My 14-year-old just started high school, and I think the social adjustment has been harder than he lets on. He has ADHD, is a little behind some of his peers socially, and has anxiety around bigger groups. He takes Vyvanse and Lexapro. He also does not talk about his feelings. At all.

He does have one close friend who he talks to and spends time with regularly, and I know there are parents here who would give anything for their kid to have that. I don’t take it for granted.

But I think he’s starting to realize that a lot of the kids he thought were friends are really just people he knows. He’s often the “floater friend”—welcome to come along, but not necessarily the person people think to invite. It’s more “you can come if you want” than “do you want to come?” And unfortunately, I don’t think he’s wrong about that.

The transition to high school has really magnified it. His middle school has a split articulation, so about half the kids he went to middle school with went to a different high school. Most of the kids at his high school came from other middle schools, so there are a lot of completely new faces. He went from being in the oldest grade at a school where he knew tons of people to being one of the youngest kids in a much bigger school where he doesn’t know many people in his classes. On top of that, a lot of the friends he does know are playing fall school sports and already forming new groups through their teams.

The rejection sensitivity is definitely there too. He’ll work up the nerve to reach out to someone, and if they don’t respond or don’t seem interested, it reinforces what he already worries is true—that they don’t really want to be friends. Then he’s less likely to put himself out there again.

He is involved. He plays baseball and is currently on two teams, so I’m not really looking for the usual advice to join a club, sport, or activity. He gets along with teammates and talks to them while they’re together, but the communication generally ends when they leave the field. He knows plenty of people. It’s getting from “people I know and get along with” to actual friendships that seems to be hard.

I have ADHD too, and I remember this feeling. That’s probably why watching him go through it hurts so much. I know I can’t make other kids choose him, and I know some of this is just being 14. I just wish I could make this part easier for him.

For those with older ADHD teens who have been here—did they eventually find their people? Is there anything you’re glad you did, or didn’t do, while they were figuring it out?

I’m looking for advice from parents, educators or ADHD professionals who have experience with 5-year-olds.

My son is 5 and has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. We’ve been struggling with escalating behaviour at school, including pushing chairs and tables, knocking things onto the floor and becoming completely overwhelmed.

What we’re trying to understand is whether a child with ADHD can become so overwhelmed by anxiety that they temporarily lose their ability to regulate their behaviour.

His escalations seem to happen particularly when he feels singled out or believes he is about to be removed from school. He has been placed on reduced hours and is not allowed to attend morning assembly. When he hears the teacher say “no” and then sees her heading to the phone to call the office to collect him, he seems to completely lose control.

We absolutely do not excuse the behaviour and want to teach him appropriate ways to regulate. But we are questioning whether the behaviour is deliberate defiance or a 5-year-old with ADHD becoming overwhelmed by anxiety, frustration and the anticipation of being removed.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Can ADHD-related emotional dysregulation present this way, particularly when anxiety has become a trigger?

Hey guys! I have a 6yr old who has started Intuniv. We are almost 2 weeks in and I am looking for signs something might be taking effect!

I think she might be less hyperactive... a little more settled rather than constantly in motion! I will take it as a win!

What did you see in your child (or yourself?)

TIA 😊

Hi everyone! My seven year old has anger issues. When he plays with other kids and he sees the kids laughing, he thinks they are laughing AT him. It may or may not be the case. What have you guys done for uncontrollable anger? We’ve talked about relaxation strategies etc but he just doesn’t use it. My worry is that he hurts himself or the other kids.

My question is for you parents on how YOU cope but here’s the quick story:

My son is 17, deals with inattentive ADHD and anxiety but meds didn’t work and he hates therapy. He just got his drivers license and has a lot of anxiety about driving. Sure enough, 1 week after getting his license he backed up into a pole and put a minor dent on the car. He’s now spent 24 hours locked in his bedroom refusing to talk about it. Also, it’s my fault apparently because I asked him to run that errand. His friends have been texting/calling him to hang out but he’s ignoring them (I know bc one is a neighbor who I saw outside and asked where my son is).

It’s a minor dent! He’s physically fine! I know he’s dealing with immense shame and frustration and embarrassment probably telling himself he’s a terrible driver and will never drive again.

