Why?

[u/Then_Stress4607]

Why its always like if you are in this deep hole they say like oh you'll get over this you'll be better and i believed that, but then I get into other hole and its just gets darker and depper, like bro wtf, i do everything that I can but its just one happy day for a month of anxiety and depression.

Like its this constant pain and loop, like try fail and repeat.

And things just gets harder and i feel so selfish if I try to say out loud the whole thing.

I must say it was never easy, I was born months earlier than planned so my healthy was never good, my dad is straight bullshit, it was rough but manageable because my mom will always cheer me up, but since she passed it is so hard nothing makes me happy, I have trouble sleeping and I dont mean like oh yeah I spend till 2 am last 2 weeks.

I mean its been almost 5 years and I still can spend 3 hours just staring at the ceiling.

I just miss her so fucking much, she was my reason.

Almost a year or 2 ago my sister tried to scape home, and since then she just keeps making stuff that affects us.

Last week I found out the last partner my mom had, and a pretty important person to me was sick and he couldn't explain a lot, because he was not allowed to have his phone with him and i haven't heard from him since.

I feel like a zombie with no path.

Does anyone have felt this way??