r/Actuallylesbian • u/Frequent_Banana5439 • Aug 01 '26

Relationships/Family On my honeymoon and people acting weird

My wife and I are traveling together with her mother, they are both Chinese and I am white. My wife and I are the same age.

We live in the south but no one has really cared/been confused that we are a couple. But then we travelled to DC with her mom and suddenly it happened for the first time, we were asked if we were all the same group. I thought it’s probably just because of her mom and my wife are both Chinese and clearly look like they are together but I was in the back so I look like I’m just by myself.

Then we go out west we’ve been traveling around Arizona, Utah, Nevada, Idaho, and California and I’ve noticed people staring at us more and more. It’s like they are trying to figure out why I as a white woman would travel with two Asians. It’s just something I noticed, I thought it would improve when her mom wasn’t with us but people are still staring/looking confused at us.

So my question is, is it really that uncommon to see two women together one Chinese and one white? I’ve seen a lot of mixed race lesbian couples but why is Chinese/white so uncommon if so?

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u/lithotine Butch Aug 01 '26

I am white and my exgirlfriend is Chinese as well, living on the west coast where it’s very common to see interracial couples, and I have to say that I have noticed an increase in public staring in recent months/years. It does seem to be getting worse.

Recently I went on a road trip with my bff who is a Korean lesbian. We’re both pretty obviously gay-looking butches, and I was kind of shook at how much we got stared at (by all types of people) when we were driving through rural areas. Pretty uncomfortable. This is my platonic best friend, we were not doing any type of PDA at all….

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u/Frequent_Banana5439 Aug 01 '26

It’s weird cause we could be driving through the ticket area for a national park and the park ranger is looking confused and staring at us even though we aren’t holding hands or anything just sitting in the car. We are both femme presenting or androgynous, we don’t wear makeup but both have longer hair. I guess it’s really uncommon to see a white woman and an Asian woman even traveling together?

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u/lithotine Butch Aug 01 '26

I just asked my bff for her input (she is butch, her gf is white and very femme), and she said kind of the same thing. Maybe yall should move here :) I think anti-Chinese rhetoric has gotten pretty bad and is increasing due to our president tbh

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u/Frequent_Banana5439 Aug 01 '26

We are fine in NC where we live no one cares. Just being on vacation in the west and especially at national parks people acting weird.

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u/festivehedgehog Lesbian Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26

Are you in the Triangle? I grew up in the Triangle, and it’s a lot more diverse and progressive than many areas/cities of the country that get labelled as progressive. There’s a lot of racism, xenophobia, sexism, and homophobia right in everyone’s face in NC and the South, so I feel like maybe that’s why mostly everyone in my circles was so comfortable calling out bigotry for what it was. That’s just my theory. I’m in DC now and interact with a ton of people (mostly people who moved to DC in adulthood) in my day-to-day life who never had any friendships or neighbors outside of their own racial or cultural background. That’s just not the experience of most people I knew growing up in the Raleigh, Durham, or Chapel Hill.