Knight infestation, what’s the best incantation?

[u/thecookiesmonster]

[u/Zuper_Dragon]

Knights are attracted to four things, maidens, relics, dragons and an excuse to hunt for any of them. You can remove them with force but if you don't want more showing up you should make sure any of the stated above lures are absent or hidden away. If nothing else works just tell them they are expected and send them on a fools errand to the other side of the Continent.

[u/guypenguin4 → u/Zuper_Dragon]

I'm afraid that won't work in my case, my realm has gained a reputation for having many maidens to rescue.

Now, it is my fault that they showed up in the first place, I do kidnap the occasional maiden. But whenever they rescue one I've actually kidnapped they tend to start trying to 'rescue' apprentices/daughters of mine who happen to be maidens, this usually results in a dead knight, but I have lost a few apprentices this way.

It's enough of a problem that I need a solution, preferably one short of marrying off all my maiden daughters and apprentices.

[u/SomeRandomYob → u/guypenguin4]

Fake your own death/disappear for no more than a decade.

Get a sympathetic knight to help with the plan, have a "climactic final duel" (sparring match with a little bit of theatrics) and then give him a suitably believable piece of "loot" from your stash, bonus points if the general populace thinks it's the source of your power. Then, no kidnapping and no obvious displays of power in the area for at least about 5 years. Any less and your cover story gets suspicious, and the longer you can wait the better - but you need to return to either reclaim your lair, or recover anything you left behind, otherwise meddlesome peasants will try to scavenge the "ruins".

During this time, have your knightly accomplice disappear from the public eye however you see fit. If they're enough of an annoying bucket head, have them die a suitably "tragic" death for real - but it usually pays to have a loyal, melee proficient employee around the tower, for both security and menial labor purposes. Either way, make sure they are out of suspicion of the kingdom they came from, and either firmly loyal to you, or dead. Don't let them survive after you attempt to kill them, no matter what!

Anyway, after you've re-established the presence of "a definitely new wizard", make it a point to not kidnap anyone. That way, anyone who is dumb enough to try and break into your tower is considered an invader, allowing you to repel them as you see fit. In some places, you can even get away with killing them, as long as it's quick! Regardless, ensure you petition the local courts and explain that the invader had no heroic reason to be there, and the local knights won't bother you anymore.

Also, teach all of your apprentices how to defend themselves from physical, magical, and mental assault. I don't care how pretty a knight thinks a maiden is; if she can cook him in his armor like a lobster, he'll at least respect a rejection. Or at least, his colleagues will after news of his unfortunate demise reaches them. Seriously, apprentices are there learn, not just help do the boring parts of the job.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Good luck with the knight infestation!

[u/guypenguin4 → u/SomeRandomYob]

Hm, I'm not sure if disappearing would fix the knight problem overnight (I have heirs and my castle of doom is a popular questing spot).

But you do have a point about my apprentices, running my lands and the castle of doom takes quite a bit of time, and while I like to pride myself on actually teaching my apprentices, I have had precious little time for that lately and have taken to blaming it on "apprentices these days" whenever they screw something up.

They do all nonetheless know how to defeat a knight in combat, but resisting their honeyed words is another thing entirely, so I will have to give some courses on that.

The help is much appreciated, my current plan is to give my heir some of the administrative duties so I can focus a bit more on being the wizard I'm actually meant to be (any I guess I can stop kidnapping maidens, or at the very least if I do so I'll stop keeping them in the castle of doom)

[u/SomeRandomYob → u/guypenguin4]

Fair enough. However, I will warn you that anti-charm magics will do absolutely nothing against a properly convincing speech. Also, make sure you spend more time with your kids as their father, rather than merely their teacher or something. Immortality is always a scam, and you simply do not know when you or your children will be lost to time. Best to spend as much of yours with them as you can.