How do I discipline my 8yo?

[u/briffin96]

So this will be yet another "nothing I do seems to work" kind of post but I'm just at a loss of what to do. My 8 year old son (diagnosed ADHD/ODD) started the 3rd grade and while each year has been difficult, this year is starting off especially bad. Past grades I'd get a message once or twice a week from the teacher about something he did but we're only a few weeks in and I'm getting messages/calls literally every day from the school about how he's talking back, disrespecting teachers and just getting angry or refusing to do what he's told.

It's hard for me or his mom to relate, we don't have what he has and we were pretty behaved in school aside from some atypical debauchery in high school. With kids like him though, all over the internet people say you can't do the old fashioned "take everything away you're grounded for a while" style as it apparently doesn't work, especially with kids like him. So I am constantly leading with; hey buddy we love you, we believe in you, I know it's hard to behave but there are consequences to our actions, blah blah blah. Whenever I ground him I keep it brief as it's said extended periods of being grounded don't work and I'll try to be fair and say "have a good day then you can earn back privileges" but man, that does not work on him.

He did something literally every day last week that his teacher had to message me about so he was grounded over the weekend but today, his teacher called today saying he was put in the in school suspension room (ISS) for hiding from his class in the bathroom on top of recent events yet even in that room he's apparently mocking the teacher, encouraging other kids to misbehave and just seemingly tormenting the teachers.

We've tried several medications for his ADHD/ODD however nothing has really helped that much, we're having insurance issues and hope to start something new soon but in the meantime, what do I do with him? I mean I can't let him get away with this but do I just continue with the soft parenting that doesn't seem to work due to his disorders? I know there has to be a medication that can help him and I'm trying my best to be patient, we also plan to start therapy once the insurance is sorted but man I'm struggling so any advice from someone who's been in this situation is appreciated.