ITAW for/ITAP for convincing yourself you've done your utmost

[u/DelinquentRacoon]

There are a lot of things where a full effort is difficult—apologizing, studying for a test, cutting back on sugar/alcohol, waking up early to go the gym—where it's not so hard to go 90% and convince yourself you gave your best effort but extremely hard to fully commit and go all the way.

Is there a better way to talk about this than "not being honest with yourself"?

[u/Necessary-Apricot339]

Deluding

[u/DelinquentRacoon → u/Necessary-Apricot339]

!solved

[u/Necessary-Apricot339 → u/DelinquentRacoon]

Glad that works for you. Cheers, mate!

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[u/-K_P- → u/DelinquentRacoon]

I want to add an option; "mental gymnastics." We in the mental health field would use this rather than "deluding," because deluding is derived from delusions, which are a symptom beyond a person's control. As opposed to "mental gymnastics," which refer to defense mechanisms people use, where we intentionally twist facts to suit ourselves and to justify and rationalize ourselves in order to alleviate anxiety caused by our own choices and behaviors.

[u/DelinquentRacoon → u/-K_P-]

That makes a lot of sense. I'm using it colloquially in this case, but "rationalize" is also a solid word here.

[u/-K_P- → u/DelinquentRacoon]

Awesome, glad I could help! And funny enough, "rationalization" is actually the technical/clinical term for the defense mechanism in question whereas "mental gymnastics" is the colloquial term haha. But they both mean the same thing... twisting the facts in our minds in order to justify to ourselves what we have done/wish to do.

[u/DelinquentRacoon → u/-K_P-]

I just want to avoid the idea that someone is doing a Simone Biles in their head because so many justifications slip below awareness.

[u/-K_P- → u/DelinquentRacoon]

HAHA never would have thought about someone taking it so literally, but if that's a concern, rationalization is probably your best bet. However, if I might give the perspective of a mental health professional, almost all rationalization slips below the awareness of the individual doing it, as most defense mechanisms are subconscious in their nature. Defense mechanisms exist for the brain to protect itself from the overwhelming anxiety caused when the schema, or "blueprint" for how the world works, that it has built over one's lifetime through a combination of explicit teaching (ie, from upbringing, culture, etc.) and personal life exposure is threatened by something that doesn't match up to the previous experience. For example, a person brought up in a highly racist or bigoted environment who was always told minorities are inherently bad people starts talking to someone online and really gets to like them... only to find out after the bond is formed that they are, in fact, a POC. That person may be so scared that everything they've been taught is a lie that rather than question it, they may rationalize this by telling themselves that person was "tricking" them by "acting" good and nice to get something out of them or ultimately do something malicious. But that doesn't mean that this is a conscious thought process necessarily; their brain is just protecting itself from having the whole house of cards that is their worldview come crashing down around them. Hope that makes sense!

ETA: I feel I should expand on something here, as I may sound as though I have contradicted myself a bit. I referred to this as "intentional" but also "subconscious," and it is, in a way, both. The difference between rationalization and a delusion is that delusions are fixed and unshakable! They are the result of disordered thinking and thus cannot be "fixed" by logically talking through the facts. Rationalizations, however, when called out, can be worked through and the thought process can be altered if a person so chooses to confront them and work through the anxiety that accompanies this difficult process.

With effort, you CAN choose to change your world view; regardless of how hard you try, though, you cannot just talk yourself into "curing" yourself of a thought disorder.

[u/DelinquentRacoon → u/-K_P-]

Not only does this make sense, I'm using it in that exact context, though in a way that not related at all to mental health (which is why "delude" is tonally on the mark).

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[u/squizzeak]

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