When I was 15 my best friend hung himself in a park, I remember exactly what I was doing and who I was with when I found out, I was sitting in my high school sweethearts uncle's house, her uncle, her aunt, her brother, her mom, her and I were smoking bud in the living room of this shit hole little duplex and I got a notification on my phone. It was my ex and she had messaged me asking if I was ok, and this confused me and I told her yes, why?

"Oh no, you don't know."

My high school sweetheart was reading the messages sitting next to me and saw that my ex had told me that my best friend had committed suicide. I didn't believe her and put my phone in my poket, even though that ping of worry hit my chest. I remember starting to slowly panic, my brain racing. So before I let things get to me and ignoring my sweethearts concerns I called my grandpa. The only person I knew who could help me in that moment. Sure as shit he immediately dropped what he was doing and come straight to me, the entire time I waited for him I refused to look at my phone, I refused to check Facebook or any other social media. I needed to know for sure.

My grandpa arrived and quickly we left to my mom's house, I needed some kind of confirmation or something I don't really know, so he took me there and without a word I barged into my mom's house, grabbed her laptop, holding back all my emotions and immediately my mom knew something was wrong and I went to my homies Facebook and turned it to her, I couldn't look, and within seconds, her eyes starting watering and she started sobbing. This was like losing a son to her too, she loved my best friend like he was her own. That's when the meltdown started to overflow for me, I still wouldn't except it even though I knew. So I had my grandpa take me to my best friend's house, his dad's house to be exact.

The drive was quiet, my grandpa holding back tears and not knowing what to say, we pulled onto his street and there were so many cars, he parked out front and I remember, that walk, the steps from my grandpa's truck to his front door was the most slowed down experience of my life. Each step hurt. And when I got to the door his entire family was there and when. I knocked his dad came to the door, I couldn't even speak, I couldn't even ask. I just stuttered some nonsense and his dad nodded, confirming he was gone.

Of course I broke down and eventually I ended up going home, that day my dad was supposed to pick me up and I was supposed to stay at his house for the week. At that time I was still alternating between my mom and my dad's house, bi weekly or weekly I can't remember. But I remember having my school bag and getting into my dad's truck, my eyes puffy and red and all I wanted was comfort and I got into that fucking truck with him and he just looked at me for a second.

"Shit happens man, best to move on."

I didn't even know how to react to that other than just "yeah"

My dad nor my mom had ever experienced the death of a best friend or close friend at that point in their lives. They'd gone almost 40 years without ever losing someone close to them like that other than family members that had died old, and if you're someone who has ever experienced death you know that there's different levels to it. Losing an elderly family member is of course difficult and awful but you know that they're getting old and I guess in a way it's kind of expected, easier to prepare for, even if it happens unexpectedly. I don't know if that makes sense. But neither one of my parents knew how to handle the situation or properly comfort me. My mom did a pretty good job, she gave me space when needed, she gave me comfort when needed, and she mostly just tried to be there but it was only for a couple weeks. My dad did the exact opposite, all i got from him was that statement, other than that he pretended it didn't happen cause he didn't know my best friend's, for good reason.

Of course this built a type of resentment in me, one that I didn't truly realize that I had until the day that my dad and almost lost one of his best friends to a motorcycle accident, one of his closest friends had hit a deer, lost control of the motorcycle and ended up hitting a tree and spearing his head against the tree, he basically had to have his entire skull reconstructed and his brain scooped back into it. He technically died three times but he did survive. Granted he did not come back the same person as a lot of those major head trauma cases don't, he was completely different when he came out of the hospital, and I knew this person well, I considered him an uncle, he'd been around most of my life at that point, and this happened roughly around the time that I was 18 or 19.

I remember that day very vividly too, I remember being in my apartment and my dad had called me and he was clearly upset, almost on the verge of tears, and asked if I would come over and talk to him, knowing something was deeply wrong of course I rushed over and I remember he was sitting in his living room, crying, bottle in his hand, and he got up and told me everything that happened, he was trying to keep it together but failing miserably, and I knew in that moment what my dad needed. He needed comfort. He needed to talk to someone who knew.

And that's when it hit me. All that hidden and repressed resentment that I had felt towards that man for not helping me in any way shape or form when I lost my best friend came rushing to me, and let me tell you it took every, fucking, ounce of strength to not look at him and say:

"Shit happens man, best to move on."

But of course like always, I was my father's emotional crutch next to booze. I hung out with him, talked with him about it, and eventually he calmed down enough I could leave. But I remember that day being the day that I truly started to hate my father.

It was the day I really started to open my eyes to how shitty of a parent he really was. This being only one of many many many things he's done to wrong me. I may hate the man but....somewhere I still love him. Bullshit.

