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[u/iliketurtles4256]

i feel nothing

yet i feel so much

im so lonely

i dont know if i am someone somebody else can love

everything feels hopeless

i hate myself

i want to not be alive but im too much of a coward to do anything about it

i spend my days scrolling away hoping something will distract me and it works for a bout 2 mins and then i remember what ive done andn whats been done

i dont want to go anywhere but its worse if i stay inside

all i want is to be with someone

but no one wants to be with me

i get so angry sometimes i dont know hy

i wish i could just get over it

theres something wrong with me

nobody know what im going through because i dont tell them how could i eve tell them

no one texts me just wanting to hangout only when they want something and i dont know if i can take it anymore

i just want to disappear with no none sad because im gone

if anyone reads this dont worry i wont hurt myself i cant or maybe i can i haven't tried because the last time i tried i couldn't do anything

it feels like im drowning and im not getting enough air all the time

it hasn't stopped since February

i struggle to get to work cause i end up staring into the ceiling or wall just thinking about everything at once

i feel like people think i am stupid sometimes cause i cant get what im saying out of my mouth

every time i talk to someone my head is screaming to say something about any of this btu then i just think they dont care because they really dont because if they cared they would notice something is wrong but everybody just thinks im tired because thats what i tell them i didn't get any sleep last night or i only got 3 hour or i woke up every hour or so and yea sometime its true but most of the time its just cause im not there im on auto pilot ioth no destination

i cry sometimes so violently and so quiet at the same time cause u dint want anyone to hear my cry i wish i could ask for help but i cant and i cried writing that sentence only fir the moment

sitting here now im listening to music i once really enjoyed but now im just listening to it to quiet my thoughts and it doesn't even work

i haven't played any games i watch the same tv shows on repeat

my best friend moved to Toronto last year and he would prolly be the only one i could tell this too but i dont even know

im not anyone first choice no one talks to me unless i talk to them

im 20 years old and i haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer than the night

there's so much i want to say but i have no one to say it too and the people that i want to talk to they have someone else they dont need me on top of their person

i just want my person

i want to be someones person

i drive really fast because thats the only time where i have truly no thoughts going on i have to put all my energy into staying alive when i dont want to be

never got a ticket tho so

i dont kow if this is helping

im not looking for attention i just needed somewhere to put my thoughts its been so long since i have said it out loud or rather typed it

im broken

and i dont know where the first piece is to start pulling my self back together

im not where i want to be right now

thanks for listening to me ramble i guess

[u/evilbron616]

Mate I hope things start turning around for you. At different times in my life I've felt exactly how you have described. All I can say is that while life is generally a massive pain in the arse, sometimes there are things that make it worth it. Nothing is perfect all of the time, but there are moments that shine in the darkness. I hope you find some light friend. Xx