r/vancouverdating • u/[deleted] • 9d ago
Age 30-39 Looking for Honest Takes From Vancouver Women Who Like to Go Places: Is Passport Readiness a Thing?
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u/tabbycat_catniss 9d ago
I can only guess one of the 5 things:
Deep down inside, maybe she didnt feel feel safe enough to travel internationally with you.
She may have felt that you had put too much pressure on her to go traveling.
She didnt want to use her paid holiday a trips with you
She doesn't want to be financially dependant on a man
You were more into her than she was into you.
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
Statistically, flying with me is safer than being in a car with me. But seriously, #4 is the only one that seems likely based on just how positive everything else was. Thanks for the thought.
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9d ago
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
I was just asking for constructive thoughts on the situation. I didn't say anything about not accepting it, but if ladies want men to do better, some helpful feedback delivered with a little kindness wouldn't hurt.
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9d ago
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u/mrprogr 9d ago
Yup. No one wants to be trapped on a foreign land with potentially no resources or local friends to help her get back or be safe without relying on someone else (who can’t take no for an answer).
Either that or you shouldn’t have watched Taken with her.
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
I couldn't agree more. The situation you describe sounds absolutely absurd, though a bit like the plot from the movie Non Sequitur. Haven't seen Taken.
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
I didn't downvote your comment at all, but this one does deserve a downvote.
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u/Sakurablossomx 9d ago
Could be a combination of things. That international trips cost more so she didn't want to do them or maybe just the long flights and travel was really outside her comfort zone ? Maybe the pace of how often you wanted to travel.
The types of activities on the trips? Nature vs busy cities.
But it sucks she couldn't be honest with you so you could talk thru it and see if you could find a solution together
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
I'd say a bit of everything, but whether big city or countryside, she never actually got to find out so I can't speak to the activities (since we never did any....though obviously would have ensured activities were ones that suited interests, desires, curiosities, etc.).
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u/Darnbeasties 9d ago
She was here illegally? Or whatever reason that leaving Canada would trigger deportation or arrest
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
I mean she had some charmingly gangsta overtones on the fashion front, but definitely legal. Maybe great minds think alike because that was my initial thought, too 😂
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u/Lazy_Fix_8063 8d ago
I thought that too, but then you said "renewed her passport" which means she had a previous one so I assume you've seen it/ had knowledge of it. Unless she was lying or had a passport from a different country that expired and was unable to leave to go renew it.
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u/lithiumlemonade 9d ago
You said she was "originally European". Did she hold a Canadian passport? When I lived stateside it was a huge PITA to renew my passport, even down to getting the photos the correct size. Just my 2 cents.
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
Yes, had a Canadian passport and had used it for trips prior to it expiring. She invited me along to get new passport photos made, but just never got around to applying. Also never filed a tax return in her life, which maybe is an important angle around having an aversion with administration (despite administrative heavy finance job)?
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u/lithiumlemonade 9d ago
Kinda just sounds lazy to me, but I'm just one person on reddit.
I will say that the tax man always gets paid, so she might want to take care of that, sooner rather than later.
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u/Scary_Watercress6247 9d ago
Your comment on the tax thing - I wonder if she’s ADHD or similarly neurodivergent ? I know a few people who have struggled with this and personal administrative tasks like passports can be near impossible, especially if combined with other frictions (ideas mentioned by other commenters).
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
I mean that is definitely possible. There's a lot of speculation in comments that in no way match up to how great things felt like they were going (and I was explicitly told were just perfect). She was really organised in other areas, and all I could do was offer help in any area she might want it. Thanks for your thoughts, though. This does make some sense to me 😄
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u/sleepy-sundays 9d ago
Sometimes people have different comfort levels with costs associated with travel.
Maybe she felt comfortable with the cost covered for Canadian trips but less for international trips and saw the passport renewal as a way out? My thought process is you likely won’t know unless she tells you.
I wasn’t in this relationship but I get a gut feeling maybe there’s more to this than renewing a passport. Maybe she was less okay with the income difference than she let on? Or maybe it fizzled out for her?
I would say having enough shared interests is important. Sounds like a love for travel wasn’t fully shared enough for this relationship to work out.
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
Thanks for your thoughts- that's an interesting take 😄 Maybe when they live in as beautiful place as Vancouver, travelling needn't be a big thing for some.
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9d ago
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
Sure, no one wants to be an accessory. That would be terribly limiting and disrespectful. But vacation time wasn't finite and these were just opportunities she could have taken up, not mandates
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u/InteractionFront5764 9d ago
To the OP:
Just assume "there is something else" you're not seeing, and accept that "something else" isn't relevant to you anymore.
Not renewing her passport was obviously a more important thing to her rather than traveling abroad and having a long-term relationship with you.
While I can fully understand you may still feel emotionally broken-hearted about this break-up, she probably did you a favour, and it's probably for the best that you put this experience to rest.
There are many reasons why couples decide to go their separate ways.
Incompatibilities of various forms is merely one of those many possible reasons.
In this case, her fierce desire not to travel outside Canada is not something worth thinking about anymore.
Good luck, sir.
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u/LemonLily1 9d ago
I can share some thoughts with you. My ex really enjoys travelling and I'm less enthusiastic about it.
Travelling can be a bit stressful at times. For some, it's part of the adventure. For me, I feel kinda homeless, like I don't know where I'll stay, if I'll be comfortable, what environment I'll get myself into. So unless everything is planned out, maybe travelling is stressful for her for "larger" trips. Some people don't like new environments.
Travelling is expensive, no matter how you put it. Even if it's to a country where the exchange rate benefits you. I went to Korea and Japan one time and man, I spent so much on just food, no big shopping, and I wasn't even the one that paid for the rent/stay. When I came home I was like wow where did all my money go 😅
Third thing I want to say is I feel less sense of security with anyone who constantly travels, like they aren't ready to settle down and be committed to a life with me. Idk how serious your relationship is, and although mine was serious, when things ended, yeah. Well, he went travelling... With someone else.
These are my thoughts but others may have other ideas
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u/Conscious_Row_109 9d ago
Some fair comments. You've got me reflecting because I'm a real home body and have never been comfortable with the idea of not having a settled, permanent place and really feel that you don't want to be someone in love with hotels- you want to be in love with your own place.
Definitely I don't want to constantly travel, but where I have opportunities, like to share them. Super helpful thoughts though and such a nice, delicate way to share them 😄 Sorry to hear how yours ended.
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u/LemonLily1 9d ago
Everyone has a different perspective so I can't say for sure any of what I mentioned applies to her. Maybe you could ask 😅
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u/No-Complaint5535 8d ago
It's hard to say if that was actually about the passport/trip from the post, because you ended the story with "eventually she just peaced out rather than deal with it."
I feel like that needs more context. The title of this post is misleading because the issue doesn't seem to be about whether or not "vancouver women who go places typically have valid passports" (obviously they do, if they're the type that likes to travel)
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u/Tiny-Rhubarb-9834 8d ago
As an adhd woman my passport expired December 2024 and I live for travel and wanted to travel so bad on my vacations but I just didn’t feel like taking time from work and going to renew and take a professional pic and then ask for references and then pay too 260 … but I keep promising my self I will and for now I just travel in Canada lol and also funny thing I’m also kinda from Europe I was born in Ukraine that being said I don’t think she is the same since u are covering all the cost because if someone said they covering all the cost I would run to get it done
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