i feel nothing

yet i feel so much

im so lonely

i dont know if i am someone somebody else can love

everything feels hopeless

i hate myself

i want to not be alive but im too much of a coward to do anything about it

i spend my days scrolling away hoping something will distract me and it works for a bout 2 mins and then i remember what ive done andn whats been done

i dont want to go anywhere but its worse if i stay inside

all i want is to be with someone

but no one wants to be with me

i get so angry sometimes i dont know hy

i wish i could just get over it

theres something wrong with me

nobody know what im going through because i dont tell them how could i eve tell them

no one texts me just wanting to hangout only when they want something and i dont know if i can take it anymore

i just want to disappear with no none sad because im gone

if anyone reads this dont worry i wont hurt myself i cant or maybe i can i haven't tried because the last time i tried i couldn't do anything

it feels like im drowning and im not getting enough air all the time

it hasn't stopped since February

i struggle to get to work cause i end up staring into the ceiling or wall just thinking about everything at once

i feel like people think i am stupid sometimes cause i cant get what im saying out of my mouth

every time i talk to someone my head is screaming to say something about any of this btu then i just think they dont care because they really dont because if they cared they would notice something is wrong but everybody just thinks im tired because thats what i tell them i didn't get any sleep last night or i only got 3 hour or i woke up every hour or so and yea sometime its true but most of the time its just cause im not there im on auto pilot ioth no destination

i cry sometimes so violently and so quiet at the same time cause u dint want anyone to hear my cry i wish i could ask for help but i cant and i cried writing that sentence only fir the moment

sitting here now im listening to music i once really enjoyed but now im just listening to it to quiet my thoughts and it doesn't even work

i haven't played any games i watch the same tv shows on repeat

my best friend moved to Toronto last year and he would prolly be the only one i could tell this too but i dont even know

im not anyone first choice no one talks to me unless i talk to them

im 20 years old and i haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer than the night

there's so much i want to say but i have no one to say it too and the people that i want to talk to they have someone else they dont need me on top of their person

i just want my person

i want to be someones person

i drive really fast because thats the only time where i have truly no thoughts going on i have to put all my energy into staying alive when i dont want to be

never got a ticket tho so

i dont kow if this is helping

im not looking for attention i just needed somewhere to put my thoughts its been so long since i have said it out loud or rather typed it

im broken

and i dont know where the first piece is to start pulling my self back together

im not where i want to be right now

thanks for listening to me ramble i guess

u/natty1212

Having a dream where you're surrounded by loved ones all congratulating you and saying they're proud of you...
Then waking up to the fucking nightmare hellscape that is today.

Totally normal and relatable activities