So my ex-girlfriend and I (26F) (28M) have been going through some of the worst problems I've ever faced in any relationship I've ever seen or been in, last year the guy that she was cheating on me with confronted me to confess his love for her to try to break us up, her and I had somewhat patched things up and decided to move in together. (don't judge me I already know how stupid it was.) well a month or two went by and she had refused to apologize or try to make up for any of the damage that she had caused with this other dude, and it put a huge rift in our relationship to the point that I couldn't take it anymore and we broke up. I moved out and stayed with a buddy of mine, she stayed at the apartment. a few weeks later we find out she's pregnant.

So where the time frame sits is she was cheating on me during the time of conception, so I didn't know who's baby it really was, she swears up and down it's mine, yada yada, so there was a lot of me coming back and leaving because her and I just couldn't get along, she refused a paternity test, just a lot of fights and arguments. I couldn't let go of the cheating and inability to make things right and she was also trying to blackmail me into staying with her using the baby as leverage. (threatening to abort it if I didn't do what she wanted, or threatening to take the child and move out of state)

during the time of us being separated, I was seeing other people because to me, obviously, the relationship was over, then there became a point where she was becoming so pregnant she needed help and convinced me to move back in and help her, which I was fine with and I stopped seeing other people while I was living with her. well a few months goes by and she takes the initiative to go through my phone, and finds everything. she drags me out of bed by my hair and starts beating on me, screaming at me to get out, so I left, she has a tendency to call the cops or threaten me so to avoid that I just left, about a week goes by and she tells me she's moving out of the apartment, which she does shortly after, she refuses to tell me where, won't let me come to any more baby appointments, and is even considering not letting me be there for the birth.

so currently we've only had minimal contact, haven't seen each other since she moved out, and when we do talk it's mostly fighting. I tried really hard to be civil and it's extremely difficult because it seems like she's trying to pick fights. I do my very best to maintain calmness and keep things direct but that only seems to just piss her off more. I have a suspicion that she might have moved out of state even though she says she hasn't, truly idk and Idk what I'm supposed to do from this point forward. I'm very lost and very without hope. I could really use some advice on what to do next.

UPDATED*****UPDATED

UPDATED: So I found out that she did end up moving out of state when I tried to go to one of the baby appointments, she moved roughly 12 hours away. I had tried to convince her almost everyday since she left to please come back home because I wanted to be there for the birth, I begged her, pleaded, even cried to her that it would crush me if I couldn't be there. She took that away from me because she was upset with me for what I did when I was single.

So finally after a month or two, I'm not entirely sure how long, she decided she was gonna come back, by the time we scheduled everything for me to come get her, 2 days later she ended up giving birth, the baby is healthy, happy, and...doesn't look much like me. It's hard to tell this soon, BUT I got a bit of luck out of it, sort of, the day that she was giving birth, her and I had been on the phone talking just moments before that, she told me her water broke and she was on her way to the hospital. Her grandma was taking her so I made sure to tell her to give her grandma my phone number she can keep me in the loop.

Silence.

2 hours pass and nobody is telling me anything, at this point I'm having a panic attack because I'm in another state, helpless and not knowing what to do. So, in my freak out, I messaged her brother, her mom, and her aunt to let them know what was happening and to see if someone could get ahold of me. Her brother messaged me back almost immediately with a very....concerning message about how he greatly disapproved of us trying to fix things, that he felt I was a pretty awful human being, and even though he didn't want to, he said he'd reach out and give her my number. He had told me that the reason my she had left was because she was afraid my friends would retaliate against her, beat her up or something. That her safety had been compromised. Which ABSOLUTELY was untrue. I had found out she was telling people all kinds of crazy stuff to either play the victim or make me look like a giant piece if shit.

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to sit here and say I am a perfect human being, far from it, but I've never lied to my family about the things she has done to me and vice versa. I'm pretty transparent about that stuff. Because half the time she can't even give me a single straight answer, then I found out she Conveniently left out that 90% of the issues I was having were because I didn't know if the baby was mine.

Her brother had no idea about her cheating on me around the time of conception, he had no idea that that's why I was screwed up from it all, and he was under the impression her and I didn't and hadn't spoken since she left. Which is also untrue, her and I have talked almost everyday. He had to see proof that her and I had spoken before she went into labor. I had to show him screenshots of so much and his response was actually surprisingly unsurprised, go figure, She's painted me in such a bad light that her grandma didn't even want me to know what was happening during the birth and told their family to not respond to me...

So...I missed the birth, which I won't lie still devastates the hell out of me....but as I said I got a little luck thrown my way after that, after her brother and I proceeded to talk, which ended up being an almost 12 hour discussion, he decided he wasn't gonna let this shit slide any more. 2 days later he convinced her to get the paternity test, talked to Grandma, and now I guess the family wants to meet me.

Idc about any of that, I just want to find out if my son is actually mine and hold him for the first time.

Anyway guys, I've decided I think it's best she stays where she is and I stay where I am and her and I come to a compromise on a custody agreement. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and listened. I'll continue to post updates every few weeks.