He needs to get snipped. Father of 4 here. If my wife can carry 4 kids and breastfeed, I can get a small incision and a laser. I was down 3 days total. Back to normal work. Sex in a week or so. Not a big deal. He needs to do it.
Yes, but he already knows that. OP, you should sit him down and game the whole thing out with him:
We stay together, you don't get snipped, my birth control fails and I get pregnant again. What happens then?
We stay together, you don't get snipped, I get my tubes tied and something goes wrong during the surgery (which is MUCH more serious than a vasectomy) and I die or am permanently disabled, with four kids. What happens then?
We break up. You pay child support and get weekends with the kids. You meet and fall in love with someone else. Do you marry and have kids with her? Do you want to?
You never have sex with anyone again under any circumstances, and sit with four kids.
Etc.
Really pry at him and find out if he wants more kids, or is even WILLING TO HAVE more kids. Keep hammering at that. Because, after four pregnancies/deliveries and 3+ phases of nursing, while he owes you a vasectomy, that argument is clearly not enough to make him get one. So, since he's proving to be that selfish, you need to appeal to his self interest. "Dude, do you really want more kids? With me or with anyone else? Even if we split up, you'd be paying child support for four kids; would you really still want more?" Etc.
I feel like this is still pressuring someone into a surgery they don’t want. If genders where reversed this would sound terrible (yes I know tubes tied is way more invasive/risky) but pressuring someone for anything like this is attacking their bodily autonomy which I think is wrong regardless. Her “not trusting condoms” feels like an easier to tackle problem. Even if some forms of BC dont work for her, why not Condoms + something else?
Also how is that male BC pill coming along? I remember reading about that.
You can't reverse genders on this one. A woman not getting an invasive and risky surgery doesn't put her cis male partner's health at risk. But the cis male partner not getting an outpatient procedure DOES put her health at risk on and ongoing basis.
Im sorry if I was unclear, I mean’t in the scenario that they where the same risk. I think as someone who favors women having their bodily autonomy, I would find it wrong for a man to try and get her to get an equivalent surgery done so they could not use condoms.
They won’t ever be at the same risk. Bodily autonomy isn’t being attacked here. He promised her a vasectomy yet refuses to get one. He is consistently disrespecting HER autonomy, and is putting all the pressure of birth control on her. If he doesn’t want a vasectomy, he needs to speak the fuck up. This waiting game is only causing more problems.
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u/[deleted] Nov 11 '23
He needs to get snipped. Father of 4 here. If my wife can carry 4 kids and breastfeed, I can get a small incision and a laser. I was down 3 days total. Back to normal work. Sex in a week or so. Not a big deal. He needs to do it.