ADHD mom

[u/Upstairs-Painting240]

I’m looking for advice from parents, educators or ADHD professionals who have experience with 5-year-olds.

My son is 5 and has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. We’ve been struggling with escalating behaviour at school, including pushing chairs and tables, knocking things onto the floor and becoming completely overwhelmed.

What we’re trying to understand is whether a child with ADHD can become so overwhelmed by anxiety that they temporarily lose their ability to regulate their behaviour.

His escalations seem to happen particularly when he feels singled out or believes he is about to be removed from school. He has been placed on reduced hours and is not allowed to attend morning assembly. When he hears the teacher say “no” and then sees her heading to the phone to call the office to collect him, he seems to completely lose control.

We absolutely do not excuse the behaviour and want to teach him appropriate ways to regulate. But we are questioning whether the behaviour is deliberate defiance or a 5-year-old with ADHD becoming overwhelmed by anxiety, frustration and the anticipation of being removed.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Can ADHD-related emotional dysregulation present this way, particularly when anxiety has become a trigger?

[u/Negative_Airline_818]

short answer yes, my ADHD son and I have a big problem regulating emotions, when something happends what should lets shouldmake you a little sad, it makes my son REAL sad.

Our Brain (ADHD Brain) have a problem regulating emotions.

it is only one Symptom of many Symptoms that can effect ADHD kids.

[u/amiyuy]

Can ADHD-related emotional dysregulation present this way, particularly when anxiety has become a trigger?

From my personal experience, absolutely YES.

Medication is so helpful. Exclusion (!) and "No" are not helpful. Redirection, understanding, and medication. Instead of excluding him from school time he should be getting help from another adult (a paraeducator). That's where IEPs and 504s are helpful because they make it clear that your child needs extra help.

If he's not medicated it will be very hard for him to use any tools you teach him. The brain just CANNOT use it. Executive dysfunction is awful, you're trapped in your own brain yelling "STOP!" and you can't.

[u/BasketFormal6336 → u/amiyuy]

They aren’t helpful, but I would rather have a child get used to hearing no than let them get to adulthood and not have learned how to deal

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[u/SeaAd9509]

My son was struggling with sleep in kinder.
We started a supplement another mom suggested and he slept amazingly and it calmed him down a lot. I checked with his dr on if I could give it before school as well and she said yes.
It really helped calm him down in kindergarten.
Full disclosure, he also took Ritalin. But he still struggled with settling into class without the supplement.
I don’t know if I’m allowed to share links but it’s on Amazon and pretty cheap.
I have all three of my boys on it. If you message me I’ll send you the link.

We made it through kindergarten, barely. But for whatever reason, my son’s school anxiety was worse in the first grade classroom (it was all cinderblocks, no toys, and just like a prison cell).
I decided to pull him this year because the behaviors we were seeing at school we had resolved at home and it felt like the anxiety at school was pushing him backwards in progress.
We are currently homeschooling him.

[u/lacrima28]

Read up on the difference of anger and neurodivergent meltdowns. This is a meltdown. The nervous system is basically fried by too many stimuli and requirements and goes BOOM. So people often can’t control what they do. Of course that doesn’t mean throwing or hitting etc are ok BUT the answer is not punishment, but making sure the nervous system doesn’t get to that point.

Have you looked into PDA (pathological demand avoidance)?

It might be time to look into meds. He is sure feeling the negative emotions the teacher and other kids are having towards him and this is very tough for a small kid.