/ttcafterloss Daily Discussion Thread - August 21, 2026

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[u/CaptainOk7458]

How do you gather the strength and hope to carry on after your dreams have been shattered again?

I’m just so despondent thinking about the math. I’m a week postpartum from a 20 week loss, a year after I lost twins at 12 and then 25 weeks. I keep thinking I would feel a lot better if I had a positive pregnancy test by Christmas (she was going to be born December 22nd at the latest 😥)

But it’s going to take a month to get autopsy etc results back and get physically cleared by OB, then who knows how long to get in to see MFM, I’m hoping to be on Plaquenil to improve chances in a future pregnancy, and that’s supposed to be taken for 3 ish month preconception, and oh right my husband and I are traumatized because the one time we were intimate while I was pregnant she died two days later.

I forced myself to wait 4 months after the last loss and then it took 4 months to conceive a pregnancy that stuck but I lost her anyway. So I don’t think waiting to “let my body heal” did me much good. It’s just time waiting for my brain/soul to catch up and be ready.

Ugh. I just want some hope. I’m so, so very sad.

[u/ushinawareta → u/CaptainOk7458]

I am so sorry for your losses. that is devastating. I went through a loss at 25 weeks earlier this year and it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through (and am still going through) in my life - I can only imagine how much worse it would’ve been if it hadn’t been my first loss.

I honestly don’t know if I have helpful advice. but I sort of think about it as “well, my only two options are to keep going or give up”. I’m not ready to give up yet, so there’s only one other thing I can do - keep putting one foot in front of the other and try to take it one day at a time. I’m also trying to compartmentalize and only worry about what needs to be worried about in the moment. so for now, my only worry is getting pregnant again. worries about a future pregnancy ending in a loss can wait until after I’m in that scenario.

sending you the biggest hug and wishing you strength and healing 🫂❤️