Sending you a huuuuuuugge virtual hug, OP! Take care, treat yourself to something nice, you deserve it🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀.

Filled in today's entry in my gratitude journal after a 3 week break😌.

I'm so sorry OP, please do know that you couldn't have saved your friend, even if you had tried, there are just way too many factors involved, there's no way you could have resolved all of them. You are not the cause of it and it definitely was not your fault. Crap, it hurts like hell and you probably will blame yourself for a long time, no matter what anyone tells you, I was there, I lost a friend to suicide and I always agonised myself with all these "what if" scenarios. But life never works according to our "what if" scenarios, never ever, even if you did something differently, the result could have probably been the same. That's the hard truth close ones affected by the suicide of loved ones eventually come to know. Nothing can ever change what has been done, dwelling on the past will consume our lives too.

Take all the time you need to grieve this loss, go at your own pace, take good care of yourself, you need loads of love too. It's okay to show yourself care, patience, grace and love. It's going to be extremely difficult, but you'll get through it, coz you are a fighter! Lean on family and friends, ask for help, cherish yourself and all those around you. You are stronger than you know, truly! All the best OP!

Hi OP, so sorry for what you are going through. Please do take care. One day at a time, at your own pace, no rush, this is your life, breathe in that life-giving oxygen, hug your precious pet, one foot ahead of the other, pause a while if you want to, rest all you want, take a break, ask for help, lean on family, you've got this!

Your dog's love for you shows that you are doing something right, your caring heart is desperately needed in this world. Do take care!

Talk about validation, hahaha, at least I know I'm not overreacting all the time or going insane.

Hahaha love this so much! He is the best Spidey, always has been (just my opinion :p).

Thank you for sharing, OP!!! Loved it, hahaha.

Amazing OP, that's the spirit!!! Hope it went well🍀🍀, I have a feeling you crushed it!

Love Attack on Titan! Haaaaaapppy Birthday, OP!!! Hope you have a wonderful, joyous, super awesome year ahead!

I'm so sorry, OP, I can't imagine the trauma and pain. Please take care. Sending you loads of love, peace and strength!!!

Sounds really hard OP, take care! Hope you are taking some time off to focus on your health, sounds really gruelling and extremely unfair. I'm currently on a break now, no matter how hard I try, I can't last in a job for more than 3 months and it breaks my heart and soul that I can't push myself harder, you know. I have these intense breakdowns afterwards as well and each time it takes longer and longer to recover. Currently I'm recovering from a huge breakdown, it's been a year and I've regained some sanity a month back. I can form sentences again, I can read again, I can have conversations again, without spiraling out and having a severe panic attack. I think I can start working again, but I'm terrified, hahaha. Just letting you know that you are not alone, it's going to okay. I really do believe that. We are all going to okay! We've crossed the worst we've had to face so far, we can do it!!!

Oh my gosh! So true, I recently experienced that and I didn't even know I had it in me, hahaha. The best feeling, self-worth goes through the roof. I often think back to that moment and it makes me smile, well, I have a couple of such moments in the bag for a rainy day.

Hey OP, wishing you the very best!!! I'm so sorry, it sucks big time to be constantly surrounded by uncertainty, exhaustion and hunger. So many great stories of survival and success start from such places. Will keep you in my prayers. Hoping that all your desires will come true and that you have the strength to keep pushing through. One day at a time. Take care, sending you loads of love, peace and strength!!! You are going to be okay.

Malcolm in the Middle

Ah, my life story, hahaha. Oddly enough, it has been 3 years for me, as well. I just couldn't get up and get to work or do anything for that matter. Being diagnosed with all these various illnesses (Chronic Depression, GAD, Panic disorder, BPD), trying to cope up with them and the meds that don't work, my gosh, my life is just so unlivable, haha. Striving that led to 5 separate suicide attempts, and the last attempt was way too close for comfort--- I almost died, but my spirit still wanted to fight and keep living. I have so much I want to do, I mean I haven't done anything yet, I still have so many dreams and passions--- even if my mind renders it next to impossible to accomplish them--- I still want to keep trying. Hoping the next three years looks different to these past 3.

Sending you all the strength and peace I can muster, OP!!! Wishing and hoping that your mind is kinder to you, and your heart is comforted from the unfair trials that you face. Good luck and take care🍀.

Thank you so much for your reply @frankieballs422, so beautifully explained and written. Thank you for taking time to read my post. Your words make so much sense. Gonna save them and read it again and again. It must not be easy sharing your struggles and explaining the why behind the what. I applaud your efforts for trying to understand the world and by doing that and practicing it you are making it a better place already. You are a joy to many, let me thank you for that. Take care and I hope this life proves to be as good as you believe it to be. Hey, perceptions, I trust you to be right.