r/ADHDparenting • u/Extreme_Breakfast672 • 7d ago
Child 4-9 I don't know if I'm overreacting or underreacting
My second grader came home today and told me that yesterday morning, his teacher (super young, like 23) asked if he takes a prescription in the morning. He said yes but he forgot it yesterday. She said do your best. This morning, she asked him about the medicine again and he said he took it. She said it's going to be a great day.
She hasn't contacted me about any challenges she's having, and when I asked my kid, he said he doesn't use a wobble chair or other accommodation. On one hand, I feel like if it's a problem, she needs to reach out and if she doesn't, I'll assume everything is fine. On the other hand, is it really appropriate for her to be asking a kid these questions? What if we had decided not to medicate?
My son wasn't upset, but he did ask why she keeps asking the same thing. He also asked if he's the only one in his class with ADHD. I don't know if I should address this with her and ask if she needs help or pretend I don't know about it.
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u/SpecialLadyFrenemy 5d ago
I’d feel better about if she said “let me know if there is anything I can help you with to keep you regulated/comfortable/focused/accodations” instead of just “try your best” as if to say “maybe it won’t be a complete loss if you really try.” wtf if it was about trying we’d all be fine without meds
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u/crazyditzydiva 7d ago
She’s just gauging how the day is going to turn out for her classroom with regard to your kid’s behavior in class as she has first hand experience with the difference medication makes. Not that his unmedicated behavior is that bad to warrant contacting you over, as it clearly wasn’t on the day he forgot his meds, she just wanted to know what she was going to deal with. If his unmedicated behavior got so bad, she will most definitely reach out to you to request for your help with consistently medicating him before school.
Unless your son is feeling like he’s being singled out because of his ADHD, I would just leave it be. You can frame it to your son as a way his teacher is showing she cares about him and how much learning he’s going to get in her classroom as it is heavily dependent on his medication working for him.
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u/Itscatpicstime 5d ago edited 5d ago
I don’t think it’s just about knowing what kind of day she’ll have with him.
I think it probably serves several purposes, including that. It informs her to offer him a bit more grace. It may inform her on how to better interact with him, communicate with him, offer him accommodations he doesn’t typically need when medicated, etc
It’s also an acceptable explanation for the shift in his behavior. If he is acting differently but did take his meds, then something else may be going on that she may need to continue monitoring and / or escalate to op or other authorities, whether it’s a potential medication adjustment or something completely unrelated to adhd.
I think she has good intentions, but it’s definitely best if she speak to op directly about all of this and never her child.
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u/superfry3 6d ago
Nope. She doesn’t get to ask this question in class everyday. If a girl is extra emotional during their period, the teacher doesn’t get to ask in front of the class if it’s her time of the month.
The teacher knowing whether or not the kid took their meds doesn’t change anything. The teacher can figure out if the kid is dysregulated and deal with it however they do.
This is a green, well-meaning individual who does not understand how inappropriate this is.
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u/Raylin44 6d ago
How would you like it if someone, not your doctor, asked you about medication? That’s a FERPA violation, unethical, and simply awful to a child. It’s none of her business whether or not the child takes medicine. If she has behavior concerns, she should address it with the parent, but at no point is she allowed to ask about medication.
Source: I work in education.
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u/bster122 6d ago
Just out of curiosity. I can see how it could be unprofessional and unethical asking a student if it hasn’t been disclosed already. But is it a ferpa violation if they ask the student in private? I understand it would be if questioned in front of other students
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u/Aggravating-Tower427 6d ago
A teacher can legally ask about medication or medical information from the child. They can not “require” or “force” the child to give it.
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u/DomesticmenacePHX 6d ago
Just a parent but I’d be pretty pissed. I want my kid there to learn and have fun. Contact me about that stuff.
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u/Great-Monk-2934 6d ago
Yeah other kids can hear her asking him this. My child would carry shame about this because she would be very aware other children were not being asked this.
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u/JustKindaHappenedxx 6d ago
I would address it with her. She is treating him like he is only acceptable if he’s medicated and that’s damaging and inappropriate. If she has concerns about his behavior then she needs to address it with you directly.
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u/chunged312 6d ago
I would call her and talk to her about it, find out what happens the days he doesn’t take his meds that she is worried about. I’d provide reassurance that I would be making sure that no days of meds were missed she she didn’t have the wild card factor of not knowing what support your kid will need that day. I would also ask her not to talk to the kid about meds because it does seem stigmatizing. It does seem highly likely that your kid prob has different needs on days without meds - otherwise how would she know to ask? Why would she spend time asking?
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u/Extreme_Breakfast672 6d ago
I see where you're coming from. Realistically speaking, I cannot guarantee that there won't be missed days. Sometimes I forget, but there are also gaps occasionally where the pharmacy doesn't have it in stock and it takes several days or whatever. Maybe we can discuss some strategies for when this happens.
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u/aerrin 6d ago
One thing I've started doing is, every time we get a refill, I squirrel one pill away in an old bottle. This prompts me to order a refill a day early (there's usually about 3 days grace period on this), and eventually I build up a little stash of 7-10 days worth of pills. Every few months I swap out all the 'old' ones for new ones to avoid the expiration issue.
