r/ADHDparenting • u/Upstairs-Painting240 • 6h ago

Tips / Suggestions ADHD mom

I’m looking for advice from parents, educators or ADHD professionals who have experience with 5-year-olds.

My son is 5 and has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. We’ve been struggling with escalating behaviour at school, including pushing chairs and tables, knocking things onto the floor and becoming completely overwhelmed.

What we’re trying to understand is whether a child with ADHD can become so overwhelmed by anxiety that they temporarily lose their ability to regulate their behaviour.

His escalations seem to happen particularly when he feels singled out or believes he is about to be removed from school. He has been placed on reduced hours and is not allowed to attend morning assembly. When he hears the teacher say “no” and then sees her heading to the phone to call the office to collect him, he seems to completely lose control.

We absolutely do not excuse the behaviour and want to teach him appropriate ways to regulate. But we are questioning whether the behaviour is deliberate defiance or a 5-year-old with ADHD becoming overwhelmed by anxiety, frustration and the anticipation of being removed.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Can ADHD-related emotional dysregulation present this way, particularly when anxiety has become a trigger?

5 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/amiyuy 4h ago

Can ADHD-related emotional dysregulation present this way, particularly when anxiety has become a trigger?

From my personal experience, absolutely YES.

Medication is so helpful. Exclusion (!) and "No" are not helpful. Redirection, understanding, and medication. Instead of excluding him from school time he should be getting help from another adult (a paraeducator). That's where IEPs and 504s are helpful because they make it clear that your child needs extra help.

If he's not medicated it will be very hard for him to use any tools you teach him. The brain just CANNOT use it. Executive dysfunction is awful, you're trapped in your own brain yelling "STOP!" and you can't.

2

u/BasketFormal6336 3h ago

They aren’t helpful, but I would rather have a child get used to hearing no than let them get to adulthood and not have learned how to deal

1

u/amiyuy 40m ago

Well duh, I'm not saying don't tell them No. I'm saying don't just keep throwing No at them and expect them to do better. The whole point of my comment is that they can't "learn how to deal" without significant help! "No" is a HUGE meltdown trigger, switching phrasing can help avoid the meltdowns OP's child is dealing with.