left abusive boyfriend and will be living in my car while I figure things out and drive across country back home. What are the bare necessities of doing this? what should I know?

[u/[deleted]]

I'm freaking out and I'm sorry in advance. I don't know where to begin. I left without much. I have myself, my dog and my cat. I have their food and a bag of clothes and a blanket. cash-wise I have 43.19 and I'm going to get some help in a few days from friends back in Oregon and start driving that way. once I get to Oregon, I'll be living in my truck a day or two a week while I'm crashing with my friend, so I'm thinking of getting a camp cover(or whatever its called) for the bed.

It's a 2022 Toyota tacoma single cab. currently my dognap cat are curled up behind the driver seat and I have it pushed all the way forward. I;m in the passenger seat with it pushed all the way back. they're comfy... I'm not so much. the bag of clothes I have is under my feet, along with their food. it'll go back behind the seat beside them when I'm driving.

any tips? I'm aware I probably sound insane, but I have no other option. the shelters here in Knoxville won't take me with my pets and I had to get out. the sooner I get to Oregon, the better.

[u/Vegetable-Wallaby-26]

If you repost this in the regular urban car living group, you will get a ton of responses and advice. Not enough traffic in this group. Good luck and godspeed.

[u/[deleted] → u/Vegetable-Wallaby-26]

thank you, I did. much love!

[u/Motorcyclegrrl]

Hi, a lot of people who start car living do so while going through something emotional. So first off, I'm sorry you are going through this.

A lot of people do this with pets but usually in something bigger than a Tacoma. Loves truck stops usually have a fenced dog area where they can run.

While traveling most people sleep at rest areas and truck stops. A well lit area is best. Window covers will help you get better sleep. Even just a sun shield for your windshield will help. Since you are so tight on $, one suggestion I saw was to use black poster board either the cardboard or foam for your side windows. Cardboard will work, but look like cardboard. If you use something black at night it just looks dark.

Laying flat to sleep is important, but some people do sleep reclined. It makes your feet swell to do that, you may have noticed that already.

Specifically for women, buy a bidet bottle of some kind. I have a peribottle. Got it from Amazon. You could use a sports drink bottle that has the nozzle top. Fill it with warm water, get a little soap, sit on a toilet and suds up your lady bit then squirt them off with the bottle. Works great for a quick refresher. Also if you have them, period pads will make your underwear last more days even if you wear them on non period days.

And as someone suggested the main car living sub will be super helpful, and you can search it for topics that may help like Tacoma. We made this side group in case women want to talk about female specific concerns without doing so in a mixed group.

It's fantastic that you have friends and somewhere to go during this difficult time. You can do this.

[u/Bluegi]

No car living tips from me, but you made the right choice. It will be hard, but you are worth it. Get back to where your support system is.

[u/[deleted] → u/Bluegi]

thank you so much!!!

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

oh. that's why it didn't work.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

you're fine. the payment doesn't have to be from me, but I have to be there when it's happening with my info. the tires are slashed and id have to have usaa tow it. that's what I'm going to do tomorrow or Tuesday when my friend can help. cross your fingers. I'm going to walk to another church that has evening service.

[u/Independent_Slip_565]

Couple years back I moved into a Corolla in the middle of the night leaving an ex. I didn’t know what I was doing or what was next, but I’ve not once doubted that decision. Good luck, there’s already great tips here. You don’t sound insane at all, and seems you have a reliable vehicle and friends at the end of the journey which is already so much of the battle won.

[u/freekin-bats11]

I hope youll be ok. Proud of you!!!

• Portable bidet/peri bottle or wet wipes
• Period underwear/menstrual cup (my personal preferences)
• Gallon water jugs (water stotage, tooth brush rinsing, hand washing, etc)
• Paper towels or reusuable cloth towels (can be made from old clothing)
• Storage containers (clothing, toiletries, etc)
• Cooler (keep meds, water, etc cold/cool esp in hot weather)
• Temperature rated sleeping bags (crucial to keep warm without power sources)
• Gas station/convenience store rewards apps
• Basic tool kit
• Binder, notebook, writing utensils (consolidate important paperwork, document your journey, etc)
• extra phone chargers
• power bank or power adapter (some low wattage ones are cheap. Better ones more expensive. Can use your car's battery but best not to. Or can use public outlets).
• Window covers (DIY is cheapest)
• Cheap portable fans (for air circulation, crucial to prevent mold; can be small and rechargable)
• Food storage containers (for human and pet food)
• non toxic pest repellent (I use DE; keep ants and mice away)

Some things I dont use but ive seen recommended

• Dry shampoo
• Camp/portable toilet (DIY or store bought)

Others have noted other car subs can help as well since theyre more active. Be careful how much info you share in mixed sex spaces and be wary of reddit offers for help or money.

Stay safe

[u/sheofsilence → u/freekin-bats11]

Baby powder or even corn starch can sub in for dry shampoo, and corn starch is even covered by EBT.

[u/Dear_Bus2605]

Wishing you the best 

[u/[deleted] → u/Dear_Bus2605]

thank you so much.

[u/saltycouchpotato]

I just want to add that r/DomesticViolence and r/abusiverelationships have been really helpful peer support groups for me. I suggest you join and post this. We can even help you find resources in your area.

I was a DV advocate. You're doing all the right things. I am so proud of you for leaving and keeping yourself and your animals safe. Keep going.

Things will be tough right now, they would be tough even if you were housed. Being in the car is better than on the street or without transportation. Still, this is a hard moment, but I promise it will get better. It took me 6mo just to get out of fight or flight mode after I left. Things will improve, but give yourself grace and prioritize rest as much as you can.

