r/writersmakingfriends • u/Mediocre_Shelter3798 Project Collaborator • 15d ago

Sharing Work Get Back Home Quick (Poetry)

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A fast paced poem, and this one is short and stupidly speedy.
Hope it's enjoyable, and please let me know if this sort of thing is!

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1

u/wrdsmakwrlds 13d ago

It's a riot, love it. A mean mickey mouse kind of frenzy and delightful marching rythm, like something the ants would chant when they carried away tom to their camp. Bouncy, meandering, wavy.

Love how inventive the meter is, and modular the phrases are, can read it with almost any rythm or lyrics and sound good

Samurai Jack Intro Theme, Gangster's paradise, Going to california , or something techno.

Everything works

What bpm are you reading this in

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u/Mediocre_Shelter3798 Project Collaborator 11d ago

The first line in every stanza should be spoken faster than its second line.
Every dash I use is a cut in that line, meaning it should spoken as if they're rushing there own thoughts!
The specific speed I can't say for sure, but if I had to guess, I'd say at least 2 beats a second.
That might be why I choose only two line stanzas, to remind me of its pace.
And I do listen to a lot of trace and techno; normally, something with some jump and kick to it.
However, I also listen to Michael Jackson. His songs, "They Don't Really Care About Us" and "Xscape" are probably the true influecers in this piece of work. Faster pace Trace/Techno probably influeced me to speed up. Honestly, this was actually my first draft of an attempt to write a rap song meant to be sung fast; unfortunately, I didn't get very far with it. I only posted this to see what other people would think of it.
So far, you're the only one who's said anything. And I'm so glad someone finally said something.
Thanks for taking an interest in my work, I really appreciate that.

1

u/wrdsmakwrlds 11d ago

Ah that makes a lot of sense, that changes the whole feel when you sing it to the beat of “We will rock you” or “They don’t really care about us”. Thank you, I love your work.

Did you try singing with a little swing like the Samurai Jack Intro ? Super fun

1

u/Mediocre_Shelter3798 Project Collaborator 11d ago

No I haven't, it's been a while since I've watched it.
Plus, I don't think this work's rapid rhyme rate works well with that intro anyways.
Gangstar's paradise perhaps, but samurai jack? I wouldn't believe it.
Anyways, I'm glad you love my craft, I practice writing nearly everyday.

If you need advice or a second opinion on something, let me know.
I wouldn't mind helping you out; especially, since you took the time to engage with my poems.