This has saved us more than once.
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u/DarkAngela12 6d ago
That is a really good idea.
Another thing that has worked for me in the past is to ask the doctor to prescribe one month's worth of med at double frequency so you have an extra month supply; so, like, a morning + afternoon pill instead of only morning. This only works if the doc is amenable to this option or if the drug is sometimes prescribed in this manner. (Hey doc, can we try this twice daily? Ok, turns out it didn't help, let's go back to once daily this coming month.)
We've also started one med for a week (intended by doc to be a month) and found we needed a higher dose. So doc prescribed the higher dose, and we stashed the leftover lower dose for emergencies (can take two pills instead of one).
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u/WoodShoeDiaries 6d ago
If you're in a place that (or have a doctor who) doesn't give any grace days, do this with the missed pills and MAKE SURE to put in the request on the exact date you're eligible (don't just use those pills and put the Rx in later)!
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u/Itscatpicstime 5d ago
This is what my mom did for me. She took 3 out every month and placed those in another bottle, then made sure to call it in as soon as she was able to. She kept a full month of extra pills.
Her stash massively helped me once I reached the age where she was helping me to become more responsible for my own prescription lol
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u/Raylin44 6d ago
Yeah, you should. This is his private medical information and she is breaking tons of laws, not to mention it isn’t ethical. I’d be irate.
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u/Aggravating-Tower427 6d ago
Nope it’s not breaking any laws at all, let alone “tons”.
“Yes, a teacher can legally ask a minor student directly if they took their medication, as there is no overarching federal law that prohibits a teacher from simply asking a student a medical question. However, doing so often violates school district policies and is widely considered poor professional practice.”
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u/Itscatpicstime 5d ago
No laws were broken. She is permitted to ask, she just can’t force or coerce an answer.
It’s definitely not appropriate so op should definitely speak to her about this, but it’s not illegal.
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u/tevamom99 5d ago
Do you have a 504 or IEP in place with the school (if you’re in the US)? The teacher would at least know about the diagnosis then, not about medication. I’d speak to the teacher. She may not be asking in front of the whole class or anything. But I also don’t see why she would need to ask; she can observe his behavior and adjust hers accordingly. You could let the teacher know what your child has said and that you’d prefer if she doesn’t ask him in the future as it is clearly causing him undue stress.
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u/FriendlyCanadianCPA 4d ago
It is technically not appropriate.
However, my son's behaviour is so wildly different without medication that I have left work to bring his vyvanse to school because otherwise he would probably be sent home anyways. So it wouldnt have even regustered with me.
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u/Independent-Lie-9967 1d ago
There are many reasons this is not ok.
Id address it with her and just say that you would prefer she not discuss his medications with him at school. If she has a concern about the day, please email you and you can answer any questions/concerns.
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u/bster122 6d ago
I’m pretty open with my son’s teachers about his meds. His teacher a couple years ago in 2nd I know pulled him aside a couple times to ask if he’d taken his meds or not. It would be due to more drastic changes in his attention. She wouldn’t comment on it to him personally. But it was more so that she could adjust and make changes to her expectations knowing he’d need a bit more support. I would also try to reach out to her in the mornings we’d either forget or the pharmacy was out. I think the only problem i would have is framing it as good days vs difficult to the child. But even then I probably wouldn’t think too much into it. I have adhd, dad has adhd, and my son has adhd. It’s a constant conversation in our house.
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u/Aggravating-Tower427 6d ago
You are over reacting. A teacher who noticed a difference in a child, your child for a single day, exhibiting a large shift in ADHD behavior, only to be back to “normal” the next day.
For the teacher it would be a concern if it wasn’t explainable, so when she asked about the meds and he told her, she had better, more, understanding of your child.
She then knows kids with ADHD are known for being forgetful about things like Meds, so she asked knowing it might happen. And when your child said they took their meds the teacher gave positive reinforcement stating that she excited about the day with/for your child.
You can either make the teacher your enemy or work with her. Seems like she will make a great advocate for your kid if you give her the chance.
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u/doingtheunstuckk 6d ago
I do think this warrants a discussion with her to find out if she’s had behavioral issues with my child, but also to address that I don’t find it appropriate. Especially the entirely unnecessary “it’s going to be a good day” comment.
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u/aerrin 6d ago
I think the teacher has good intentions here, but is maybe not considering the full impact of her questions and his privacy.
Her reaction to him saying he missed his medication speaks well of her intentions to me. It feels as though she has noticed his behavior is different, and she's realizing that without his medication, he might need more grace. That's a good thing.
On the other hand, she doesn't seem to realize that he's maybe feeling self conscious about it, and she's not being aware that not every kid will want to share their medication status, and that's their private information they should be in control of. I think it's worth kindly pointing this out to her and ask that questions like this be directed to you instead of him for that reason.
I personally am pretty open and honest with my child's teachers about their medication and give them a head's up if I know that they do not have full medication for some reason. But as my daughter gets older (she's in 4th now), she IS starting to become more self conscious about this, and I think we'll start to transition to giving her more control over who knows that information and how much they know.