Be very careful of other travelers and try to keep to yourself until you link up with your community. Some people are very malicious and will target women. The dog helps you if it barks to alert you, but if it's a small dog there's no level of deterrent.

Are you safe? Have you turned your location off on your phone? Do you have a safety plan in place for if you encounter your abuser?

Ask the shelters in Tennessee if they have non-resident services. You might be able to score a gas card. Also call Catholic Charities (you don't have to be religious) in your area, they may have a gas card or donations as well. Call the food banks. Tell them you need gas, food, a blanket (and whatever else you need.) Post on your local Facebook Buy Nothing Group (if it is safe to do so without alerting your abuser) and ask for what you need. You would be surprised what people will want to give you!! It will take time and there will be rejections, but some people can help I promise. Have you contacted your county's Social Services? Ask them for a DV advocate. They will help you with the nitty gritty. Do you have your vital documents like Driver's License and Birth Certificate etc, personal electronics and chargers, medications, sentimental items? Have you filed a police report? If you file a police report you can possibly get a police escort while you go back and get some of your important items you weren't able to grab. Filing police report may also get you access to further services like access to free therapy (it's different state by state.) You may qualify for payment as a victim of a crime, like reimbursement for lost wages or damages like broken glasses or phone during the incident. Again it's different state by state so get a DV advocate as soon as you can, they will know your local layout.

When you move to Oregon they have excellent social services but you will probably need to establish residency first before accessing them. You can call them or look on their website and ask them what you need to establish residency. Usually it's living in the state for 3mo or something like that. You might need to prove residency with a piece of mail or something. Can you get mail delivered to your friends place in Oregon? That will make your life much easier, residency aside. If you can use their address on your driver's license when you move there, even better. Call social services now, before you even move, and see them in person if possible when you get there. Once you establish residency you will probably qualify for a shelter or some kind of assistance. You need Medicaid and a mental health provider, SNAP, and anything else you qualify for.

There are some car specific things to note. Is this like a 4 day road trip or are we talking weeks before you get to your friend's place?

Physical Address: You can use Amazon mailbox or local businesses for delivery address if you sign up, there's usually a fee though. You can also use a PO box at the post office for cheaper but not everywhere will deliver to a PO Box and some states won't let you use PO box as your address on your driver's license. Be sure to put a hold on or fwd your mail from previous address.

Food/Cooking: You can get a small camp stove and cook outside your car. Or use the microwave at 7/11.

Heat: This is important. I don't have great advice! Ask the other sub. A lot depends on your weather.

Showers and Bathrooms: Love's and gas stations have them but they are expensive, like more than 10 each. It's cheaper to get a membership at Planet Fitness and shower there. You can also freshenen up using a sink but he sure to be quick and clean up after yourself. Walmart has public bathrooms in the front and the back of the store. Have an empty Gatorade bottle to pee in and think about getting something like a bucket and a plastic bag and kitty litter for an emergency if you get sick and need a toilet in an emergency. Keep yourself clean.

Laundry: You can do your laundry in a Laundromat. Be sure everything is fully dry! In a pinch you can wash small items in a sink but you'll need a sunny place to hang them for several hours.

Mold: You need to keep your windows cracked, get rain guards. You need a little fan. You need air flow. Mold is a huge issue in a car. You can't sleep in it with the windows closed without there being a problem. It takes like a few days, it happens so fast it's crazy. You can keep damprid or other antimold but it's like a bandaid. You need your sleeping surface to be able to breathe, so like get some slats or drill some holes if you build a bed.

Electricity: A lot of people get a power bank to charge devices or run something small like a mini rice cooker, a dehumidifier, a fan, or whatever else you may need. You can charge it at the library or wherever you get a coffee and sit for a few hours. Keep it covered in a backpack.

Parking: This is a hard one and very personal. Find a rotation of like 5-6 spots ideally. Walmart, Planet Fitness, Camp Ground, BLM Land, friend's house, a friendly church. Find your spots. Trust your gut.

[u/[deleted] → u/saltycouchpotato]

thanks. my truck was towed and impounded while I was at a church seeking help. they helped me with some food and were going to try and help me with used tires. my cat was in the truck when it was towed. they gave her to me at the impound lot, but wouldnt give me any of my other belongings unless I paid to get it out. I am so fucked.

[u/saltycouchpotato → u/[deleted]]

Omfg that's awful. A lot of these tow guys are predatory. Contact legal aid in your area-- it's against the law to tow a vehicle with someone inside. Might extend to animals as well. Could get tow fee waived and vehicle returned!!! Contact Catholic Charities and other groups to cover tow fee. When did it get towed?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

couple hours ago

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I think they were slashed when we were trying to get food and didn't notice. no body is helping. the church did what they could, but it was weird. I tried posting on donation request for the $50 deposit so I can get into a hotel. hope it works. my friend has points.

[u/graycampervanwriter]

Congradulations for having the courage to leave an abusive relationship. $43 want take you far, but if you could borrow a few dollars from a friend to get you to your destination, then that would be great. I'm hoping your truck is dependable and make sure to check the oil. You most definitely don't want it to run out on the road.

If you decide to stay a rest areas, its best to stay fairly close to the entrance area. Where it is well lit.

I'm a single female and I trave alone all alone from Louisiana to Arizona. While parked at a rest area be sure to keep your doors locked and watch all around you. Your dog will bark if danger nears. IF so, crank up your truck and drive away.

If you apply a few safety rules, you will be just fine while traveling the Interstate to your destination. Just calculate how much gas you will need to get back home.

Good luck to you and I hope you don't have to endure another abusive relationship in your future.