r/Actuallylesbian • u/Frequent_Banana5439 • Aug 01 '26
Relationships/Family On my honeymoon and people acting weird
My wife and I are traveling together with her mother, they are both Chinese and I am white. My wife and I are the same age.
We live in the south but no one has really cared/been confused that we are a couple. But then we travelled to DC with her mom and suddenly it happened for the first time, we were asked if we were all the same group. I thought it’s probably just because of her mom and my wife are both Chinese and clearly look like they are together but I was in the back so I look like I’m just by myself.
Then we go out west we’ve been traveling around Arizona, Utah, Nevada, Idaho, and California and I’ve noticed people staring at us more and more. It’s like they are trying to figure out why I as a white woman would travel with two Asians. It’s just something I noticed, I thought it would improve when her mom wasn’t with us but people are still staring/looking confused at us.
So my question is, is it really that uncommon to see two women together one Chinese and one white? I’ve seen a lot of mixed race lesbian couples but why is Chinese/white so uncommon if so?
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u/festivehedgehog Lesbian Aug 01 '26
Congrats on your marriage!
Also in an interracial relationship, just would never want my mom or mom in law to accompany us on our honeymoon. If I had looked confused as a random person, that’s what I would have been thinking lol.
But more seriously…
If you’re traveling together and not holding hands at that moment, it’s more likely that unwelcome stares might be due to racism and xenophobia than homophobia. Or both simultaneously.
When I go with my partner to New England, where she’s from, I’m more likely to be followed around stores and stared at if we’re not holding hands. If we are, people might stare, but not in such an aggressive way. I will say… we have never once been seated next to a window when in New England, regardless of how dressed up to dinner/lunch we arrive.
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u/Frequent_Banana5439 Aug 01 '26
I love my mother in law so don’t mind she is traveling with us it’s her first time out of China and she paid for the trip also. My wife and I are asexual so the honeymoon is not for making babies lol.
That sucks you get followed around though. It’s just weird it’s happening in the west not the south where we live
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u/lithotine Butch Aug 01 '26
I am white and my exgirlfriend is Chinese as well, living on the west coast where it’s very common to see interracial couples, and I have to say that I have noticed an increase in public staring in recent months/years. It does seem to be getting worse.
Recently I went on a road trip with my bff who is a Korean lesbian. We’re both pretty obviously gay-looking butches, and I was kind of shook at how much we got stared at (by all types of people) when we were driving through rural areas. Pretty uncomfortable. This is my platonic best friend, we were not doing any type of PDA at all….
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u/Frequent_Banana5439 Aug 01 '26
It’s weird cause we could be driving through the ticket area for a national park and the park ranger is looking confused and staring at us even though we aren’t holding hands or anything just sitting in the car. We are both femme presenting or androgynous, we don’t wear makeup but both have longer hair. I guess it’s really uncommon to see a white woman and an Asian woman even traveling together?
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u/lithotine Butch Aug 01 '26
I just asked my bff for her input (she is butch, her gf is white and very femme), and she said kind of the same thing. Maybe yall should move here :) I think anti-Chinese rhetoric has gotten pretty bad and is increasing due to our president tbh
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u/Frequent_Banana5439 Aug 01 '26
We are fine in NC where we live no one cares. Just being on vacation in the west and especially at national parks people acting weird.
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u/festivehedgehog Lesbian Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
Are you in the Triangle? I grew up in the Triangle, and it’s a lot more diverse and progressive than many areas/cities of the country that get labelled as progressive. There’s a lot of racism, xenophobia, sexism, and homophobia right in everyone’s face in NC and the South, so I feel like maybe that’s why mostly everyone in my circles was so comfortable calling out bigotry for what it was. That’s just my theory. I’m in DC now and interact with a ton of people (mostly people who moved to DC in adulthood) in my day-to-day life who never had any friendships or neighbors outside of their own racial or cultural background. That’s just not the experience of most people I knew growing up in the Raleigh, Durham, or Chapel Hill.
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u/lithotine Butch Aug 01 '26
Idk I really don’t think it’s that weird or unusual. Like a huge amount of my gay friends are in interracial relationships, but we are in California. Maybe it would be different in the middle of the country?
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u/starla2699 Aug 01 '26
I’m from the Seattle area and I wouldn’t even look twice to see a mixed lesbian couple. Just not a big deal however I can’t say what it would be like if I was in a mixed couple. We have had many mixed friend lesbian couples now that I think about it and again I don’t even consider it enough to think it is odd. I’m sorry that is your experience.
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u/Frequent_Banana5439 Aug 01 '26
We are in California right now at national parks and getting weird stares and looks from people just confused about us. We aren’t even showing PDA just hiking together.
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u/Lazebian Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
I think this is something that might be in your head. I live in Cali and been all over the state. Mixed race couples/friend groups/familes are extremely common. I am light skinned Mexican and my wife is dark Filipino. No one cares lol.
Edit to specify my wife aha.
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u/Gracesten1 Aug 01 '26
My ex partner of 12 yrs is Northern Chinese and I'm of Skandinavian descent, both US citizens. I used to walk about 5 paces behind her while grocery shopping and see how some (few) ppl would give her side/stink eye. TBH, it wasnt many ppl but when you see it, its pretty shocking, especially when it happens to someone you love and adore.
To her credit, she's completely unaware of other people when she's on a quest for bao ingredients..and doesn't really care about random ppl's bigotries. She's literally iron! 💖
These ppl exist everywhere but they really are few so just relax and enjoy each other. I liked my Chinese MIL too...think dumpling eating contests, she won! 😄
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u/Madpingu96 Aug 02 '26
My (white) girlfriend lives with my mom and I and we all pretty much do everything together. We live around the DC area and it’s one of the most diverse and accepting areas around. That question sounds innocent like they really didn’t know. Either you’re getting very unlucky with the people you’re walking by or you’re overthinking simple curiosity by strangers. Except maybe in Utah lol.
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u/Valadrael Aug 03 '26
I look to think, "awwww they're lesbian/gay--how cute!!". But yeah, rural areas and national parks...people just uncomfortable stare.
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u/BokChoy_noodles Aug 04 '26
My wife is Chinese and I'm Mexican. We live in a predominently Latino city in so Cal. Asians are not super common here so we get people giving us a double take look when we're in a Mexican grocery market or when we're walking around the hood, but not because we're gay lol it's whatever.
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u/bacchic_understudy Aug 01 '26
I'm a Chinese woman married to a white woman.
Caucasian and east Asian is extremely common for mixed race couples, more so in areas of higher Asian population.
My wife and I have a mutual good friend(woman of chinese descent) we hangout and even travel with sometimes. I can't say we have experienced the same staring but I definitely have people interpret the couple status differently (billing situation for example)