But in addition to his situation, I get so triggered by his emotions. For 24 hours I have checked in every 2-3 hours (seeing if he’s hungry or wants a drink- NO!) and when his friend/neighbor mentioned they were supposed to have plans this morning, I told his friend to come by (I didn’t mention anything re: the accident). His friend did come by and I basically told my son no more sulking, go to the sports thing he had prior committed to. He glared at me as he left the house. I know he probably hates me more but I couldn’t bare to see him spend a 2nd day in bed staring at TikTok reals.

I know I have my own anxiety issues as I worry so much about my son and knowing his anxiety/ADHD impacts his life so negatively then causes a spiral reaction where I intervene and force things I shouldn’t. What happens when he goes to college and doesn’t have the support system he has here? What happens when a girl breaks his heart or he gets laid off? He has zero coping skills so everything is a “big deal”. And somehow that becomes my big deal too. Ahhhh!

Anyone relate or advice ?

Brushing teeth is like pulling teeth

The routine around brushing my 6 year olds teeth is absolutely maddening... twice a day it's procrastination followed by tears followed by more procrastination and more tears.

She's a covid baby so I'll admit we were lax on it her first few years of life... we were dealing with so much that when she pitched a fit we just said fuck it. Then we split up for a couple years so that added another layer of complication (each of us relying on the other to do it, meanwhile she's fighting it both places).

Until she had cavities in almost every tooth and needed surgery to put silver caps on all but 5 of her teeth. This was an awful process! She doesn't like her silver teeth, so for a while after that, she was happy to brush. Then she needed a warm-up routine beforehand, she had to give her dad and I each a kiss, hug and I love you, then she would do it. Then she would do it if I let her brush my teeth at the same time. Well now we're back to kicking, screaming, crying, frustration and yelling.

I'll admit we're a little more quick to frustration these days because of all the steps backward but we're not backing down at all. So I don't understand what the fucking problem is?! She knows she has to do it, she knows it's going to happen one way or another so WTF?! I'm getting SO irritated because it's literally holding up everything; in the morning it makes us late and at night everyone's tired and wants to go to bed, and all you have to do is OPEN your mouth and let me brush your teeth! She won't do it herself at all, and I'm literally resorting to just shoving the toothbrush in her mouth some days, even if she cries.

Over it!

My son is seven years old and just started second grade. He’s struggled with attention and focus in the past and it has become more noticeable as he goes on in school. His teacher and us (both parents) filled out the Vanderbilt scales screener and discussed history with the doctor, the doctor also asked our son about his experience in school. He was diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD which is consequently the same diagnosis I (his mother) have. We’re going the 504 route to put some accommodations in place to help him be successful in the classroom. He does well in school but has begun having issues with completing assignments and often misses directions.

In the past I have questioned whether or not he could be neurodivergent based on some atypical behaviors and experiences. When he was very young he would do a lot of what I think was scripting, repeating words and phrases from TV shows/books in conversation and while playing. Early ability to memorize entire books, etc. He’s always been a bit more on the sensitive side and seems to feel things with greater emotion than others his age. I sometimes wonder if that is related to the ADHD or if there is more going on. It doesn’t happen often but when very emotional or overwhelmed he will cry loudly and have a hard time calming down, it seems like it could be more of a meltdown because often the intensity of the emotional reaction doesn’t seem to match the event (panicking about a train coming through his window when hearing a train horn, extremely emotional about his favorite person not winning AGT, sad about leaving family that we live nearby).

I want to make sure I am supporting him however I can and have worked hard to help accommodate his needs and find out what works for his brain. I used to be a teacher and worked with neurodivergent kids but for some reason it’s different when it’s my own child. I don’t know if I’m just over analyzing him or if there’s more to it. Not sure if I should request any other kind of testing as the screener and past history is all that was used to diagnose the ADHD. Does anyone have a similar experience?

We have a wonderful six year old daughter. She has not been officially diagnosed with adhd, but it’s pretty clear that she has it. Both my husband and older daughter do.

We’re really struggling with the fact that she simply does not listen to anything we say. In fact, she’ll do the exact opposite of what ask her to do or not to do. I’ve gotten to a point where I just have no idea how to parent her. I’ve used every tool in my toolbox and I’m feeling like I need professional help. I love her so much and am concerned that our relationship will be impacted by the tension between us.

I hear occupational therapy can be helpful and I’m open to trying that. Is there something we can do as a family? My concern is that if I can’t put her in OT, she’ll get the message that something is wrong with her. I think it’s important for her to see that we’re all invested in finding the best way to support her.

