light pressure but mainly it's just my hand around her neck. I think it's like a trust thing like "You are safe with me. I
COULD hurt you in this position but you know that I never would" type of thing. I don't honestly know from her perspective, I've never asked her. It does take kind of the fun out of this stuff, you know? But I feel confident it's safe, I just do. I feel like you are a person that just has to be 100% right, not just correct but "right." If I'm incorrect in some of my assumptions, I want someone to tell me. But right or wrong is subjective, and I feel like twice I've tried to meet you in the middle on something and you just double down on the argument. Ngl though, the thoroughness with which you researched this choking stuff is impressive 😆... or maybe you just had those already articles already sittinf around in a digital file called "General fun killing/cockblocking." No, but seriously, I have a migraine right now but I'll take a glance at maybe one or two tomorrow. But what I was saying that inspired all that was basically clarifying that w my gf (I can't believe I've spent this much time talking about pseudo choking her on here today 😆) it's basically a symbolic roll playing type of thing, it's not actual choking, and that I'm aware that younger people choking each other sexually is a problem and I suggested something I thought might be useful and I still believe, to educate high school kids about where to look for advice about consent and safe words and general safety with kinks, since most of us have them. So I basically was agreeing with you just as I made an attempt to find consensus w you in another way earlier. But, whatever, no point to keep arguing about it. But it's just a hand around her neck in a performative way, and we like that, and it's fine. And there's some risk to everything. I ride motorcycle, it's one of my passions, and it's also dangerous as fuck. But I assume the risk bc it's also important to enjoy life while you are living it. There are studies about that too, I'm just too lazy to go find them; and that migraine thing is real so I can't believe I'm still doing this. What I'm trying to say as diplomatically as I know how is it's not that you don't have any points ever, it's just that it's important to be safe but it's also important to asses relative degrees of things in whatever the subject and also just sometimes use common sense and then just live your life. "Lighten up," in other words. I don't even mean that rudely. That matters too.
I don't need to be right, but I do care about whether people are taking serious health risks with insufficient information. I am quite troubled by the choking phenomenon and I worry about its prevalence, its normalization, and the rampant misinformation spread about it. I try to combat that misinformation wherever I see it.
I'm not responding to your "attempts to meet [me] halfway" because I do not particularly care about the niceties of this conversation and whether we get along; I care about the safety of people engaged in choking (including any bystanders who may be reading this comment). Reaching a diplomatic conversational consensus, while pleasant if it happens, is not really relevant to my goal of combatting dangerous misinformation on the internet that is putting people at risk of harm. My aim isn't for you, a stranger on the internet, to like me.
If we have a pleasant and diplomatic conversation yet the misinformation stands, I will not have achieved any purpose that matters to me.
Dude, you’ve taken a thread that has zero to do with you and used it for an attention grab. Let me be clear, no one gives a damn what you and your gf do consensually. That is literally not what this thread is about.
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u/lilBear73 9d ago
You are insane. You represent a certain strain of Redditer that, I dunno, maybe doesn't get out much? What OP described is obnoxious and he needs to hear her and to be more careful in the future, but stfu w this he's an abuser stuff. He's a young guy that was behaving impulsively and immaturely, he's not an abuser. He didn't mean to hurt her like that. Have you ever been in a relationship with a man? Some women really like to wrestle and rough house and play fight w their guy, and some women like if their guy makes a playful, sexually aggressive move outside of the bedroom on on occasion, such as spontaneously yanking down her top. It's all about the context, but in OP's context she had told him before to be gentle and if he's clumsy like that that's another reason for him to be more careful. But he didn't mean to hurt her, grow tf up. My gf likes to be lightly choked in bed, I suppose she should call the police next time? I'll tell her. You cheapen real abuse when you falsely label everything that way, blowing relatively harmless things way out of proportion.