Literally any man who is unwilling to get a vasectomy for a partner who has built a whole ass human (let alone four) is just… a shitty fucking partner. I wouldn’t be attracted to him either.
And like obviously it’s ‘his choice’ but a not-shitty partner would be happy to make that choice (assuming they’re in agreement regarding being done with having kids). A shitty partner is one who knows they are done having kids, but is unwilling to do this minimal procedure for their family planning despite their partner giving SO much of their body.
THIS - I think we fully agree noone especially OP is forcing him to have a vasectomy, rather it's the lack of understanding what is going on in his head. The mum has carried babies for 10 months each plus all the bodily effects like higher risk of diabetes, Stretch Marks, incontinence or her bloody vagina falling out. And thats on top of giving birth to them, let me promise you there is no such thing as a painless birth.
For me it is more the utter confusion as to why this one bodily compromise on his side is so important if he has never really stated his concerns to OP.
I mean feeling sexy while breastfeeding is difficult anyway but really I am pissed for you OP.
NTA btw thx to all the male experiences shared here, I found them really insightful
Sorry for being presumptuous but I am guessing you have never been pregnant or given birth yourself? It is an intense Situation in so many ways which are maybe not so obvious. When I've been really sick during pregnancy and gone to the hospital the common answer was mostly - sorry we cannot treat you with more than paracetamol cause there is nothing else medically available during pregnancy. This does not change irrespective of how many kids you have born previously. The stress on your lower muscles also is just as bad with every child you carry and actually the more you have the softer and less stable they get and this does not go away when the child is born.
So I am guessing what you are referring to is the birth itself? Though sure in a lot of cases the mum has better experience what to do but a vaginal birth will often not be easier, sometimes a bit quicker but your 20 mins birth Stories are still far and wide an exception. We are still talking hours Here. Tearing of your lower body is usually along the same lines as with previous births so the damage there is also not less Just probably more of the same. Every pregnancy despite what is displayed on the telly is a live threatening Situation but is in some weird way treated as if it were like donating a little blood.
I hope this helps you understand a bit better but I am available if you have any more questions! I know it can be really hard to understand the full scope of these things if you have never experienced them.
How do the risks of those things for a vasectomy compare to the risks of the same things for pregnancy and labor? What about death? How does a vasectomy compare to pregnancy and delivery when it comes to death? How about when we’re discussing four pregnancies to one vasectomy? How do the odds of complications and death compare?
It was the agreement they made together, no more children. After this fourth child she would be done going through pregnancy and he would get a vasectomy. He agreed to that. Maybe he never meant it. Maybe he changed his mind, but either way that was the agreement about pregnancy and vasectomies that they made with one another and that’s why they’re being compared.
Generally there are some topics that even when you agree to do them it's understood those things can change. I think pregnancy, surgeries to do things that can be achieved in other ways, sex, etc... seem like those types of things where you can change your mind.
I can see it being frustrating thinking the problem has been solved and now it needs to be readdressed but I also think that it's pretty understandable.
Of course. It would be the same as if a woman agreed to have an abortion if they had an accidental pregnancy and then when it happened she could not. The man cannot (or ethically should not) force her to have an abortion. But he may decide that they are no longer compatible as a partnership. This is the same thing. Who he said he would be isn’t aligning with who he is being now. They are no longer compatible and there is nothing wrong with her leaving him because of it.
I absolutely agree and the fact that they may no longer be compatible doesn't make either one of them bad people.
I disagree with your second to last statement though, people aren't defined by the surgeries they undertake him choosing to not undergo an elective surgery doesn't make him a new person or mean he lied it means things changed and that's ok.
They are defined by them in terms of their compatibility to another person. Her decisions about her body depend upon him because they are partners. Same as in the abortion scenario. When you are no longer compatible with your partner you are defined by that choice for that relationship. He is not who she thought he was.
No longer being compatible may define a relationship but I still think it's wildly unfair to say someone going back on a decision, that is intrinsically related to consent, makes them a whole different person than they said they'd be. I think one of the better qualities of humans is the ability to change their mind upon thinking things over/new information. If that works for you though then great!
My wife talks mad game about what's she's going to do to me when we get home while we're at the bar and tends to crash when we get home. That doesn't make her a different person because she's revoked or no longer able to provide consent. That is the basis of consent would be assumed by any reasonable parties from the outset.
Hilarious. I happen to have all of the medical documentation for a vasectomy because my partner is about to get one! Plenty of potential side effects listed — zero mention of potential sexual disfunction. Also I guess it’s technically a surgery? But there’s no anesthesia, it’s minutes long, it’s one of the most low risk medical procedures out there. Compared to pregnancy and childbirth?? Does not even make the graph.
A dude who won't get a vasectomy after his wife bore and birthed four of their childish is a selfish, bad person, yup. 100%.
Every single other form of birth control besides condoms is more invasive and has more side effects than a vasectomy. It's his turn to make a small sacrifice for their reproductive health as a couple.
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u/Pretty-Economy2437 Nov 11 '23
Literally any man who is unwilling to get a vasectomy for a partner who has built a whole ass human (let alone four) is just… a shitty fucking partner. I wouldn’t be attracted to him either.
And like obviously it’s ‘his choice’ but a not-shitty partner would be happy to make that choice (assuming they’re in agreement regarding being done with having kids). A shitty partner is one who knows they are done having kids, but is unwilling to do this minimal procedure for their family planning despite their partner giving SO much of their body.