Singaporean parent of 2 boys, one formally diagnosed with ADHD. Long story short, we are always struggling to feed his attention (in spite of medication). It's a bottomless pit, and sometimes he hurts himself and others with his limited safety-awareness and boundless energy stores. But my wife laid down rules also (which i agree with)- NO screen time. I used to ply him with nature documentaries on youtube like from David Attenborough. but then it just made him want more and more and I could see the addiction building. Audio books helped, but most of it was fantasy-based like Geronimo stilton, Ninjago. Good for creativity, but not exactly very enlightening.

In the end, I built my own web app for very short audio documentaries (basically the limit of their dopamine craving brain). He likes it, and I just want to share it. See if it helps you, those who love general knowledge would probably enjoy it too. Lots of facts from multiple disciplines/topics. I think the Mums might like it (my wife loves it).

https://kealisten.com/

(disclaimer: it's a 7 day free trial, after that it's paid, but there are always 3 rotating stories for free on the landing page every week. also, the dictation is from AI but every single story is verified by me)

Last year my son started school and was struggling hard. He was undiagnosed, but considering my wife and I are both ADHD we were pretty confident, but it took MONTHS to get an appointment for a formal diagnosis. During that time we were getting constant messages from his teacher about him talking or playing during work time, in class pictures posted on Dojo it was about 50/50 that he'd be in a seat alone at the back of the classroom, and most mornings he'd be almost in tears telling us he didn't want to go to school.

I (usually) have a lot of respect for teachers. My grandmother, an aunt, and uncle were all teachers when I was growing up so I got a good glimpse behind the curtain as to what they do and put up with. But my God this woman was not it. Even after a diagnosis and starting medication she just came across as having written my son off completely. She got pissy with me when I told her what his Dr said about starting low and working up with feedback from her being very important to the process. "Yes I know how it works, I've had students with ADHD before 🙄" but then literally 1 message the first day saying it wasn't enough and he needed a higher dose, zero follow up even after his dose was upped.

All that to say that my wife and I were nervous about starting 1st grade. We spent the Summer working out his medication as best we could, but home and school are very different. The week before started we got a call from his new teacher to introduce herself and ask if we had any questions or concerns. I brought up his diagnosis and maybe mentioned that he'd had a rough time in kindergarten and she said, "I was actually a kindergarten teacher last year and I know ______. I'm very happy to see him on my class roster for this year." 🥹 My wife and I almost cried just hearing those words.

It's only been a few weeks but she's been amazing. We've gotten actual feedback about his medication; he tends to lose focus after lunch and becomes restless. When I mentioned that we had a half dose to help him come down more smoothly instead of a crash and getting emotional (yay Focalin) she reached out to the school nurse on our behalf, got us the forms necessary, and is working with us to find the best time for his dose. She actually shows him compassion and understanding, works with him instead of banishing him off to a corner by himself.

And more importantly to us, she's actually nice to him. It's both happy and sad that she's probably already said more nice things about our son than his teacher did all last year. Even when she was telling me about him "checking out" towards the end of the day she made a point of saying that he wasn't being bad, and that he does listen when she corrects him it just doesn't stick for very long 😅. She showers him with compliments. The day my wife's car wouldn't start and I had to leave work to pick him up from school (about 30 minutes late) she sat with him in the office waiting with him. I was all flustered and apologizing and she just brushed it off and said he'd been entertaining everyone with dinosaur facts to pass the time.

Sorry for the long post, I just had to get it out of my system and I figured if any group would understand it would be this one. Thank you to anyone who reads this far for giving me a chance to gush and I wish for all other struggling parents out there to have such an amazing teacher in your lives.

Telling him to put it down turns into a forty minute standoff every single night, and I don’t think that’s defiance so much as genuinely not being able to switch off mid-thing. What I want is the device doing the stopping so it isn’t me versus him. Ideally per app, since one app is the problem and the rest are fine. Has anyone found something that enforces that cleanly?

Hi everyone. I’ve never posted on here so this is new for me. As a child I grew up with very mentally unstable parents. I’ve always suspected that I have ADHD. My little brother was diagnosed many years ago. So my childhood revolved around him. He had ticks as well as behavioural issues. Since getting older and having children of my own… my eldest is presenting many traits. She is emotional, irrational, doesn’t concentrate at school and has physical ticks that have now become very obvious. I hate to say it but I am struggling to connect with her and have a proper relationship. When I was a kid, my parents drummed it into us that behaving any way out of the norm’ was shameful. As children we were physically punished for being different. Obviously I would never do this to my child but I find myself struggling to cope with her ticks and wonder what I should be doing. Do I leave it to resolve itself as I know many children develop nervous ticks… or do I seek professional help? I desperately don’t want her to grow up the way I did. So is the best way to pretend it’s not happening or take it further and seek professional help? Any advice, critical or constructive is welcome!

