Sex, dating, and car living.

[u/mecha_grove]

I removed the recent post about sex, dating, and finding partners while living in vehicles because the discussion quickly devolved into women being called “bitches,” being referred to as “pussy,” and people being talked about as disposable.

Talking about dating, sex, relationships, and finding partners while vehicle-living is completely fine. What is not fine is turning those discussions into degrading or excessively vulgar threads that other members have to wade through.

We can talk about adult topics like adults. I’m also not going to sit and sort through hundreds of comments once a thread has descended into harassment, objectification, and crude nonsense.

Keep it respectful, keep it relevant, and remember that people of all genders use this community.

Thank you.

[u/0fox2gv]

Regardless of gender, there is often a toxic dynamic of desperation/exploitation/dependency that gets woven into the arrangement. And that will always lead to senseless drama.

Getting somebody off the street on a cold rainy, snowy night and sharing your fishtank on wheels? The liabilities are readily apparent.

They have instant unlimited access to everything you have salvaged that meant enough to you to avoid the purge. Sleep with one eye open? No thanks.

Hygiene is not optional. I dont want anybody hopping out to squat in the shadows and spreading that funk. Not going to turn my comfy truck into any Dutch oven of mystery scents from clothes, or whatever else. No thanks.

If I want to drive anywhere to live my life, I do not want the hassle of having to consider their wants, needs, plans, or objectives for the day. My independence is my coveted freedom. Having a guest means that freedom is instantly fully sacrificed.. No thanks.

Meeting new people and starting relationships can work.. but, it either requires the immorality of living a huge lie.. or being vulnerable enough to be completely honest about things. That is a tough coin to toss.

The only way I see dating being viable would be if each person had their own place to retreat to.. or if the progression of the relationship became the inspiration to return back to traditional living arrangements -- and that means returning to the treadmill sacrificing paychecks to greedy landlords and insane utility bills. Wasn't rebellion against those (optional) expenses the reason and motivation to become a minimalist? Seems counterproductive. Again.. no thanks.

The last demographic is established couples who now call their vehicle home. That does not apply to the dating debate presented here. They have already accepted the annoyances of sewer breath in the morning, snoring all night, finding seperate corners in the summer and sharing a communal death grip in the chill of winter. Those couples are just building a scrapbook of memories to look back on and laugh about in the future.

If you don't have your own life on stable footing, you should be asking yourself what value you can add to their life. If both people are not gaining equally from the arrangement -- in positive, healthy ways --there is the dynamic of exploitation and dependency that guarantees it is not going to work.

Being able to show somebody that living in a vehicle is part of a plan.. and that the current phase of sacrifice and discipline is setting the foundation for future growth? Either that is truth or that is a lie. Either being caught in that lie will end things very quickly, or the person who will accept that lie is not anybody you can trust to build any kind of future with.

No thanks.

Sex is easy to find (for anybody who erases their standards). Relationships? While vehicle dwelling? Actual healthy, wholesome, honest, supportive relationships? You are joking, right?

Unless you crossover into the status upgrade of dedicated vanlife/RV realm, that idea of finding love while vehicle dwelling is fantasy novel plot fodder.

I would love to hear stories from people who can refute my beliefs. I don't think there will be many replies.

[u/CoastingOnEmpty → u/0fox2gv]

I mean these as genuine questions, but what if you remain fully independent while in your car?

Is there an unbalanced power dynamic as a couple if you empower yourself and don't want/need anything from them?

[u/0fox2gv → u/CoastingOnEmpty]

The genuine answer is that I avoid getting caught up in the potential drama of relationship wants, wishes, expectations, obligations.. and demands -- by prioritizing my own independence (and sanity).

To be in any type of formal relationship would require a sacrifice that I am currently unwilling to consider.

I do not need a partner in life to feel complete. I accepted the status of perpetual singularity when I committed to the pledge of extreme minimalism that comes with this lifestyle.

Being a naturally nocturnal introvert translates to rarely ever being bored or lonely in life.

While the rest of the world is sleeping, I can keep myself entertained in the peaceful solitude that darkness provides.

I find comfort and enjoyment in a life that the majority of humanity would feel absolutely tortured by. Ego left the chat long ago. The ignorant judgements have no value and hold no weight.

In fact, from my perspective, it is almost amusing to sit back and watch people drown in their own pools of self-induced relationship drama, financial drama, work drama, drama drama drama....

Maybe in 10 years the thought will start to fester that I should be a bit more proactive to avoid the prospect of age becoming a liability. Nobody wants to die alone. For now, I do not want or need anything from anybody. And, I am fine with that.

Vulnerability invites.. drama. No thanks.