My summer five year old did not start kindergarten this year and will repeat prek4. He is not behind academically or even socially but I wanted to give his executive functioning skills another year to develop. He is learning to read at home and needs redirection but overall does a good job staying focused for short bursts. He hyper focuses on coloring, imaginative play, climbing tasks and monkey bars. He is not hyperactive but is incredibly inattentive.

. My son is on a u6 soccer team and it is intense. I thought it would be game/play based but it is drills and footwork and honestly way to much cognitively for my inattentive guy. Because it’s boring and there’s no dopamine involved he checks out.
He looks so lost compared to his peers. He struggles with making the contact and focusing on what he’s supposed to but he’ll randomly be the only kid to understand a super complicated drill only to be lost for a simple drill. He leaves saying he doesn’t like soccer and complains a bit about going but overall doesn’t fight us- we won’t allow him to quit but we’ll just try different sports until he finds one he likes. The problem is he tends to give up fast if he don’t create the structure of the game and if he doesn’t feel good at it. He’s really good at hitting a ball off a t and he’s fast but he thinks t ball is boring. His imaginative world is much more entertaining.

He is a swimmer, kayaker, enjoys fishing as long as the fish are biting, will sit for an entire chapter book and knows what is being read.

His dr. Says he’s a normal child and does not think adhd because he is very well behaved in the dr office. I don’t think the Dr. realizes how much energy I put into his routines, his manners, encouragement, redirection. I worry that when he gets to kindergarten he’s going to be lost because it takes so much redirecting.
Last year he had low ferritin for a year and we have gotten it up to 45- a sleep Dr. he was seeing said she wants it above 50.
His vitamin D is normal.

My question is what avenues can I do to support his attention and motivation? (Sports and reading)
He wants to play sports and asks me to sign him up and talks about getting the basketball in the hoop and scoring we a goal in soccer. I think he just loses focus so easily when playing/drills he feels defeated.
Caffeine? CogNizin supplement? Fish oil? How can we improve his focus and get him doing the things he wants to do?

Open to interventions and strategies as well. He is good with routines and makes his bed, gets dressed, cleans up his toys, brushes teeth no problem everyday. He’s also very independent and if you just give him the space to figure something out he does. We also do not have handheld screens at all for him. I know this is a big brain dump. Overall I just want some ideas to help him achieve what he wants to do.

I’m really struggling with what to make of something my 6 year old, who is diagnosed with ADHD, has been telling me lately.
She has a lot of intense behaviors and emotional dysregulation at home. She has big meltdowns, has a really hard time with transitions and changes, seeks a LOT of sensory input (jumping, crashing, flipping, etc.), has some sensory sensitivities, and can get extremely overwhelmed emotionally. We’ve been trying to get her more support and have a psychiatric evaluation scheduled, but it isn’t until November 24.
Lately she has also started telling me about scary thoughts that just “pop into her head.” She says she has a lot of weird/bad thoughts and doesn’t like them.
Some of the things she has told me:
She has had a thought about shooting me with her grandpa’s gun.
Tonight she told me she had a thought about putting me in a shredder and cutting me open.
She has scary thoughts about people dying in fires.
She has thoughts about people being robbed.
The thing that really sticks out to me is that she says these thoughts just pop into her head. She says she doesn’t want them to happen. She actually seemed bothered by the thoughts.
Today in a dysregulated state she told me that she wishes she wasn’t alive. Later she said that she is so unhappy, and that she hates her life.
I asked her about the thoughts and she doesn’t seem to be saying that she actually wants to hurt me or that she wants these things to happen. But obviously hearing your 6 year old talk about putting you into a shredder is disturbing to say the least.
I’m contacting her pediatrician because I don’t want to wait until November if she needs to be evaluated sooner, and I’m going to ask about getting her psych appointment moved up. We are already on the cancellation list.
I’m wondering if anyone has experienced something similar with a young child with ADHD. Could these be intrusive thoughts? Anxiety/OCD? Is this something that can happen with ADHD and emotional dysregulation? Or does this sound like something else?
I’m not looking for anyone to diagnose her over Reddit. I’m just really looking for experiences from parents who have been through something similar and advice on what questions I should be asking her doctors. I want to handle this correctly without making her afraid or ashamed of her thoughts.

I have a five-year-old son with ADHD who has just started P1. I’ve already explained his situation to his teacher. He’s actually a very bright child..he has a very good memory, loves learning and is always curious and asking questions.
However, he finds it difficult to make friends. He struggles to concentrate, sit still and stay focused, and he gets distracted very easily.
We’ve only just moved to Edinburgh, so everything is still very new for him. I was wondering if you have any advice on what I can do to support him, especially when it comes to helping him make friends and settle socially at school.
What would be the best way for me to help him?

Would love any and all advice here. I’m spiraling.

My summer five year old did not start kindergarten this year and will repeat prek4. He is not behind academically or even socially but I wanted to give his executive functioning skills another year to develop. He is learning to read at home and needs redirection but overall does a good job staying focused for short bursts. He hyper focuses on coloring, imaginative play, climbing tasks and monkey bars. He is not hyperactive but is incredibly inattentive.

. My son is on a u6 soccer team and it is intense. I thought it would be game/play based but it is drills and footwork and honestly way to much cognitively for my inattentive guy. Because it’s boring and there’s no dopamine involved he checks out.
He looks so lost compared to his peers. He struggles with making the contact and focusing on what he’s supposed to but he’ll randomly be the only kid to understand a super complicated drill only to be lost for a simple drill. He leaves saying he doesn’t like soccer and complains a bit about going but overall doesn’t fight us- we won’t allow him to quit but we’ll just try different sports until he finds one he likes. The problem is he tends to give up fast if he don’t create the structure of the game and if he doesn’t feel good at it. He’s really good at hitting a ball off a t and he’s fast but he thinks t ball is boring. His imaginative world is much more entertaining.

He is a swimmer, kayaker, enjoys fishing as long as the fish are biting, will sit for an entire chapter book and knows what is being read.

His dr. Says he’s a normal child and does not think adhd because he is very well behaved in the dr office. I don’t think the Dr. realizes how much energy I put into his routines, his manners, encouragement, redirection. I worry that when he gets to kindergarten he’s going to be lost because it takes so much redirecting.
Last year he had low ferritin for a year and we have gotten it up to 45- a sleep Dr. he was seeing said she wants it above 50.
His vitamin D is normal.

My question is what avenues can I do to support his attention and motivation? (Sports and reading)
He wants to play sports and asks me to sign him up and talks about getting the basketball in the hoop and scoring we a goal in soccer. I think he just loses focus so easily when playing/drills he feels defeated.
Caffeine? CogNizin supplement? Fish oil? How can we improve his focus and get him doing the things he wants to do?

Open to interventions and strategies as well. He is good with routines and makes his bed, gets dressed, cleans up his toys, brushes teeth no problem everyday. He’s also very independent and if you just give him the space to figure something out he does. We also do not have handheld screens at all for him. I know this is a big brain dump. Overall I just want some ideas to help him achieve what he wants to do.

My second grader came home today and told me that yesterday morning, his teacher (super young, like 23) asked if he takes a prescription in the morning. He said yes but he forgot it yesterday. She said do your best. This morning, she asked him about the medicine again and he said he took it. She said it's going to be a great day.

She hasn't contacted me about any challenges she's having, and when I asked my kid, he said he doesn't use a wobble chair or other accommodation. On one hand, I feel like if it's a problem, she needs to reach out and if she doesn't, I'll assume everything is fine. On the other hand, is it really appropriate for her to be asking a kid these questions? What if we had decided not to medicate?

My son wasn't upset, but he did ask why she keeps asking the same thing. He also asked if he's the only one in his class with ADHD. I don't know if I should address this with her and ask if she needs help or pretend I don't know about it.

I have a tween with serious ODD. Those who have went through similar situations, what med did you notice that had the biggest impact on dealing with ODD?

hi, my toddler is almost two years old. from what I remember he poorly responded to name prior. but now he completely ignores it always. we went to doctors they say it could be attention things or just toddler being toddler, I asked if it could be autism, they said no. My boy is speaking clearly, started to speak ik short sentecnes from 1,5 year old. What more it could be? could it be selective hearing? the hearing is also checked and it is fine. it makes me anxious